Agent Nora and the Freaky Bean

They ran and they ran, huffing and puffing in the gloomy caves, the sound of the following fringe flicking snarling Bieberog slowly died away, and there was light ahead. They thrust through the back entrance and lay panting on the grass outside.
"we must get away from here asap", said Rodney.
"the hills will be crawling with zombie fanboys tonight, they are carriers for the Bieberonic Plague, you become crazed and then turn to mind mumbingly reactionary political views and then you end up a jibbering jelly on the kitchen floor".
"so buisness as usual then? said Orwie.
"that was a bitchy thing to say", said Eldolas.
"sorry" said Orwie
They had a light lunch and continued on their Quest to stymie the Daveromancer.
Before long they reached the Golden Wood, the trees were very tall, their bark was silvery grey. There was a smell of honey and vanilla in the air, probably coming from the golden leaves.
"the Lady Amarie and the Lord Pettulant live here", said Rodney, "she is an enchantress with pointy ears, dont be rude and stand up straight when she talks to you, she doesnt like slovenly and slurred speech either, oh, and NO swearing". Rodney looked at Nora who shrugged and grinned.
Suddenly they were surrounded by snooty Elves in silvery robes.

But I have a genuine sense of curious creeping dread....(and not just for what the Daveromancers lair might be like. )

One Elf with the most disdainful attitude stepped forward, a real smell under the nose look he had. (he was quite dishy though)
"we could hear you farting two miles away", he said with a snigger.
"come with me, the Lady wishes to speak with youz".
"My name is Ringodir, I am the Queens crack marksman and 'special' friend when Pettulant is asleep".
"follow me to the citadel" he said loftily,"we will give you buns and tea".
"are they french patisserie pain au chocolat?" said Halfy hopefully.
"probably just crumpets", said Ringodir.
Halfy sighed.

Mrs Figg wrote:
"the hills will be crawling with zombie fanboys tonight, they are carriers for the Bieberonic Plague, you become crazed and then turn to mind mumbingly reactionary political views and then you end up a jibbering jelly on the kitchen floor".
"so buisness as usual then? said Orwie.
"that was a bitchy thing to say", said Eldolas.
"sorry" said Orwie

Mrs Figg wrote:
"follow me to the citadel" he said loftily,"we will give you buns and tea".
"are they french patisserie pain au chocolat?" said Halfy hopefully.
"probably just crumpets", said Ringodir.
Halfy sighed.

You know me too well.

Ringodir led them to the epicentre of the sparklyness and lovelyness, the citadel of the Elvses. RalphLaurien the Golden City in the treeses.
the Lord Pettulant slowly walked towards them, it had to be slowly because he was squiffy and he sometimes fell over onto the female Elves bazookas. He had had a restraining order from Tauriel, and an ASBO. He stumped up to them and blearily observed them, he swayed a bit, opened his mouth to say something, forgot, and ambled off with a smirk. Lady Amarie got up off her throne and stormed after him, she gave him a boot up the bum with one of her delicate feet, turned to the aghast Questers and smiled.
"hiya folks", "sorry about im indoors, welcome welcome to RalphLaurien".

The Questers mumbled their greetings, clearly afraid and awed by the Lady. They didnt want their bottoms kicking, apart from Orwie, he found the idea quite exciting.
They stayed in Ralphlaurien for some time.
"have you noticed how weirdly the time flows here? said Nora to Azriel one day.
"yeah its almost as long and as weird as waiting for Pettys TH download".
"I know!" said Gladofiggs vehemently, who had suddenly appeared from nowhere.
"its like time flows backward and twirls ad infinitum". growled Gladdofiggs.
We really need to get going" said Elthir, "nothing much is happening here apart from romantic musings on esoteric timey wimey poeticals and stuff".
"I keep getting nightmares about seagulls", said Eldolas.
"I keep getting nightmares about failing the Quest" said Elthir.
"I keep getting nightmares about Cumberbutch/Freeman slash fiction" said Nora.
"strangely I find that quite exciting", said Orwie

"it had to be slowly because he was squiffy and he sometimes fell over onto the female Elves bazookas."

Im gonna get this story printed off If I can, theres so many funny references in it not to ! How do you think these things up ? its brill !

One day Nora was toddling round Laurien she found a pool of water, she decided to bathe her hot tootsies in it. She was idly sitting there dreaming of Cumberbutch in speedos when a voice said
"you know Nora you can go home any time you like".
It was the Lady Amarie, she was wearing a long flowing white lace dress, and her Elven ears were pink.
"yes? But how?" said Nora curiously, "part of me wants to see the Daveromancer getting nixed, and I will miss everyone terribly, but part of me wants to go home and eat a nice plate of Stinkenfiskò and chips".
"well all you have to fo is want to go home, you think about Stinkenfiskò really really hard and thats it really", said the Lady kindly.
"ok I will try, Said Nora, "but I am really tired and sleepy, maybe after a nap?".
She lay down on the velvety green grass and started to doze.

"Nora NORA!!" shouted someone in her lughole.
Somebody was shaking her shoulder, there were people standing over her, looking down at her, people with familiar faces. she heard a lot of chatter from above, she struggled to get up but felt doozy and a bit sick. The sky was very blue and the sun shone in her eyes.
"hey wake up sleepy head, "yeah we were worried", "she must have Favismo", what the hecks that? "oh an allergy to beans, by all acounts it makes some people have hallucinations". "thats weird" "yeah".
"can you sit up?, "give her some water Elthir".
"Elthir? Elthir! but we must leave RalphLaurien, continue the Quest" said Nora still a bit groggy.
"eh? what Quest?"
"THE Quest sillypants" said Nora.
and then she looked round past the legs of the onlookers. She was back in Elthirs garden.
"But we were all on a Quest, it was a lovely dream, and you were all there, you were there Halfy, my little furry friend, and you Orwie and Eldo, and Elthir, all of you" she cried, tears coming to her eyes.
"Elthir you went on a Quest and found your courage, you were a bit wimpy to start with but you got us motivated and you saved us from the nazgul veggies, and you dear Eldo found your heart, or at least you found girls interesting"
"and me, what did I find?" said Orwie eagerly.
"well you found your brain!".
and they all laughed at such a funny thing.


THE END.

Brlliant! But the end? Really?

Wheww! It could have ended so much worse for me!!!

I was looking forward to the Daveromancer bit too.

coming soon to interwebs near you.....


Agent Nora and Daveromancers Big Carrot....


THRILLS SPILLS and rude veggies....

(((probably )))))

Brilliant fun, Mrs Figg ! Yay! outrageous veggies ! cant escape now, Dave !

coming soon to interwebs near you.....


Agent Nora and Daveromancers Big Carrot....

Just went through the whole story. Great read.

Mrs Figg wrote: "No no its quite alright", said the Sphinx, "i'll go and torment the mod in Bree, I hear he doesnt do irony". "which is useful for me".

I loved all the characterizations and inside jokes.

Mrs Figg wrote: "thats Rodney" said Lance, "he's one of them Rangers", "he goes round protecting merps, and issuing parking tickets to truckers", "its dirty work but someones got to do it".
"what, truckers?" said Elthir,
"no, merps", "they be staggering round dressed in cheap nylon fancy dress, mostly pixies or sexy nuns", "they invade weddings and office parties", "its hard work controlling merps, but Rodney saves em, gives em hope, he kits them out with high quality Ngila Dickson costumes and sets em free in the wild", "he's a scholar and a gent he is".
Lance looked with misty eyes at Rodney.
"he's my captain, my king".

Spot on characterizations as usual.
Looking forward to the next installment

glad you liked it Rodney. the Quest aint over yet.

"I keep getting nightmares about Cumberbutch/Freeman slash fiction" said Nora.

MRS FIGG YOU ARE ABSOLUTELY BRILLIANT I LOVE YOU!!!!

thanks Agent Nora