Agent Nora and the Freaky Bean

"Delete, Delete, Delete"

Almost choked right there.

"wheres Orwie? said Nora, "is he here on his throne?"
"yes, we gave him todays DailyMirkin to read and he's been in there for hours". said Tauriel. "he's in a bad mood, you were lucky I set you free, if OdoWormtongue had caught wind of you", she shuddered at the thought.
"But how do we escape?, we must meet up with our buddies and continue the Quest", said Elthir.
"well you can climb in waterlogged barrels of Buckie which will surely drown you all, or you can take your chances at the front gate, I can give you Elven clothes and plastic ears. Its all a bit Ren-Fair but its my best plan".
"I want a floaty velvet frock" said Petty.
"yeah me too, I want blue velvet with a silver insert" said Nora.
"hhmm I will go for a rose coloured gown with lilac underskirt" said Elthir dreamily.
"listen up people!" said Tauriel angrily, "theres Lederhosen or pvc. We are a rustic people not your drippy arty farty Rivendell types".

OdoWormtongue

Thats too perfect!

"listen up people!" said Tauriel angrily, "theres Lederhosen or pvc. We are a rustic people not your drippy arty farty Rivendell types".

They waited until nightfall and all the Elves were sozzled. The Questers had spent uncomfortable hours hiding in a wardrobe listening to the rowdy and increasingly drunken Elves. It had started with a few jests and japes, had transformed into recriminations and lecherous fumblings and finished with sporadic fistycuffs and pavement pizzas. At one point the wardrobe door opened and one of the 'lady' elves had squat down and peed on Pettys foot. Petty didnt bat an eyebrow, that was pretty tame stuff to what went on in ScotsDale-on-Smaug. They caught snatches of drunken talk..
"what do your bleary Elf eyes see? *burp*
"they are taking the Hobnobs to the Prisonguard"
"whaaaat? the prisoners cant eat our Hobnobs you foolz" *burp*
"I feel tingling in my nether regions"
"thats becoz Figwit is setting fire to your pubes" *chuckle*
"I cant take much more of this" said Elthir broodingly.
"well lets not wait for Tauriel, lets bugger off now, it might not be peepee next time" said Nora.
"ok, when I say run. RUN! said Petty.

Ok mrs Figg, youre "on" something ! Its so Goddam f**king funny !! just as the actress said to the Bishop...Dont stop !!!

"...Bleary elf eyes see"
I see what you did there.

Busy busy busy and fell shamefully behind, but I knew I must sit down and read all this when the time was right for me, Mrs Figg... and I literally wept with laughter at the truth of it all! In fact, I in fact died of laughter! It's true! {{{I got better}}}

{{{I swear you're my Soulmate, Julia - that's if souls are tactile - and we know they are don't we, my love. }}}

jeepers!

"ok, when I say run. RUN! said Petty

sherlock quote ?

dunno might be?

cool that was completely subconscious on my part. I dont even remember where i heard the phrase. just shows how little details get stored in your brain.

so where was I? oh yes,

The Questers were just about to make a mad dash for the front gate when they heard stomping feet coming rapidly their way. They all did a double take, and fled back down the stairs to the dungeons. It was gloomy and as they hid round a dark cobwebby corner Nora heard a little voice not far off.
"help help, somebody help!"
"there are people trapped!" whispered Nora, "it sounds like Azriel and Rodney!".
And indeed it was.
They crept to the door of the nearest prison and peered in.
"get us out! cried Azriel, "Orwie has us in here for a week, and my undercrackers are crusty".
"mine have strata, and tide marks" moaned Rodney, "even Rangers carry an emergency pair of tightie whities, but the Elves nicked them, they took all our stuff". he said.
"look theres a key conveniently placed on that hook", said Nora.
Nora unlocked the door The prison bars creaked open and they all stealthily crept back up the stairs to the party hall.
They ran as fast as their legs would go, they jumped over the bodies of the sleeping Elves, taking care not to kick anyones head, because no doubt Petty would have lectured them for weeks afterwards about correct jumping distance etiquette. So they jumped, nobody's head got twatted and they were saved from endless Youtube clips.
They ran into the forest and left a good distance between the Elven kings hall before they stopped to rest.
"phew its great to be outside in the Wild again" said Rodney, "although those gigantic ravening rabid Spiders surrounding us is a bit of a bore".
And it was.
The spiders were huge black and hairy, there were loads of them, they clicked their beaks and pincers in a sarcastic way, and the biggest and hairiest one scuttled forward and made a dash for Nora.
"hey Blobbyface gerrroff" she said,
The spider stood quite still and cocked its hairy head on one side. It put its hand thing to its mouth and started giggling and tittering like a Japanese schoolgirl. Then it bared its teeth.
"er is that normal spider behaviour?" said Elthir.
"nope" said Rodney, "we should by rights be liquified poo tube material by now".
"cool" said Nora.

Mrs Figg wrote: "nope" said Rodney, "we should by rights be liquified poo tube material by now".

*Sam voice, " By rights we shouldn't even be here!" so true

I love your imagination Mrs Figg, keep picking your brain !

"look theres a key conveniently placed on that hook", said Nora.

Poo tube material

They ran as fast as their legs would go, they jumped over the bodies of the sleeping Elves, taking care not to kick anyones head, because no doubt Petty would have lectured them for weeks afterwards about correct jumping distance etiquette. So they jumped, nobody's head got twatted and they were saved from endless Youtube clips.

Mark Twain said sometyhing like: "First get your facts and then you can distort them as you please." There is just enough truth in the quoted bit above that, with it's 'just the right amount of distortion and exaggeration', it actually becomes the truth (after a fashion). Sorry if this breaks the mood - but you do get one thinking about things, Mrs Figg! {{{Thinking? Mrs Figg! Oh dear....}}}

What once was vaguely distortedly true is now Forever perfikkly true, Petty -- at least, in my mind!

here to help.