Agent Nora and the TARDIS

Whooooosh whooooosh whoooosh whooooosh bump!

Agent Nora wondered what the weird whooshy noise was and poked her head out of her office door. It had definitely come from the corridor outside, but there was nothing there. Odd that.
She had been daydreaming as usual, wondering what the new red haired police sergeant looked like in speedos. Shaken from that guilty thought, she closed the door and studied the empty offices, trying to trace the source of the 'whoosh'.
There was a bluish glow pulsating from under the broom closet door. Agent Nora slowly turned the handle wondering what the heck could be making that funny rattling noise.
She soon found out.
Instead of the dark dusty broom closet, there was a large blue door, which was jammed closed because it was larger than the closet.
Somebody was on the other side trying to yank the door open, and failing. curses issued from the other side.
'bloody bollocking batshite!' it said.
Agent Nora had a sudden instinct to simulataneously shudder and giggle. A ripple of goosebumps tripped its way down her spine and made her fingers tingle.
'hey you' she whispered.
The rattling and cursing stopped and there was silence.
'well don't just stand there being a great dollop of quivering humanoid nerve endings! LET ME OUT!' the voice said.
'fuck' said Nora happily 'ok'.

Love your writing Figg.

Oooh i am intrigued !

Agent Nora stood back and surveyed the problem.
The broom cupboard was smaller on the inside. and the blue door thing was bigger.
'you are stuck' she said to the voice.
the voice was sarcasticaaly silent for a bit, as if building up to a really good put-down.
The door gave a final exasperated rattle and then the blue box began to emit a pretty loud kind of screechy whooshy sound and flicker in and out of vision.
'gorp!' gulped Nora
On reflection she was glad she was alone because gorp! wasn't a very cool thing to say.
The blue door had now flickered out and disappeared leaving a few motes of dust buzzing in the electrically static air.
Nora was unaccountably grief struck for no apparent reason, and felt like flopping on the floor and crying.
So she did.
'what are you doing on the floor?' said a voice behind her.
Noras heart gave a tremendous lurch and she scrambled to her feet and scrubbed her eyes. She stared and stared at the vision before her.
'Its rude to stare' said the man.
'gorpIknow' said Nora blushing like she was fresh out of a sauna and hadn't yet dunked herself in a snow hole. (like you do)
The man had a quiff, long coat and baseball trainers. he was quite cute but had a weak jaw. He looked like he moisturised.
Nora was smitten at first sight, but it wasn't his looks, it was the air of adventure that clung to him like woodsmoke to your best jumper.
'who are you? he asked. But he wasn't really listening for the answer because he strode off down the corridor leaving Nora staring after him.
He had a preoccupied rushing kind of manner, like he never stood still without twitching something. He turned the corner and disappeared.
Noras heart gave another quite painful lurch and she ran off after him on wobbly legs.

She found him again sitting on the police chiefs big comfy chair, he had his head in his hands, he didn't look happy.
'never mind who I am, Who are you? said Nora, 'and do you know that's the chiefs chair?
He looked at her with sad brown eyes.
'I don't know who I am, I am me again, don't you see? I shouldn't be this me', he said pointing to his quiff. 'yesterday I had attack eyebrows, and now this....'
His voice trailed off.
'you have to help me Miss Nerve Endings' he said, 'you are my only hope'.

Nora blushing like she was fresh out of a sauna and hadn't yet dunked herself in a snow hole. (like you do)*

'yesterday I had attack eyebrows, and now this....'

These are the kind of Figgthings I like the best!

*Your eye for Skattycatzenbergian culture is what makes it all seem so real...

Yup.

Nora looked at the man and blew up her cheeks like a Pufferfisk. Then seeing his was looking enquiringly at her she slowly let the air out while pretending she hadn't actually done anything so utterly uncool.
'its no use standing there like a Moonface about to give birth' he said. 'I need to find me chop chop,
actually I need to find a girl called Rose, do you know her, blonde, likes chips?'
He jumped to his feet and did a twirl, reached into his pocket, took out a pen thing with a light on the end of it and scanned Nora up and down.
'you'll do' he said. 'come with me'.
He grabbed her by the wrist and set off at a really brisk pace. (for 8am before a coffee)
'but.. but..but....who ARE you? said Nora half bemused, half curious, but with Agent Nora bemused was default mode.
'no time for buts...Jack liked butts... ha ha....long story....sad ending....come ON!' he shouted.
He propelled her through the door of what looked like another broom closet, and shut the door.
He ran to a large circular control panel thingie and frantically pulled and pushed levers, running and muttering totally ignoring Noras awestruck face.

There was that whooshy screechy noise again.
It felt to Nora like it was coming from inside her body, inside her head, as well as from the room she was in. and it was definitely a room, and a rather large one, because it had a golden throne at one end of it with an angry looking Aztec king sitting on it.
'The man strode confidently towards the king hailing him with a cheeky wave. Nora didn't feel as if cheeky waves were going to cut it. and she was right because suddenly they were surrounded by many small brown warriors with golden collars and spears.
'greetings oh mighty king of the Aztecs' said the man. 'I need your help, and after the way I got you out of that tight spot with the Conquistadors I reckon its pay back time, don't you?'
'how dare you smear the presence of the king with your dirt and your pack animal' said one of the kings high visiers.
'pack animal!?' shouted Nora really peeved.
The man swung round with a grin.
'don't worry its just the TARDIS translation hyperdrive, takes a while to kick in' he said, 'he meant to say goat'.
Nora spluttered and then fell silent as two warriors pointed the sharp end at her knees.

'Whoooooo is that man with that lovely silken goat? said the king in a carrying voice to a flunkey.
'I am The Doctor, come on don't tell me you don't recognize me. ok last time you saw me I was much less attractive, grey bits on the..head..you know..eyebrows...no? Its ME, with my companion Miss Nerve Endings, shes human but you would never know it, Viking mostly... probably..are you?
Nora nodded.
'Anyway we are here to ask you a big favour Attawalpa old chum, I need some gold, for my hyperpettyirritator, its run out of steam and its reconjiggered my timeline, sooooooo if you could do the decent.. much obliged..what.
The king flicked his left finger in a rude gesture and a large warrior poked them both with his weapon and pushed them towards the nearest exit.
They were then pushed into the nearest dungeon.
much later there was a rattling of keys and the large warrior sauntered in. he was paler and taller than the others and looked vaguely English.
'Hey my names Lance and I will be your jailer today. Read the safety manual because its going to be a bumpy ride, exits in the middle and back, leave your handluggage under your seat.
'youre not Aztec' said Nora
'Essex' said Lance. 'cant go back to my old job because my boss got caught fiddling the tax, thought I might do a bit of freelance Lancing boom boom!
Nora rolled her eyes.
'Listen Lance', said the Doctor patiently, if you help us escape I will show you more adventures than you can shake your Lance at, waddausay?'
'can I do something daring and foolhardy? said Lance hopefully
'that's my middle name' said the Doctor.

'great said Lance, 'because I am sick of eating coco leaves and fried Conquistadoritoes and Essex is fun, I really miss pushing Chelsea supporters off ancient roman fountains'.
'are there many ancient roman fountains in Essex? said Nora.
'no' said Lance.
'oh' said Nora.
'when you two have finished' said the Doctor, 'we have certain and painful death by guinea pig to avoid'.
'guinea Pig? what to they tie us up in a sack with hungry rodents? said Nora innocently.
'no' said Lance.
'ooooooooh' said Nora, not really understanding but pretending she did.

'will you two shut it and lets get out of here' said the Doctor.
They grabbed some golden goblets that were conveniently lying around and rushed back to the TARDIS through the darkened halls of the Aztec palace. The dawn was filtering its first pink rays of light through stone cut windows when they at last found the blue box. Only just in time as an arrow whizzed past Lances ear and hundreds of brown warriors were running helter skelter down the hall towards them. They glinted and flashed gold as they ran and looked rather fetching but by that time the TARDIS had flickered out of view with a final whoosh.
'now what?' said Nora
'hold your horses' laughed the Doctor. 'we need some words of wisdom from the Meister'
'Master? said Lance frowning because he didn't like the sound of that.
'no I said Meister. altogether more irritating and pernickety but versed in Timelord lore, he does his own research you know'.
'well whoop-de-whoo' said Nora.

This is lovely

thanks Norc

The TARDIS let out a wheezy flump and all was quiet. The Doctor, Agent Nora and Lance opened the door and a barrage of noise assaulted their ears. Lance in particular covered his ears with his golden loincloth, which in any other town than this would have left him open to requests for hen partys and Lib-Dem conferences, but this was the home of the Crabbit Meister and that meant men with no knickers.
'the readings are coming from that roof over there' said the Doctor 'follow me'
Nora and Lance pattered after him in his gold sandals.
'must you patter after me like that? said the Doctor to Lance
'yes' said Lance.
'look at that bloke sitting on that chimney' said Agent Nora
ahah well spotted, I knew you would come in handy' said the Doctor
and indeed a bloke was sitting on the chimney reading the Beano. with what can only be described as the stiffest kilt Nora had ever seen. It stuck out at a 45 degree angle from his body rather like an ancient Egyptian skirt, only not transparent, or clean, or Egyptian.
'what are you doing up there? said Lance
I am teaching MacDougal the RTD apologist a lesson he will never forget' said the bloke.
'what. by shitting down his chimbley? said the Doctor looking a bit nonplussed.
'its the only way' said the bloke, 'these heathen season 1 to fivers need medicining and medicining good!'.
'come down Meister I need your advice on something delicate' shouted up the Doctor.
'och ok'. The Beano was neatly folded and with a delicate cough the Meister disappeared from view.
'weel what is it?' said the Meister from behind them, which made them all jump.
'oh dear oh dear oh deary me' he said, 'you don't need to tell me, I can see the problem already' he nodded sagely.
'oh thank goodness' said The Doctor, 'what can I do? I woke up this morning and ..well.. you know...and....
The Meister didn't seem to be listening to a word the Doctor said, he fixed Agent Nora and Lance with a steely glare and pointed a Beano stained finger at them both.
'those two are the wrong kind of companions' he intoned. 'wrong wrong wrong!'.

Mrs Figg wrote:'oh dear oh dear oh deary me' he said, 'you don't need to tell me, I can see the problem already' he nodded sagely.

Someone took his lovely new old brooding scottish Doctor and turned him back into a fetching thirtysomething mancunian?

I've always associated Tennant with Doctor Who because his was the face I saw on DW posters and covers long before I had ever tried the show. I'm glad to see the Tenth Doctor making an appearance on here.

'how dare you smear the presence of the king with your dirt and your pack animal' said one of the kings high visiers.
'pack animal!?' shouted Nora really peeved.
The man swung round with a grin.
'don't worry its just the TARDIS translation hyperdrive, takes a while to kick in' he said, 'he meant to say goat'.

The TARDIS translation hyperdrive - not again! But remember, a large goat could be a pack animal. You know, something useful...

Lance in particular covered his ears with his golden loincloth, which in any other town than this would have left him open to requests for hen partys and Lib-Dem conferences, but this was the home of the Crabbit Meister and that meant men with no knickers. Just so!

The Meister didn't seem to be listening to a word the Doctor said, he fixed Agent Nora and Lance with a steely glare and pointed a Beano stained finger at them both.
'those two are the wrong kind of companions' he intoned. 'wrong wrong wrong!'. My initial thought is this Meister chap would know!  

Who needed some fresh writing....glad you stepped up to the plate.

'why aren't they the right companions? puzzled The Doctor.
'weeel she doesn't fancy you, and he doesn't fancy her' said the Meister pointing accusingly at Lance and Nora. 'and you aren't the right Doctor, you shouldn't be twirling around like the housewifes favourite, and you certainly shouldn't be.....quiffy....it isn't canon' he frowned.
'I know' sighed the Doctor, 'and I had just got used to being Scottish, vaguely sarcastic and having useless companions. Those Doc Martens really make my feet stink btw, but here I am again, Mr LuverLuver, but you are wrong these newbies are great, although that one keeps winking at me.' he cocked an eyebrow over at Lance who was bent over tying his gold laces.
'Look' said the Meister plainly having an inner battle with himself, 'you are plainly out of your depth here, I think I should tag along and give you the benefit of my Lore'.
'more the merrier' grinned The Doctor.
The Meister looked very pleased with his days work, and sat on his throne and stroked his pussy in a Bond Villain kinda way.
'can I come too?' said the pussy, jumping off The Meisters knees.
But it wasn't really a pussy, it was a small very hairy creature with hazel/green eyes and long blonde fur. He was in fact an alien from one of the Rings of Uranus, and although it was quite a torrid firey kind of planet the inhabitants all had lots of hair, PhDs in Nuclear Physics and a pretty scorching line in quick fire putdowns to queue jumpers in Harrods deli section.
'Halfy they don't have fillet mignon and truffles where we are going' frowned the Meister.
'phooey' said Halfy 'when I am hungry I can eat my weight in Gerbils'.
Lance shifted uncomfortably from foot to foot and looked down at his loincloth. 'I really must find some trousers' he thought.