The News of the Pure

The NotP shall indeed be there Mrs Figg. And on a related matter some wizard friends of mine over at the Buckie Brewery are getting a bit consierned as they have not been approached to be sponsors of this years event yet. (I would advise making them sponsors as they then provided free buckie for the occasion in return for a few, insiginificant advertising hoardings, banners, mugs, t-shirts, that sort of thing. Nothing tawdry of course).


Halfwise Pretty tells me she knows a good shoulder surgeon. Dr Neatly Tucked-Under, the High Street, Needlehole, just between Mrs Figgs Shop for Delicate Ladies and Eel Oilers and the Odo Banks Replica Coal Scuttle Emporium.

of course of course! its best not to upset a wizard, very grumpy wizards at the best of times, yes I will put in an order tout sweet!

I shall let them know Mrs Figg post haste! Before they do anything rash or hasty!

Will Tina be at the Picnic?

Well this is just bloody typical this is!! Landmark post and all that {{{thanks Norc for giving a heads up on that or I would have rambled right past it}}} and what do I get to do with it?
Deliver the bloody papers thats what.
And not only that I dont feel well. Ive a thumping headache, weird pin marks on my arms and forehead, an itchy bumhole {{ }} and I cant remember what I was doing most of the day (although at least thats normal, the memory I mean not the itchy thing).
Anyway here you go, waste of a once in a lifetime post but here's your bloody papers .....I get paid a pittance of buckie for this you know its a disgrace ....probably nothing interesting in it anyway....

Petty said: "And not only that I dont feel well. Ive a thumping headache, weird pin marks on my arms and forehead, an itchy bumhole {{ }} and I cant remember what I was doing most of the day (although at least thats normal, the memory I mean not the itchy thing)."

I had a palantir call from Phil McCracken of the Scotsgay Nightclub on Fortescue Street, Needlehole, at three thirty this morning, Petty, and so if you want to know what happened let me know. (But I'd advise you not to ask! )

And I do sometimes ask, in the loneliness of my bower, if you'll ever shut up - I guess we all do.

well I certainly do.

sorry about the tender blowhole Petty, you have my sympathy. You havent been making posts from that orifice have you?



You might have a virus Petty, if I was you I would see your Doctor.

Mrs Figg wrote:sorry about the tender blowhole Petty, you have my sympathy. You havent been making posts from that orifice have you?

You raise an interesting point, Mrs Figg.

well I told him to see a blowhole Doctor tomorrow, but he is stubborn, so you will have to tell him to go cos he wont listen to me.

I told you I am not going back there!!! Not after that time not be mentioned at the picnic with the mix up with hose and chillie buckie.
You referred me to him then and THAT was not a cure!!
I dont care what qualifications that quack says he has.
And I thought you'd be more appaled too at the way he uses those poor eels.

Mrs Figg is not easily appalled, Petty, you surely know that by now.

Happy 10,000th post, Petty! This is a truly momentous occasion. Thanks for your hard work in always delivering the NotP on time eventually. We really appreciate it, and your other posts can be considered part of the package deal.

But seriously, thanks again for everything you've done for Forumshire.

Well said Eldo

10 000 posts is quite a lot. A lot of Doctor Who spam. Purist edits... and PJ bashing. congrats Petty, we are truly blessed to have your company and enthusiasm here ^^ now, when will we have post 11 111? (and sorry I didn't take a screen shot of toy 9999 or 10 000 count number)

ooo you guys!
Can we go back to abuse now Im much more comfortable with that? {{Orwell/Mrs Figg youre needed!}}}

Norc put it better than me. NuWho short skirt spam and PJ bashing indeed. Who'd a thunk it?

btw hows your weird itchy pin hole situation? I think you are developing a buckie allergy. eel oil does the job, slather it on, and dont sit on shiny surfaces cos you will slide off.

Mrs Figg wrote: I think you are developing a buckie allergy. eel oil does the job, slather it on, and dont sit on shiny surfaces cos you will slide off.

Now that's certainly a cautionaty tale if I ever heard one!

Its a tale of Pettys tail.

I hope I dont have a buckie allergy Thats fatal! (You are put down out of kindness).

Lies! It's all lies!

Thankyou for advertising my "HOLE" so eloquently, I must admit,it took a long time to locate it but,when found,a vigorous rubbing & ample buckets of soap will soon bring it up to SCRATCH !And being mature one might think it needed pulling up & pulling in, but the structure is actually in good prime condition,for its age! May I also add, anyone wishing to frequent my "hole" need only to pop by, pop in & leave when ever suits! Payment can be arranged (privately) & no appointment is needed...My pleasant "Hole" is always open.

Aaaaaarrggggggg! it seems I have someone poaching my eel wrangling buisness. It looks like its time I brought out my Fidelity Card. Discounts and Two For The Price of One deals. My best customers will get a free oiling and wax on wipe off.

Biggest Diva Award! yeah! (((I should win that?? )))))