The Daily Purist

There are no crabs in being crabbit!! Unless its crabs making you crabbit then, um, there is. Same goes for rabbits!

You are being confused and hoodwinked by those evil English and their word 'crabbed' 'resembling a crab'. Which can also be use to describe someone who is ill-tempered.

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Mirabella will need to answer for consorting with a known journalist if she wants to keep her badge and continue in the employ of the state! Everyone knows that journalists are rabble-rousing traitors at heart.

((((( )))))

Has anyone seen Petty? I got a message from home saying he was sick. His doctor's worried about his crabbit levels. But that's nonsense. Petty's been crabbit since birth. His first words were "This better be good."
I'm sure its nothing. Just be the buckie again. But just in case does anyone know what up with him?

I passed by Scotshobbiton earlier today and I saw some raving scotshobbit stumbling in his kilt. I didn't really do anything about it as I rarely see scotshobbits do anything else around those parts, but it could have been him! You should have a look over at Scotshobbiton

Oh and - nice to see you found your way back from the Planet!

I'm not supposed to be, I'm still on the pay role for Pure Publications but I have some pull with the Editor there, or at least it involves pulling. And besides there are NO nightclubs on the Dark Planet, not one, hows a girl supposed to let her hair down and court glances across a smoky room with no nightclubs? Its ridiculous. But the message about Petty seemed a bit, odd, very unlike him. There hasn't been a buckie shortage or something has there that could explain it? Or those horrible Wholesome Tales I've heard of maybe?

Could've been Biffo - I suspect he has taken to drinking lately, haven't seen him in ages! Probably something to do with those Horrible Tales, yes, that must be it

In the name o' the wee man Petty what #!*# are you doing?

Ah, but there he is! All flowery and dressed up! Have you been at the Gaffer's home brew?

I can't help it! There's this horrible feeling, sort of joyous! Help sis! I don't feel crabbit at all.

What are you wearing Petty? Besides all the flowers? 'sniff, sniff' Oh Petty! You've been hanging out in the woods under stars with elves! I thought you got all that out your system when you were a teenager! Oh Illuvators Beard you're pathetic. I'm ashamed to call you brother. And where's your buckie? Oh this is bad. This requires some thining.
Mmm whats this? Todays Daily Purist, mmm, gives me an idea.
'Oh Petty dear I see you repulsed Mirabella so much she now batting for the other team. Or maybe with that ridiculous kilt you insist on wearing she thought you were a girl all along and only fled when she got a look at the contents of your kilt- not that she'd be the first hobbit lass to do that.'

Why don't you sod off back to the Dark Planet Pretty I'm sure that Taz is waiting whatever 'favours' you promised to get Wisey's Channelings back.

At least I have favours someone might want. What have you to offer a girl but a contract that says she will only stay one night drink no more than 10% of your buckie and thats she is not allowed to stay passed 8am unless she is cooking breakfast. Its no wonder Mirabella is left buying candles a floor up, poor girl. Mam always said you were a waste of her buckie milk.

Time to get the popcorn, I think.

Don't you bring our mam into this. If she could see you now, or whats left of you, is there anything thats not been replaced? Get off me!

Ouch! You #*!$#!@ you're pulling my hair.

Yes, Baingil, it's popcorn time

Hah! Your hair thats a joke you buy your hair in a shop and the colour in a can! You always think your the greatest. Pretty with her media job, Pretty the model. Well model this *#!*!!

You dropped something Petty. Your manhood onto the end of my boot!! Take that you ungrateful little !*#*.

Aaaaaaaaaaaargggggggggggggg!

You underhanded cheating little cow! [img][/img]You tight fisted womanizing drunken arse!

Are these my teeth or yours?