In theatres: 'Desolation of Smaug' | SPOILERS

Have faith, there must be some bastion of PJness left in the world Carcharoth, you never know, it might be you, or else at this rate there will be no-one left for me to argue stubbornly with?   

Never fear, for even if it is terrible I will still defend LotR to the last.

I was so sure the love triangle was media lies

Carcharoth wrote:Never fear, for even if it is terrible I will still defend LotR to the last.

good man. so will I.   

I am not trying to appear holier than any of the lovers of LOTR.

Admittedly it is way less full of total crap than TH but still I can't even watch it anymore unless I turn the volume off. TFOTR starts ok and before 1/2 way through has already nearly lost me. Then shortly into TT I have such a sick feeling in my belly I just turned it off the last time I tried to watch it...

I am not trying to start a fight or claim superior love for the real story. I am jealous in fact of you all who can find joy in TLOTR. I wish I Could too.

I just keep seeing PJ and his cronies sitting in the revision room with evil smiles on their faces as they pat each other on the backs for their brilliant changes in transforming this out of date poorly written tale into something modern and sell-able to the teen masses who are always craving the new and cool video game.
ikes the foolish arrogance...

Again, I am not trying to change Anyones minds or preach from on high... to each our own... and bless us each and every one. But it does give me a sick dark kind of joy to see so many bad reviews of his latest "Master work"

Carcharoth wrote:I'm not going to enjoy it am I?

If you stop reading the spoilers posted here, maybe. It's certainly possible. Though I'm still not entirely sure how...

Carcharoth don't give up hope!!!!!! I willed myself to enjoy it and I did (a bit)!!!!!

Though I scrunch my nose at your username, welcome none the less!

There was never much hope. Just a fools hope.

I would say I am more concerned with PJ not giving me anything to argue in favour of rather than actually disliking the film. You just can't defend Kili and Legolas having a love story in The Hobbit.

Thanks for the welcome Sorry for biting your fellas hand off. We all have those cranky days...

The arbitrarily melting statue can't seem to be defended either. At least I can't find any rationale for it.

Welcome, Carchartoth! I'm sorry you had to see me this way - I am not always that crabbit

About Thranduil's scar - it reminded me so much of when the badguy in the latest James Bond film takes out his fake teeth/jaw that I almost facepalmed. Almost, mind, didn't want to be the dick in the company of my friends {{{{If this doesn't get me the Most Respectable award this year I'll go watch the movie again and be the dick }}}}

haha..  i kinda liked it .. but when Legolas had gotten beaten and was bleading, i had to whisper to my friend "oh no you didn't"

i was totally the dick at theatre

I keep reading about this dwarven statue in Erebor that melts, but I don't really understand how or why.

me neither bungo.. me neither. i thought it was a fucking joke.. but it sure pissed of smaug.

Wait, did Smaug melt the statue with his fire?

No, it just.. melted. You won't understand it even when you see it, it's just another stupid thing Jackson added.

 

Ok, I'll find out tomorrow.

it would need time to harden but they just .. idk.

And Smaug is so pissed off at the dwarves...he flies to Laketown???

eeeh... yeaaah...

Alright where to start...

Alright here we go, first off I put the source material completely out of my mind and actually enjoyed parts of the film. Most of the film however was bloated and over stuffed with Jackson's made up content. Even stuff from the book wasn't the same. I will say Smaug was much more impressive on the big screen than I figured he would be. Bolg IMO looked just as fake as Azog the first time around, Covering Smaug in molten gold what were the dwarfs thinking? The list goes on and on of dumb film making decisions. But here I am rambling.... let me try and get my thoughts in order.

OK we start out the film with Bilbo being the look out for the Orcs, then were forced into Beorn's home where we get a brief meeting with him and it seems Jackson was more concerned with Bees and mice than Beorn himself. Personally I still don't like his design and could have done without him completely. Then we roll on to the spiders which for me in spots felt like the R&B carton just a bit with the talking spiders. The only thing I wasn't thrilled with was Jackson's constant reminder of the ring.throughout the whole scene it felt like the ring was the most important factor of it. The slo mo, the constant looking at Bilbo's pocket, the emotional performance making Bilbo seem dependand upon the ring at this early point. Then came the elves and I still don't get the whole scar on Thranduil's face and about him knowing about dragons. It just seemed unnecessary and forced because they didn't have a visual effects shot in one scene. then the whole made up crap about the white gems in exchange for Thranduil releasing the dwarfs. I was glad to see the nod to the drunken elves and Bilbo getting the key. The trap door bit was unimaginative IMO and showed that Bilbo forgot a very important part of the plan out... getting himself out of there. The rapids scene was just too long and not needed as were the added orcs fighting the elves. I actually got up and refilled my drink at this point missing the whole it is our fight crap from Tauriel. I actually didn't mind Bard smuggling the dwarfs into Laketown as bad as I thought I would pretty ingenious covering them with fish. Honestly I could still not care less about Bard's family, they were worthless filler material IMO. Kili with Tauriel healing his wound was WAY WAY WAY TOO CLOSE to Arwen in FOTR healing Frodo even right down to the lighting. The orcs in Laketown was worthless IMO and unnecessary just something to add more needless OTT action in an already action filled film.

Now onto the best part of the film Smaug. The dragon wasn't half bad I have to admit although I will say 2 legs and its forelegs are its wings. I was right. Anyways that said the conversation with Smaug and Bilbo wasn't too bad, however I was not a fan of them making it an eye to eye conversation between the two. Bilbo was invisible the whole time in the book but only partially in the film. I preferred that Bilbo stay hidden from Smaug but the scene overall wasn't too bad if you ignore the book. But the dwarfs and their plan to kill Smaug by covering him in gold was just worthless. Jackson has outdone himself this time by completely ignoring parts of the book and rewriting a great many other parts. Just to tell his own version of the Hobbit.

I'd honestly give it 2 stars out of 5 only for the dragon.

I might see it tomorrow night, probably Sunday.

But honestly I feel...nothing really, just a vague sense of curiosity, and a larger feeling of outrage on Tolkien's part, to be brutally frank as I have said before the thing I am looking forward to the most is the Tolkien Estate clarifying the rights to The Silmarillion publicly.

If Tauriel and Legolas really are the highlights character wise, I really don't know how I'll react...

And no Talking thrush or Dain   

  

And TORn is rather sickening at the moment, over run with Jackson arse lickers and fangirls, avoid the place if you can.

this is the best red carpet answer i have heard in ages.

I've never before so despised a movie I haven't even seen.