Dark Planet Day Challenge: Forumshire fanfic

Eldorion wrote:Killer muffins? The Dark Planet will stoop to anything, won't it? I loved reading this though, Amarie! I'd be interested to seen an Ambassador Amarie spin-off if you were so inclined. And I'm curious to know what was to inappropriate about the Extended Edition of The Needlehole Mysteries.

See, I said the Dark Planet would be blamed for everything. Wasn't us! No gratitude...

As for the extended edition... I was mostly thinking there would be more details from mrs Figg's. And if we have learned ANYTHING from from watching BBC's Merlin it is this: hottest main character must walk around shirtless as often as possible for no apparent reason, so I am sure there's some of that. But I think you will have to get your own copy to know for sure what is going on.

I might regret this later, but I have to ask: who specifically did you have in mind when you said "hottest main character"?

I have been resisting taking part in this preferring just to read and enjoy everyone elses writing for once, but I just can't resist any longer, sorry. So here's my take on the day.

It was morning in a barrel on the outskirts of Needlehole. Well at least the ageing clock in the corner of Petty's barrel said it was morning, this was because Petty set it 5 hours behind so he wouldn’t feel so bad when he looked at it and realised he had slept most of the day away already.
There was a pile of furs and skins in the corner above which a set of bagpipes hung on the wall, there was a shape under the furs, a dome of slowly rising and falling snores. Eventually the beds occupant snorted into some sort of startled wakefulness and a hand emerged from beneath the covers. It tapped its way along the floor beside the make shift bed, carefully navigated a pile of discarded socks and grasped the neck of a bottle of buckie before retreating with it back under the covers. There was a soft gurgling sound, followed by a spitting noise and some cursing before the hand re-emerged again and deposited two buckie soaked cigarette butts onto the barrels floor. The hand withdrew again and the gurgling noise resumed.
And so Petty Tyrant slowly came to consciousness.
Several minutes later, with a series of groans and grumblings a figure emerged from the bed wearing a tartan nightcap and a long nightgown printed with a Scottish saltire flag on the front and which had the words “To drunk to like you. To drunk not to mention it' written on the back.
He had a wild crazy mop of bright red hair that went out from his head in an extravagant array of directions and a face onto which someone seemed to have etched a permanent scowl. It was not a face you could call beautiful, not unless you were tied to a chair and being threatened to do so at the penalty of losing your life and it seemed designed to look like it found anything it observed slightly wanting. It was hard to imagine that gaze alighting on anything without finding criticism.
The dishevelled figure opened a wardrobe in which there was 6 identical sets of highland dress. He took one of these from it with a grunt and retreated into the bathroom at the barrels end, but not before briefly returning to fetch the buckie bottle and last weeks edition of the NotP.
Twenty minutes later feeling somewhat lighter, dressed in a sea of tartan but with eyes already blurred and wearied the figure staggered with a wide yawn to the barrels round front door and throw it open and squinted out into the midday sun.
The view from the barrel was one of the best in Needlehole, looking as it did over Petty's favourite vista which was the Muck and Duck pub with its selection of buckie and lively duckie drinks and beyond it, dominating the horizon and belching out smoke, the Buckie Brewery, the smell of which had been known when the wind was blowing the right way to blister paint. It was inhaled deeply and joyously by Petty.
For the moment he ignored the huge, planet sized shape in the sky and stretched out his arms. There was a low bench made from old buckie barrels nearby under a hoary old elm tree and Petty sat himself down on it and drew out a pipe from the recesses of his folded tartan and lit it. He noted as he lit it how the huge planet in the sky seemed to have a face on it like the gaping mouth of a venomous snake. When the impossible thing swept down, just over the hills in the direction of Rushock Bog and the ground shook Petty nodded to himself, as if with impressed approval. His morning hallucinations weren't normally quite so convincing.
He watched as it swooped back up and noticed that in its mouth- and being devoured- were the remains of buildings and hobbit holes, there was even the sign from Our Ladies dangling from one corner of its mouth. He observed it fall, spinning away earthwards and splintering on impact into shards.
Petty drew on his pipe thoughtfully but without consternation and picked up his buckie bottle for another drink and ignored the thing in the sky
For twenty minutes he sat and drank and smoked whilst the huge planet in the sky chomped its way through half of the scenery before him, taking huge gouges out of the earth, lifting buildings, people, the entire top soil in fact into its insatiable jaws, leaving nothing but blank brown trenches behind. and still Petty did not stir or seem to really notice.
Eventually a figure appeared on the road from Rushock Bog, it was running and waving its arms about above its head. When it got closer Petty could see it was Odo Banks, behind him pulling a wagon was the Sherrif Mirabella and at least one of Odo's wives, Primula it looked like, and beyond them were at least half the inhabitants of Rushock Bog in a long ragged line with a random selection of their belongings clearly gathered in haste in carts.
As Odo closed, his long face with down turned mouth seemed agitated, in fact he was completely white.
“Morning Odo,” petty said in a neighbourly fashion, he always felt neighbourly at this time of day with the morning buckie gently flowing through his veins and reviving him.
“Morning?!” Odo said as if startled. He looked out over the fields, a huge shadow passed over them as the planet went by overheard with a noise like thunder, “Morning? How can you just sit there 'good morninging' people you drunken fool!”
Petty was offended by this, he wasn't close to drunk yet. “It's a fine morning, the birds are in the trees, the buckie is in my hand...”
“And a huge great Dark Planet is eating everything and everyone!” Odo interrupted in a voice whose tone was verging on the hysterical.
The bottle of buckie Petty had been holding to his mouth froze in place. The shadow passed over them again and Petty looked straight up. Above them, hovering impossibly in the air with its mouth agape and tongue swishing side to side was the Dark Planet.
“Oh f*!@*,” Petty commented, “you mean that's real?”
“Of course it is real” Odo screeched, “I was just making a new batch of jelly for the wife to try out and she went to the outhouse to get the tin bath, you know how I insist these things are done properly,” Odo deviated.
“Yes, everything proper and respectable,” Petty replied with a roll of his eyes, “And?”
“And there it was” Odo said pointing at the Planet in the sky which was swooping towards the Duck and Muck, “It came flying down, took the wife, the bath, my new batch of jelly and my outhouse too. It was the very best rasberry jelly too,” he added wistfully.
“Where's our fearless leader Ady?” Petty demanded.
“Gone. As is young Eldo and the entire Tower of Lore with all our lore in it. There's nothing left. It took Ally too when she out for her morning prayers.”
“Well,” Petty said with a wave of his finger, “I did warn her no good would come of praising PJ. What about Gandalf's Beard, did he get out?”
“I don't know,” Odo replied, “He bravely went back to help get the sixth formers out of Our Ladies but I never saw him again after that. I do hope he is all right the dear chap, those poor girls it was right in the middle of their aerobics amd provocative stretching class too.”
Suddenly they heard a voice calling to them, half way between them and the pub a figure was hurrying towards them, it was waving a copy of the News of the Pure.
“Hot of the Press!” the figure shouted, “Dark Planet invades Needlehole! We have all the information inside!”
"Ah a proper newspaper, now we might find out whats going on here," Petty commented nodding towards the vendor.
The figure waved the paper at them again just as a shadow fell across it, there was a whoosh of air and when the Dark Planet had passed by the newspaper seller was gone, a few pages fluttered down from the sky.
“That wouldn't have happened if he had been selling a respectable paper like Wholesome Tales, “ Odo observed.
There was a sudden roar as the Dark Planet swung by overhead once again, its surface was pock marked, crater covered and a seemed to be a thick blackened crust with here and there cracks that ran for miles and from which a light like red lava glowed.
“Oh dear,” Odo squealed in a tremulous voice, “Its going for the pub.”
“Oh is it now!” Petty suddenly yelled with a face like fury itself. In a flash he was up from his seat, took a large swig of buckie and charged off acorss the field in a rage.
Odo watched as the Scotshobbit dashed towards the pub- a sight he had seen many times before usually about opening hour. To the left the Dark Planet was swooping down, its maw growing ever wider, the air whistling in a wind around it so that at its edges the fire seemed tinged with streaks of red flame but Petty got to the ground between it and the pub first and held up a defiant hand to it, index finger pointing at it in a meaningful way as the huge shape tore down towards him.
Even at this distance Odo could clearly hear the words ringing out loud, an ancient Scotshobbit challenge, clear and full of angry crabbit, “Yi're claimed” it said.
The Dark Planets huge mouth gaped, it swept towards Petty who seemed like a tiny dot before it, itmet the ground a hundred yards before him its lower jaw furrowing up the earth and grass in a huge pile before it as it came, the ground heaved and rippled but somehow still Petty held his ground and remained standing in its way and then the pub, its pond, startled duckies and Petty were all gone and there was nothing but a momentary horrified silence..........to be continued.

Eldorion wrote:I might regret this later, but I have to ask: who specifically did you have in mind when you said "hottest main character"?

How can I choose? Perhaps I have to revisit that shirt-ripping scene again.

I think a 'real' ambassador Amarie spin off should wait will have to wait until we see the outcome of your story. I suspect a thing or two, but time will tell.

I am REALLY looking forward to reading more Petty!

Thanks Amarie. Your wish is my command. (That way I can blame you afterwards!)


Odo's mouth fell wide open in gaping horror, making his head even longer than usual and had an observer for the Guinness Book of records been there with a measuring tape probably have got him an entry for longest face. Petty was gone, and worse so too was the pub.
Perhaps Odo considered this was a message from Eru that he should turn against pubs and their duckie and buckie and become a lot more self righteous about things from now on. Yes it certainly did seem that way to him looking at the barren spot with only a few barrels rolling in the dirt and confused chickens left where the pub had just been, clearly a message from Eru.
He heard Primmy screaming behind him as she looked on although he had his suspicions over wither she was upset for Petty or the loss of the forums premiere buckie supplier.
The Dark Planet swept upwards blotting out the sun and creating an immense circular pool of shadow over them. The few birds which had remained hiding in the trees now took to the air in squawking terror.
A forked tongue escaped from the huge mouth above them and licked the air as if sensing it, it snatched a fleeing bird and drew it back, flapping furiously, into its mouth. Then the Planet began to move towards them at ever growing speed.
But it had not covered half the distance when it suddenly stopped as if someone had slammed on the breaks. It trembled.
A deathly silence fell, leaves and small bits of debris that had been stripped from their lodgings by the Planets destructive force fluttered now back to the ground all around them, a soft silent rain of memories of their home, torn up and obliterated falling on their upturned faces.
The world was holding its breath and they held their breath with it.
The silence was shattered by a terrible explosion of hissing steam venting from the cracks on the Planets dark surface in huge spouts, then fire began to accompany the steam and mingle with it and spurts of orange flame and lava oozed from it like puss from a wound.
It spun on the spot so that the mouth went spinning out of Odo's sight filled with malice and came back round again in a terrified grimace.
Then the huge mouth burst open and out of it came the Muck and Duck and straddled on its crumbling chimney stack like it was a bucking bronco at a fair he was drunk enough to think he could ride was Petty. His kilt was flying in the breeze prompting Odo to tut in disapproval and Primmy to say “Oh my!” from behind him in a tone slightly to impressed sounding for Odo to be happy with.
The pub and its Scothobbit rider came down in a roar of masonry in the field below them. A huge plume of brown masonry dust went up in a mushroom cloud of finality.
The air shook as above them the Dark Planet hiccuped, stripping the remaining leaves from the trees, before retreating higher up into the hazy, cloudy air where it hovered menacingly.
A cloud of smaller dust emerged from the bigger cloud of dust that was now the Duck and Muck pub. It seemed to slowly coalesce as the dust dissipated and was blown away in the wind into the shape of Petty.
Mercifully his kilt was back under control but most of his shoulder plaid was ripped and torn, his hair was remarkably even more unkempt than usual, a feat Odo would have previously thought impossible and which may have prompted the afore mentioned World Guinness Book of Records Observer into action had he been there. “What happened?” Odo asked when the dust powdered Scotshobbit got close enough to hear him.
Petty stuck out his arms wide either side of himself, in each hand was the broken neck of a buckie bottle, “It cannae handle the buckie” he said with a triumphant growl. His eyes smouldered, “Sadly though, that was the last I had. The rest was in the pub,” he jerked his thumb back over his shoulder and the ruin of the pub,”If we get through this and find somewhere to live I swear I'm going to have my own buckie supply, somewhere safe like Valinor.”
Odo, despite the peril of the moment broke into scornful laughter, “They will never let the likes of you into Valinor, they have a door policy you know, and a dress code. That's a code that tells you what to wear, not code for you to wear a dress,” he snorted derisory.
“You never know, I could cut a deal with Queen Tinuviel or something, she's likes her rasberry buckie, I could be her Official Buckie Keeper or something.”
“You could be her court jester it would be more likely,” Odo said dismissively, “But what are we going to do about that?” he pointed up into the bright sky where the Dark Planet still hovered,“We have the women to think about and I really do think we should go back for the sixth formers,” he said with a nod, “and GB too of course,” he added hastily.
“What about that newcomer, Kafria?” Petty asked, “maybe she could help? I've heard that tattoo of hers does something special.”
“This is no time for smut Petty!” Odo admonished over Petty's protests, “And besides I don't know about her,” he went on with an air of disapproval, “I am not sure she is entirely respectable, she was round Our Lady's protesting that we should not teach the girls that Eru created the world one morning whilst in the bath. Where as we all know from Sunnendei School even a Supreme Being like Eru cant resist having a little sing song. She wanted us to teach some science nonsense instead about tortoises turning into hobbits over time.”
Their attention was brought back to the peril of the moment by a scream from Primmy and a cry from Mirabella who had been helping the older and slower members of the Needlehole Community along the last stretch of road, “Here it comes again!”
Petty and Odo swivelled their heads skywards. The Dark Planet was making straight for them, straight down in a plunge with mouth wide.
“So what was the plan we came up with again?” Petty asked.
“We didn't,” Odo replied without taking his stricken gaze from their closing impending doom,”we just stood here talking same as we always do in a crisis.”
“Ahh. Bugger.”

To be continued, probably.

Amarië wrote:I am REALLY looking forward to reading more Petty!

Agreed! I love the second part; the characters are all spot-on hilarious.

Amarië wrote: How can I choose? Perhaps I have to revisit that shirt-ripping scene again.

If I recall correctly it was DI Eldo who was shirtlesss there. Oh my.

I think a 'real' ambassador Amarie spin off should wait will have to wait until we see the outcome of your story. I suspect a thing or two, but time will tell.

I think that makes sense. The current mystery will actually be concluding shortly but a lot of the loose ends and character arcs will be tied up in the subsequent tale. I can't promise that it will end favorably for anyone in particular, but there will be more of a resolution.

Glad you are enjoying it Eldo- you make your debut in it shortly (not this next bit but the bit after that).

“Here it comes!” Odo screamed as the air howled as it was wrenched apart by the incoming Dark Planet.
But suddenly there was a huge explosion of light in the air between them and their approaching doom and a series of smaller explosions. A thick browny-yellow cloud hung in the air above them obscuring all else.
The Dark Planet broke hurtling through the strange fog, then slowed, the entire front facing side of the Planet seemed to crinkle so that craters and canyons creased together like folds in paper. It seemed to freeze like that for a moment and then it sneezed. A tremendous sneeze. A sneeze that laid low the trees and sent those below flying through the air. So close to the ground the force of it ricocheted the Dark Planet up, up into the sky until it had dwindled to become a mere dot.
A voice called out to them “Well come on then. Run!”
Petty dragged his bruised body up from where he had been thrown, Odo was nearby being helped up by Mirabella.
Petty cursed under his breath, Odo looked immaculate and respectable, as always. How did he do it? Petty on the other hand, well lets face it he had not had the best of mornings so far and even under good conditions didn't have the best of starts in looking respectable, and his appearance was what you would expect someone who had been through everything he had been through since getting out of bed to look like- a complete bloody mess.
He turned his attention away from his internal crabbit ranting to the owner of the voice who had called to them. It was an attractive woman with dragon tattoo peering over one shoulder and which presumably continued down her back, it had an odd way of drawing the eye, as if you expected it to move when you glanced away. Petty was not entirely sure it wasn't. A girl stood by her side over whose shoulder the woman had thrown a protective maternal arm. Petty hurried over to them. Mirabella, Odo and Primmy joined him.
“Who are you?” Petty asked.
“Well I'm not the Doctor,” the woman replied with a smile.
“Who?” Odo said in confusion.
“I'm Kafria,” the woman replied, “and this is my daughter Squach.”
“How are you spelling that,” Odo enquired taking a small black note book and a pencil from his breast pocket.
“Not now dear,” Primmy said patting his arm.
“These things are very important my love,” Odo replied, “but yes perhaps now is not the time. But I shall be looking into it at the first opportunity.” The girl stuck out her tongue at him and said, “I set off the fireworks,” she smiled proudly and added, “one went right up its nose.”
Odo patted her on the head in a patronising manner,”Yes well, it was well done but lets not be boastful, its not respectable behaviour for a little girl now is it? Petty and I as the responsible male adults here,” he looked hesitantly at Petty, “the adults here,” he amended, “we would have thought of something before it was too lateI am sure.”
“What just happened? To the Dark Planet I mean?” Mirabella interjected, “was that your doing?” she added in question to Kafria.
“Yes,” Kafria replied with a nod, “some black powder imported from Isengard, and all the mustard and pepper I could find.”
“That was very resourceful of you,” Odo observed.
“Science,” Kafria replied and flashed him a smile again, “I observed it. Its clearly using its tongue to taste where things are, can be a very sensitive localiser taste. But with a tongue full of mustard and pepper it had no idea where it was. The sneeze was a bonus though, I think its probably low orbit by now. Good example of the principle of cause and effect though. I hope you were noticing Squach," she said with a glance at her daughter who hung her head and scuffed a foot in the ground, "Yes mum, very scientific," Squach said in an exaggerated drawn out voice.
“You both deserve a medal," Mirabella said generously, "I'll award you one in whatever future Sherriffs office I end up serving in, if there is a future,” Mirabella said, “Knowing my luck I'll be replaced by two fictional detectives from Norway and have to resort to having a degrading celebrity wedding with some plastic-titted media z-lister just to get people's attention.”
“Really you do talk some rubbish at times Mirabella,” Odo admonished, “We have to find somewhere to hide. And you will marry that nice stamp maker from Under-Rushock with the six lovely daughters, not including the twins.”
“That's if there is a Under-Rushock after all this,” Mirabella said sadly, thinking about the twins, “What are we going to do?”
“I say we fight,” Petty insisted, the smouldering fire was back in his eyes as he was now regretting the loss of his last two bottles of buckie, even if it had saved his life.
“What we need is a plan” Kafria insisted.
“I don't think we have time for a plan,” Mirabella said, “look” She pointed upwards where out of the sky the dark Planet was returning, growing bigger and bigger.
“Any more mustard and pepper?” Petty asked hopefully.
“Nope,”Kafria responded glumly, “Any more buckie.”
“Nope,” Petty replied even more glumly, verging on the suicidal.
“So let me get this straight,” Odo put in still looking upwards as the Dark Planet hurtled towards them so fast heat was jetting off it in flames,”what you are saying is you saved us from what could be called a cliffhanger situation only to have no plan, no resources and no where to hide thus putting us back into a cliffhanger style situation.”
“Its too soon to be a cliffhanger,” Petty pointed out, “you know its funny how when faced with impending doom at the hands of a giant planet with a mouth like a venomous snake that the mind seems to dwell on inconsequential stuff.”
“Yes, very true,” Odo agreed, “its a mark of respectability of course to keep calm under pressure by talking about nothing in particular as if it were a perfectly normal day.”
“And not say a day when a huge alien Dark Planet with a mouth like venomous snake is about to eat you?” Kafria asked, hugging Squach close to her and trying to cover her eyes, in which she was failing as Squach kept prying her fingers back off so she could peep out.
“Yes,” Petty said in a loud voice, trying to be heard of the increasing roar,”exactly that sort of day. Perfectly normal.... Its getting very close now,” he added his voice tinged with some worry as the gaping mouth filled all the sky above them, “I don't suppose anyone has got a plan yet?”
“Maybe we could try reasoning with them,” Odo suggested and there was a huge roar that was like a whole ocean being tipped on their heads and everything went black.......and out of it faintly came the echo of Odo's voice saying, “I told you it was just putting us back in another cliffhanger situation...”

Science and observation - very important

(As is a cheeky Squach to stop me becoming too serious - not that I'm going to tell her that )

Really enjoying this.

This part got a little out of hand, its twice as long as previous installements, sorry.

…....Petty's head swam, he opened his eyes but instead of the usual blur most of it was in focus. This was immediately worrying, it was possible he was in danger of becoming sober. What his newly sharpened eyes had focused on was an immense poster that had been placed above the bed he was lying on. It read “Welcome citizen! Questions are a disease to the mind.' So he wasn't dead then, probably. Dead people surely weren't this thirsty.
Slowly he sat up and swung his legs of his bed, at first he didn't notice what was wrong then a blinding panic overtook him- his knees were missing! He leapt up from the bed about to scream, then realised if he was standing up his knees must still be there after all and realisation struck- someone had taken his kilt off and put him in trousers. It was an outrage! Well, he'd see about that.
There was a door in the wall opposite the neat and stark bed, the door was square instead of a proper round, it mysteriously opened with a swish when Petty approached and he walked out.
He was in an immense hall, like a Dwarven mine, if Dwarven mines had every surface polished into a flat smooth black and then covered every surface with posters. Petty read a few as he walked out into the huge space, “The Council knows Best”, “The Rules are there to make all our lives better” and “Obedience is even better than politeness.”
Immediately before him suspended in the air was a huge board, written on it were the words “There are currently” and then beneath this even larger there was a number, “2,901” and finally under that “citizens of the Dark Planet”.
Behind Petty the door, one in a row of hundreds, swished closed and on the board the number changed to 2,902.
The only other people in the hall were seemingly guards, dressed head to foot in black rubber, with black visors across their faces so that nothing could be discerned below. And at a long and very clean and shiny obsidian desk stood a smiling man in a sharp suit.
“Welcome to the Dark Planet,” the man said to the bewildered Petty as he approached the desk,”I am the Introduce Yourself Thread Supervisor. You can call me Brad,” he threw Petty another car salesmen smile that made Petty want to hit him, “And I am here to find out every last thing about you. And I mean ever last thing,” he licked his lips like a lizard, “But first I am here to take you through your induction.” He grinned and picked up a small box and clicked a button, immediately a panel slid up on the wall to the left to reveal a huge screen, filling it was a wide moustached face.
“First up and most importantly”, Brad continued with a flash of white teeth, “we will teach you the proper way to show respect to our beloved leader Taz.”
Two of the black clad guards stepped forward and whacked Petty behind the knees with their truncheons but Petty only half fell to the ground, his knees even as they buckled seem to seize in place, half bent, he spun round snarling “An' I thought every muppet kent that a Scotshobbit bends his knee tae naebody. Git aboot yi!” he sprung at the closest guard and head butted him, smashing the visor. He swung for the second but was too slow, the lack of buckie had dulled his fighting senses and the second guard slammed him to the ground and pinned him there.
Brad leant in over him and smiled his dazzling smile, “I can see you are going to be trouble. Let him up.”
The guards released Petty who stood defiantly. The man pressed another button on his box and the wall behind him faded into transparency to reveal a city scape, with tower block after tower block stretching off into the distance.
“Behold the Dark Planet,” Brad said, “Your little forum was never any match for us. We have thousands of citizens here not like that pitiful village with its handful of inhabitants you called home. And now we have you too. There is no point resisting us. You have already lost, Citizen 2902.”
Petty stared out of the window taken aback by the scale of what he was seeing, it was dizzying, but when he had overcome this initial awe he noticed the state of disrepair many of the buildings were in, and that few of them had lights on in them, most were shrouded in a sulking darkness.
“Every building a place for a different debate,” Brad said proudly.
“What if people want to have talk about something else for a while?” Petty enquired.
“They are not allowed to, each building has its purpose, there is no deviation.”
“But real conversation isn't like that,” Petty protested, “something someone else says sparks a new thought, you go off on tangents and return to the subject..”
Brad broke Petty off by holding up a hand to silence him, “No, not here. There are no tangents, no new thoughts or ideas, there is order, peace, security. Everyone is free to visit any building, to join any discussion they wish, so long as they abide by the rules.”
“So why is it so dead if there are so many people here?” Petty asked, looking at the darkened windows, row upon row, “why are the windows nearly all dead?”
“Ah, that would be because of the rules,” Brad said. He went behind the desk and retuned with a folded sheet of paper. “The buildings with lights are where legally monitored activities are currently taking place, but as the rules prohibit most fun activities slowly but surely the people tend to remain alone, until eventually the lights go out and they are left in the dark on the Dark Planet.”
“Why don't they put a light on then and people will come to them?” Petty asked, horrified.
Brad beamed from behind his false smile and tapped the folded paper sheets in his hands, “Because that would be against the rules.”
He handed the rules over to Petty, they unfolded seemingly endlessly until it had unwound into a heap of paper about his feet, it was covered in tiny writing. “What's this?” Petty asked suspiciously.
“I told you, the Rules to be read and memorised,” Brad replied, “they have been printed out onto a narrow strip of paper of ridiculous length for comedic effect. It's funny. You are supposed to laugh.”
Petty ground his teeth instead, “F!*@ this!” he snarled.
“You just broke rule 2, no bad language, there is a subset of rule two in which you will find a comprehensive list of banned words and phrases,” Brad informed and tapped at the list.
“I need a drink,” Petty lamented.
“There is no buckie on Dark Planet, or duckie, or pubs of any sort. It's against the rules. Are you starting to get the picture Citizen 2902? Because you better start getting used to it.”
Petty considered this a moment, taking in the full weight of its meaning and the inevitability that soberness now beckoned. “You'd better start getting used to this then,” he responded and promptly attacked.
Several minutes later, having dragged Petty away and subdued him the guards brought him back before Brad who looked down on him with contempt and a broken nose but who was no longer at least smiling, “Youb broke ruleb fourb,” he managed through his stuffed up blooded nose, “that is a warbning.”
“Oh I am shaking, a warning from drippy nose,” Petty mocked defiantly.
“Threeb warbingin are yourb out,” the man said.
“What do you mean out?” Petty asked not sure he liked the sound of that at all.
“I mean oubt,” the man said, jerking his thumb back at the door Petty had come in through, “nowhereb, oblivbion.”
Petty looked back at the way he come in, “Well, its still better than sober,” he said.
Brad looked at he guards and said “take hibm to his allobtted cube. See heb gebts a cobpy of the rubles sent tob his palbantir screen. Fullb monibtoring. Behavbiuor, langbuage, subjects he talks about. Ib want it allb monitbored, any deviabtions rebport to me.”
The guards nodded and dragged Petty away. Brad called after them still clutching a hand to his broken nose, “Just rembember 2902. Youbr one strike dowbn albready. Tbwo moreb and youb are the nobwhere man.”


When Petty was next aware of anything it was of a bright light being shone in his face. He was taken between different rooms, for hours maybe even days, it was hard to tell. In each room they repeated rules at him, tried to get him to accept Taz as his rightful Ruler. His refusal to comply with any of it had led him finally here, to being tied down on some sort of machine with wires attached to his body. Brad was sitting smiling beside him, his hand was on a dial with numbers on it.
Brad turned to him and held up one hand with four fingers showing, “You are the most stubborn Citizen we have ever encountered 2902. All you need do is bow down to Taz and this will end.” Petty remained stubbornly silent, Brad sighed, “As you wish then. How many fingers am I holding up?” he asked Petty.
“Why?” Petty replied, “can't you count?”
Brad twisted the knob and their was a crackle and the smell of hot tin. “Not so cocky now” Brad said.
“No, I think you'll find I still am,” Petty said trying to strain his neck to see what he was tied to.
“Well that was only level 3,” Brad said rallying,”It goes all the way to 10,” he threatened with what he hoped was a menacing grin.
“I think you're going to need a bigger dial,” Petty replied flatly, and Brad's grin forze, “Is there a buckie in this for me at the end of it all?”
“No. You have to accept buckie is forbidden.”
“Is this your first time torturing someone?” Petty asked shaking his head sadly, “You have to give me incentive. You tell me there is a buckie in it even if there isn't. Hell you go get a barrel and put ice in it and a girl in a bikini and you sit it just out of reach but always in my line of sight. That's how you do it. Bloody amateur.”
Brad wrenched the dial again, this time all the way to ten and the light flashed and there were hisses and sizzling sounds and the air became heavy with a burning taint and smoke.
“Too much pain to be smart now?” Brad jeered.
“No,” came Petty's voice from the haze of smoke, “just wondering how much you paid for this thing. I hope you kept the receipt.”
“What?” Brad said dumbfounded, “but that is level 10. Blinding, excruciating pain.”
“No its not,” Petty said with authority, “when your psychotic sister nails you to a door so as she can use your bawsack to improve her darts game- that's blinding excruciating pain.”

After that there was no more torture, instead they locked him a small room with only a palantir which consistently read out the Rules. Until one evening that is when the palantir flickered. Petty wasn't paying it any attention, he was worried about his blood-buckie levels which he could feel were so low his bodies emergency supplies were all but depleted and soberness beckoned. Earlier he had caught himself feeling relaxed about things instead of his usual healthy mix of confused paranoia and psychotic violence. Things could not go on like this.
“Rule 449- Not everyone is blessed with the handsome looks of our Leader. All other images are therefore forbidden from display on Dark Planet for all our peace of mind....Petty,” a voice interrupted, “are you there?”
Petty turned to the palantir with suspicion, but the voice had seemed familiar, it had an Americanshire twang. The image on the palantir swirled and melted then solidified again into the handsome face of young Eldorion, who was something of an up-and-coming government high flier, or had been before the attack.
“Petty,” Eldo said insistently, “thank Eru we found you.”
“Where are you?” Petty demanded.
“Um, its my own place,” Eldo replied hesitantly.
“What do you mean? Not on the Dark Planet? Are you still back home?”
“There is no home any more Petty its gone. Everything. All our Lore, its all been taken or maybe even just destroyed.”
“So where are you? If you're not home and you're not here where else is there?”
Eldo hesitated before saying, “I'm, um, well its kind of offshore, you know, for tax purposes,” he said looking shifty, “but the important point is I can contact you from here.”
“Have you spoken to the others? Odo, Kafria, GB and the rest?” Petty asked.
“Yes, well some of them,” Eldo replied and the image wavered and was lost for a moment, “the connections breaking up, the rest are inside the Planet already. You have to join them there. Its too hard to get through all the encryption spells to you where you are.”
“But how do I get in?” Petty asked in desperation as the image faded again, “Eldo?”
“Just do what everyone else did,” came the terse reply, “stop being so damn Scottish about it and accept the f!*@!&g rules.” The image faded again.
“Bend my knee to them?” Petty said shocked.
“Rule 450- Cheese is popular and comes in many varieties. Cheese therefore can be a contentious subject. For the good of all you must never discuss cheese,” replied the palantir.

Excellent! poor dark planet, you almost feel sorry for whats coming for them!

My next installment!

Freya read the scroll through twice, eyes skimming the flowing lines, before allowing it to re-curl and fall to the ground. She lifted a hand and caressed the side of the drinking bowl, before dipping a finger inside and testing the temperature. She scooped the herbs floating on the surface aside with a bark ladle and lifted the bowl to her face. Taking a deep breath to inhale the fragrant scents, she paused for a moment before sipping the soothing draft.

Replacing it on the stump she grasped a strip of venison and lifted it to her lips. Teeth closed on the tough meat, failing to make an impression, she began to bite down hard, hand tugging and muscles tensing in an effort to separate a morsel. The corners of her lips lifted as she struggled, breaking into a full grin as the meat finally succumbed to her efforts. She allowed herself a moment to reveal in her triumph, before chewing contently.

“Tea’ll be gone if you don’t shift soon.”

Rue groaned and shuffled, eyes fluttering again in protest against the morning. Arms lifted high above her head as she gave a full body
stretch, extended from fingers to toes and accompanied by a loud yawn. As her muscles relaxed she lurched up to sitting, blinking rapidly to allow her eyes a final moment to adjust.

“Alright, I’m up,” she muttered, shuffling across the uneven floor, still tightly wrapped in skins. Reaching her mother, she leant up against her side and extended one olive skinned arm to grip her breakfast. They ate in companionable silence, passing the tea between them, each lost in their own thoughts.

Finishing the dregs Rue wordlessly handed the bowl back to her mother. Freya rinsed it briefly, swallowing the water down, then refilled the kettle and replaced it by the fire to warm. Smiling back at Rue watching she began to make shooing motions.

“Washed and dressed, then pack up. Come on,” she directed.

“Pack up? Why, we just got settled here?” Rue asked, voice pitching higher than normal. Freya’s eyebrows rose as she took a step forward and ruffled Rue’s hair.

“Being moved on, new Lord of the manor.” She bent and brushed a long dark strand behind Rues ear, who huffed and ran her fingers through her hair to remove it. She puffed out her cheeks, eyes narrowing slightly before her shoulder fell and she moved away to follow her mother’s instructions.

xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

Pushing out of the tent Freya found herself peering around, as if the earlier emptiness would recede and familiar sights be revealed. The landscape remained stubbornly forsaken, the breezes soft voice only emphasising the abandonment of the village.

Freya strode determinedly around the side of the tent to retrieve the small travelling cart, steeling herself for the work to come. As she approached the tent flap snapped back, a sharp snap, as Rue pushed out to survey the emptiness around them.

“Where’d everyone go?”

“I don’t know. Moved on I guess,” Freya answered, dropping the poles of the cart to the ground and leaning on the side, following the child’s gaze.

“When? We were all at the bonfire last night.”

“I don’t know,” Freya asserted, “They were gone before dawn. It’s odd I heard nowt , but they’re not ‘ere and we need to get somewhere else if we’re on our own.”

“Where?” Rue asked, lines pinching across her brow.

“I thought we’d start at Sharp Howe, see what I can find out. Make plans from there.” Freya reached forward, fingers searching for Rue’s hair again. The child leant away as the wrinkles on her face deepened.

“Gerroff.”

Stepping back she added, “I’ll do kitchen and beds if you want to get the packing started.”

Freya nodded and the two turned away from each other and hurriedly began to break camp. Alone they were vulnerable and the Howe was a two day journey hence.

NB
Cimmerian adjectiv -1. Classical Mythology . of, pertaining to, or suggestive of a western people believed to dwell in perpetual darkness.
2. very dark; gloomy: deep, Cimmerian caverns.

The Tasmanian devil (Sarcophilus harrisii) is a carnivorous marsupial of the family Dasyuridae,

Schwarzwald – Black Forest

Fjell –mountain Brann – fire (according to a crude search)

Nice use of a graphic to tell the story. Getting a steppes people/gypsy feel from this -a nice metaphor for life online.

Pettytyrant101 wrote:This part got a little out of hand, its twice as long as previous installements, sorry.

I love it! Longer is better too; there are some great stories in this thread. I was amused by my portrayal and I look forward to seeing how the Dark Planet is outwitted.

Kafria wrote:My next installment!

This is excellent, if I may say so myself! I mentioned earlier that this was one of the most original versions of Forumshire I've seen and I love getting to see a more detailed look at this world. I feel like I can't rely on real world Forumshire history to help me predict what will come next in too much detail and that's very cool.

“How are you spelling that,” Odo enquired taking a small black note book and a pencil from his breast pocket.
“Not now dear,” Primmy said patting his arm.

“Welcome citizen! Questions are a disease to the mind.'

I was going to add more quotes, but realized I would have to repost most of the story. (Though I should admit I am not too eager to meet myself in there. )

But I am pretty sure I dreamt of Kafria's fireworks. No Dark Planet though, just for fun this time. But a powerful display! They very accurate, five shot up a time and they flew in perfect formation. Deep red flames, loud as a jet engine and beautiful. Could frighten anything out of orbit if you ask me.


Kafria, I love every word and you gave me a good chuckle with the Tasmanian devil.

I think Brannfjell would be more accurate than Fjell Brann. Just like it is Schwarzwald and not Wald Schwarts.

Though I should admit I am not too eager to meet myself in there.- Amarie

You are due to make an appearence very soon Amarie!

Pettytyrant101 wrote:Though I should admit I am not too eager to meet myself in there.- Amarie

You are due to make an appearence very soon Amarie!

Oh... goody!

“Where is he?” Kafria asked fretfully drumming her fingers in a military rhythm on the table. The street outside was all but dark. One light fizzled and crackled above the doorway of the building they were in, a door through which Petty would come, if he came at all. Apart from anything else from the outside it looked like a pub. But there was no drink to be bought, or music to be sung or tales to be heard in here. Its few patrons were silent, musing over the rules and had long since been subdued into silence and apathy by the Dark Planets turgid atmosphere.
The only activity was around one table at which sat the remains of the community, few it seemed had survived the onslaught, either that or many were still lost as Petty was.
At one end of the table sat Odo with his remaing wife Primula beside him. Next to her was Gandalf's Beard who was giving the impression of a firework whose fuse had been lit and was soon going to blow, the oppressive air of the Dark Planet was not sitting well with his liberal tendencies. Opposite them sat Kafria with Mirabella on her right and Squach on her left.
“I want chicken nuggets mum,” Squach said tugging at Kafria's sleeve, “Can I have chicken nuggets, please?”
“This isn't a restaurant Squach,”Kafria explained,”they don't serve food, or anything in fact.”
“I WANT CHICKEN NUGGETS!” Squach howled.
“Your child appears to be making noises in public,” Odo said disapprovingly to Kafria arching one eybrow, his eyes blinking with consternation behind his delicate glasses.
“Its this place,”Kafria replied, “there's nothing for her to do here. What do you suggest I do if you are such the great parent?”
“Well I suggest you should have brought her up properly in the first place to be seen and not heard,” Odo replied self righteously, “And you could perhaps have given her a better female role model than someone who likes buckie and dabbles in dangerous heathen thinking like science. This is what comes of annoying Eru.”
“Keep talking and I will give you a practical demonstration of some scientific principles starting with an experiment to calculate the amount of force required at the end of my boot to be enough to put you through that window,” Kafria responded angrily.
“Yeah mum!“ Squach cheer-led grateful of anything which would elevate the boredom of the Dark Planet.
“Stop it you two, we shouldn't bicker among ourselves,” Mirabella interceded, “We need to all stick together.”
“We have to strike out,” GB put in breaking his gloomy silence, his eyes were flashing with light of liberal zealousness, “the government of the Dark Planet must be confronted. We could start a leaflet campaign, banners, organise a street protest at grass-roots level. If only we could get these people to rise up against the Council.”
They all looked round at the rooms few other inhabitants. It was easy enough to believe the people of the Dark Planet could throw off the Council, they did outnumber them after all, but when you saw the inhabitants it became a lot harder to believe.
“Maybe we will ask them later,” Mirabella commented diplomatically and patted GB gently on the arm.
“A plague on the stiff-necks of Scotshobbits,” Odo said, peering out the window onto the empty street. Something in Odo's pocket beeped and he glanced round the room to see if anyone had heard. It was hard to tell, the rooms other occupants were, well not very responsive but sat individually at tables reading the Rules to themselves like restaurant diners musing the menu. None of them stirred as Odo, looking like the most suspicious person in the world, pulled a mini-palantir from his pocket and hunching over it whispered hoarsely, “Dear oh dear. Not now young Eldo.”
“Someone is coming to meet you,” Eldo said, “I got a message through to Pretty, she is inside the Council somehow,” Eldo's image said on the ghostly palantir surface.
“I can imagine how,” Odo said with a furrowed brow of disapproval, “she is the only girl I know who carries knee-pads around in her handbag. Its disgraceful even for a Scotshobbit.”
“Well she is sending someone to meet you, someone she says is sympathetic to our plight of getting you out of there. But this is the judgement of Pretty we are talking about here so be careful, it may be a trap to draw you out,” the image began to crackle and fade.
“Who is this person?” Odo asked hurriedly, “How will we know them?” But the image was fading, being replaced with the logo of the Dark Planet, “What is their name?” But there was no answer.

Petty took a deep breath and stepped outside. Well, he was in the Dark Planet. He had bent his knee, made false oaths, accepted the damned Rules, but he had only been capable of doing so by promising himself that before he escaped this cursed place he was going to come back and give the smiling, grinning Brad a groin stomping that would go down in history. He even planned to get special boots made by the dwarves with mithril toecaps for the occasion-Brad should be honoured, Petty had been planning on saving those exclusively for PJ.
But now here he was, on an almost completely dark street with equally dark buildings looming over him and reaching up into the night. But there was one light on, it was some way down the empty street but it had the distinct look, surely in fact, yes, it was a pub! Without even realising he had Petty had broken into a run, he could all but taste the buckie. Feel his brain being soothed into blissful unconsciousness.
A figure stepped out of an alleyway on his left a little before him and stood in his way. Stood between him and his buckie. It was a woman with elven ears and the sort of glasses usually worn by librarians.
“Its not a pub,” the woman said.

Petty slowed at the fearful words, “But...but its got a sign..''” he began as he stopped running.
“There is no buckie in there, not a drop, or anywhere on the Dark Planet 2902, or should I call you Petty.”
She knew his name, he looked at her again, no he had never seen her before, he didn’t think. Without being drunk it was hard to tell, everything looked different in focus.
He looked back at the pseudo-pub again with a sort of desperate longing, “If it has no buckie why does it look like a pub?” he demanded angrily.
“To entice people in of course,” the woman laughed, it was a merry sound which echoing of the barren buildings turned to something haunting and somehow dangerous.
“Who are you?” Petty demanded, curiosity beginning to overcome his disappointment.
The woman stepped closer, “My name is Amarie. I am a Member of the Council of Elders of the Dark Planet.”
“Am I supposed to bow?” Petty responded.
Amarie stepped back into the shadow of the alleyway from which she had emerged but Petty could still just see her, she opened a small bag that she had left lying there and took out a single bottle of buckie. Petty stared at it dumbfounded, “Would you bow for this?” Amarie asked with a smile.
As if in a trance Petty followed her into the dark of the alleyway.

This is getting better and better! I love how many characters you've fit in here and I can't wait to see what will happen for all of them. The portrayal of the Dark Planet itself is genius, too; just how I remember it from my visits there.

“Maybe he went somewhere else,” Kafria said straining to see out of the window and through the darkness outside.
“Petty never did have a good sense of direction,” GB commented, “He never could find his way home to his barrel of a night.”
“I don't think on those particular occasions that it was a lack of direction which was his problem,” Odo said with an air of disapproval.
Squach began to kick the table leg repeatedly in a bored manner, it earned her a scowl from her mother but it did not deter her. Odo looked both annoyed and aghast at her uncontrolled implotiness and tried to stare Squach down but she scowled at him until he stopped.
“How did this happen without me knowing about it?” GB fumed from the corner, “Someone must have known this was coming. I suspect a conspiracy.”
“You always suspect a conspiracy,” Odo pointed out.
“Yes but this time I think it might actually be true,” GB replied with cetainty, “Our Mayor Ady must have known about it. He must have. And he isn't here, no one's heard a word from him since he took that holiday a week ago, now don't tell me that is not suspicious in light of what has happened. Even Eldo can't find a trace of him and there was no one else bar me as close to Ady in the Mayoral Office. I bet he is living it up somewhere on the proceeds of selling us into servitude.”
“Oh calm down old Beard,” Odo said, “If there was a conspiracy we will never know about it. We have to decide what to do now. This is a Tuesday. I should be making jelly on a Tuesday,” he added sadly, “its most upsetting to be so disrupted. Not respectable at all and the sooner we find this silly Scotshobbit and find a way out of this place the better.”
“And where will we go?” Kafria asked, “There's nowhere to go to remember.”
This was met with a sullen silence broken eventually by Odo, “This really is too much. Where is that drunkard?”
“We should split up,” Kafria suggested, “Just in case he has gone elsewhere.”
“Where else would he go?” Mirabella asked.
Kafria peered out the window, “there's one other light on, further down the street,” she noted, “Squach and I will go there, you can come with us Mirabella. And the rest of you stay here in case he shows up.”
“Yes a good idea,” Odo responded with a look at Squach who stuck her tongue out at him.

Petty lurched towards the proffered buckie bottle, he snatched it and Amarie backed away. He cracked the top of it and threw back his head and put it to his lips- it tasted suspiciously of water. “What the f!*@!” he snarled, throwing the bottle aside and advancing on Amarie.
“I'm sorry,” she said putting her hands up, “But I had to get you off the street and that seemed the fastest way, there is no buckie on the Dark Planet, not even for Council Members. But look up there,” she pointed up above the street.
Petty hesitated and then glanced back and up, the Dark Planet, or at least a smaller copy of it, complete with snake head face was hovering along between the tops of the buildings. It passed by with a buzz and a crackle, “what was that?”
“A surveillance sweep. Looking for anyone not in a designated zone,” Amarie replied, “You don’t need to earn another demerit.” She hurried to the edge of the alleyway and peered quickly out, “I think I was followed,” she said as she came back, “I am taking a big risk even speaking with you people. Collectively you lot have broken more rules than all the other inhabitants added together, and you just got here. The Council doesn't know what to do with you.”
“Why are you helping us?” Petty enquired.
“I've done all right here,” Amarie replied thoughtfully, “kept my nose clean and my head down. Abided by the Rules. But you people. You are so, anarchic. You refuse to follow the Rules, you enjoy yourselves. I think I like that.”
At that moment there was the sound of footsteps, Amarie waved her hand to indicate to Petty to step back into the shadows of the alley and he did so, stepping into the gloom alongside her.
A figure, in a black rubber suit and helmet was coming down the alley towards them, a billy-club in one hand. Petty recognised the look, it was the same as the guards who had beat him. Beside him Amarie sniffed the air, “Can you smell herring?” she whispered.

Kafria surveyed the door before them. The light above it was on indicating officially sanctioned activity, and amazingly she could actually hear voices within.
Curiously she opened the door and Squach pushed in past her, eager in the hope of something exciting happening. Kafria and Mirabella followed more cautiously.
Inside there were several stools and sitting on them were several people of varies races and they were all reciting poetry. Individual poems seemed lost in the general murmur but the tone was all bleak and depressing.
“What's wrong with them mum?” Squach asked wide eyed.
“I am not sure, “Kafria replied then her eye alighted on a familiar figure, he was sitting in a corner with his head in his hands, “Wisey!” she cried.
Mirabella ran over to him, hugging her relative close, “Wisey are you ok?” she asked.
Wisey stirred and stared up at them, his eyes were full of tears, “Help me!” he said weakly, “This is Channeling gone wrong. It's killing me.”

The guard was close now. Petty tensed, ready to spring into action but before he could a figure dropped down from somewhere overhead. It moved quickly, landing right behind the guard and grabbing him before he could react, then with a swift twist the guard was incapacitated. The guards body shimmered, faded and disappeared.
“Well that will have done it,” Amarie commented, “this place will be crawling with surveilance shortly. Who the hell are you?” she demanded of th newcomer who stepped forward into thelight.
“Ringdrotten!” Petty cried delighted,”I didn't know you were so deadly.”
“Well I do go to military academy soon,” he replied with a smile,”I've been practising.”
“So I see,” Petty replied, “I don't suppose you brought any buckie with you” he added hopefully.
“Sorry, no,” Ringdrotten said then turned to Amarie, “But who is this? She's not one of ours.”
“No, this Amarie, she is on the Council here but says she wants o help us, at least I think she want sto help us,” Petty explained.
“Well if that's the case she can help us find the others,” Ringdrotten said and Petty noted the similarity in his and Amarie's accent and pointed it out.
“Yes, I'm Fjordian,”Amarie said, “But I've been here so long my accent fades, its good to hear it again from another,” she said with a glance at Ringdrotten who blushed in response and declined his head in a gentlemanly fashion.
At that moment a long drawn out horn sounded, “End of another day on the Dark Planet,” Amarie said, “Watch out.”
Suddenly the air was filled with shining specks. Cascading down tumbling between the buildings, they tinkled onto the streets.
“What the hell?” Petty said and stepped out and picked up one of the shining things.

“Its mithril,” Kafria said, picking a piece from her hair. "They are giving away mithril?” She had Wisey between her and Mirabella, they had an arm each.
Squach was running about the street stuffing her pockets with small chunks of the precious metal, this was the first fun thing to have happened since she arrived here
“Mithril,” Mirabella said, “on a Planet with no shops or pubs? It doesn't make any sense.”
“Nothing about this place makes sense, its perverted,” Kafria commented., “Come on lets get Wisey back to the others.”
They hurried along the street as best they could, Wisey was barely conscious seemingly drained by the misery of the poetry he had been forced to endure. They were less than half way back when three emerged from an alleyway further ahead, it was Petty and with him was Ringdrotten and a female elf unknown to them. But just as the two groups converged a bright light pinpointed them and a voice came out of the darkness above them, it said “Stay exactly where you are. You are under arrest for conspiracy.”

This is fun! More! And you are making me a bit home sick. My poor big little planet.

Loving where this is going - I like running around in dark planet rescuing people!!

And now-

The small grey pony came to a standstill, mud-caked hooves slipping in the sticky ground. Checking the wheels of the cart Freya found a large stone step blocking the way. She lifted her tunic, crouching slightly and setting her shoulder against the wooden rail that enclosed their belongings. Rue took her place by the animals head, a firm hand near the harness and the looping slack of the rope gathered in her free hand.

Her mother gave a count-down, to coordinate their efforts; Rue clicking her tongue and hauling on the rope as Freya braced herself as well as she could in the glutinous mud, feet paddling furiously as she fought to keep her balance. After an eternal moment, when time seem suspended as the mud debated if it would relinquish its grip, the cart restarted its progress. As her support gave way Freya found herself floundering and threw her hands out in front, to prevent herself from landing face first in the mud. Rue heard her cry and turned to look, slowing the pony’s walk.

“No! Keep him moving. Wait at the top of the rise,” Freya instructed, waiting to ensure her instructions where being followed before her eyes dropped to her clarted hands, buried in squidgy brown as deep as her wrists. Working her feet further underneath her body, she stood, fighting the cloying suction of the mud to reclaim her hands. Shaking them at arm’s length, she staggered to the side of the path, using the tall grass as a towel to clean the worst of the mud from her hands. A wash would have to wait till they set up the evening camp.

They had made good progress since yesterday morning and the Howe was in the middle of the next valley, they should reach it well before dusk. Keeping to the old greenway they had seen few people, only fellow trustees of the fae. Reaching Rue and the pony once more Freya found they had crested the final rise on their journey. She and Rue sat on a couple of convenient rocks on the track side, catching their breath as the pony cropped the grass nearby.

From their feet the ground fell away, rolling gently down to meet the wide plain. Wide lakes, small ponds and reed marshes dotted the land, as far as the eye could see. Small wooded copses created an endless patchwork pattern of dark green through which the glint of water shone; an ever changing jewelled tapestry. In the far distance the faint smudge of deep green suggested the rise of further hills beyond the plain. High overhead gulls called to one another as they floated on currents high above, their song intermingling with that of the curlews in the carrs and glens below. Ragged clouds swept across the pale sun, casting racing shadows on the ground as the wind hurried them along.

Half way across the vale, surrounded by a near circular wood, rose a small hill in the centre of which sat the Howe, the greenway heading straight for this ancient landmark. The road was enclosed with a high hedge until it rose out of the distant wood. Here a processional entryway had once been marked by standing stones, long since fallen and overgrown, to leave green mounds and hollows in their place. The Howe itself, a sacred circle, was barely visible, a small rise surrounding the hollow all that remained, as around it the wind sent waves zipping across the sea of grass.

From their vantage point Freya could see the precinct was clear of other visitors, no other travellers visible on the greenway. She puffed out a sigh of relief, no one to object to her putting the Howe to its long forgotten use. Her eyes swept along the sides of the greenway, she needed some supplies.

“Hazel.”

“What?”

Freya hadn’t meant to speak aloud, but with both of them looking it should be quicker, and Rue’s eyes were sharper than hers.

“Keep an eye out for some Hazel. And some ragwort, it’ll be difficult to spot this time of year.” Freya explained.

“So you’re using the circle? I thought you said it was risky.” Rue turned, eyes clouded and brow tensed. Freya paused, wondering how much to share. A smile flashed across her face as she stood, lifting an arm to rest on Rues shoulder and pulling her to her feet.

“It is, but I need to put a few calls out so we can figure out what’s best to do, can’t stay on our own. Come on,” she added, turning and clutching the loose rope that trailed behind the grazing pony. Tugging its head up she pulled it forwards, even as it fought for one last mouthful of fragrant grass to add to that already hanging from its jaw. As she set off down the slope Rue fell into step beside her.

“What if it draws attention? We can’t hide when you’re scrying,” she pointed out. She was right; any attempt to use the circles power would reveal them in their true natures. It was typical of Rue to be the one trying to protect her.

“The Howe is a haven and anyway, needs must,” Freya said. “Now enough chat. I won’t be doing anything if we don’t find those plants.”

It's strange to think I missed all of this! I think I was crippled during this time and couldn't get to a computer, because as soon as I could I was brought here by Eldo! Anyway, I much prefer being told what happened, it seems much more interesting when fan-fictionized