Tales of Home [8]

Norc wrote:... but i think newborns are really cute and i kinda want one.

Ah, there's the insidious hook. I actually have no use for newborns, but find teenagers to be great fun. They're able to appreciate the same things I do, but are more excitable and have a whole new take on things. The younger they are the shorter doses I can take.

My sister had her first at age 41 and the second at age 45. Mind boggling. But their dad has been a very good father, working from home for the most part. Very much a two person job.

mjeeh... so weird. i have never had smaller siblings, just me and my twin. Also all our cousins are about the same age as us, the oldest being one year older and the three youngest around 2-3 years younger. So i have never really gotten used to being around small children and babies. I have a friend who suddenly got four smaller siblings at an age of 14 and i kinda hung around with them, but again, i have never been a very caring person or used to kids in general, the confuse me and i always make them cry. i played with dolls yes, when i was little, but i don't think i did during elementary school. i have too much imagination. and now, i have no education, no future-plans, no idea what i will be doing come fall, yet i feel this inside clock being like "a baby would be fun" and it bares absolutely no logic to the realistic world around me and where i am in life. it's pure instincts and hormones being "this is the perfect time". it is so fucking weird! i see babie clothes and newborns at cafes and something inside me is like "aw i want that"... and i fucking nest, not baby things, but like house things. spatulas, table cloths, rugs, cutlery, cups... boring stuff. I need to sit down and have a long chat with my ovaries. i am generally scared that if i fall pregnant by accident i'm gonna be strangely ok with it, but basically.. i am too young and can barely take care of myself, and i have zero education and an immensly big studentloan. can someone explain this? what has happened to society that i am nowhere an adult life yet my body is like "babies now"...?! I DON'T WANT ONE! maybe it's my inner insecurities about future and what i'll be in terms of persona and occupation, that my body is like "yo, imma do the choosing for you, just be a little careless and you definitely be a mom the rest of your life. there. planning. purpose". but i want to find my own purpose.. not just "whhooops ok then"..

lol k bye i have a paper, no two papers, to write..!

I was going to say that men don't think about babies until they are in full secure nesting mode, but then I realized it's cultural.

The way I know it's cultural is from Africa, where it was a mark of manhood to scatter babies about. The Senior Prefect of the missionary school where I taught, a very good student, gave his farewell speech in which he referred to the legacy he was proud to leave behind at the school, including the many babies he'd fathered (on several different young women). Yes, he said that in his speech. The missionaries sat stone-faced, but you could tell they were inwardly cringing and thunking palms to foreheads.

Norc wrote:btw speaking of kids... i see Squatch is turning 18... i can't get my head around that one.. wasn't she like 13 just now? i feel so old.. i mean.. Squatch is the age i was when i joined the forum, or.. i was 17.. but still whaaaat!!

I noticed that last night and it made me feel old too.

yeah you lot are simply ancient.



Norc just stick to education, if you had a kid then changed your mind you cant put them back on the shelf, you would be stuck with it for the next 18 years. or longer. don't do it for another decade.

haha yeah we're ancient

no, Figg, I agree. no baby. but my body is still betraying me. but i don't like kids... it's horrible.

My advice ? Live a little. Being a parent is truly forever, even when the child is all grown & with a family of their own, they are still your child I love my brood I really do but, with hindsight, live a bit & be YOU for a while find out who you really are & try to embrace life & love it ! If you can love life & yourself because of the things you've done or achieved you will be a better parent I'm sure. You never want regrets tagging you along the way, whishing youde done this or that, thinking your now too old, "" oh why didn't I do it sooner"" . Do those things now & get that itch out of your system then you can settle with your soul, ( I cant spell conscience )

I don't think Norc was feeling tempted so much as betrayed by a body which was trying to tempt her. No need to advise her not to have kids.

I get that Halfy I was just letting off steam a little, shouting at the wind

that harrowing an experience, was it?

ps: I can't spell "conscience" or whatever either, until I realize it means "with science", which makes no damn sense whatsoever.

I found having kittens fulfilled my maternal instinct. far less painful too.

Nearly every woman I know who decided not to have kids has a house full of cats.

And those who HAD kids fill up with cats after they're gone.

hahah thanks Azriel i do i agree, halfy has gotten my point correctly and in much fewer word, my body is betraying me x)

I still feel to young to think about babies.

the male biological clock is not wound as tight as the female.

And our instincts seem to be a bit more scattershot.

i don't think men has that same instinct at all, simply because of the reason that theu can produce babies until they die. no rush.

{{{ Biologically a man might be able to reproduce till death but its not so straight forward as that- the clock still ticks just on different things. For a start you need a viable womb- older you get harder that is going to be to find unless your also rich, that seems to work!
Secondly there is the big issue of capability- if I had a child now for example by time they were sixteen Id be in my 60's. If I wait another ten year in my 70's.
Are you able to have the quality time with them? Will you even be physically and mentally fit enough to care for them? Teach them, and do the things you want, play football, camping trips up mountains or whatever it is at that age. Will you be able to relate to what in effect would normally be the generation of your grandchildren not your children?
So whilst the biological clock might not tick so strong, the practical and possible one certainly does }}}

Yeah, what Petty said.

men have the instinct to mate, but we're not really aware of what it's about until the kid pops out. then there's fierce protectiveness: not out of possessiveness, but from the rather surprising realization that the little tyke's actually really cute. I don't think it registers until after the fact. Not speaking from direct experience, more from what I've observed.

I do think men do have the settling bug as well. Or at least, that I feel something in that vein. Although, obviously there will be individual differences. How much of it biological and how much is societal, I am not sure. Human beings are one of not many species that widely practise sex outside the remits of reproduction, which seems to point to some gained distance from the one sided reproductive aim a lot of early evolutive theory espoused. I do think the settling down, reproducing is a basic part of the human condition, but it's obviously hard to judge when you only have yourself to go on.

Pettytyrant101 wrote:{{{ Biologically a man might be able to reproduce till death but its not so straight forward as that- the clock still ticks just on different things. For a start you need a viable womb- older you get harder that is going to be to find unless your also rich, that seems to work!
Secondly there is the big issue of capability- if I had a child now for example by time they were sixteen Id be in my 60's. If I wait another ten year in my 70's.
Are you able to have the quality time with them? Will you even be physically and mentally fit enough to care for them? Teach them, and do the things you want, play football, camping trips up mountains or whatever it is at that age. Will you be able to relate to what in effect would normally be the generation of your grandchildren not your children?
So whilst the biological clock might not tick so strong, the practical and possible one certainly does }}}

yes but the fact still stands. a man can become a father at 45-55, even 60 (i know people my age who has a father around late 65-70), for a woman, not so much. The factors you mention are all "outer" factors, set up by society and what is expected of a man, e.g. a reliable income and structure and relativilly young and healthy --> become a father. For a woman it isn't that easy. Obviously 13-year olds can get pregnant, but the prime of fertility is the 20s-30s. late 30, 40, 50, suddenly the chances of getting pregnant drops. therefore the instincts kicks in relativily early, 20-30s. Obviously it's different for everyone. But i do believe that the "baby-gene" kicks in in women a lot sooner, and that it is later or even missing in most men. Some men are of course family oriented and prepared, but also more pragmatic. they prepare, but i don't think it is until the baby is relativily present that the father-instinct kicks in, not years before there even is a baby.

I kinda agree with Blue. It's not all "nature", but i think the reason why humans (among other species) have sex outside of breething is because one can. life is good, and consuequenses arent that bad and we can control it. but this is a whole nother spectrum i believe. i'de like to discuss that too, but i haven't read much on the subject (only know from first hand experience). But i find it interesting when subjects on how men and women relate differently to sex. For example (and i am paraphrasing and there is no sourcing here sorry), i read this though, it is scienty, women connect more during sex, and are much more depending on feeling safe and comfortable prior to sex, while men (not that they sex around feelingless) but they see sex more of a conformation to love, not "making" the love there and then. i dunno if that made any sense at all. but i believe there is a difference. and it is superinteresting. i also do believe that things are changing, because we are not cave-people anymore, and haven't been for a long time, but the human brain and different sexes, we are different. we think different. I am a feminist and do believe in equal rights and that boys should be allowed to cry and be mushy, but i also strongly believe that, deep down in our ancient DNA, we are wired differently.

I'm very done with babies, but get all googligoo if there's one around I can borrow for a bit.

Also, we already have cats, what the next step after that?

Amarië wrote:I'm very done with babies, but get all googligoo if there's one around I can borrow for a bit.

Also, we already have cats, what the next step after that?

Next step is the kids want rabbits and rats and hamsters or a puppy.
you have two kids?

watching this at the moment: (procrastinating)

Amarië wrote:I'm very done with babies, but get all googligoo if there's one around I can borrow for a bit.

Also, we already have cats, what the next step after that?

Once the kids leave, you get more cats.