what sort of jokes can I get away with? [3]

A bus full of Nuns falls of a cliff and they all die.
They arrive at the gates of heaven and meet St. Peter. St. Peter says to them "Sisters, welcome to Heaven. In a moment I will let you all though the pearly gates, but before I may do that, I must ask each of you a single question. Please form a single-file line." And they do so.
St. Peter turns to the first Nun in the line and asks her "Sister, have you ever touched a penis?"
The Sister Responds "Well... there was this one time... that I kinda sorta... touched one with the tip of my pinky finger..."
St. Peter says "Alright Sister, now dip the tip of your pinky finger in the Holy Water, and you may be admitted." and she did so.
St. Peter now turns to the second nun and says "Sister, have you ever touched a penis?" "Well.... There was this one time... that I held one for a moment..."
"Alright Sister, now just wash your hands in the Holy Water, and you may be admitted" and she does so.
Now at this, there is a noise, a jostling in the line. It seems that one nun is trying to cut in front of another! St. Peter sees this and asks the Nun "Sister Susan, what is this? There is no rush!"
Sister Susan responds "Well if I'm going to have to gargle this stuff, I'd rather do it before Sister Mary sticks her arse in it!"

{{This years top jokes as voted for by the public form the Edinburgh Fringe Festival-

• "I had a job drilling holes for water - it was well boring" - Leo Kearse
  
• "I took out a loan to pay for an exorcism. If I don't pay it back, I'm going to get repossessed" - Olaf Falafel
  
• "In my last relationship, I hated being treated like a piece of meat. She was a vegan and refused to touch me" - Daniel Audritt
  
• "What do colour blind people do when they are told to eat their greens?" - Flo and Joan
  
• "I've got a new job collecting all the jumpers left in the park at the weekends, but it's not easy. They keep moving the goalposts" - Darren Walsh
  
• "Trump said he'd build a wall but he hasn't even picked up a brick. He's just another middle-aged man failing on a DIY project" - Justin Moorhouse
  
• "I lost a friend after we had an argument about the Tardis. I thought it was a little thing, but it seemed much bigger once we got into it" - Adele Cliff
  
• "Why are they calling it Brexit and not The Great British Break Off?" - Alex Edelman
  
• "I think love is like central heating. You turn it on before guests arrive and pretend it's like this all the time" - Laura Lexx
  

And this years winning joke-

"Working at the Jobcentre has to be a tense job - knowing that if you get fired, you still have to come in the next day." }}}

I like the exorcism one best

{{No prizes for guessing my favourite! }}

Its blue isn't it

The Tardis I mean

News: An Amazon tribe has been discovered that has had no contact with the outside world.

Will somebody ask them when my parcel is being delivered.

{{{   Larson isnt it? Used to love his stuff when I was younger }}

My wife accused me of being a transvestite, so I packed her things and left

I saw a dwarf using a rope to get over the prison wall yesterday.

I thought 'that's a little condescending.

Went to my porn star reunion last night.

It was good to come across some old faces again.

The last one took a few seconds to register.

halfwise wrote:The last one took a few seconds to register.

Thats the one i like the most. I'm still laughing

Life is about changing perspectives and priorities:

I used to worry if one of my hairs was out of place, now I don't care if they both are.

Why did Beethoven get rid of his chickens?

All they said was "Bach, Bach, Bach.."