In theatres: 'Desolation of Smaug' | SPOILERS

I'm starting to think there isnt enough buckie in the universe to prepare me for witnessing this travesty.

To anyone who's seen the movie: am I wrong in thinking that Bilbo is not being ironic when he speaks to Smaug, as in the book?

He's so scared he's about to piss his pants, which I can understand when he chooses not to put his ring back on when it for some reason decides to slip from his finger. Undoubtedly the ring considered Smaug's claw a better place to live. Another piece of Tolkien's finest writing ruined. I just looked at my signature and wished for a moment that Churchill had been around to tell Jackson to stay away. Leave it as it is. You cannot improve it - oh, how it applies

Guh.

So much lost indeed. Some because these movies come after the other movies (so they kind of have to play up all the ring stuff), but most of it because PJ sucks.

To be honest I was too busy putting my coat on and trying to find my bag/water bottle/sweets/ in the dark to really notice the Bilbo Smaug stuff, and I dont know what happened after the Thorin threatening Bilbo stuff, cos I left, so maybe someone can tell me what happened next. Also I didnt see it in English so Cumberbunds voice was missing, so it seemed a bit dull. But its true, there are probably literally about two things true to the book, Beorns Bees and Bilbo in the treetops thats about it.

fake edit. they EVEN fuck up the finding of the door. they for some reason set up a fake thing where they think that the map hasnt worked because the keyhole isnt revealed in the wall. so they all trudge off in despair until Bilbo realizes its not sunlight but moonlight that opens the door or some such tosh. Theres no Roac or any giant snails. That great bit in the book where Smaug smashes the door and they are all trapped inside I dont know if thats missing, I may have missed it.

The dwarves all arrive (well, what's left of the company - let us not forget the two that remained in Laketown to tend to Kili's wound and Bofur who missed the boat because he drank too much the night before), and a show that exceeds even Goblin Town begins. Smaug chases them through all the halls, the dwarves and Bilbo fall from great heights, are slammed into walls and get to practice their carnival acts. They end up in what must be the main hall where Thorin and the dwarves uncoveres a giant golden statue of a dwarf, presumably Thror or Thrain, that melts for no reason at all, covering Smaug in liquid gold (well done, Jackson, you made a reference to Smaug the Golden). This pisses Smaug off and he flies off to Laketown. The movie ends there, so they went with the Harry Potter thing - starting the last film off with a bang, as the third film most likely will begin with Smaug destroying Laketown.

  glad I missed that bit.

I just have no words. I almost can't believe this is all as stupid as it sounds.

My main problem was boredom. I just couldnt stick it. I felt nothing for the characters. The way they ripped the heart and soul out of the book just turned me cold

Pettytyrant101 wrote:The Whole thing is one giant fuckfest and an insult to Tolkien.- Mrs Figg


Well at least there is a silver lining- a PJ film we can agree on Mrs Figg!

yeah thats a bit of a shocker isnt it   

Mrs Figg wrote:My main problem was boredom. I just couldnt stick it. I felt nothing for the characters. The way they ripped the heart and soul out of the book just turned me cold

It's a straight-up exploitation of a beloved children's classic and I don't care what anyone else says to the contrary.

Well, I'm certainly glad peole are this passionate about Tolkien. My anger about the movies has slightly dissipated though, which is strange remembering how angry I was about AUJ. I just don't see the movies as having all that much to do with the Hobbit anymore.

When i get around to seeing the movie I'll probably just laugh my way through like Norc.

Maybe I need a crabbit infusion. Any tips, Petty?   

I think the Cat in the Hat with Michael Myers took fewer liberties than PJ's Hobbit movies.

Maybe I need a crabbit infusion. Any tips, Petty?- Blue

Reread the book before going to see it so is fresh in your mind.
Drink enough buckie to become aggressively enthusiastic, but not enough to pass out.
And put an elastic band round your testicles just to keep you on edge   

I applaud your crabbit, Mrs Figg and Ringdrotten! I'm still going to go see the film tomorrow and try to sit through the whole thing, though. Only 15 more hours of waiting!

I'm actually really excited because I have to see this kind of craziness with my own eyes to entirely believe it.

Yeah, some of that stuff seems completely outrageous.

Good to see petty and everyone is still fighting the good fight. I haven't been on here for quite a while after getting my aaaaaaaaaaargh! out after seeing the expected misadventure installment of the Jackhole's trashing of a classic JRR work. I have looked in here at forumshire a few times lately and had a few good laughs and I thank you all for them. I just have one question... I have read The Hobbit many many times since I was a teen and I am confused. What do these beings have to do with The Hobbit story?      



Just in case this link fails it is the image on page one of this thread showing Leggy and some elf chick in a Hobbit movie poster....

I had no plan of going to "The Handsome Dwarf 2" movie, but now I think I am sufficiently empty of any good expectations whatsoever that I may go see it - (for free because I WILL NOT give my money to that arrogant clueless ass)-

At this point it is entertainment of sorts to see the depths of PJ s  cluelessness ... a comedy of sorts in a sick kind of way. Peace to all and to all a good night.

I've avoided reading your spoilery bits Figgy because I didn't want to spoil too much of it for myself. I read one thing and my stomach dropped. I'm about to leave to get some food and then seats. I hope I don't feel the need to leave the theater half way through!!!!!! I mean I will but I hope I pay attention enough to be able to write a review...
Like I said, I think I'm going to write two, a Liberal, strictly film related review, and then a crabbit one.
More to come soon!

Good to see you back again Music.

As a rough guide from what has been gleaned so far the general answer to your question is that nothing in this film has anything to do with TH book save character names and place names being used.   

Hope you continue to drop by Forumshire.


Tin-  the way things are going I suspect both reviews will turn out crabbit!

But I look forward to reading them both.

Music of the Ainur wrote:I had no plan of going to "The Handsome Dwarf 2" movie, but now I think I am sufficiently empty of any good expectations whatsoever that I may go see it - (for free because I WILL NOT give my money to that arrogant clueless ass)

I like the cut of your jib!

Ya know, I was so very pissed about the first TH that I just had to walk out of the theater for a while to collect myself and then I went home and got online and posted my rants at several sites in an attempt to strike some glory off of PJ s arrogant face but now I am sort of looking forward to seeing TH2.

It has become a comedy of sorts... a dark unhealthy kind perhaps but I don't think he can piss me off anymore than he already has. I don't think he can surprise me again with his nearly infinite appearing foolishness.

I will have to exert epic self control to not just laugh through the whole thing and ruin it for everyone else. Fool me once shame on you Peter, Fool me 5 times and it is I who is a fool.

But inside I still can't help but wish that someone could have actually done JRR the honor his tales are due.

Music of the Ainur wrote:
But inside I still can't help but wish that someone could have actually done JRR the honor his tales are due.

That's the part that gets me.
Jackson said it himself that he's not adapting the Hobbit but rather making prequels to his lotr trilogy. I shouldn't care anymore about his adaptation; it's true I don't really care what happens in his films too much anymore, but it all seems like a big waste. While Jackson pisses away a good opportunity to properly adapt the work, the rights remain locked up with it. If he wants to make some farce, fine. But I want an adaptation of the Hobbit in the meantime. So hurry up and be done already so someone else can make an adaptation!
(Hopefully a good one too   )

Last weekend I mentioned in another thread that I had tried to rewatch AUJ, but stopped at the halfway disc break point on the DVD cause it was too boring and I was too tired.  Well, I finally got around to watching disc two since I wanted to have seen the whole film before DOS.  It's bad.  It's not quite as bad as the first disc since it's not as crushingly boring, but it's still a dull, lifeless film with absurd action beats, a nonsensical shadow of a plot, and very, very little in the way of emotional storytelling or character moments.  Honestly, I'll probably rewatch both this and DOS before the final film comes out, but unless the latter two films represent a major step up in quality (doubtful) I don't see myself returning to AUJ at any point beyond that for the foreseeable future.  And I say this as someone who used to rewatch the entire LOTR trilogy about once every six months.

I am still curious to see how DOS turned out with my own eyes, though. I'll get to starting 12 hours from now.

Ringdrotten wrote:fu/ow#qi`=(")=#/!()%/"9+21uyb57pv 8ylqh<NIq FUCK YUOU JACKSON

That's the biggest outburst I've seen from Ringo ever since I joined the site.   

This must be 10 times as bad as I was thinking it would be.

And hopefully my last, Bungo I still felt disappointed when I woke up this morning, but I intend to forget what I saw last night and go to work today as if nothing happened yesterday.

"And I say this as someone who used to rewatch the entire LOTR trilogy about once every six months." - Eldo

Take it from someone who used to rewatch it once a month a few years back - I'm not seeing the third, and DOS I won't watch again if I can help it, and that's because I don't want to hear any more reused LotR dialogue or risk seeing any more LotR characters that shouldn't be there. I don't want the first trilogy to be ruined as well.