Critics review 'An Unexpected Journey'

What up all!

It was trash! It was great! I can't make up my mind....

Just visiting from Bree!

Hi koriagin, welcome to Forumshire!

I suspect you will find people here (some of whom you've undoubtedly met before on Bree) who will agree with both of those statements.

Welcome to Forumshire.

Yes you will find a few familar faces here from Bree. I do hope you choose to frequent both places as many do.

Not exactly a critical review, but Cracked.com brought in a regular contributor to write "If The Hobbit Was 10 Times Shorter and 100 Times More Honest". They do this for a lot of movies and I enjoy them.

http://www.cracked.com/article_20315_if-hobbit-was-10-times-shorter-100-times-more-honest.html

koriagin wrote:What up all!

It was trash! It was great! I can't make up my mind....

Just visiting from Bree!

It comes in pints ?
I'm getting one

it had me at:

Once upon a time, a city of dwarfs built a completely unsustainable economy based on gathering precious raw materials and then keeping them. To avoid the debt ceiling, they dug deep fiscal cliffs into the earth, until the city was finally conquered by the great and terrible dragon Cleverdick Humphersnatch.

That was excellent Eldo- so much good stuff.

Eldorion wrote:Not exactly a critical review, but Cracked.com brought in a regular contributor to write "If The Hobbit Was 10 Times Shorter and 100 Times More Honest". They do this for a lot of movies and I enjoy them.

http://www.cracked.com/article_20315_if-hobbit-was-10-times-shorter-100-times-more-honest.html

That was brilliant. BRILLIANT. All my thoughts about the movie (except llama-ponies), written down by someone else. Freaky. I didn't even realise people noticed some of that stuff (Galadriel's fucking dress, Ian Holm the blob of makeup, the "we'll kill the hobbit or we'll kill you all" troll standoff etc.

But now I'm really depressed, I really wanted to love this movie like I did (most of) the LotR trilogy. I felt, at least with much of the visuals and sentiment, the films were in line with my vision of the book (in an almost spooky way). But this felt so far removed from the book I know and love it was more excruciating than watching Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire. Might go back and watch the Rankin and Bass version of the Hobbit just to cheer myself up a bit...

I'm glad you guys enjoyed the abridged screenplay.

MeikoElektra wrote:Might go back and watch the Rankin and Bass version of the Hobbit just to cheer myself up a bit...

Now that is a stinging rebuke of PJ!

more excruciating than watching Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire.

that was harsh..

MARTIN FREEMAN
Dick move, Ian. Dick move.
IAN MCKELLEN
Lalala, I'm three studios away and I can't hear you.

That is the worst chase sequence I've ever seen. How is it possible for special effects to look less convincing than they did 10 years ago?

Ah, that's only because you don't have the latest backlit touchscreen RuneReader, as I do. Observe!

Welcome, Ian. Did you like how I turned in place, creating a pretty spiral pattern with my crazy long dress? If you missed it, don't worry, I do it in every fucking shot.



thats f-ing funny

it's the best fucking shit I've ever read in like bloody ever, fucking hell, it's goddamn genius.

My favourite three bits that sum up everything wrong with TH film-

1. PJ's changes make no sense!

EVIL TROLLS
Now listen up, dwarfs, three of whom are also us! If you fight, we'll kill Martin; but if you surrender, we'll eat all of you, including Martin.

RICHARD ARMITAGE
Well that is the stupidest choice ever, no way will we ...
(surrenders)
Goddammit.

2. No sense of danger ay any point

Half the dwarfs get BODY SLAMMED by 20 TONS OF ROCK but are FINE. Then they all trip a FLOOR TRAP and fall 10 MILES DOWN A JAGGED STONE PIT and are still TOTALLY FINE...MARTIN and the GOBLIN fall ANOTHER 10 MILES DOWN A ROCKY CREVASSE, but MARTIN lands on a TWO-INCH MUSHROOM and is ENTIRELY, UTTERLY, NOT EVEN A FUCKING SCRATCH, FINE.....Then everyone falls ANOTHER 30 MILES and the 12-ton GOBLIN KING falls ON TOP OF THEM and THE EMPIRE STATE BUILDING, TOO, WHY THE FUCK NOT.

3. Sloppy sloppy character development.

MARTIN FREEMAN (hesitates, frowns)
Literally not one hour ago, I specifically mentioned that I've never handled a sword before, and I'm holding my own against a fucking monster. This is just lazy.

RICHARD ARMITAGE

Martin, you showed great courage, and I now respect you.

MARTIN FREEMAN (hesitates, frowns)
Meaning both of our character arcs have been compressed into one film. You would think, with TWO MORE TO GO, they could've given that a little more time to develop.

RICHARD ARMITAGE
Well, we still have to get all the way to the Lonely Mountain ...

KEN STOTT
Hey, there it is.

RICHARD ARMITAGE
Aw fuck.



Pure genius and truth combined.

yeah its sad but true. All of it.

I like Goblet of Fire at least Yates didnt direct it.

Now I remember who s. Mc Coy reminds me of, (as Radagast) "Bootstrap Bill" from POTC ! similar makeup & vacant look on his face !
"if the hobbit was 10 times shorter" is the most honest report of the film so far ! give THAT guy an Oscar! Fav lines for me ? god, theres so many ! Did like
"Peter Jackson, (curled up half asleep on a giant pile of money) Huhmm ? George Lucas. its ok Peter, go back to sleep.
to it all !

so sad.. so saad.. it's a sad sad situatioooons....

So I'm trying to figure out some of the movie logic here. Why was everyone saying the elves would be against the journey to Erebor? Ignoring the fact that it's not in the book, why would the elves care?

I have a sinking feeling the only justification would be that "oh, they need everyone lined up against them to create tension". But I'm wondering if anyone has a logical reason for it?

I'm still trying to figure out. Saruman's reason for being so scornful of the Quest is similarly unexplained. One would think that, if the Elves cared at all, they'd appreciate the opportunity to see Smaug destroyed. The Mirkwood Elves obviously have their own reasons but Elrond and the Rivendell Elves seem to lack a motivation other than "the plot demands it".

maybe they didnt like the thought of the Dwarves stiring up trouble with a dragon.

halfwise wrote:So I'm trying to figure out some of the movie logic here. Why was everyone saying the elves would be against the journey to Erebor? Ignoring the fact that it's not in the book, why would the elves care?

I have a sinking feeling the only justification would be that "oh, they need everyone lined up against them to create tension". But I'm wondering if anyone has a logical reason for it?

Same reason the elves are seen not doing anything when Smaug descends.
Setting them up as the villains = tension. Or something

What really bothers me is the way it's presented: "There are some who would not think it wise", as though there is some deep philosophical reason for it.

I'm really thinking I'll have to buy the extended edition of the hobbit just to see if they explain themselves. I bought the EE for LoTR out of admiration (despite my frequent complaints), but the Hobbit will be bought just because I keep going "what the hell were they thinking?" and they may actually tell me.

I will probably buy them all, think i have at least 6 copies of lotr's

I have the EEs on both DVD and Blu-ray but I've never owned the theatrical cuts. I've been tempted to buy them so I can watch them in comparison but I can't justify the cost.

I haven't decided what to do for The Hobbit, but like Halfwise I'm curious to see what they do with the EE. That said, the theatrical cut was bloated enough and I don't want to encourage PJ's worst habits.

Eldorion wrote: I don't want to encourage PJ's worst habits.

Well put. I really don't know what could be in the EE's.