Re: 3Rd Annual Forumshire Awards Discussion Thread

[CC12 35]

dolan would

[David H]

Rangers poo outside.

[halfwise]

So long as you have enough natural space to yourself pooing and peeing outdoors is more environmentally friendly than flushing down a few gallons of fresh water.

I know more than one person living in the country with house rules that guys have to pee outdoors (usually against the hedge). I can see pooing becoming troublesome, admittedly.

[Mrs Figg]

the thing I dont like about pooing outdoors is that you can easily wobble on your haunches and fall and stumble or roll in poo. If you will.

[azriel]

men are so lucky,they just stand nonchalantly against an unsuspecting shrub. WE have to squat like bloody chickens !

[David H]

So I haven't told a story to embarrass myself for a while, and this seems like an appropriate topic.

About 20 years ago my climbing buddy and I set out to climb Mt Rainier, 14,400 ft (4.400m).

The standard route is to climb up to the Ingraham glacier at about 11,000ft the first day, then wait for loose rockfalls above to freeze in the night, leaving several hours before dawn by headlamp so you can get to the summit shortly after sunrise. That way you can get back down across the likely rockfall and avalanche parts before the afternoon softens things again.

The trip took about 20 hours from the time we started climbingtill the time we got back to the truck with a 2 hour nap fully dressed in a light sleepingbag on an open glacier. A bit grueling, spectacularly beautiful, but of course no toilets.....

Above 12,000 ft we were huffing and puffing in the thin air. We'd take 100 counted steps, roped together in case of a fall, then take a 5 minute break to try to get oxygen again. the exertion, the thin air and the diet had my guts growling. As we approached the summit crater we were down to 50 steps and rest, exhausted and badly needing to poo, but on a narrow path on a steep snow face there was literally no way to do it except in the middle of the trail with others coming right behind.

When we finally crawled over the rim and into the shelter of the crater the view was indescribable, but I really only had one thing on my mind.....

There were about half a dozen climbers who had gotten up ahead of us, so I looked for any discrete spot to do what was needed, but there was almost nothing!

The only cover at all was a pair of large boulders on one side of the crater. I walked nonchalantly around, squatted down as if to inspect them, then ducked behind and started frantically peeling layers to get the relevant bits exposed

I instantly felt 1000 times better! I could then take time to admire the view, take some pictures, and sign in at the Climbers' Register, a book maintained by the climbing clubs and secured in a metal box attached to a famous landmark named Register Rock.....Rock.....ROCK!

[David H]

the thing I dont like about pooing outdoors is that you can easily wobble on your haunches and fall and stumble or roll in poo. If you will.

Far better outside than on a Chinese train for that. They have squatting slabs and the trains rock and roll....

[Mrs Figg]

moral of the story Dave. Dont be so Derring Do climbing glaciers.

Trains. that reminds me, I actually have a poo story.
and its not pleasant.
Me and my friend were travelling round Europe Eurorailing, and we ran out of cash round about Nice. We had to get back to England as soon as possible because we literally had no money for anything other than sandwiches. So we decided to get a train and stay put til the french port. We missed the fast train and had to get a local chugger that stopped at every station for 5 minutes. Anyway eating nowt but coffee and stale sarnies gave me a dicky tummy, and I got Montesumas Revenge of epic proportions. It was awful.
The bloody train had no toilet.
So when the train stopped at the station I legged it off the train, squatted on the platform and let rip. Up panted, and ran back on the train.
As the train left the station all I saw was a line of shocked French faces.

[halfwise]

I can't match either of those. I feel so inadequate.

[Eldorion]

men are so lucky,they just stand nonchalantly against an unsuspecting shrub. WE have to squat like bloody chickens !

I can't speak for any of the other guys here, but I certainly don't poo while standing -- nonchalantly or otherwise.

[chris63]

You should try it Eldo, its great fun

[David H]

As the train left the station all I saw was a line of shocked French faces.

Good story Mrs Figg. I didn't know it was possible to shock the French!

[Pettytyrant101]

This is why people shouldnt travel.

[azriel]

This thread has set me up for the rest of the day ! I had to laugh at the stories ! The only thing Ive done is.. I was out late with a friend one night & DYING for a "whizz"! We stopped at a petrol station,which I thought was closed for the night. I ran behind the kiosk & "whizzed" to my hearts content ! Ah,the relief, as I made a smoothly running RIVER of "you know what", I strolled back round only to see several people filling up their cars,all looking at the river 1st,then me, & giving me such dirty looks! It was quite a LONG river heading straight for the feet of the 1st person, Then I noticed,as I dashed into my friends van, that the toilets were just opposite & OPEN !

[Norc]

men are so lucky,they just stand nonchalantly against an unsuspecting shrub. WE have to squat like bloody chickens !

I can't speak for any of the other guys here, but I certainly don't poo while standing -- nonchalantly or otherwise.

who teh bloody fuck norced this thread without me noticing it!?

[Norc]

oh.. it was David... hehe.. omg.. that story xD...

(though I know a worse one and it|s true, about a busdriver)

[azriel]

PLEASE do tell Norc ! youve got me curious now !

[halfwise]

Actually Norc, if you look back far enough this was Figgy's first norcing.

but just because you let one slip through your fingers doesn't mean you can't play along and tell your story.

[Norc]

well, that wasn't my plan, but now that I got time, fine.

Once upon a time there was a busdriver. He drow the long route busses, the ones going over mountains and miles and miles and miles.... which only people living far away from anything interesting uses. One day there was a terrible day, not too terrible to drive a bus though, but still rather windy and snowy and cold and.. yeah. you get the point. Welcome to the wonderful norwegian wilderness (if you've seen into the white, or just the trailer, you know what I am referring to here.) So the man drove his route. When he got to a cross point he went and ate some dinner, as you do before heading towards a long mountain pass. Did I mention that it was late and few people were on the bus? yeah, it was. He had delivered all his passengers, so he enjoyed the food happily. Then set off. On the mountain passing there was terrible wind and the snow whirled up and a foul weather indeed. He had to drive carefully so to not miss the road. Then suddenly. He felt the hot, burning, aweful need to relief himself. Not that kind of way, spare me your perversed thoughts, no he had to take a shit. His initial thought was to try and make it to the nearest petrolstation or something like that, but it was a mountain passing remember and it would take for ever. So the next thought was to stop the bus and give nature a little present. So he did, but the moment he opened the doors, he changed his mind. He looked around the bus. Well, it was empty, it was only him. So he folded out a paper and did .. a great shit. He packed it, now I don't remember if he threw it out, I believe he did, but .. well.. the wind, I am not sure. Most likely he threw it out. Then he continued his journy... then... having past the mountain passing.. his heart sank into the lower end of his ankles as he heard a "ding"..

[Mrs Figg]

uh oh! that ding!

[Mrs Figg]

I have another wee story.
I used to work in a US art school when I first moved here and I got friendly with some of the students. One night we all went out in my car to a concert miles off, and the students got really bladdered on cheap wine and got a bit naughty. One of the girls wound down the back window of my car and stuck her bum out the window. ha ha! I thought, she is doing a moon. No she was having a pee, and the wind changed and we all got sprayed. true story.

[Norc]

EWWWWWW!!!!

(what kind of teatcher are you? getting that friendly with ur students..)

[Eldorion]

I can't really compare to that. Once, when I was younger, I got sick while I was in the car (too young to drive; I was in the back seat) and rolled down the window to try to throw up through the window. No one else in the car realized what was going on at first and I ended up getting vomit over most of the back of the car and my clothes. I don't remember where we were trying to go but we didn't get there that day.

[Norc]

hehe..loool xD

[leelee]

Very true Halfwise!

"I have noticed each of you step up to the plate to comfort, console, rejoice with, argue passionatly with"- leelee

Well 1 out of 4 aint bad is it?

Did I say something wrong? If I did, please forgive me.

Leelee - your list included 3 sensitive, caring attributes plus "argue passionately with". Petty was showing appreciation for not being left out of your list!

Thank you Halvsie, I am so out of it after graveyard shift.I thought I broke some kind of code. But I must say Petty is very sensitive ,loyal , comforting, consoling, there is proof on the just whatever thread from a tiny wee bit ago. He was there for me in my dark hour. And he has cats he loves very much and .........well you get it. What a relief I did not do something worthy of Julia's wrath. She is dear to me.