what sort of jokes can I get away with?

How does a squirrel keep his nuts dry in the winter? ??...........

Swims on his back :-P

Whats the difference between Snowmen & Snow women ?
..Snowballs !

There was a baby born in the hospital and he weighed ten pounds. The odd thing about him was his body weighed five pounds and his balls weighed five pounds. All the nurses and even the doctor didn't know what to do with him.

Then, the chief surgeon walked in and asked what was wrong. The head nurse replied, ''We don't know what to do with this baby.''

So the chief surgeon took one look and said, "You should put him into a mental institution."

''Why?' asked the head nurse.

"Well," replied the chief surgeon, "take a look at him. The boy is obviously half nuts."

a joke about apartied and Moses

s***!

you say that,Mrs Figg, but it goes on ! Gawd knows WHO your talking to, I mean........ Forumshire ?
(lol !!! )

His name should av been Johnny. lol

A man and his wife are awakened at 3 o'clock in the morning by a loud pounding on the door. The man gets up and goes to the door where a drunken stranger stands in the pouring down rain.

"Can you give me a push?" he asks while hanging onto the door frame.

"Not a chance" says the husband -- "It's 3 o'clock in the morning!". He slams the door and returns to bed.

"Who was it?" asks his wife.

"Just some drunk wanting a push" he answers.

"Did you help him?" she asks.

"No, I didn't -- it's three in the morning and raining like crazy out."

"Well, you have a short memory" says his wife. "Can't you remember about three months ago when we broke down on vacation and those two strangers helped us? I think you should help him."

The man does as he is told and gets dressed and goes out into the pounding rain and calls out into the dark, "Hello, are you still there?"

"Yes," comes the answer.

"Do you still want a push?" calls out the husband.

"Yes, please!" comes the reply from the dark.

"Where are you?" asks the husband.

"Over here on the swing!" the drunk replies.

FUCK !! fuckety fuck fuck fuck !!!!!!!!!!
I live in Eastbourne !! I should have known about that !!! Im showing my friends & family that one chris, thankyou for bringing it to my attention !!

He had it cumin

chris63 wrote:

Hey! Where'd you get those photos --{{{fookin' hackers! }}}

{{{Oh gawd - now they will all know I'm a 14 year old school girl! I hope they will still respect me! }}}

{{{Actually, I don't think they should have put up a picture of her... hope she didn't mind. }}}

{{Like most females, she proabably didn't get a choice... }}}

{{{Why am I talking to myself? }}}

{{{again...? }}}

{{I wish I knew how to post groovier smilees... }}}

Weird and distrubing thing is how much I miss reading your posts Orwell when you are not about.

I think I must be ill, or too sober.

What do you do when you come across a tiger in the jungle ?
use a tissue, wipe it off & dont do it again !

A boy is born without a body, only a head. For his 18th birthday his father, takes him to a bar for a drink.

The father orders his son a scotch and when the boy drinks it, an arm pops out of his head. He drinks another shot and another arm pops out. After the next shot a torso pops out. After more shots, suddenly, he has a whole body.

The boy runs out of the bar and gets hit by a truck, killing him instantly. A drunkard in the corner looks at the father and says, "He should have quit while he was a head."

A man bought a new range of Olympic condoms. “There are three colors,” he told his wife. “Gold, silver, and bronze.”
“What color are you going to wear tonight?” she asked.
“Gold, of course,” he replied proudly.
“Why don't you wear silver?” she asked. “It would be nice if you came second for a change.”