what sort of jokes can I get away with?

making a joke about boston now would be 2 far btw guys

This is the best show ever and very racist, but very very funny.

I never was keen on Alf Garnet, this used to be on TV a lot back in the day, but with all this political correctness policy going on, TV progs like this are outlawed. I loved "steptoe & son" best !

There once was a toad that was excluded from all Green Toad activities because he was a handsome shade of yellow. So he went to visit a beautiful fairy in the town over who had the power to grant wishes.

"Fairy," he said. "I would like to be green, so I can play with all the other toads."

"Granted!" said the fairy, who turned him yellow. Unfortunately, his little toady penis was still yellow.

"What about my penis?" he asked the fairy.

"Oh! For that, you'll have to go see the wizard." And so the toad hopped off to find the wizard. Soon, a pink elephant visited the fairy, and he wished to be turned gray. She granted him the wish, but, as with the toad, his penis was still pink. So she told him to visit the wizard.

"How do I find the wizard?" he asked.

"Just follow the yellow dick toad."

I loved Alf Garnett from the early black and white stuff right through- its often mistakenly accused of being racist and bigotted, its not, its about a racist and bigot and his opinions are the butt of the jokes, his attitude is the butt of the jokes- but more importantly it was honestly reflecting shifting attitudes of the late 60's and 70's in the UK and the genrational gap that sprung up betwen the attitudes of the young (represented here brlliantly by Una Stubbs and her boyfriend -whose name I cant recall!) and their parents generation.

Sadly no one has the balls to make them like this anymore.

This was one of my fav's when i was a kid. Don't no if they play it anymore over there, but quite sure it was on Aus tv not long back.

Good joke by the way Azriel

I used to like Rising Damp

Love Rising Damp- Leanord Rossister was a comic genius.

For me I dont think this series has been topped yet.

That's one of my all time favourite tv shows Ms Figg.
Mind you the US remake of it made me want to kill everyone involved.

yes it was bad. I found it irritatingly unwatchable, dull and humourless.

Agreed. It was utterly devoid of every single thing which made the original so brilliant.

We're having a walk down Nostalgia Lane at mo, & if people enjoy/want them, then WHY cant they bring back those progs good & proper ? cos its all gone PC now & people will be offended, that will be the excuse. theres plenty that offends me, higher food bills, paying the gas bill, but comedy isnt one of them ! I remember "love thy Neighbour", the guy in that was always going on about the black family next door, but it didnt end up in bloodshed !

Thing with love thy neighbor was it reflected a situation- people were trying to work out how to live with immigrants who were different in appearence and often in culture- the pc brigade might not like it but this stuff helped with assimilation, same with Alf Garnett the two men fight non stop and call each other all sorts but a big part of the joke is the wives get on fine and its just the 'stupid men' who cant get along for stupid reasons.

Waiter: What would you like to order?
Suarez : I've already eaten, thanks. But you can bring me the Cech...

Three guys go to a ski lodge, and there aren't enough rooms, so they have to share a bed. In the middle of the night, the guy on the right wakes up and says, "I had this wild, vivid dream of getting a hand job!" The guy on the left wakes up, and unbelievably, he's had the same dream, too. Then the guy in the middle wakes up and says, "That's funny, I dreamed I was skiing!"

Well done.

Keep this philosophy in mind the next time you hear, or you are about to repeat a rumor

In ancient Greece (469 - 399 BC), Socrates was widely lauded for his wisdom. One day the great philosopher came upon an acquaintance, who ran up to him excitedly and said, "Socrates, do you know what I just heard about one of your students?"

"Wait a moment," Socrates replied. "Before you tell
me, I'd like you to pass a little test. It's called the Test of Three."

"Test of Three?"

"That's correct," Socrates continued.

"Before you talk to me about my student let's take a
moment to test what you're going to say. The first
test is Truth. Have you made absolutely sure that what you are about to tell me is true?"

"No," the man replied, "actually I just heard about it."

"All right," said Socrates. "So you don't really know
if it's true or not. Now let's try the second test, the test of Goodness. Is what you are about to tell me
about my student something good?"

"No, on the contrary."

"So," Socrates continued, "you want to tell me
something bad about him even though you're not certain it's true?"

The man shrugged, a little embarrassed.

Socrates continued, "You may still pass though because there is a third test - the filter of Usefulness. Is what you want to tell me about my student going to be useful to me?"

"No, not really."

"Well," concluded Socrates, "if what you want to tell
me is neither True nor Good nor even Useful, why tell it to me at all?"

The man was defeated and ashamed and said no more.




This is the reason Socrates was a great philosopher
and held in such high esteem.......

and it also explains why Socrates never found out that
Plato was shagging his wife!

unless you have a lyre