what sort of jokes can I get away with?

A young blonde woman is distraught because she fears her husband is having an affair, so she goes to a gun shop and buys a handgun.
The next day she comes home to find her husband in bed with a beautiful redhead.
She grabs the gun and holds it to her own head. The husband jumps out of bed, begging and pleading with her not to shoot herself.
Hysterically the blonde responds to the husband,
''Shut up...you're next!''

What's the difference between a blonde and a 747?

Not everyone's been in a 747!

A man goes into a library and asks for a book on suicide.

The librarian says, "Fuck off, you won't bring it back.

“Doctor, can I get AIDS from a toilet seat?”
“Yes, but only by sitting down be- fore the last guy gets up.”

A man was walking his dog through the graveyard when he saw another man crouching behind a gravestone.

"Morning!" he said.

The other man replies, "No, just having a shit."

Did you hear about the magic tractor?

Went down the track and turned into a field.

oh so true

If only it still were.

chris63 wrote:

A family are driving behind a garbage truck when a dildo flies out and thumps against the windscreen.

Embarrassed, and to spare her young son's innocence, the mother turns around and says, "Don't worry; that was an insect."

To which, her son replies, "I'm surprised it could get off the ground with a dick like that.!"

smooth

Very funny Azriel

She married and had 13 children. Her husband died.

She married again and had 7 more children. Her second husband died.

She married again and had 5 more children.

Her third husband died.

And, alas, she finally died, too. At her funeral and standing by her coffin, the preacher prayed for her.

He thanked the Lord for this very loving woman and said,
‘Lord, they’re finally together.’

One person leaned over and quietly asked her friend,
‘Do you think he means her first, second or third husband?’

His friend Akpos replied,
" I think he means her legs. "

haha omg, laughing at both

A female TV reporter went to have an interview with a farmer seeking the main cause of Mad Cow disease.
The Lady : Good evening Sir, we ... are here to collect information about the reason that causes Mad Cow Disease. Do you have any idea what might be the reason?

The Farmer stared at the reporter and said, Do you know that the bull f**ks the cow once a year?

The Lady (getting embarrassed): "Well sir, that's a new piece of information, but what's the relation between this phenomenon and Mad Cow Disease?

The Farmer : Well Madam, do you know that we milk the cow four times a day ?

The Lady : Sir, this is really valuable information, but wot about getting to d point?

The farmer: I am getting to d Point madam. Just imagine, I was playing with ur b**bs four times a day and only f**king u once a year, wouldn't u get mad?

Brilliant jokes Chris ! love em

A 10-year Old Irish boy stands crying at the side of the road.

A man passing by asks 'What's wrong, lad?'

The boy says 'Me ma died this morning.'

'Oh bejaysus,' The man says. 'Do you want me to call Father O’Riley for you?'

The boy replies, 'No tanks mister, sex is the last ting on my mind at the moment.'

I had a big lead in a trivia competition at a local bar until the last question which I got wrong.

The question was where do women have the curliest hair?

FIJI was the correct answer...

hell, how did I know they wanted the name of a country?!

the last one..