what sort of jokes can I get away with?

i actually laught so i cried. that's how dry my humour is.

Confusious he say, useless skin around penis, is called a man !

Right back at ya Chris !
When I logged on today I saw how many posts youde put on ! Youve been a busy boy havnt you !

Lot of catching up to do.

Confucius says, man who drop watch in toilet, bound to have shitty time.

Confucius says, man who run in front of bus get tired, man who run behind bus get exhausted.

Confucius says, it is good to meet girl in park, but better to park meat in girl.

ew gross to the last one.

Fell over in a fish factory today-landed between a rock salmon and a hard plaice

A mother and father took their 6-year-old son to a nude beach.

As the boy walked along the beach, he noticed that some of the ladies had boobs bigger than his mother's, and asked her why. She told her son, "The bigger they are the dumber the person is."

The boy pleased with the answer, goes to play in the ocean but returns to tell his mother that many of the men have larger "units" than his dad. His mother replied, "The bigger they are the dumber the person is."

Again satisfied with this answer, the boy returns to the ocean to play. Shortly after, the boy returned again. He promptly told his mother, "Daddy is talking to the dumbest girl on the beach, and the longer he talks, the dumber he's getting."

a man comes home early from work to surprise his wife
he slips upstairs and hears her talking in the bedroom
he peeks through the crack in the door and sees his wife naked in front of the closet door mirror
SHe says Mirror mirror on the door
make my Tits Size 44 and pook she has these giant knockers
She then goes in to the shower
he slips in the room drops his trousers and says I have to try this
He stands in front of the mirror and chants
Mirror Mirror on the door
Make my dick drag the floor and POOF his legs fall off.

Confuciouse says ,Woman who take bath in vinegar get out with sour puss

mirror mirror joke !

Chris...Beach joke !

The first man married a woman from Italy. He told her that she was to do the dishes and house cleaning. It took a couple of days, but on the third day, he came home to see a clean house and dishes washed and put away.

The second man married a woman from Poland. He gave his wife orders that she was to do all the cleaning, dishes and the cooking. The first day he didn't see any results, but the next day he saw it was better. By the third day, he saw his house was clean, the dishes were done and there was a huge dinner on the table.
...
The third man married a girl from Ireland. He ordered her to keep the house clean, dishes washed, lawn mowed, laundry washed, and hot meals on the table for every meal. He said the first day he didn't see anything, the second day he didn't see anything but by the third day, some of the swelling had gone down and he could see a little out of his left eye, and his arm was healed enough that he could fix himself a sandwich and load the dishwasher. He still has some difficulty when he pees......

the third option also applies to Mancunian women.

A teacher was teaching her second grade class about the government, so for homework that one day, she told her her students to ask their parents what the government is.

When Little Johnny got home that day, he went up to his dad and ask his what the government was.

His dad thought for a while and answered, ''Look at it this way: I'm the president, your mom is Congress, your maid is the work force, you are the people and your baby brother is the future.''

''I still don't get it'' responded the Little Johnny.

''Why don't you sleep on it then? Maybe you'll understand it better,'' said the dad.

''Okay then...good night'' said Little Jonny went off to bed. In the middle of the night, Little Johnny was awakened by his baby brother's crying. He went to his baby brother's crib and found that his baby brother had taken a crap in his diaper. So Little Johnny went to his parent's room to get help. When he got to his parent's bedroom, he looked through the keyhole to check if his parents were asleep. Through the keyhole he saw his mom loudly snoring, but his dad wasn't there. So he went to the maid's room. When he looked through the maid's room keyhole, he saw his dad having sex with his maid. Little Johnny was surprised, but then he just realized something and thinks aloud, ''OH!! Now I understand the government! The President is screwing the work force, Congress is fast asleep, nobody cares about the people, and the future is full of shit!''