what sort of jokes can I get away with?

Carly : that was profound, I like that simply said verse, theres a place in my life I can relate that one to. But hey ! wheres this thread going ?

"There's always someone, somewhere
with a big nose who knows,
who'll trip you up and laugh when you fall.'
Carly Morrrisey!

But hey ! wheres this thread going ? - Azriel

Its Forumshire who knows where a thread will go (often hard to tell even when it gets there!)

Obvious: Excuse me. Is that your nose or did a bus park on your face.
Meteorological: Everybody take cover. She's going to blow.
Fashionable: You know, you could de-emphasize your nose if you wore something larger. Like ... Wyoming.
Personal: Well, here we are. Just the three of us.
Punctual: Alright gentlemen. Your nose was on time but you were fifteen minutes late.
Envious: Oooo, I wish I were you. Gosh. To be able to smell your own ear.
Naughty: Pardon me, Sir. Some of the ladies have asked if you wouldn't mind putting that thing away.
Philosophical: You know. It's not the size of a nose thats important. It's what's in it that matters.
Humorous: Laugh and the world laughs with you. Sneeze and its goodbye Seattle.

Polite: Ah. Would you mind not bobbing your head. The orchestra keeps changing tempo.
Melodic: Everybody! "He's got the whole world in his nose."
Sympathetic: Oh, What happened? Did your parents lose a bet with God?
Complememtary: You must love the little birdies to give them this to perch on.
Scientific: Say, does that thing there influence the tides.

Inquiry: When you stop to smell the flowers, are they afraid?
French: Say, the pigs have refused to find any more truffles until you leave.
Pornographic: Finally, a man who can satisfy two women at once.
Religious: The Lord giveth and He just kept on giving, didn't He.
Disgusting: Say, who mows your nose hair.
Paranoid: Keep that guy away from my cocaine!
Aromatic: It must be wonderful to wake up in the morning and smell the coffee ... in Brazil.

Dirty: Your name wouldn't be Dick, would it?

I really like the polite and the personal.

Artistic: Nice use of negative space there between your eyes.

So take a look now
'cos there's just an empty space
And there's nothing left here to remind me
just the memory of your face

Wheres Yooper?

Darth Vader says to Luke Skywalker, i no what you'v got for Christmas.
Luke says, how do you no what i'v got for Christmas ?
Vader says, i no what you'v got for Christmas ?
Again Luke says, how do you no what i'v got for Christmas ?
Vader says, i no what you'v got for Christmas ?
Luke again says, how on earth do you no what i have for Christmas ?
Vader replies, i felt your presents

Chris:

Teacher: Did your father help your with your homework?
Student: No, he did it all by himself.

When I was teaching one of the fathers complimented me on my creative problem assignments. If the kid didn't end up being one the best in the class on tests I might have been a bit suspicious - her homework was always top notch.

It helps to actually do homework in that event.

Gandalf, why is your phone on silent ?
Gandalf replies. I was bored of the rings.

My wife was like a dog in heat when I took her to Jamaica. She died in the car.

{{{ }}}

My wife can't wait to see The Hobbit, she wants to see more of Groin.

I see that actress got murded last night. Reese, whats her name ?