what sort of jokes can I get away with?

Mrs Figg wrote:why do people say, my bad? what does it mean? and why do they say tidbits when its titbits?

I date this to american youth, originating in the african american culture circa 20 years ago. It's roughly equivalent to "sorry" with subtle differences. I'd typically encounter it in a classroom when a kid was talking when I was talking, and when I gave a sharp look they'd make some appeasing gesture or facial expression and say 'my bad'. It was actually fairly charming. Would also happen if someone stumbled into you, etc.

I think 'tidbits' is an americanized form, since I never heard of 'titbits' before.

David H wrote:

Orwell wrote: For example, the Christian Moral Majority thought a ladies cabbage was a healthy vegetable --- and it often still is in a sense in a way sometimes even today practically speaking but never mind, I'm sure you - of all people - get my drift, Mrs Figg..

I don't know what you're going on about Orwell.
Cabbage is without question a very healthy vegetable.
Just ask these ladies!

You are henceforth to be known as David Lord of Vegetables Speciaklizing in carrots, of course! That was quick - or do you just have that pic saved?

and that awkward moment when you get a really irritating wedgie but youll have to wait to sort it out, but the good news is that you are going to be on the ground faster than a speeding bullet, so you wont have to wait too long.

Hmmm, I thought my dead dog joke would get more laughs

Dead dog jokes are so very last week, you know...

Australians doesn't have sex. Australians mate.

{{{ Now you've done it, Norc. Just wait till Orwell gets back....}}}

That's boomerang blasphemy against animals; they have sex

Isn't a welsh women leader of australia lol x

it's not a joke and I'm not british but anyways.

the one thing I hate about being british

not being able to do the ‘I see London, I see France, I see someone’s underpants’ right because France and pants do not rhyme

Wait, which one do they pronounce different? Do they say Fronce in the UK?

They say 'Fronce' in Fjordianlandia, presumably.

From another angle - 'pants' might become 'ponce'. In Ozhobbitstan 'ponce' is a term of derision.

I say France, as in Dance

.. and 'romance'...

Ally wrote:I say France, as in Dance

yeah, you prolly say that wrong too. What does 'pants' rhyme with?

'pants'= 'romants'... As in 'romantic'...

Its the tendency when saying France in that rymne to subtly alter it to Frantss and then with 'pants' to emphasis the 's' pantss. The melody its sung to also helps with this.

"The rain
in France
rains mainly
in the
pants,

And the ants
in pants
get wet
around
the slants.

And the pants
themselves
get rent
around
the vents.

But the ponds
in Fronce
once uponce
a time
were sailing somewhere
in Germany
on the Rhine."


P. B. Shelley: "There, I hope that helps: An Allegory."

Wisey's Ghost

Orwell wrote:They say 'Fronce' in Fjordianlandia, presumably.

From another angle - 'pants' might become 'ponce'. In Ozhobbitstan 'ponce' is a term of derision.

I had the same thought about pants/ponce. I don't think "ponce" is really a term in the US so I'm not sure where I've heard it before. Probably from Australians on the Internet, perhaps even someone on here!

*facepalm* why do you always ruin a good joke! my dad didn't get it either lol...

In fjordianlandia we say Frankriket.

Posh people say fronce

An Englishman, a Frenchman and an American are out walking on the beach one day. They come across a lantern and a genie pops out of it.
"I will give you each one wish, " says the genie.
The American says, "I am a farmer, my dad was a farmer, and my son will also farm. I want the land to be forever fertile in America." With a blink of the genie's eye, 'FOOM' - the land in America was forever made fertile for farming.
The Frenchman was amazed, so he said, "I want a wall around France, so that no one can come into our precious country." Again, with a blink of the Genie's eye, 'POOF' - there was a huge wall around France.
The Englishman asks, "I'm very curious. Please tell me more about this wall.
The Genie explains, "Well, it's about 150 feet high, 50 feet thick and nothing can get in or out."
The Englishman says, "Fill it up with water."

The only seat available on the train was next a well dressed middle-aged French woman and was being used by her dog.
The weary traveler asked, "Ma'am, please move your dog. I need that seat." The French woman looked down her nose at the American, sniffed and said, You Americans. Your are such a rude class of people. Can't you see my little FiFi is using that seat?"
The American walked away, determined to find a place to rest, but after another trip down to the end of the train, found himself again facing the woman with the dog. Again he asked, "Please, lady. May I sit there?". I'm very tired."
The French woman wrinkled her nose and snorted "You Americans! Not only are you rude, you are also arrogant....Imagine!"
The American didn't say anything else, he leaned over, picked up the dog, tossed it out the window of the train and sat down in the empty seat. The woman shrieked and railed, and demanded that someone defend her honour and chastise the American.
An English man sitting opposite spoke up indignantly "You know, sir, you Americans do seem to have a penchant for doing the wrong thing. You eat holding the fork in the wrong hand. You drive your cars on the wrong side of the road. And now, Sir, you've thrown the wrong bitch out the window."