Respectability

aar alrighty Sir, I remember you, you used to come to the Prancin Pony of an evenin, until that episode with the breeze and the carrot, fair gave me the goosewobblers that did although wot you were keepin that carrot warm fer I'll never know, hehe! Does the NotP pay well? I got some corkin scandal I do!

Well they pay. And they may ask to take some palantari pics of you too, they usually do for a scandal piece.
As to nights in the Pony with a carrot, a carrot?Are you sure that was me? I must have been very drunk indeed to have involved a vegatable! Were you the one that won the Gaffers bunking bronco competion? (Which was just the gaffer naked, painted brown squatitng in the middle of a mud hole while people tried to stay on his greased back if I remember rightly- I think he got arrested again after that).

aar that were a grand noight that were, poor ol Gaffer couldnt stand straight fer a week arterwards. I slipped off him n fell in a puddle I did tehe!

Yeah its coming back to me now! You splashed all up my kilt!

Dear oh dear... Thank goodness I only have to deal with horny helmet wearing warriors and never ending feasts in Valhalla. That there is not the kind of battles a Valkyrie of Odin would go too. Though that Frey fellow might steal Gaffer's idea...

{{{I should like to meet you again, Jemima - urgently. As I believe I owe you some money... if you know what I mean... a lot of money, if you know what I mean... for certain tasks I set you... if you know what I mean... I think you need need to be paid fully and generously --- and well before you speak to those NotP rogues!... ... ... if you know what I mean...}}}

I just Googled Images of Forumshire, those Hobbit Lasses of the Day are quite er not respectable!

I've never tried googling forumshire under images. buT I wouldn't let Pretty hear you say that about Hobbit Lasses of the Day!
If you do a video search you get my ad for here though -but then who is going to google forumshire unless they already know about it? I probably should have thought of that!

Hey! Get off my thread!

Surely such an attitude Odo is not conductive to behaving respectably?

Hey Petty I just found palantirazzi photos of the Gaffers naked bucking bronco competition, is that you in the background jumping into that mud hole?

Mrs Figg wrote:I just Googled Images of Forumshire, those Hobbit Lasses of the Day are quite er not respectable!

i just googled it too.. D: everything's there !

is that you in the background jumping into that mud hole?- Mrs Figg

How dare you! In undergarments! Never! Nasty, smelly, slimey things!

This direspectability to a respectable thread is totally unrespectable!

talking of respectable, that jezebel Tauriel came crying on my shoulder the other day, says she trudged all the way from Mirkwood just to see her Mr Odey wodey, turns out you two have met before, turns out she freed you from Beorn's barn, turns out that Beorn caught you fiddling with one of his prize sheep, and turns out you said you were 'just pulling out some wool to make a nice winter jumper, and didnt mean to scare the nice sheepy'. and poor Tauriel helped you escape, and then you left her in Bree promising to return, and then that other hussy Jemima caught the two of you and she told Tauriel that SHE was your betrothed and that Tauriel should 'hop it back to Smellywood where she belongs', and then they had a little girlie hair pulling and tussling session in a muddy puddle in the middle of Bree high street. thats not very respectable either.

Nought as queer as news from Bree indeed!

Odo: Now, Jane, I'm pleased you could come at such short notice. Have you got it with you?

Jane: Indeed, Odo. "John and Betty Go to Church." One of my personal favorites.

Odo: Excellent. You'll be pleased to know I intend to bring it up during my Sermon... I think I'll call it "Sermon on Mount Olympus."

Jane: "How about "Sermon on the Mount"? Sounds less geographic. Worldly-inclusive, if you know what I mean.

Odo: Yes - excellent, excellent again.

Jane: Do you think they'll allow it?

Odo: What? My Sermon? Of course they will. Every Forsumshiran Festival, Party and Picnic must begin with a bit of sermonizing.

Jane: I'm not aware of the custom!

Odo: You soon will be --- and so shall they...

Jane: "They"?

Odo: The blasphemous unwashed horde. You know - the other Forumshirans. "All things new shall be revealed."

Jane: Oh I see - you intend to introduce something new.

Odo: Think of me changing old buckie skins for new buckie skins. No use putting what I'll have to say in old buckie skins.

Jane: Oh Odo, I haven't a clue what you're talking about? Is it metaphysical?

Odo: Pardon? What an outlandish word that sounds... No, no and no... It's an Eruvian phrase... You see, this morning I found two brass plagues on the back of my "Healthy Masssage for Respectable Hobbits Shoppe" -- amazing things those plaques. I think Eru put them there --- and full of wisdom. I'm going to base my Sermon on them. Anyway, one of the many things I read and memorized from them (this before they were Miraculously Swept up Back to Heaven, by Eru, just after lunch) was this quite ambiguous saying about old and new buckie skins. Apparently, if you put old buckie in new skins the skins are ruined, and if you put new buckie in old skins something else happens. I can't remember that bit - it got a little repetitious after awhile. Indeed, it was all quite ambiguous - but coming from Eru, you can imagine it would all be somewhat oblique. God's are not like hobbits, you see; as you know, they're Mysterious. And Eru is the the Most Mysterious of All - being head God and all and above normal sense and sensibilitlities - - He's paranormal - I think that's the word...

Jane: These plaques...? You think Eru put them on the back of your Shoppe?

Odo: Exactly. Who else would go about putting Plaques of Wisdom on the back of a humble burgher's shoppe?

Jane: Why?

Odo: Why not? I was Chosen. Eru works in Mysterious ways.

Hane: How big were they?

Odo: Big enough to contain to Wisdom of the Ages... Amazing metallurgy really --- but one should not be surprised, it being Eru and all. Anyway, I think putting new buckie in an old skin is another way of saying there is a new 'Idea' about. As Eru said (in the plaques) "I shall choose a voice from among the hobbits, an humble voice, an pure voice, an voice exceedingly pleasing of voice, a voice pleasing but firm when necessary, and this voice shall I place in my Prophet, my Prophet who no one would first expect it to be."

Jane: You?

Odo: It seems obvious -- the plaques were on my shoppe. Eru also said: "You are as like to me as an Mortal can be as like to me, you are my Child, of lovely visage and delightfully elongated cranium, belessed of eyes, scented of feet, generally of good countenance; and as to Duality, as a Man and a Woman, are alike to Me - in Duality - except spiritually not homosexually." It was all very strange really. But anyhow, it seems I am "The Idea who was First with God, Second with God, and therefore a Being co-Dualiteed in God."

Jane: That is totally... err... umm....

Odo: Amazing? I know, Jane! I do suppose that when I present my Sermon on the Mount, the Forumshirans will fall at my feet in Worship - except not Me, but Me through Eru, and Eru through me... After that I intend to search the bushes for those who are up to no good.

Jane: Please let me understand this... Eru put some plaques on the back wall of one of your shops, and the Wisdom of the Ages were engravesd on them somehow?

Odo: Indeed! Though not "somehow" - Eru did it as a Miracle. Not by Magical means, mind! -- or at least, I imagine it wasn't Magic, as religious folk don't believe in Magic, just Miracles...

Jane: And then Eru swept them back up into Heaven?

Odo: Yes, exactly.

Jane: And you read and memorized all this Wisdom?

Odo: Well, most of it - the stuff about Sinful Moss and Crustaceons Not to Be Eaten did not seem too pivotal... and, to be frank, there was a lot of stuff to read...and Madame Figg calling me in for afternoon tea....

Jane: When did all this happen?

Odo: Today. A revelation it was!

Jane: How long did you take to read it all?

Odo: Oh it took ages - as you would expect - most of the morning in fact.

Jane: Well --- well.... Well, that's fantastic news. I better be off though...

Odo: Where are you going in such a rush, Jane?

Jane: Oh I need to pop back to Our Lady's... I need to see Doctor Noodlebrainer... about someone who may be having another of his....err....episodes...again....

Odo: You are such a caring hobbit, Jane... I hope - in the end - Eru will Save you too... Actually, I fully plan to put a good word in for you. I am, after all, in all Duality with Him, and He with Me....

Jane: Well --- good morning then, Odo...

Odo: Good morning, Jane!

Mrs Figg wrote:talking of respectable, that jezebel Tauriel came crying on my shoulder the other day, says she trudged all the way from Mirkwood just to see her Mr Odey wodey, turns out you two have met before, turns out she freed you from Beorn's barn, turns out that Beorn caught you fiddling with one of his prize sheep, and turns out you said you were 'just pulling out some wool to make a nice winter jumper, and didnt mean to scare the nice sheepy'. and poor Tauriel helped you escape, and then you left her in Bree promising to return, and then that other hussy Jemima caught the two of you and she told Tauriel that SHE was your betrothed and that Tauriel should 'hop it back to Smellywood where she belongs', and then they had a little girlie hair pulling and tussling session in a muddy puddle in the middle of Bree high street. thats not very respectable either.

People will be damned for that klind of utterance, Mrs Figg!

For does not Eru say: "What was once true shall not be true henceforrth, for I shall change the past for those who Come and Prostrate themselves at my feet - in Duality with me - but only Males, the Female - though some I made comely and shapely - cannot take Service in my Church, only serve the tea and biscuits, and so be Saved."

{{{ ~ Happy sigh ~ It's nice to have hobbits all over the world who can post bits to sparken things up at all odd hours. Ah well, back to the Photon Diaries. }}}

If I post this and someone else has posted somewhere else I'm gunna flip!

Edit: Yay! Got there!

Little Miss Esoterica? -- again?

In the land - Esoterica -
where the river meets the wine,
little Ally Oddmop goes a'trundlin'
through the pines

but never could it be said
that Ally's the least bit smelly
'cause she's extremely smelly
of peppermint, cream and jelly

of smelly mistletoe, and goddesses,
who recline on couches decked with gold!
with frog-legs for her breakfast
before the morning can grow old;

and eyes - she hath but two o' them -
one for each individual head,
and her back so like a road map -
in black and white and red;

where does her roadmap lead one?
no one can really say,
'cause her summer t shirt
is draped - gets in the way;

and as to her fine acccoutrements,
a dog, a lump of clay,
what could ever they mean?
Well, who of us can say?

all we know, she's our Princess,
Princess Esotare the Eighth,
and when you enter Esoterica,
she awaits you by the Gate!

Poems of Esoterica, by Walk Whitman (now lost)

Wisey Banks

Wisey Banks wrote:In the land - Esoterica -
where the river meets the wine,
little Ally Oddmop goes a'trundlin'
through the pines

but never could it be said
that Ally's the least bit smelly
'cause she's extremely smelly
of peppermint, cream and jelly

of smelly mistletoe, and goddesses,
who recline on couches decked with gold!
with frog-legs for her breakfast
before the morning can grow old;

and eyes - she hath but two o' them -
one for each individual head,
and her back so like a road map -
in black and white and red;

where does her roadmap lead one?
no one can really say,
'cause her summer t shirt
is draped - gets in the way;

and as to her fine acccoutrements,
a dog, a lump of clay,
what could ever they mean?
Well, who of us can say?

all we know, she's our Princess,
Princess Esotare the Eighth,
and when you enter Esoterica,
she awaits you by the Gate!

Poems of Esoterica, by Walk Whitman (now lost)

Wisey Banks

I really need to find out what esoterica means, huh?

Your knowledge seems instinctive, my dear!

Orwell wrote:Your knowledge seems instinctive, my dear!

Well I thought I was an intelligent & capable adult, but then I learnt that you can't pay electronics in mushrooms, flowers & gold stars! Dammit!