Respectability

I told you people to be quiet back there! And who is doing the rocking? If I have to come back there, I will you know!

{{{I don't know what they're up to - but I better get my truncheon ready...}}}

Excuse me, nice Sheriff Miss: praps if Figgy would just keep her infernal tongue out of my ear things might be a bit quieter back here. Just saying.....

The deeper and more disturbing problem is her inability to distinguish between my ear and my foot.

Urf!....okay, okay, I'm being quiet!

watch it or ill moon some more! and then youll need its so bright, or maybe , and then youll be or maybe but ill be

Enough is enough! I'm coming back there ---

And I'm bringing Shirriff Iodine with me...



She doesn't put up with any nonsense!

I must say, Petty is awfully quiet.... Fallen asleep ( ) again p'raps?

Probably should call in the identical twins too, Jeremy and Jamie!

That Mrs Figg might be a handful, methinks, the way she's carrying on in her aroused state... Probably all the drugs...

Funny, I had forgotten that "Respectability" was a "Site Issue" so couldn't find it, and for a few minutes there thought the ForumShire police had shut the thread down due to the drift into less than lofty content. What a relief to find there is still a home for the discerning depraved.

Mirabella, it seems your finely skinned constables have scared away Figgy. Hopefully I'm wrong...thought she was made of sterner stuff.

They put me in Lockholes, whatever that is? (I think its Forumshire Dungeons) anyway Mirabella and her deputy tried all manner of torture to try and make me more respectable and presentable, including 'Buckie Boarding' I am pleased to say nowt worked, I just drank it all, they failed miserably, with bells on. hehe!

Mrs Figg wrote:They put me in Lockholes, whatever that is? ....

No they weren't in the films, Mrs Figg --- just something Tolkien mentioned in his version of LotR...

She'll be asking after miruvor next. Though from my understanding it's not unlike Buckie!

Ooooh get Mr. Litewery snooty pants (Orwell), pardonez moi! hey its not fair theyre all throwin litewery references at me, HELP!

Oh I do wish you'd people would get off this thread. It's not designed for the likes of your..err... type...

Why the hell does the entire forumshire police force look like they have second jobs staring in badly directed pornos?

Um....are you complaining?

All I know is that it all started after Kafria was elected Mayor last year!

Ally wrote:Why the hell does the entire forumshire police force look like they have second jobs staring in badly directed pornos?

You obviously know little of modern policing, Ally.

Oh how nice of you to attend again, Jane... Lovely sunshine...

But it's a sunny day for dark business, Odo...

It's this horrible Picnic Mrs Figg has arranged... and her a Lady... so to speak... I could understand it if it been planned by one of those ghastly peurile miscreants, Petty or Orwell or Halfwise or Ringo or Farmer Dave.... oh the list goes on... But a Lady!

Or 'so to speak'...

Oh yes, yes... you know what I mean, Odo! I don't mean to be so testy with you, but this has all put me in a frazzle... And would you mind if we just conversed in the one post, as it's painful logging in and out all the time...?

Odo: It gets damn confusing at times, I agree. Often get myself in a pickle doing that --- though I usually blame Eldo for it...

Jane: Never mind that. What are we going to do?

Odo: About logging in and out?

Jane: NO! About the picnic! You know the Sixth Form Girls can't stop whispering about it...

Odo: I know...

Jane: Have you heard them too?

Odo: Whispering?

Jane: Yes - WHISPERING.

Odo: Well, no - not whispering...more loud really... I have got their confidence, you know...

Jane: So you have discussed it with them?

Odo: Yes....

Jane: Mr Banks!

Odo: Dear, dear, Jane, you must not take things the wrong way... I addressed the subject in "Advanced Respectability." As I said to them, "We must talk today of matters both disrespectable and unrespectable, and learn initimately what makes them so. Today, I'll explain exactly what kinds of things can happen at a Baccanalian Feasrt or Festival or.... errr... Picnic." They were all ears...

Jane: Well, you obviously did not dissuade them from their whispering.... Obviously, you had no luck in getting them to think of more sedate and respectable matters!

Odo: No... they were extremely interested in the subject, I'll give them that... Gertrude Puddifoot even said, "The more detail you go into, Mr Banks, the more we can watch out for!" Which seemed a sensible approach and attitude to take by someone so young in my opinion.

Jane: You clearly don't understand the workings of a young Hobbit lass's mind, Odo...

Odo: No - I would never think to query that. That's why girls have Mothers... Least, that's how I was raised.

Jane: Anyway - moving on from the Sixth Form Girls -- what are we to do about it?

Odo: I've already started. I wrote a letter to the Bugle, complaining vehemently...

Jane: Did you write to the News of the Pure?

Odo: Certainly not! Scurrilous compendium of vulagrity and crude rumouring that it is... ... ... I only read it to keep one step ahead of the Form Sixers!

Jane: Yes, that's all fine and dandy - but Odo, no one even reads the Bugle... If you want to get your message out, you need to write to a paper that people actually read!

Odo: But the Archet Bugle is a respectable journal. read by Respectable Hobbits! Like you - you read it...

Jane: ... .. .. ... That's not the point I'm making, Odo. Oh well, I did write too. But I've written to the NotP as well -- not that I expect my letter to be published... But I tried!

Odo: Perhaps I should attend the Picnic and keep a careful eye on things. In that way we can prevent the worst excesses --- or at least... err... keep an eye things... an academic eye....

Jane: That may be well and good - but it's the Sixth Form Girls. I fear some of them may try to sneak in.

Odo: Some of them?

Jane: Pardon? What did you say?

Odo: Nothing... I plan to have an Anti-Picnic-Crasher Squad in place. That'll stop the Scotshobbits coming in at least.

Jane: Oh good. That'll be a good barrier to our Girls.

Odo: Pardon?

Jane: The Anti-Picni-Crasher Squad. It'll stop the Girls sneaking in.

Odo: Will it?

Jane: Pardon?

Odo: Never mind... All will be well in the end...

Jane: I'll come wsith you.

Odo: ... ... ... No, no - I strongly advise you that you don't come to the Picnic, Jane.

Jane: Why ever not?

Odo: We must not taint your reputation, of course.

Jane: But what of yours, Odo?

Odo: I must suffer the risk - for the betterment of the Sixth Form Girls at the least. No, no - I'm willing to do that... Anyhow, people know me by now. My reputation is secure. Folk who know me will know exactly why I'm there, the second they see me. But you are Mother Superior. As if I could bear the thought of you putting yourself in such a ticklish situation.. And I dare say it will be a ticklish situation of the worst kind.

Jane: Yes - you're right. But I will expect a Full Report of what they do there.

Odo: I'll tell you exactly what they do there, Jane. Have no fear of that.

Jane: Excellent! Good day, Mr Banks.

Odo: Good day, Miss Smith!

I for one am glad to have you keeping an eye on things, Odo. I've noticed more than one hobbit lass with the hair on top of her feet absolutely matted come morning, suspiciously like one who had been out carousing all night.

{{{hehehehehehe}}}

The NotP would like me to inform the public that all letters sent to Pure Publications will be published once we've had a good laugh at them.

I went to that School, and then I met Mr Odo Banks down a dark alley, I saw that forehead shining in the moonlight, well I think it was his forehead, and it was goodbye respectability! hehe! Bottoms Up!

The NotP might like to talk to you Ms Plungebucket. They've been trying to nail Odo in an Our Lady scandal forever but never got the proof before. Perhaps you should pop by their Forumshire offices in UnderHill below the Tower of Lore and spill the beans so to speak.