The Needlehole Mysteries

Yeah, perhaps he might. He was full of surprises.

Norc, Grondy is a legend over at PT. At least for us who remember him. He was like a kind and silly grandfather to all over there. He was a council member (moderator) for a very long time, and it was a joy to work with him. Sadly he died, and we miss him.

how sad. don't know what els to say.

That's more than enough said.

I think Grondy would have loved this story though. And it is tears of laugher that should be shed in this thread. (It was I who mentioned Grondy in the first place, so it is all clearly Orwell's fault. ) I find myself grinning and giggling to myself during the day as I think of something that was said in these stories. I look like a loon probably, but I can't help myself.

Somehow, when I read this story I picture DI Eldo as Freeman's John Watson xD Because of his previous avatar x)

I just noticed your new sig, Amarie! I love it but I hope that the addition of Agent Nora into the mix won't cause any shipping wars.

I am kind of hoping it will. Team Eldo vs Team Nora. We should get t-shirts.
I am sure I will love whatever happens though. And Nora is quite the catch.

Oh what a forum Ringdrotten will return to!

Cant wait to know what happens next, as its a bit scary wot with having pleez men looking through my drawers and private hiding places and everything

I am wondering who this David fellow is. And that hooded figure in Bree-land. And what about that ever so fascinating news paper hoarding ambassador? My oh my...

Amarië wrote:I am kind of hoping it will. Team Eldo vs Team Nora. We should get t-shirts.
I am sure I will love whatever happens though. And Nora is quite the catch.

Oh what a forum Ringdrotten will return to!

haha, oh poor Ringdrotten, he will be so confused and have so much catching up to do!

I dunno what team I would be on .. well, I'll figure that out soon enough!

Yes, I can see this is all absolutely fascinating, witty, exciting entertainment, folks, but what about the more old fashioned type of Forumshiran story? The tried and tested kind. You know what I mean. Doesn't just Everyone love an old fashioned Forumshiran spoof? I mean, it's not like they're in black and white or anything.... they are in colour. And some of them do have Eccleston Doctor's in them.. And I don't want you thinking I'm trying to drum up business for good old, kind hearted, sweetie, would-never-hurt-anyone, loyal, Anon Author, as he's not the utterly desperate type who would ever ask me to do that on his behalf. No way.

I'm afraid that Mrs Figg beat me to the inclusion of a certain part of the real Forumshire in her Agent Nora spin-off series, though I dropped a hint about it earlier. Most of the questions raised on the last page have answers of some sort and I hope they're satisfying to you all. I'm considering upping the romance factor in future tales since that seems to be a crowd-pleaser. This one is mostly plotted out already but what happens next is wide open.

Hopefully the next chapter will be posted tonight!

sorry Eldo did I? I didnt mean to, but which bit? I am curious as to the cross pollination.
anyway carry on its getting sos i cant wait for the next bit, is it my imagination or has the story got darker? in feel.?

You don't have to apologize, you just slipped a certain character in before I did. It'll be clear who it is soon enough.

The story is definitely taking a turn for the more dark and serious now that the action has gotten underway. I'll try to have moments of relief interspersed but I'm trying to see if I can make the darker tone work with the characters.

Whatever happened to good ol' rollicking good fun...? Oh well, as long as we have Dr Who, there will be a refuge for folk who want to escape from the deep and meaningful. Not that Dr Who lacks depth and meaning, no, don't ever think that, folks. It's just introduced with consumate dexterity, skill and pathos. Anon Author, of course, would be too humble to say anything like that about his Masterpieces. He's a lovely thoughtful chap in that way.

I like to think that our stories fill different niches in the literary scene.

{{{

Eldorion wrote:I like to think that our stories fill different niches in the literary scene.

Note to Self: He bloody would too. }}}

Eldorion wrote:You don't have to apologize, you just slipped a certain character in before I did. It'll be clear who it is soon enough.

It's the penguin, isn't it?
{{{I think I know who it iiiiiis}}}

Eldorion wrote:The story is definitely taking a turn for the more dark and serious now that the action has gotten underway. I'll try to have moments of relief interspersed but I'm trying to see if I can make the darker tone work with the characters.

I have no doubt your characters can carry a darker tune. We've already got to know a little bit of DI Eldo, it is clear that there is more to learn. It seems everybody has a story to tell if one just takes a closer look. And I am on the edge of my seat waiting for you to do just that.

And the shipping is mostly because I want DI Eldo to find someone who makes him happy. I have such a bad feeling that alternate forumshire Eldo will be hurt So I am preparing to go to my happy place.

The Mystery of Mister Figg

Part 5


“It's enough to make an arrest,” said DI Eldo. “We'll let the Superintendent and the courts figure out the rest.” He stood up.

“An arrest?” came a voice from the door they had entered by. All three policehobbits looked around to see Mrs Figg standing in the opening doorway. “I shouldn't be scared, should I?”

The trio were frozen in surprise for a split-second. Mrs Figg leaned forward seductively, her posture and generously cut gown displaying her ample assets. Sgt. Herring and Agent Nora blinked in surprise. DI Eldo kept his eyes attentively wide open as he didn't want to miss a thing.

Agent Nora broke the silence as she noticed the DI's reaction. “Don't let her escape!” she said.

“I'm not trying to escape, little girl,” said Mrs Figg. She stretched luxuriantly and walked forward into the room. “I'm curious as to what my old friend the Detective was talking about. You don't still like playing with handcuffs, do you, Eldo?”

DI Eldo was about to respond but Agent Nora reacted first. “Sergeant! Lock the door and don't let her out of here!” Sgt. Herring sprung into action and took up a position by the door to the hallway. Agent Nora turned to the DI. “You need to take charge,” she said fiercely.

DI Eldo shook his head to clear his thoughts. “Yes, you're right.” He walked around the desk and stood facing Mrs Figg. “Julia, I'm sorry. We have a warrant for your arrest. You're wanted on suspicion of murder.”

“What on earth are you talking about?” she said in a skeptical tone. “When am I supposed to have murdered anyone? I don't leave the House that often and there are plenty of witnesses who can vouch for me.”

“It's not a recent charge,” said the DI. He sighed and the others could hear a distant sadness in the sound. “The warrant is from Bree-land. Please turn around; I'm going to cuff you.”

“Some itches just don't go away, do they?” said Mrs Figg in a sultry tone, but she turned around. The DI glared and fastened the cuffs, but Agent Nora noticed that he did so gently.

“Now that you have me safely restrained, can we talk live civilized Hobbits before I'm dragged off in front of everyone?”

“If you think you're going to pull one over on us, you've got another thing coming!” said Agent Nora as he gesticulated angrily.

“No, let her talk,” said DI Eldo. He gently took hold of Agent Nora's swinging arm. She flinched and glared at him before pulling her arm away roughly. The DI sighed. “What do you want to tell us, Julia?”

Mrs Figg did not respond for a moment as she was staring at Agent Nora with an amused look in her eyes. “How much did this one tell you about my time in Bree-land?” she replied.

“Nothing,” said Agent Nora. “I don't know who you are. This case came all the way from the top.”

“Really?” Mrs Figg looked almost flattered. “They really do care, then. Did they go into many details about what I'm wanted for?”

“No,” DI Eldo said quickly before Agent Nora could cut in. “But you're wanted by the Forumshire Police as well. We're to bring you to Scotshobbit Yard in Michel Delving.”

Mrs Figg's mouth opening in a small 'O' at the news. She quickly composed herself, however. “I don't know everything that goes on in the mind of that Admin of ours, but I can prove to you that I'm no menace to anybody in Forumshire.”

“Tell it to a judge,” said DI Eldo. Some of the softness left his voice and his usual bitter edge returned. “I just find people. That's my job.”

“And we both know that you're very good at it,” said Mrs Figg. “But we also both know that you aren't a lapdog. I'm not asking much. Just take out the false bottom of that jewelery box – didn't you find it yet? – and see what's there.”

DI Eldo nodded to Agent Nora. “Go ahead and take a look, but be careful.”

Mrs Figg rolled her eyes. “It's not booby-trapped, if that's what you're implying. I already have two of those and they're anything but hidden.”

Agent Nora was blushing furiously as she emptied the contents of the jewelery box and gently pried open the false bottom. There were numerous papers filled with neat but cramped hand-writing.

“Let me take a look,” said DI Eldo. Agent Nora passed him the papers and the DI read through them quickly. “Certainly looks like a conspiracy to me,” he muttered. “Coded membership list, orders for weapons … you and your friends certainly were busy.” He looked up. “What are you trying to prove?”

“Look at the one with the notarized Seal of Forumshire at the bottom,” said Mrs Figg.

DI Eldo gave her a strange look and rifled through the stack until he found the one. As he read it his eyes grew wider and wider. “This would mean that the Administration financed a militant organization in Bree-land,” he announced. “That's not possible.”

“It is; and you know it,” said Mrs Figg, but DI Eldo shook his head. Agent Nora had a dangerous look in her eyes.

“You know that we can't just let her go,” Sgt. Herring spoke up in a worried tone. “The warrant was countersigned by all the appropriate officials in Forumshire. No matter what those papers say, we have to at least take her to Scotshobbit Yard.”

“You're absolutely correct, Sergeant,” said DI Eldo resignedly. “Julia, I'm sorry, but we need to take you with us. Please don't make this difficult.”

“I've had my say,” Mrs Figg said in a resigned tone. “You follow your conscience,”


Sgt. Herring grasped Mrs Figg's arms firmly but not roughly and led her out the back door of the House. “I'll secure her in the pony cart and then bring it around back,” he said. “You two make sure we bring all the evidence.”

After the Sergeant had left, DI Eldo and Agent Nora wordlessly replaced all the contents of the jewelery box and finished their search of Mrs Figg's apartment. After a few minutes, Agent Nora abruptly spoke.

“You said that Mrs Figg stopped giving you … discounts.”

“Huh,” DI Eldo grunted.

Agent Nora paused. “You said it was because you refused to back a certain candidate in the election.”

DI Eldo stared at Agent Nora for a few seconds. “There might have been a bit more to it.”

Nora was about to respond but he held up his hand for silence. “That was a long time ago and it's none of your business.” Agent Nora glared at the DI with a look that plainly said she thought it was very much her business, but she did not say anything.

Eldo finished gathering all the evidence in a rucksack and moved towards the door. “Let's go. We don't want to keep Sgt. Herring waiting.”

When they reached the pony cart they found that Sgt. Herring had cuffed Mrs Figg next to him and had improvised a robe and veil to protect her identity. As DI Eldo and Agent Nora took their seats in the back they moved Mrs Figg to sit between them and cuffed her arms to each of theirs.

“I like getting up close and personal as much as the next gal,” said Mrs Figg, “but is this really necessary?”

“We have to take precautions with a flight risk,” said Sgt. Herring stonily. “Ideally we'd have a paddy wagon but since speed is of the essence we'll make do with this and drive through the night.”

“And here I was hoping to get my beauty sleep,” said Mrs Figg.

DI Eldo and Agent Nora took turns dozing on the ride back to Scotshobbit Yard. Sgt. Herring appeared to remain alert throughout the whole journey, though the DI supposed he must have mad many sleepless nights during his time in the army, especially with the midnight sun.

It was still an hour or so before dawn when they reached Michel Delving. Sgt. Herring drove the pony cart right to the gates of Scotshobbit Yard. DI Eldo and Agent Nora awkwardly clambered out of the cart with Mrs Figg still cuffed between them. They were escorted through security by an aide to the Superintendent, who escorted them to a private room rather than booking.

Inside the room the Superintendent was seated. Several SWAT Hobbits stood guard in the corners. DI Eldo was reminded unpleasantly of the similar conference room in Bree-land that he had entered only a few days prior.

“Will you tell us what the hell is going on now?” he snapped at the Superintendent.

Elthir sighed and motioned to two of the guards, who locked the door and uncuffed Mrs Figg from her escorts. “Please, sit down,” said Superintendent Elthir. “We've made our move with time to spare, so we can relax a little now.”

“Relax?!” cried DI Eldo incredulously. “You've just sent us back and forth across international lines to arrest a dangerous terrorist all the while neglecting to mention this!” He took the Mrs Figg's hidden papers from his jacket pocket and threw them across the table.

Superintendent Elthir sighed and flipped through the papers. DI Eldo seethed from across the table. “I'm sure there's no surprises in there for you, kicking back with the politicians and power-brokers. We weren't supposed to find that, were we? Is this one of the Admin's oh-so-clever plots?”

Sgt. Herring and Agent Nora both gaped at the DI. “Get a hold of yourself!” said Superintendent Elthir sharpy. “You sound like a drunken Scotshobbit from the editorial page of the Daily Purist.”

The Superintendent took a deep breath. “I have been more lenient with you than with any other officer I have out of respect for the time when we were the same rank, but I will not tolerate this kind of behavior. I understand and regret the frustration caused by working blind but it was necessary in this case for reasons I am about to explain. Now sit down.”

DI Eldo glared at the Superintendent but sat down.

“Thank you,” said Superintendent Elthir in a much more pleasant voice. “First, let me say that we greatly appreciate your assistance, Agent Nora Herring, but I must request that you excuse us for the moment. One of these fine gentlehobbits will be happy to escort you anywhere in the Yard you want to go.” He pointed to the guards.

Agent Nora rose and saluted. As she left she gave DI Eldo a lingering look.

“The time for secrets is over,” said Superintendent Elthir. “Thank you both for your service during this difficult time,” he said, smiling at both policehobbits. “And Mrs Figg, I am very sorry to have brought you here in such a fashion. But it was necessary to keep up appearances until everything was in place.”

“What you've given me,” he held up the papers, “is true. The Administration funded a covert paramilitary organization in Bree-land. What is not true is what the Bree-landers told you. They tried to tell me the same thing that: that this organization was dedicated to toppling both our governments. But that is not true.”

“Bree-land has been controlled since its inception by the Dark Planet. The Admin has publicly taken a very conciliatory stance and has done much to normalize relations between our realms. But he also feels the plight of those suffering under the boot of the Dark Lord and so he has supported efforts to free the Hobbits of Bree-land and bring our cousins closer to us. Such operations are by necessity secret, so they haven't stopped certain newspapers from labeling our Admin an appeaser, but nothing could be farther from the truth.”

DI Eldo and Sgt. Herring sat silent in shock for a moment. “Unfortunately, there have been problems, as one might expect,” said Elthir. “A number of years ago Bree-land Intelligence was able to trace Mrs Figg's activities back to her. Tragically, they captured her husband and framed her for murder. She was barely able to escape here where she was granted asylum.”

The two policehobbits stared at Mrs Figg, who nodded sadly. “I'm so sorry,” said Sgt. Herring. “Did they ever, you know...”

Mrs Figg gave a delicate sniff. “The last we heard he was being taken to the Dark Planet homeland on a prison ship. After that the trail went cold.” Sgt. Herring nodded sadly but DI Eldo could only stare at the Superintendent in disbelief.

“I'm sure you understand the delicacy of the situation,” said Elthir gently.

“I'll say!” exclaimed DI Eldo. “A right mess you all have made out of this one. Either you turn on your own operatives or, more likely, the Dark Planet is already aware of your involvement. So much for the legendary cleverness of the Admin.”

“That's out of line,” reprimanded Superintendent Elthir. “We have it on good intelligence that our involvement is not fully known to the Dark Planet, though they have their suspicions. This gives us a window in which to act. This is also why we could not tell you the truth before know. Bree-land wanted you to be unwitting pawns and you had to act naturally. You also managed to fool Agent Nora Herring very well, if I may say so.”

“I don't think she is part of this,” said DI Eldo. The Superintendent raised his eyebrows. “She's shown no particular passion for this case, or even much knowledge of it,” explained DI Eldo. “I think Bree-land wanted her to be a pawn as much as us. They were even more secretive than you.”

“Has it occurred to you that perhaps Agent Nora is simply a very good actor?” asked Superintendent Elthir. Sgt. Herring gave a cough that sounded suspiciously like “yes”.

DI Eldo frowned. “The thought crossed my mind, obviously, but I honestly believe that she was not in on the operation. The Director we spoke to in Bree-land said he couldn't trust a secret service with something so sensitive, neither ours nor his, and on that point I think he was telling the truth. For all he knew we had infiltrated his secret service. By the sound of it we have!”

“I need you to keep your personal feelings out of this, Detective Inspector,” said Superintendent Elthir. “Much greater forces than any of us are now at work. You have to return to Bree-land with Mrs Figg. If everything goes according to plan, Bree-land will become independent. If we fail, there will be a war between the Dark Planet and Forumshire.”

This chapter took a lot longer to write than I thought it would. I was unhappy with the tone so I re-wrote a few parts and I also hit a tricky plot point that took a while to figure out how to resolve. It also became much longer than I expected (the longest yet in this story) so the next chapter will begin with some material that was originally intended to be part of this one. I hope it is nonetheless enjoyable to read and as always I welcome any and all feedback, comments, criticism, etc.

Oh now look what you've done, I should be in bed sleeping! Instead I had to read it all in one go! With a slight break to giggle at the midnight sun bit. This is so exciting!!

A War between Forumshire and Dark Planet? Has 'Alternate' Forumshiran Eldo only now caught on?

Oh yes, I see that there are some sweet apologetics going on in 'Alternate" Forumshire, too: Eldo only SEEMS to be an appeaser!

I must say, I have to really excercise my imagination to give you a few extra years in age, Eldo - otherwise your conversations with Mrs Figg make me squirm a bit. Which is no bad thing in my opinion, as it takes a good tale to make me squirm.

(Err, 'Alternate' Mrs Figg, have you NO shame? )

Fantastically written Eldo! If I could write like that I'd be happier than Petty with an endless supply of buckie! I had a feeling Agent Nora couldn't be trusted, she asked too many questions I keep reading this instead of doing homework!

Orwell wrote:I must say, I have to really excercise my imagination to give you a few extra years in age, Eldo - otherwise your conversations with Mrs Figg make me squirm a bit. Which is no bad thing in my opinion, as it takes a good tale to make me squirm.

Most of the characters reflect some aspect of me to a greater or lesser extent. DI Eldo probably has more of me than some of the others but I don't think of him as a fictionalized version of me. And for what it's worth I've imagined him as being about 30 since I started the first story.

DI Eldo is clearly older than Eldo, that was obvious to me from the first time we met him.

I wonder if I should get my Pope Mobile out of storage, seems this might get a bit ugly.

And Figgs' is clearly a mix of River Song and Jessica Rabbit.