Welcome and Introductions (Newbies, Please)

And to think people doubted my Forumshire Friendly Outreach Program! (and my methods)
Its been a ripping success I say and brought us the wonderful and versatile Mrs Figg the splendidy exhoberant Norc and now Lance is here to earn himself some positive superlatives.

Don't forget David H, and also Halfwise, who was rediscovered in Bree. Well done, Petty.

and he's from Essex, I wonder if he's got a jacuzzi in his conservatory? I put my aspidistra and cat litter tray in mine but then I am rather old fashioned and not from Essex.

Who could forget my favourite Svalfartians Dave and Halfwise? and the lovely Norc.

Dammit!! I knew my buckied brain had forgotten people- but I couldn't think who because I had forgotten!!!

Bet his jacuzzi is not a deluxe barrel with ensuite buckie bidet though (its like a normal bidet but full of ice for keeping the buckie cool whilst in the jacuzzi or when on the bog reading the NotP. And tha jet of water you get in a bidet-pure alcohol for medical emergencies, like when I'm thirsty.)

the alcohol could also double up as disinfectant, those kilts are quite unhygenic.

OK I watch Take me out regularly and now I feel awful about myself

Mrs Figg wrote:and the lovely Norc.

Pettytyrant101 wrote: the splendidy exhoberant Norc

i feel rather flattered

You guys are lovely too, all of you!

Mrs Figg and the other person that asked (on the previous page and I have forgotten in the 13.4 seconds since I read the post), yes I am the same Lance. 'Lance' had been taken by some other inconsiderate Dunlander who clearly thought I robbed him of his lands and so robbed me of my name! Resorting to Lancebloke as not only is my name Lance and I am a bloke... but it is also my longstanding gamertag since I was yay high -

I feel I may be answering many a question on the life and times of a Essexer (Essexan...?) so I will pre-empt a few and answer the question that has already been raised:

* I do not have a Jacuzzi, although I once tried a fizzing bath salt and it tickled places that made me feel wrong.
* I do not drink either Foster's or Smirnoff Ice
* I do not know Stacey Solomon or Mark Wright
* I have never been to the Sugar Hut
* I do pronounce Southend, 'Sarfend'. Please do not try this yourself as it doesn't work if you are not indigenous to the area.
* I have never owned a Ford Escort
* I have never 'been' with a girl called Tracy, Chardonnay or Bianca.
* I don't talk like the love child of Bob Marley and Barbara Windsor.
* I have never worn a shell suit.
* I have never spent the night in a police cell.
* I can read
* I have a job

I hope that clarifies a few questions people may have.

no, not all. why not Lancelot when you have such a name?

He has been called Lance a lot. Like, his whole life, I imagine.

I like Lancebloke. "There's that Lance bloke. What's he up to?"

I did say 'clarifies a few questions' not ALL questions!

Lancelot implies that I have some of the qualities of a Knight but that I would also steal my kings missus.

Not so sure about the first one... I have never used a sword and cannot ride a horse for example. The second... depends how hot she was I suppose.

BTW since I am a southron, you pronounce my name 'Larnce', not 'Lants'.

As bold an entrance to our village as one hasn't seen in ever so long! "Lancebloke"? Not so much a feather as a mallet! Excellent, yes ... exceelent!

{{{All that so I could use the cheerleader --- perfect! }}}

Orwell - the village idiot has to make an impact otherwise nobody will know he is an idiot and sympathetically put pennies in his little styrofoam cup.

Oh and none of that foreign money please.

I think we should have a tournament where Odo and Orwell battles over the title Sir Spamalot. Yes, Orwell, I did notice. Yesterday too.

Bugger it Lance what about Sir Chavalot?
I have owned a Ford Escort it was white and I called it Bianca, or Biancah as they say in Manchester.



btw feel free with the ferrets and toilet in the backyard Northern caracatures, the more the merrier.
I like the cut of your gib Lance, oh yes I do.

Sir would suggest nobility or the presence or more money than sense... so I have to turn down that title. Chavalot? Being from Essex I think that should go down as Chavallthetime, not just a lot.

But then again I did rule out the shell suit so not sure we can go with chav either....

You must try harder!

My condolences for the Escort.

It was a Cosworth too, a real geezerbird car. I used to put my racing pigeons in the back, ee by eck did it shift that there motor!

I didnt have pigeons really.

Hey! I loved my ford escort. Notwithstanding the fact that I totalled it. Coulda sworn that sucker would still drive but was outvoted by the nice police chappie.

I'd be wary of claiming the title of village idiot, Lancebloke. Orwell might get jealous and think you're encroaching on his proverbial turf.

I suppose my question to you is... is there only room for one idiot in the village?

the problem is Lance is there room for a sensible person in the village? cos we are all barking here.

Lancebloke wrote:I suppose my question to you is... is there only room for one idiot in the village?

Village Idiot is both a highly esteemed and sought for position, and competition can be fierce. Also, communities do not usually appoint the Village Idiot from new members, but promote them from time-tested regulars. It might be better to seek one of the generally accepted entry-level positions, like Forum Dummy, or Mr. (or Ms.) Stupid. Lastly, I don't want to bust your bubble, being new and all, but it may be unrealistic to get your hopes up in this specialty. There are several Americans here and we generally dominate this profession.

cos we are all barking here.- Mrs Figg

I'm not! {{{{ Everyone else is however Lance- and I bet nobody has bothered to explain encryptions to you either- such as this encrpyted message right here- put simply if you want to say sometng to individual members the others cannot read you use the curly bracket things- the more brackets the stronger the encryption, it also follows of course that you cannot read any messages that are so encrypted but meant for someone else (so only you for example can read and respond to this message- simple obviously p.s. when you use an encryption spell such as this it leaves a peppermint odour- to many encrpyted mesages in a row, or very long messages therefore can arouse suspicions!}}}}}

I have to warn you Lance my encryptoniting is rubbish, people have been known to end up in Borgin and Burkes, or Sarfend. i think its because i dont have curly ((())) only these and the spell goes apeshit.