Howdy from Needlehole

FORUMSHIRE STATE NEWS
"What you need to know, from the people who knew it first."

LETTER TO THE EDITOR

Pettytyrant101 wrote:Dear Admin,

Whilst I am in no way associated with The Daily Purist, especially not for example sending copy to them by carrier eagle, oh no, does it seem like the ramblings of a drunken Scotshobbit willing to be payed in buckie? I don't think so. Where was I? Oh yes, I do not speak for them however I feel, as a humble citizen, that your stance on the Daily Purist is a little draconian- and will deprive me of my Hobbitlass of the Day and her must have thoughts on the big issues.

Yours Petty.

Mr. Tyrant,

Regrettably, the Admin is unable to respond to your message himself, as he is currently on an extended vacation to a tropical island with very loose money-laundering laws. However, as the sole authorized news media and mouthpiece of the State, we at State News feel qualified to reassure you that the Admin has no intention of doing away with Page 3. Regardless of the fate of "The Purist", Page 3 Hobbitlasses will always find a comfortable home in Forumshire. We at State News offer our warmest invitation for the lasses to join us, as we are the most pre-eminent respectable publication in all the land.

Yours in service,
N.M.N. Klatura, Esq.
Editor-in-Chief, Forumshire State News
10 Admin Drive, Michel Delving

UNREST IN SCOTSHOBBITON

Due to the recent announcement by this inestimable news source of the Administration's investigation into crass political rag "The Scottish Daily Purist", residents of Scotshobbiton have risen up in unfortunate and deplorable rebellion against the Administration. Apparently unwilling to face life without their daily dose of sarcastic and inaccurate reporting, the Scotshobbits have even gone so far as to - we at State News can reveal - deface the Admin's new statue. Such a blatant act of disrespect can only serve to validate the charges leveled against "The Daily Purist" and cost it support amongst the reasonable masses of Forumshire.


Forumshire Shirriffs hold unruly protesters at bay in Dwaling, Northfarthing.

With the Admin currently out of the country, his second-in-command, the Mayor of Michel Delving, has loosened restrictions on freedom of the press in an attempt to satisfy protesters and return order to Forumshire. Bilateral talks with opposition parties are scheduled to be held at the neutral location of Bywater later this week in the hopes of resolving the crisis. State News has also learned that Mr. Odo R. Banks, Esq., whose well-publicized legal troubles helped give rise to the current protests against perceived oligarchy by the most wealthy and attractive of Forumshire, has been placed under the protection of a detachment of Shirriffs, led by Ms. Mirabella Banks. We at State News fervently hope that Mr. Banks' safety is secured, and that the Admin returns soon to put an end to all of this senseless disorder.

Long live the

AN ADDRESS TO THE GREAT NATION OF FORUMSHIRE

My Fellow Hobbits,

It is with great sadness and difficulty that I bring myself before you today. This message is being broadcast live to all of you via Palantir from my present undisclosed location. I have been immensely busy these past few days securing a great number of funds for the secure future of my friends. Regrettably, certain activist judges and overzealous Shirriffs affiliated with the Lockholes division of our judicial system have seen fit to investigate my good friend Mr. Odo R. Banks, Esq., as well as numerous others (myself included) for actions at a certain unexpected party last week.

In pursuing this unauthorized investigation the Lockholes Division has committed an unforgivable breach or privacy against many of our most upstanding citizens. As such, I have left instruction for management of the Lockholes to be taken over by the Westfarthing Shirriff's Office, effective immediately. As I am a Westfarthing native myself, I have very close ties with the Shirriffs there, and am thus confident that they will behave in accordance with my wishes, for, uh, the betterment of all. At the same time, my deputy, the good Mayor Gandalf's Beard, should be engaging in talks with the recent rebellious factions.

I expect to be back in the country soon once arrangements for a private jet that will remain fully fueled and on the tarmac at all times have been made. I look forward to engaging in an open and respectful dialogue with all of my concerned citizens, and hope that we can come to an agreement that will be for the best for all of us. In the meantime, I beseech all Scotshobbits to refrain from any more violent and destructive demonstrations, as that will only serve to impede peaceful discussion later down the line.

May we all work to rebuild this Forumshire together, that we may share in the days of peace.

My sincerest regards,

Eldorion
Administrator
Live from *********************************

!!End Broadcast!!

Admin wrote:

Priceless

Get your week off to a scandalous start with the Daily Purist. Git it doon yi! (sponsored by Buckie-brewed by wizards)

[img][/img]

[img][/img]

What with the onset of the media age in Forumshire, and the new avatars for Jane and Ally (very chic), and the upraised voice of impertinient youth (Squach, are you listening! ), this place has certainly become very hip lately. Primmy and Bella and I were just talking about it while we were having a lie-in this morning. The Times they are a'changin. I do wonder what the long term effect on Disrespectability (and Unrespecability) will be. I have been fighting The Good Cause for a long time, and I only hope I'll have the energy to keep up my end of things, what with the little ones almost due, Primmy eating too much chocolate (with baked beans) and Bella insisting on still wearing mini-frocks in spite of her bowling ball, which is not always becoming, especially when cutting rushes. Neverless, I'll still do my best to keep an eye on the Moral Fibre of this Forum. (My, time proceeds quickly in Forumshire! ) .

Ah Forumshire!!! How I do love to visit my furry footed friends every so often! In fact, Beren has insisted that I hide here while all of this "Haggis race scandal" (which I believe was because of that spiked lemonade a while back...) blows over.
(((((((For all of my lovely friends, I will be hiding in the guise of a garden gnome )))))))
I look forward to the time I will get to spend with all of you, and away from Beren (because now I can get into all sorts of mischeif )

Oh Tin, Middle Earth is not what it once was. At first there were elegant gowns, long woven hair and ethereal beauteous expressions; nowadays it's all frilly frocks - gowns that may as well be kilts - short back and sides - when not shaven - and po-faced unengaged stares - usually underwrit with lustful peurile thoughts (GB?), though it's hard to penetrate po any time by just using the naked eye! Disrespectability and unrespectability by the barrelful. I do my best, I really do, but I fear I'm losing the battle! (Oh yes, never have I seen a gnome with such a beautiful nose. Dead give away - sorry. Here to help! )

Hot of the Press!!


[img][/img]

[img][/img]

[img][/img]

[img][/img]

[img][/img]

Back a page for pag1,2,3

For some reason, the full image doesn't show when I'm using the iPod Will make myself a proper breakfast tomorrow and read News of the Pure, can't wait Odo's life story looks very promising

News of the Pure wins the newspaper war. I bow to your pure genius, Petty.

If anyone is having trouble reading the NotP (apart from reasons of it being an utter rag) you can just right-click on a page and save the image to your pc and zoom it up to what suits.

"News of the Pure wins the newspaper war"- Eldo

I for one Eldo would like to see the other papers still putting out issues- don't be swayed by gloss NotP is journalism of the worst sort- for example- I was NOT checking into the Priory in North Arnor. I happened to be passing by, a dog ran across the road in front of a brewers cart, the horses started, a barrel fell on me and I happened to wander in front of that stupid Priory sign just as their hack palantarazzi turned up- pure coincidence. They tell nothing but lies I assure you.
We need the other papers for some sort of journalistic balance around here.

Don't know where to start, brilliant stuff, Petty "From her Odo got his sense of a woman's place in the world and what her limits were" - priceless
In fact, everything was priceless! Thanks for making my day, Petty

Great read! No other forum I've ever visited has this kind of stuff!

Well that'll teach me to go away!
so much news to catch up on. - A media storm no less! well I guess it's now time for the price cuting war, the blatant gimmicks to attract a readership, before the weaker papers are culled, leaving the rest of us forumshire folk with little competition and choice!

I can empathize Kafria!!!! so much to catch up on!
But I love this forum very much
How about a round of Buckie on me????? Then we can go Dancing!!!!

Does the whole buckie thing count for me too or should I just have a glass of lemonade?

So long as its not any of Tin's 'special' lemonade- you should see those haggis go!

Hmmmm....

I might just pass....

Buckie? Dancing?
name the time and place!!

I say we have another impromptu party at Odo's, just so long as all the paparazzi have been cleared away this time.

Well I don't think we need your kind of parties in Hobbiton, Eldo, thank you very much.

(Btw I have had a tinker at a new styled Bugle, but I can't work out how to post it. I borrowed a homemade "newspaper" thingee which I filled in with interesting journalism, but I just can't work out how TO POST IT! )