Re: Merry Christmas - 2017

by Eldorion Fri Dec 29, 2017 12:47 am

Pettytyrant101 wrote:{{ Baingi! Your alive and well! Hold on, so who is buried under the shoe mountain behind the Tower of Lore?!

ps good to hear from you again and with wise words to share Though Eru knows how you lot get to be so wise so young, I'm still trying to get there! }}

I was never brave enough to sift through the whole shoe mountain. My understanding is that Elthir's crows currently roost on the peak of it, but more than that I can't say. silent

by azriel Fri Dec 29, 2017 12:48 am

by azriel Fri Dec 29, 2017 12:49 am

Do you think now is one of those moments when someone looks in & thinks " Good God ! " & scuttles off ?
Laughing

by halfwise Fri Dec 29, 2017 1:22 am

First of all, :carrot:

BAINGIL!!

Second of all, I go and take a drive from one humongous state to the next (Austin Texas to Taos, New Mexico to be precise), and the frickin' floodgates open. I should bugger off more often.

I'm every bit as screwed up as the rest of you. It's only recently that somebody taught me that in a semi-romantic relationship I was worth fighting for. I've never had problems lassoing friends (almost have to shoo them away, which is a constant source of puzzlement to me), but my first real romantic (sort of) relationship (other than a few drive-bys) only happened a few years ago, at around the age of 50.

The main problem I was hung up on it, and people could tell and didn't want anything to do with it. It was only when someone snuck up on me that it worked. So now my massive knots are untied, and I think I could find myself in a real relationship. The trick is not really caring, and if it seems to be happening sort of nonchalantly coax it along. And you're nonchalant because you don't believe it's happening anyway. And then you find that love is not just an emotion so much as a promise (quoting from Petty's Dr Who quotes).

So when I give Norc advice, it's based on recent realization. And all of you youngsters are doing great in beginning to come to grips with your various problems in your 20s. You'll all be just fine.

Norc is possibly the least screwed up person on the board. Go forth and conquer; one little break-up is chicken feed.

by halfwise Fri Dec 29, 2017 1:26 am

Az - yeah, we better fill in the next two pages with dancing reindeer and recipes for fisk.

by halfwise Fri Dec 29, 2017 1:55 am

Oh...uh....Merry Christmas!! rendeer

by Forest Shepherd Fri Dec 29, 2017 3:20 am

Haha, I was wondering, "Why is Eldo claiming he's not "ace"? That's pretty dorky slang to be using post-1940s.
But apparently it's short for asexual.

Azriel wrote: There are days & evenings where company would be wonderful & Ive craved it. But then, I start thinking, & those thoughts turn into little voices asking me do I really want male things around my place ? shoes, toothbrush, basket of washing to be done ? I feel like I'm two people all at once. One person wants the car rides & the cuddles, debates & shopping trips & the other person says feck orrrf, I like my way of life, my things how I like them & no one to answer to. Ive also decided I do not want sex. And that is the deciding factor. Men can shag like rabbits till they drop off the perch. Women are different.

Because women hang on to the perch? Razz

I think you might be mixing your metaphors there.

But you have some kids Azriel (or at least a daughter, as I recall), so that has to be a good help for loneliness. My mom had seven kids, and seems to look to them and the grand-kids for a lot of her social life.

Malickfan wrote:I don't want to pry or make you uncomfortable, but out of interest Forest why have you also shied away from dating? Similar issues to me, or just a lack of interest?

Oh I'm quite comfortable talking about it, no worries.

I haven't suffered any romantic trauma in the past. I've had stressful shit happen with people who have lived on the farm, but nothing romantic. The reasons I haven't dated are pretty simple I think.

1. I was a very shy kid. "Introverted" is the popular name for it now-a-days.
2. I was home-schooled, and when I did take classes with charter schools or attend home-school sports groups they were always a long ways from my house, so that outside of school I wasn't able to spend time with anybody. I only had one friend growing up who lived anywhere near me.
3. I started at my local college part-time during high school, when I was 14. The college girls there weren't exactly overwhelmed by greasy-skinny-teenage me, and I never even attempted to take the initiative. I quit college at 21, and even by then I hadn't developed socially enough from when I was younger, and was quite reserved.
4. Outside of school, I just didn't go do stuff with my peers. From 17-on I also got into computer games, and Lord of the Rings Online (played that for 4 years), followed by 3 years of DotA 2 (3,160 hours on Steam), swallowed much of my free time.

There were a handful of girls who I've liked over the years, but I didn't see them often enough for anything to happen. I was too tied to the farm.

I haven't avoided dating, it's just that I was socially stunted when there were girls around that I liked, and now that I'm more comfortable with myself the only way I can think of to meet girls my age is to go out to bars (*shudder*) or church groups (and then they want you to be filled with the spirit, not recovering from a crisis of faith!)
I work in construction, and then I go home and work on my cabin, and then I go work on tabletop roleplaying games. I only physically see women my age if I eat out for lunch, and when I'm driving in traffic.

Despite all that crap I do feel optimistic about the future. The whole girlfriend thing will work itself out. I'm a heck-ton more confident than I used to be, despite my hang-ups, and confidence is an attractive trait. The most important thing to me right now is to finish building my cabin. The independence and security that will give me is going to be very good for me, I expect.

Anyway, enough blabbing about me.

by malickfan Fri Dec 29, 2017 9:26 am

azriel wrote:Do you think now is one of those moments when someone looks in & thinks " Good God ! " & scuttles off ?

It would be more concerning if someone looked in and thought ''hey this place seems like wacky fun, maybe I should join?''

by Eldorion Fri Dec 29, 2017 9:41 am

Forest Shepherd wrote:Haha, I was wondering, "Why is Eldo claiming he's not "ace"? That's pretty dorky slang to be using post-1940s.
But apparently it's short for asexual.

Fortunately there are still lots of other ways in which I'm a dork. Nod

by malickfan Fri Dec 29, 2017 9:44 am

Eldorion wrote:
Forest Shepherd wrote:Haha, I was wondering, "Why is Eldo claiming he's not "ace"? That's pretty dorky slang to be using post-1940s.
But apparently it's short for asexual.

Fortunately there are still lots of other ways in which I'm a dork.

no comment

by malickfan Fri Dec 29, 2017 9:53 am

Baingil wrote:Ah, yes, as an asexual with depression I definitely have to jump in on a conversation like this. (And, of course, respond to the Bainsignal.) Pardon the absentee for showing up so impromptu for such a personal thing, but maybe my two cents could help and that'd be worth it.

Hi Baingil, very nice of you to jump in on such a personal, random conversation like this I'm certainly pretty confused and insecure about this stuff and I'd welcome the chance to talk to someone going through similar issues, I don't think I've ever had the pleasure of conversing with you on the forum, but I've heard rather alot about you over the years.

First of all, I totally understand where you're coming from with the loneliness, Malick. I spent quite a while after I figured out I was asexual (so, about four or five years ago?) assuming I'd spend my life alone, at least when it came to romantic relationships. Which, most of the time, was fine, since I'd by then realized that my lack of interest in dating was, well, a lack of interest altogether (this is, for the record, surprisingly difficult to figure out when you don't know that's an option).

I think the problem I have is that I can't work out how asexual I am, my insecurities coupled with the depression meant that I very rarely experience genuinely strong romantic/sexual attraction for anyone (currently have my first major crush in about 7 years which has been a rather perplexing surprise) and when I do I don't really have the confidence or experience to act on those impulses.

In my experience, feeling left out of that emotional closeness sucks hard no matter how little your actual interest in the romantic/sexual packaging. I totally convinced myself I was fine with being single, while also sometimes really, really wishing I was capable of joining in the rest of humanity just because I wanted somebody to care about me.

That second sentence rings true especially, most of the time I'm fine with it as it is all I've ever known, but when I do get those pangs of regret/loneliness they hit so much harder, as I've begun to work through the depression and my self confidence has returned (a bit at least) such feelings have become more and more common, I still feel like a insecure teenager at heart, but as I enter my late 20's next year I'm beginning to feel rather emotionally stunted like I've missed my last chance.

Thing is, though, it's not totally hopeless, even as a complete, not-interested-in-romantic/sexual relationships, introverted, depressed nerd. Somehow - and I'm still not entirely sure how - I did find somebody who has been trying their hardest to convince me that I won't end up dying alone and surrounded by a ton of cats (though, for the record, I'd decided that they would be robot cats, which made made this fate slightly more bearable). It's not quite romantic - I've never been on a date either, probably never will, my only "romantic" relationship was online - but there's someone out there who, despite my best efforts to warn him off (citing both asexuality and being an emotional mess), has insisted that I am somebody worth caring about, and now that lonely future with the army of robot cats is a whole lot fuzzier than it used to be (pardon the pun, I didn't notice till after I wrote it and I choose to leave it in). Doesn't mean nothing will ever happen in the future that might ruin that, but - it's enough to make me think that, maybe, asexuality isn't the sentence to loneliness I thought it was.

That's rather heartwarming Smile

(though the robot cats sound pretty cool on their own) , and I know that somewhere out there there is probably someone willing to put up with me, I just haven't put any effort into trying to find out, I feel like I should work through my own issues first before I commit myself to the pressures that dating would bring study

Of course, demisexuality is a little bit of a different animal, but even if you're not on the ace spectrum at all, the point stands that a lack of romantic relationships or experience doesn't mean a lifetime of solitude.

Well, you are talking to guy whose uncles on both the maternal and paternal side have been single for 25+ years, and whose siblings have never dated either so you'll have to forgive me if I seem a bit unsure about that...

And, as a bonus, even messed-up teenage relationships aren't entirely hopeless.

I often wish I had experienced one of those at least, it would have settled some of my confusion at a much younger age, if/when I ever find myself stumbling into a relationship of some sort it will be a much steeper learning curve at my age...

See, that online relationship was with my best friend (yeah, not so good at the RL relationships), while I was still trying to convince myself that I was definitely straight and I didn't realize asexuality was an option. Suffice to say, horrible idea, don't do it. And Eldo - the person in question, and who I have cleared this post with before sharing it - ended up also being that person who insisted on changing my views about asexuality meaning loneliness, from the moment I took the plunge and told him what I'd figured out about my disinterest in sex and romance, until now. And somehow it's working, depression, asexuality, and all. That's not really something I ever expected.

Eldo is too nice for his own good, I had heard a little about this before, glad to hear it's worked out so well between you guys.

Being without a romantic partner doesn't make you bad, or incapable of being cared about. Feeling lonely happens, and it sucks sometimes. And if you do happen to find the rare creature who wants you to not be lonely? Whether in the romantic sense or not, don't let your worries about driving them off with your mess keep you from trying things. With good communication and the right person, a lot's possible.

I think if/when I next encounter one of those rare creatures who shows any interest in me I owe to myself to enquire a little further, the longer I bottle up my worries about this stuff the worse it is going to get...

And, in the meantime? Looks like you've got a community of people who care here; and that's worth a lot.

Yeah these guys are all pretty cool people and good friends who have given me many a good laugh/sound advice over the years Nod

(apart from Petty obviously)

by malickfan Fri Dec 29, 2017 10:13 am

Forest Shepherd wrote:

1. I was a very shy kid. "Introverted" is the popular name for it now-a-days.

Ditto

2. I was home-schooled, and when I did take classes with charter schools or attend home-school sports groups they were always a long ways from my house, so that outside of school I wasn't able to spend time with anybody. I only had one friend growing up who lived anywhere near me.

One of my neighbours was home schooled, he was quite reclusive as a teenager but has matured into quite a well adjusted young man.

3. I started at my local college part-time during high school, when I was 14. The college girls there weren't exactly overwhelmed by greasy-skinny-teenage me, and I never even attempted to take the initiative. I quit college at 21, and even by then I hadn't developed socially enough from when I was younger, and was quite reserved.

Ah yes, the greasy haired skinny emo look is one I sported too, and I wonder why I didn't get much attention...

4. Outside of school, I just didn't go do stuff with my peers. From 17-on I also got into computer games, and Lord of the Rings Online (played that for 4 years), followed by 3 years of DotA 2 (3,160 hours on Steam), swallowed much of my free time.

Ditto again, I think I knew my Playstation better than I did any of my friends at school...

There were a handful of girls who I've liked over the years, but I didn't see them often enough for anything to happen. I was too tied to the farm.

I haven't avoided dating, it's just that I was socially stunted when there were girls around that I liked,

Once again, this is totally me on the rare occasion I met a girl I liked they were either taken, not interested or I was too insecure to make a move even fi they did show interest.

bars (*shudder*)

Shudder indeed, not my scene at all

or church groups (and then they want you to be filled with the spirit, not recovering from a crisis of faith!)

Agnostic here, who currently has the stupid misfortune to be crushing on a baptised JW...

I do feel optimistic about the future.

I can't exactly say the same about myself, but I'm actually making some attempts to change my future rather than stumbling along randomly so I suppose that's something...

I'm a heck-ton more confident than I used to be, despite my hang-ups, and confidence is an attractive trait.

It probably doesn't read that way, but the same is true for me, I may be depressed but I've learned to live with it and stop giving a shit what others think of my issues.

The independence and security that will give me is going to be very good for me, I expect.

Yes, you wouldn't want that erection to last too much longer Embarassed

by Mrs Figg Fri Dec 29, 2017 3:37 pm

I think that the crux of the matter is a feeling of self worth, if you have that it doesn't matter if you are a sexyrabbit, asexual, gay, straight or Scottish. When I feel worth something inside I can go through periods alone but not feel lonely. Its like going on a race with a three legged horse, without self worth sooner or later it falls over and kicks its legs in the air instead of ..er..racing. Self worth can conquer all manner of shit. I grew up with zero, I felt ugly and stupid and overcompensated to the max with being quite promiscuous, but I needed to be needed, I am actually quite asexual, and as time passes romance turns into companionship, and now I don't give a toss about romantical things and its actually embarrassing and a pain in the arse, although High Romance can always send me into transports which is odd, but its not real life, its Aragorn and Arwen on a bridge with lovely music.
The trick is finding your Mojo and finding self worth, building it up slowly, nurturing it like a delicate bloom, treating it well, making it stronger. people have different ways of doing this, you could be creative or build something, anything really, just so long that you feel a sense of achievement.

by azriel Fri Dec 29, 2017 4:41 pm

" it doesn't matter if you are a sexyrabbit, asexual, gay, straight or Scottish. "

Scottish... Laughing

by Bluebottle Fri Dec 29, 2017 4:59 pm

I am sorry some of you guys seem to be having a hard time with these issues, although I do not think there is a lot of advice to give, because every situation is so different, perhaps a few things should be said.

(1) There is no need for a feeling of immidiacy. About being in a relationship: Step one is the realization that you are not meant to be in a relationship with the wast multitude in this world. Simple fact of the matter is that real compatibility is a rarity, and while something to be treasured, you want find it just by wanting to. It is perhaps good to realize that this person is someone you will have to be happy spending every waking moment with for large stretches of time. For me at least, I don't think things could have worked out with just anyone. In this regard it is good to have a pinch of skepticism about crushes, because what you do when you get a crush is build the other person in your ideal image. And there is perhaps no real compatibility beyond your immidiate emotions. And if you like someone and don't end up together, hey, it probably wasn't meant to happen. We are all to quick to blame ourselves. And trying to understand all the issues someone else goes through is a good trait, a piece of simple empaty.

Of course, as human beings, as animals even, we have this basic need for intimacy. And nature will push you to feel always that there is a rush. But.. there really isn't, and spending time with someone that is feels for you, in the end, probably isn't worth it.

I guess the thing that I want to put across is that being in a relationship or being with someone of the same or opposite sex is not necessarily a good thing in itself. It has to be with a person you are compatible with, in a situation where you are comfortable to be with that person. Until that happens, there is no point really in feeling rushed. But..

(2) just get out there and be social, to the degree and in the settings you feel comfortable with. So, when we have accepted step one. That, one, there is nothing positive about being with another person just to be with another person, and, two, that while finding someone you feel both compatible and comfortable with is great, until that happens there is nothing wrong about being on your own. Then we can move on to, what we might call, step two. How to get in situations where you might meet people that you feel this way about.

I think the important part is to let yourself get into social situations, even ones you feel slightly uncomfortable with, just to meet people, hang out, have a social life. Because face it, if you don't take time to meet people in general, the chance of meeting someone you might consider spending.. let's say.. more time with, as a consequence lessens considerably. Whatever those social situations are, which are acceptable to you, probably differ from person to person. Find your interest, your spot, and where you can experience it with others, perhaps.

And then, perhaps, three. Keep calm, just be yourself, and don't feel the need to force somthing to happen. I think, actually, David on here said once (paraphrasing): There are a whole lot of good natured generous people in the world, and if you are good natured and generous, and just relax and give it time, you'll be surprised how fast you'll stumble accross another one.

Other than that, I agree with Figgs, just try to be comfortable with yourself, to the degree one can, and it is much easier to be comfortable around others.

by Bluebottle Fri Dec 29, 2017 4:59 pm

azriel wrote:" it doesn't matter if you are a sexyrabbit, asexual, gay, straight or Scottish. "

Scottish...

I've heard they are the worst ones, rabid independentists (at least 45% of them) Surprised

by Bluebottle Fri Dec 29, 2017 5:00 pm

Oh, and merry christmas. Try to enjoy it those of you who are not trying to finish a master thesis Smile

by Baingil Fri Dec 29, 2017 5:57 pm

Oh, I just realized - Merry (belated) Christmas, everyone! And a Happy New Year.

Pettytyrant101 wrote:{{ Baingi! Your alive and well! Hold on, so who is buried under the shoe mountain behind the Tower of Lore?!

ps good to hear from you again and with wise words to share Though Eru knows how you lot get to be so wise so young, I'm still trying to get there! }}

{{{Good to see you're doing alright and still around yourself! cheers

I'm not sure who's under the shoe mountain, but in case you see any blue swirly portals in the Tower, it's probably best to steer clear. Took me forever to get back. Mad

}}}

Eldorion wrote:I have a different perspective than Bain* [...]

*Particularly on the question of whether I'm all that great, but that's neither here nor there.

NO MATTER WHAT HE TRIES TO TELL YOU

halfwise wrote:First of all, BAINGIL!!

[...]

I've never had problems lassoing friends (almost have to shoo them away, which is a constant source of puzzlement to me)

If you're always this happy to see people I might have a suspicion as to why. Laughing

Thanks for the welcome! Also, I have been lurking recently and feel like I should inform you that you have excellent taste in the avatars you choose to admire. Nod

Forest Shepherd wrote:Haha, I was wondering, "Why is Eldo claiming he's not "ace"? That's pretty dorky slang to be using post-1940s.
But apparently it's short for asexual.

Well, you're still not wrong. The majority of asexual/ace-spectrum folks I've met are dorks, and I tend to suspect the rest of being better at hiding it. Shrugging

Obviously, Eldo's been hanging around me too much.

Mrs Figg wrote:I think that the crux of the matter is a feeling of self worth, if you have that it doesn't matter if you are a sexyrabbit, asexual, gay, straight or Scottish.

by Baingil Fri Dec 29, 2017 5:57 pm

malickfan wrote:Hi Baingil, very nice of you to jump in on such a personal, random conversation like this I'm certainly pretty confused and insecure about this stuff and I'd welcome the chance to talk to someone going through similar issues, I don't think I've ever had the pleasure of conversing with you on the forum, but I've heard rather alot about you over the years.

Of course! I definitely wish I'd had someone to talk to when I was going through the same stuff (not that I still don't have things I'm working through) so I tend to make it my personal mission to try to offer the support to questioning people I wish I'd had. Smile

Also, I really hope you don't believe what the newspapers have been telling you. It's all lies I swear.

malickfan wrote:I think the problem I have is that I can't work out how asexual I am, my insecurities coupled with the depression meant that I very rarely experience genuinely strong romantic/sexual attraction for anyone (currently have my first major crush in about 7 years which has been a rather perplexing surprise) and when I do I don't really have the confidence or experience to act on those impulses.

I definitely have spent a lot of time working through exactly what brand of asexual I was - I sound pretty confident now, but it took a few years, and I don't mind talking a bit more about it over PM but there's no need to clutter the Christmas thread with even more backstory. Laughing

Thing is, while it's definitely helpful to know exactly what sort of name to give yourself, and just where you actually place on the spectrum, both for practical purposes and because it's just nice to know it's already a thing - I personally found that I had difficulty figuring it all out until I decided just to accept that I was me, and if I didn't like anybody that was fine, and if I ended up liking a specific person (but no one else) that was fine, and if it had been a lie all along and I really was the repressed-but-straight person Teenage Me had assumed I was, then that would be fine. It's more about what you want and feel than about naming those feelings, even if it can be a fairly significant feeling to be able to put that name to those feelings and be able to tell people "this is me" and know what to expect from yourself in terms of this stuff.

tl;dr: The advice everyone is giving about not being in a rush and just finding your own level of comfort with a given situation is Good Advice, or at least what ended up helping me. Though if you want to talk potential labels I'm up for it, too. Also I used the word "feelings" way too much in that paragraph.

malickfan wrote:That second sentence rings true especially, most of the time I'm fine with it as it is all I've ever known, but when I do get those pangs of regret/loneliness they hit so much harder, as I've begun to work through the depression and my self confidence has returned (a bit at least) such feelings have become more and more common, I still feel like a insecure teenager at heart, but as I enter my late 20's next year I'm beginning to feel rather emotionally stunted like I've missed my last chance.

It's never too late to grow emotionally! Sure, it'll take time and probably effort, but as has been pointed out already, there's plenty of people who end up working through issues of this nature far later in life, and the good news is that you're working on it. While progress isn't ever as immediate as anyone would like, I've found that looking back at where I was usually ends with a "holy hell I've come a long way." And that was even before I ended up with a heartwarming success story with a really great person.

malickfan wrote:That's rather heartwarming (though the robot cats sound pretty cool on their own) , and I know that somewhere out there there is probably someone willing to put up with me, I just haven't put any effort into trying to find out, I feel like I should work through my own issues first before I commit myself to the pressures that dating would bring

I still do think the robot cats are a good idea, I must admit. And it's a good idea to know how much you can work on at once. If you do want to date but don't feel up for the emotional effort on top of the other stuff you're dealing with? No need to rush anything. Seriously.

malickfan wrote:Well, you are talking to guy whose uncles on both the maternal and paternal side have been single for 25+ years, and whose siblings have never dated either so you'll have to forgive me if I seem a bit unsure about that...

Doesn't necessarily mean a lifetime of solitude, I guess I should say. Though after seeing somebody push their way past my own paranoid defense system against other human beings, I tend to think think that there's hope for pretty much anyone.

malickfan wrote:Eldo is too nice for his own good

Agreed!

(No matter what he tries to tell you & etc.)

malickfan wrote:I think if/when I next encounter one of those rare creatures who shows any interest in me I owe to myself to enquire a little further, the longer I bottle up my worries about this stuff the worse it is going to get...

Sounds like a plan! And good luck! Thumbs Up

Also, if you feel the need to just talk with someone about ace stuff, I'll try to log in more often and check my messages here. Or, if I've dropped off the forum again, Eldo knows how to get ahold of me. Seriously, as I said: I wish I'd had somebody to talk with while I was figuring stuff out so I'm happy to try to save other people from at least a little of the frustration I went through.

by Norc Fri Dec 29, 2017 8:05 pm

this merry christmas thread got dark... i'm sorry.. (for norcing it into crippling love-angst).

"So yeah Norc, things could be worse..." - Malick
yeah, one could be pregnant Laughing

(knock on wood)

Malick your young (26 is a fine age shut up! i'd probably date you!), you're definitely NOT alone, letting down your guard and letting yourself fall in love is the scariest, bravest, and hardest thing to do, but it is totally worth it, no matter the outcome. I regret nothing, although i feel like a stupid shit for believing this fantastic (25-year old <3) man would love me back.

by Norc Fri Dec 29, 2017 8:09 pm

Pettytyrant101 wrote:
most people figure out this shit when they are 15 not 25- Malick

{{{They do!? Wish some 15 year old had told me!! }}}

you guys overestimate 15-year olds... i thought i had every answer and HAHHAHA OMG no... people doesn't figure shit out about themselves and the world, until at least 36 (maybe).

malickfan wrote:(after I randomly drunkenly messaged him one night)

i am so glad more of us are beginning to be at that level (with Eldo) Very Happy

malickfan wrote:
It's annoying, as I've started to work through the depression/anxiety and get better in my own mind of late, all my old insecurities about dating have come flooding back, it fucking sucks being severely depressed most of the time, but at least I didn't have to worry about that stuff, feels weird to realise I'm not totally asexual but scary to realise I've been putting up barriers for myself all these years, several women have shown interest in me in the past so I know I'm not totally undesirable I guess I'm just too much of a depressed coward to do anything about it.

depression is the fucking worst wingman, fight it! i also thought there was something profoundly weird with me since i never connected with guys in tht way during high school, come to realize later it's becausee my childhoodfriend was a fucking controlling bitch and i have trust isssues and is afraid everyone will leave... we all struggle i guess Razz

by Norc Fri Dec 29, 2017 8:19 pm

Forest Shepherd wrote:In my experience, the only people who aren't insecure and occasionally depressed are assholes, so I'd count that as a successful character trait, Malick.

The word depression is thrown around a lot amongst guys of my generation. I've experienced my fair share of what I've called depression. Apart from really significant flair-ups, I think most of it can be countered by actively doing shit. I feel the most "depressed" after I spend the afternoon lying around the house eating ice cream sandwiches and lazing around online. If I do something like going to see a movie or playing board games with people or just working on some home project it brings my spirits up a lot. Doing something that either advances one socially, or results in a tangible end-product, not stuff like playing video games. That's what works for me.

this is sooooo true!!! i always bake, or go for a walk or shop or draw... anything really. find a new hobby..

Forest Shepherd wrote:
I'm 26, turning 27 in April. I've never been on a date either, and certainly have never noticed a girl being interested in me, whatever that looks like. I have been slowly building my confidence though, generally by realizing that most people suck and are insecure idiots.
I think I've gotten to the point that I do have some self-worth. I've always had a self-inflated ego by being a do-gooder snob, but some of that has translated into a recognition of what about me is actually valuable.

Go after those relationships! It's not alchemy (I hope), and can't be all that challenging, right? I mean, you know how to get money and spend it on things, and that's most of the battle when it comes to getting a romantic partner, or so I've heard.

if you're bad with words and feelings, actions speeks louder i think... women want nice men.. seems simple, but it is..

Forest Shepherd wrote:
Edit: hey, I'm curious, what does it mean that "some women showed interest in me"? What does that look like, in practical terms? It'd be quite helpful if I could pick up on these things, if they ever happen.

fuck if i knew that... i know the bedroom-eyes for men, but yeah... kinda don't always want that... Laughing

i think the "obliviousness" to it is connected to the fact that we accept love we think we deserve, so when someone lovely comes along and shows interest, we don't see it because we don't believe it, we don't deserve this lovelyness, it's unbelieavable and our brain hides it from us.

by malickfan Fri Dec 29, 2017 8:25 pm

Norc wrote:
yeah, one could be pregnant (knock on wood)

Oh god, I can't imagine having kids at this age (though to be fair, I can't imagine having kids at any age...)...though I know of several people who have done so even earlier and seem to making a good thing of it (aged 18 and 21 affraid

)

i'd probably date you!),

Um...thanks I guess? You find receding hairlines and slightly crooked teeth attractive do you Suspect

letting down your guard and letting yourself fall in love is the scariest, bravest, and hardest thing to do, but it is totally worth it, no matter the outcome

.

Well, I think I have been in love at least once before and it was certainly a confusing bundles of emotions ranging from joy to terror, but I was only 15 at the time and even more insecure than I am now, I'm no more experienced but certainly wiser and more comfortable in my skin that I was back then, if it happens now I like to think I'll be more ready for it this time...

although i feel like a stupid shit for believing this fantastic (25-year old <3) man would love me back.

Hey, you are even younger than me, plenty of time to learn and grow as a person, there's never anything to feel embarrassed about when it comes to heartbreak and from the little I know about you on a personal level Norc, you have always struck me as a very nice, level headed person Nod

[/quote]

by malickfan Fri Dec 29, 2017 8:26 pm

[quote=Norc]i am so glad more of us are beginning to be at that level (with Eldo) Very Happy

[/quote]

He probably isn't though Laughing

by malickfan Fri Dec 29, 2017 8:29 pm

Norc wrote:this merry christmas thread got dark... i'm sorry.. (for norcing it into crippling love-angst).

Well that was more my fault, and tbh most of my Christmases usually descend into me moping around in crippling love angst, two solid days of drinking wine and cider probably didn't help drunken