what sort of jokes can I get away with? [3]

Oh Just my luck!! just to let you all know, I've been admitted to Hospital. I've just gone and poisoned myself. I ate what I thought was an onion but it was a Daffodil Bulb. They said I'll be out sometime in the Spring

Nestlé worker called William fell into a vat of chocolate and all the workers started singing Billy, don’t be an Aero

Sad news today from the Nestle factory today. A night shift worker was trapped under a case of chocolate that fell 20ft off the storage racking.
He called for help repeatedly but, everytime he shouted "The milky bars are on me " his colleagues just cheered.....

https://www.facebook.com/ed.wojdyla.3/videos/2665619720202765/

Two prawns were swimming around in the sea one called Justin and the other called Kristian. The prawns were constantly being harassed and threatened by sharks that inhabited the area. Finally one day Justin said to Kristian, 'I'm fed up with being a prawn; I wish I was a shark, and then I wouldn't have any worries about being eaten.'
A large mysterious cod appeared and said, 'Your wish is granted'
Lo and behold, Justin turned into a shark.
Horrified, Kristian immediately swam away, afraid of being eaten by his old mate.
Time passed (as it does) and Justin found life as a shark boring and lonely. All his old mates simply swam away whenever he came close to them.
Justin didn't realize that his new menacing appearance was the cause of his sad plight. While swimming alone one day he saw the mysterious cod again and he thought perhaps the mysterious fish could change him back into a prawn.
He approached the cod and begged to be changed back, and, lo and behold, he found himself turned back into a prawn.
With tears of joy in his tiny little eyes Justin swam back to his friends and bought them all a cocktail.
Looking around the gathering at the reef he realized he couldn't see his old pal.
'Where's Kristian?' he asked.
'He's at home, still distraught that his best friend changed sides to the enemy & became a shark', came the reply.
Eager to put things right again and end the mutual pain and torture, he set off to Kristian's abode. As he opened the coral gate, memories came flooding back. He banged on the door and shouted, 'It's me, Justin, your old friend, come out and see me again.'
Kristian replied, 'No way man, you'll eat me. You're now a shark, the enemy, and I'll not be tricked into being your dinner.'
Justin cried back 'No, I'm not. That was the old me. I've changed.'.........
.
'I've found Cod. I'm a Prawn again Kristian'

We were so poor back in the day when it was cold at night my mother would sit us round a candle and when it got really cold she would light it.