what sort of jokes can I get away with? [3]

Oh yes

There are 10 types of people in the world:

Those that understand binary.
Those that don't.

Two Irishmen are stuck in the
desert, wandering aimlessly and
close to death. They are close to
just lying down and waiting for
the inevitable, when all of a
sudden.......
'Hey paddy, do you smell what I smell. It's
bacon - I'm sure of it.'
'Yes, mick, it smells like bacon to me.'
So, with renewed strength, they struggle up
the next s and dune, and there, in the
distance, is a tree loaded with bacon.
There's raw bacon, dripping with moisture,
there's fried bacon, back bacon, double
smoked bacon... every imaginable kind of
cured pig meat.
'paddy, paddy we're saved. It is a bacon
tree.'
'mick, are you sure it's not a mirage? We
are in the desert, don't forget.'
'paddy, when did you ever hear of a mirage
that smell like bacon? It's no mirage, it's a
bacon tree.'
and, with that, mick races towards the tree.
He gets to within five metres, paddy
following closely behind, when, all of a
sudden, a machine gun opens up and mick
is cut down in his tracks. It is clear he is
mortally wounded but, a true friend that he
is, he manages to warn paddy with his
dying breath.
'paddy... go back man, you was right it's not
a bacon tree.'
'mick, mick ... what the fuck is it?'
'paddy... its not a bacon tree...
it's...
it's...
it's...
it's a Ham Bush.'

A blonde & a brunette walk past a flower shop & see the brunette's boyfriend buying a lovely bouquet of flowers. She sighs & says, "oh crap, my boyfriend is buying me flowers again. Now IL be expected to lie on my back all weekend with my legs in the air !" "why?" said the blonde, "Don't you have a vase ?"

The day after his wife disappeared in a kayaking accident, an Irishman answered his door to find two grim-faced constables.
“We’re sorry, Mr. O’Flynn, but we have some information about your dear wife, Maureen,” said one of the officers.
“Tell me! Did you find her?” O’Flynn asked.
The constables looked at each other and one said, “We have some bad news, some good news, and some really great news. Which would you like to hear first?”
Fearing the worst, Patrick said, “Give me the bad news first.”
The constable said, “I’m really sorry to tell you, sir, but early this morning we found your poor wife’s body in the bay.”
“Lord sufferin’ Jesus and Holy Mother of God!” exclaimed O’Flynn. Swallowing hard, he then asked, “What could possibly be the good news
The constable continued, “When we pulled the late, departed poor Maureen up, she had 12 of the best-looking Atlantic lobsters that you have ever seen clinging to her. Haven’t seen lobsters like that since the 1960’s, and we feel you are entitled to a share in the catch.”
Stunned, O’ Flynn demanded, “Glory be to God, if that’s the good news, then what’s the really great news?”
The constable replied, “We’re gonna pull her up again tomorrow!!..

Paddy and Mick are sat down in a café when a waitress came over and said " You cant eat your own sandwiches in here!" …….so they swapped

Paddy the electrician was sacked from his Prison job today for refusing to repairing an electric chair. He said, in his opinion, it was a death trap.

Took a second reading to catch that one.

Hmm.....we seem to have lost all the Fjordlandians.

Was it something we said?

Has there been an unheralded herring drought, and they've all starved?

{{ Yip, Amarie, Ringo, Norc, Blue and all, where are you folks?!! Did Russia invade! }}

Christmas stress.

I should have posted this under "complaints", but just clicked on "site issues" and happily typed away on whatever came up, which happened to be the jokes thread.

Good to see you Amarie, but how many weeks does Christmas Stress extend? I suppose you folks up there take up more of the load, what with making snow and popping out elves and such. I suspect Norc has been hijacked into the Workshop, as she's half elf and pushing hard against the Arctic circle.

Norc is stuck deep within the Arctic circle, where they are only allowed to communicate with the Outside World when stupid southeners struggle with snow and ice and needs to be laughed at.

Christmas stress ends? I sure hope so. I am struggling a bit with finding the Christmas cheer,  but it's not as much bah humbug as it is bah housework. The house is not done, but the gifts are done and Finrod has control of the food. Hoping to enjoy tomorrow (we Fjordians have family dinner and open presents on the 24th).

((Maybe this should have been put under ' complaints' too. Lets just say we're norking.))