Waiting for 'The Battle of the Five Armies'...

ok not rude...

Thorin *with French accent* to Bilbo on the ramparts of Erebor

''Now go away. Or I shall taunt you a second time!''

''you're muzzer is a descendant of rats and you're fazzer smells of elderberries''

I bet there will be no "descendent of rats" at all. I bet that scene will not even happen. I know we're currently guessing at LOTR quotes cropping up, but I thought I'd mention this.
I doubt PJ will allow anything as dramatic as the transfer of the Arkenstone and the "betrayal" of the dwarves to happen with one hobbit's sneaking out at night. There will be a bunch of bullshit attached to it.

Forest Shepherd wrote:
I doubt PJ will allow anything as dramatic as the transfer of the Arkenstone and the "betrayal" of the dwarves to happen with one hobbit's sneaking out at night. There will be a bunch of bullshit attached to it.

He'll turn it into a chase sequence.

bungobaggins wrote:

Forest Shepherd wrote:
I doubt PJ will allow anything as dramatic as the transfer of the Arkenstone and the "betrayal" of the dwarves to happen with one hobbit's sneaking out at night. There will be a bunch of bullshit attached to it.

He'll turn it into a chase sequence.

Exactly. The orcs will somehow get inside the mountain and capture Bilbo and the Arkenstone without Thorin knowing (as he'll be moonlighting with a pile of gems somewhere). However, Tauriel and Legolas will see the orcs as they run out the front gate and give chase, rescuing Bilbo and incurring great carnage at the same time. Instead of Bilbo giving over the Arkenstone to help ameliorate the unpleasant situation, it will be Legolas who pries the gem from Bolg's cold, dead, grip.

Cue Benny Hill !

At this point, the only thing I want from TABA is for Thorin to pull a Scrooge McDuck.

We should have a thread for Disney comics! Old Mickey Mouse comics, Donald Duck, Scrooge - there's so much fantastic stuff in there - Carl Barks, Don Rosa, Floyd Gottfredson, Marco Rota and a number of other great cartoonists. Are there any other "enthusiasts" in forumshire?

Nice try Ringdrotten. No Norcing for you!

Ringdrotten wrote:We should have a thread for Disney comics! Old Mickey Mouse comics, Donald Duck, Scrooge - there's so much fantastic stuff in there - Carl Barks, Don Rosa, Floyd Gottfredson, Marco Rota and a number of other great cartoonists. Are there any other "enthusiasts" in forumshire?

Not sure about classic Disney, but Petty was repping old Warner Bros. cartoons (Looney Tunes and Animaniacs) a while back.

http://www.hobbitmovieforum.com/t536-greatest-cartoons-of-all-time

bungobaggins wrote:At this point, the only thing I want from TABA is for Thorin to pull a Scrooge McDuck.

Smaug has already literally done the "swimming under a sea of gold" routine, though.

Forest Shepherd wrote:Nice try Ringdrotten. No Norcing for you!

But really, what's to Norc - is anybody really expecting anything from TABA other than further disappointment and disbelief?  

Part of me still hopes that PJ remembers how to do battle scenes with large armies, because for all his shortcomings, he's one of the best I've ever seen at that, if only for his audaciousness and sense of scale.  But I'm not holding my breath.

Goblins, and big pale orcs, bats, Beorn, dwarves on boars, ninja elves, angry men and probably a resurrected Smaug possessed by Sauron after he's driven from Dol Guldur.
Now add in the least restrained most spectacle driven director in the business with no idea when enough is enough, or when the ludicrousness of the action has long since undermined all semblance of any drama and regard for the viewers empathy for the characters well being, its going be horrific.  

Eldorion wrote:Part of me still hopes that PJ remembers how to do battle scenes with large armies, because for all his shortcomings, he's one of the best I've ever seen at that, if only for his audaciousness and sense of scale.  But I'm not holding my breath.

He'll ruin it with too much CGI, his new favorite toy.

Why he jumped on the CGI bandwagon after famously breathing new life into miniatures and prosthetics is beyond me.

There was a ton of CGI work in LOTR too, he just knew how to balance it with practical effects. IIRC his stated reason for abandoning models is that he thinks CGI is now indistinguishable from practical effects for all intents and purposes. Why he felt the need to replace prosthetics with mocap, I dunno.

I can see TBOTFA to be every strange or unstrange creature from ME that Tolkien ever devised. It will be a ludicrous clash of high intensity screaming & scrabbling. We will get the odd fake hero worship slush puke fest, with Thorin looking ever-so stiff upper lip,(well, praps a slight quiver)  & martyred, Gandy will look on in awe & Bilbo will blub but, dah dahhhhhh, will skip UNSEEN between every pair of legs till he gets the arkenstone & then he'll produce a gut churning, vomit making "little House on The Prairie" speech, battle noise will fade, close of shots of Leggy, Tauriel, every fooking 'pay cheque performer' in ME will get his 5mins, cue sound & we're off. Thorin strides triumphant towards........ anyone as long as it makes HIM look good, a few hair flicks, a scraze above the brow, an agonising snarl as swords clash, ( make up ! thorin needs a touch more lippy ) & then the Eagles do a "WW2 Battle of Britain" reenactment, Beorn roars in and does a "Sauron" from FOTR, but without mace, sweeps all the baddies miles out, & lumbers off for honey sandwiches (exit left). all we need is Ents & a Tsunami.........................

Strangely, that sounds oh so plausible.   

thing is. In ROTK I was emotionally invested in all the characters, when Theoden gives his Rohirrim cry and charges down to battle I feel like I want to give a mighty Viking warcry grip my two headed axe, jump on my grey steed Thunder down to Minas Tirith and jolly well knock off as many orc heads as possible. Theres this one extra dude who looks like a big Hells Angel with an axe, he is full on shouting his head off and thats how I feel too when I watch, I feel the blood pumping in my ears. Its great.   
   It brings a tear to the eye.     
On the other hand I dont give a toss about Thorin and co, so no matter how spectacular the battle I wont feel a thing.

The Battle of the Five Armies, as it came to be known afterwards, will most likely not be quite as outlandish as Azriel suggests. Sure we'll have some contestants that were not necessarily there in the book (most notably Legolas, and obviously Azog (unless he gets offed first)), but apart from the setup of the battle I see no reason why Jackson should change any of the major details of the armies, their placements, the order of events, the absence of Smaug and the Necromancer.
I do expect to be disappointed because of how disappointing the fight scenes in the Hobbit films have been so far. I think what Eldorion is saying is that he hopes Jackson can still film a good battle, as he is clearly missing the mark on making good skirmishes. I remember the excellent sequence at the end of FotR and when I watch, say, the conflict in Lake-town there is NO comparison. Completely different. You can blame Sean Bean's photogenic dying abilities, but the real culprit is big-headed wankerness.
I think that the BotFA will be a smodge-podge of the worst elements of the Battle of Pelennor Fields and Dwarven grunts, Elven sighs, and Mannish roars.

If only !   You guys have much more optimism than I have ! mind you Forest, out of all the statement you posted, there is one thing to come out of it that resonates loud & clear.............................................. wankerness.
  Peejers lost it WAY long ago, Im so sorry but, I feel he cant see thru the rainbow coloured, smog filled haze he's created, to actually think straight anymore. I think he did do a reasonable LOOKING battle scene in LOTRs, (as long as your not a tactition & have a smidge of understanding battle skills ?)  buuuuut, look at what he's done in TH so far ?? Monty Python are more believable, Id put more faith in peter Pan's lost children against Captain Hook. But thats only my opinion, Im certainly NOT having any digs at anyone !  

Forest Shepherd wrote:Sure we'll have some contestants that were not necessarily there in the book (most notably Legolas, and obviously Azog (unless he gets offed first)), but apart from the setup of the battle I see no reason why Jackson should change any of the major details of the armies, their placements, the order of events, the absence of Smaug and the Necromancer.

You may see no reason, but Peter Jackson will.

He will defo have the Necromancer. He will have Sauron sat on a big warg with a bat flapping horribly on his helmet. They will stand there hissing at everyone and then the bat will fly off and crap on Bilbos head.