Waiting for 'The Battle of the Five Armies' [2]

Continued from: http://www.hobbitmovieforum.com/t884p990-waiting-for-the-battle-of-the-five-armies

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Mrs Figg wrote:

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I guess this proves how fondly The Hobbit films are regarded here...we've discussed the minutiae of  a featured pig's genitalia at least three times...

its more interesting I guess

I think what comes out of a pig's rear end is more akin to what Peejers has given us.

malickfan wrote:I guess this proves how fondly The Hobbit films are regarded here...we've discussed the minutiae of  a featured pig's genitalia at least three times...

I'm pretty sure I've been responsible for bringing the pig balls up most times.  What can I say ... they're pretty impressive.

it must be difficult to walk with those things

On the plus side, they stick out the back, and don't seem to dangle between the legs. On the other hand, they look pretty vulnerable out there.

azriel wrote:I think what comes out of a pig's rear end is more akin to what Peejers has given us.

Going in my signature!


Can't believe a discussion about pig balls lead to my to my 1000th post...

...but still


1000 posts!!!!

It's only taken a year!

Well done Malick !

Congratulations, Malick!

Thanks!



I've been a member of Torn for almost three years and I haven't even hit it yet, what can I say I like it here more I guess!  

I'm rather surprised I ended up posting this frequently to be honest, I suppose that means you are a very interesting bunch of guys and gasls to converse with.

I'm very glad that you decided to visit and even more glad that you've stuck around to become part of the community, Malick!  You've been a pleasure to chat with and get to know a bit, and your posts on a variety of topics often make me stop and think before responding, which is always a good thing.

Well the problem with that comic is that the logical steps it takes are not only hyperbolic, they're also based upon false assumptions.
Or, in another way of putting it, the statements being put out by "Jackson" in the comic are not simply opinions, but inherently wrong because they assume that The Hobbit films actually succeed wherever "Jackson" sees The Hobbit book failing.
It's full of red herrings and non sequiturs!

"So a fast-paced adventure with little to no character development except for the title character?"

Is this really what the Hobbit is like? Arguably Bilbo, Gandalf,Thorin and Gollum are the only characters in the book that are fleshed out to any real extent. Thorin is questionably not so core, were it not for the fact that he is front and center for so much of the book. Regardless, all four of these characters are described well; given motivations, shortcomings and doubts (Gandalf... not so much on the doubts); and play important roles in the story.

Already that's not the same as only Bilbo receiving character development, and the fact that the films, more and more, skip over Bilbo's character scenes and focus on the rest of the cast is, of course, not mentioned here at all.

"...and tralala-singing, flamboyant elves that feel like old-school disney cartoons and go against the whole idea that Tolkien later set up?"

Oh we mean like singing elves in Rivendell? Oh my I can't imagine that being in the mighty Lord of the Rings book!
(Except of course it's there. During the first night after Frodo wakes up (my book has been misplaced, so I paraphrase) he hears and sees the elves singing along the banks of the river in the moonlight. And that was right after the Ringwraiths, the darkest servants of Sauron were at their border! Imagine how much more carefree they must have been when Bilbo arrived there with the Dwarves.

Purely from a reading standpoint there really isn't any discrepancy between the elves of Rivendell in the Hobbit and the Lord of the Rings. As has been said countless times it is Jackson's treatment of elves that has shifted their love of nature and music to a lust for war, their cherishing of the vestiges of the past to a doomed melancholy, and their their mistrust of the changing world to an outright animosity to all other races.)
Sorry but you won't find any spider-web-leaping Legolases in The Hobbit or the Lord of the Rings.

"...and a bunch of random, faceless orcs, who have little to no personal motivation for chasing the heroes down the road?"

First off, WHAT BLOODY CHASING?!!!?
And secondly, it sure seemed to work that the orcs were entirely nameless and faceless during the Fellowship of the Ring, and when actual orc-characters are introduced in the TT and RotK they are minor characters. This fascination and focus on the Big Bad Guy is a carry-over from DnD more than any kind of trend found in Tolkien's writing. War and killing is NOT the focus of the Hobbit book!

"...and overly comedic, cowardly dwarves who are only there to provide a list of funny names, and behave nothing like the dwarves of middle-earth described in the lotr, the silmarillion, and so on?"

Are you f***ing kidding me??


I'm sorry but what the actual fuck difference is there between this assumed "childishness" of the book and the immature stupidity of the dwarves in the movies?

*Thorin and Co are being chased by warg-riding orcs*
*Gandalf disappears for about 8 seconds*
"Where's Gandalf!"
"He's abandoned us!   "

Yeah I think I'll take the dwarves of the book thanks. If the price of half-decent moments like Bofur's speech from AUJ must be accompanied by the tripe posted above.

Oh but I suppose the trifecta of hairless man-dwarfs--Fili, Kili, and Thorin-- are what we're supposed to be thinking of here.  

Anyway the original came from Deviantart apparently, and the user has some amusing comic-things as well, so I do not mean to criticize the individual...
...just the idiotic things they say.

agreed

This probably won't come as a surprise to anybody, well at least anybody here.

http://thorinoakenshield.net/2014/09/21/hobbit-battle-of-five-armies-article-in-cinema-magazine/

Now the metropolis on Erebor’s mountainside is again becoming the scene for death and destruction. Men that fled into Dale’s ruins are being chased out of Esgaroth by gruesome orcs. (note: No, this sentence makes no sense in German either…) With drawn axes and swords they fight screaming through the narrow streets of the ruined city. And are finally defeated by the Mirkwood elves.

At the end of the massacre, Thranduil (Lee Pace), king of the wood elves, at the same time angry and sad looks at his fallen companions and the dead bodies of the orcs as he is torn out of thoughts by Gandalf (Ian McKellen). The wizard is clad in grey and pleads to Thranduil for help in the fight against the powers of darkness. He however only replies: “The elves have already shed enough blood in this land.”

Pointless action sequence? ✅
Faux drama? ✅

malickfan wrote:


1000 posts!!!!                                                

It's only taken a year!

Well done, Malick!

For new page.

bungobaggins wrote:This probably won't come as a surprise to anybody, well at least anybody here.

http://thorinoakenshield.net/2014/09/21/hobbit-battle-of-five-armies-article-in-cinema-magazine/

Now the metropolis on Erebor’s mountainside is again becoming the scene for death and destruction. Men that fled into Dale’s ruins are being chased out of Esgaroth by gruesome orcs. (note: No, this sentence makes no sense in German either…) With drawn axes and swords they fight screaming through the narrow streets of the ruined city. And are finally defeated by the Mirkwood elves.

At the end of the massacre, Thranduil (Lee Pace), king of the wood elves, at the same time angry and sad looks at his fallen companions and the dead bodies of the orcs as he is torn out of thoughts by Gandalf (Ian McKellen). The wizard is clad in grey and pleads to Thranduil for help in the fight against the powers of darkness. He however only replies: “The elves have already shed enough blood in this land.”

Pointless action sequence? ✅
Faux drama? ✅

" Further Peter Jackson is constantly haunted by new ideas on how to end the final chapter in Middle-earth. "
WTF ? Isnt there only ONE way ? you dumb F**k S**T !

"This means he has written some sequences already two years ago and others as late as last night. "
Oh yeah ! this makes sense

"“I still don’t believe that we are done”, Ian McKellen jokes. “I have said goodbye to Tolkien’s world already a lot of times.”
No surprise there, I bet underneath, half the actors could very well be feeling a bit miffed ?

QUIT IT ALREADY PJ ! Argh to hell with it ! let him have a breakdown & get carted off, at least we'll get some peace from him for a good while.

are they making Lee Pace look like the Glorfindel they never had in LOTRs ?

Yeah, I think one definite adverse effect of the success of the lotrs movies is the lack of any accountability for Jackson in the process of making these movies.

After the first two movies shouldn't it be becoming pretty clear that the making it up as you go along formula isn't neccesarily a key to cinematic quality and certainly not to making a coherent adaptations?

Hoo Roo Blue, Your not wrong there ! He may be 52 in years, I reckon hes 52 INCHES round his head where its swelled up so much, Hes like a run away train without the brakes, ideas popping up willy nilly, I can just see Hitchcock doing that !

What jumps out at me is that the magazine states that Thranduil refuses to fight against "the forces of darkness" after the battle with the orcs is done.  So either this is a preliminary skirmish and we're just getting some much-needed will-they-won't-they drama before the main battle (the most likely case), or Gandalf is trying to put together a long-term alliance to go after Sauron once the BOFA is over, and Thrandypants is having none of it.

 

Is that you in the pic, Sin? You're a lot cuter than I'd imagined!

I have a feeling it will be the other way around. Tauriel will die for Kili. If they do that, then it sure as hell better not be becasue of her dumb ass crush

Sinister71 wrote:

 

Love it Sin Tho Id do the above just for making the bloody film in the first place !
( someone should have done this when the scripts arrived )
(...and the casting crew)
(...financier )
(.anyone with an idea.....)