An Unexpected Journey as seen by Petty Tyrant

Norc wrote:third.

Zackira (a mod on the old forum) was Norwegian too, and she joined even before Ringdrotten.

Several people seem to be angling for a boot up the arse! Stop Norcing my thread! Bloody Fjordians and Yanks!  

Eldorion wrote:

Bluebottle wrote:I think norc has made it clear she was only pulling my leg.  

I thought it was clear that I just give Norc shit sometimes.  She knows how to respond when it annoys her; look at my title.

yes. i know how to respond.                                                      

Eldorion wrote:

Norc wrote:third.

Zackira (a mod on the old forum) was Norwegian too, and she joined even before Ringdrotten.

the old forum. also, she's not here {{ }}

Darnit, I saw two more pages and thought, "Hey, more Petty writing," but no, it's just you lot Norcing around again!

 

I'll have to admit it was great fun.

Though I would be disappointed as well, Forest.  

You have surpassed yourself with this story, Petty.

back on topic.  

“Its not irrational,” Elrond replied, “have you not seen the extended scenes? Apparently Thorin's father summoned Thranduil to pay him tribute, and Thror offered a chest of treasure to Thranduil but then snapped it closed in front of Thranduil's face and obviously he was furious,” Elrond explained.

“Hang on,” Gandalf said, “I thought you said Thranduil was the one paying the tribute? And anyway that only explains why elves should dislike dwarves not why dwarves dislike elves.”

Doesn't Thorin dislike elves because Thranduil departed from Erebor on his giant moose ()?

Well, that too. The treasure chest scene was in the EE.

That PJ, trying to sneak bits of TS into his movies  

Bilbo's voiceover about the Elves and Dwarves disputing payment is almost verbatim from The Hobbit (the book).  This is generally considered to be a deliberate reference by Tolkien to the story of Thingol from the Book of Lost Tales and The Silmarillion.

It's certainly a reference to that TS story. But PJ has seemingly taken the conflict from that book and surgically implanted it onto the story of TH and added the bit about Thranduil deserting Thorin when Smaug attacked.

Gandalf hesitated, “You know? The one our order was sent here to fight, the one of whom Sauron was but an emissary?”

“We aren't using that enemy,” Saruman replied

Confused about this bit. Weren't the Istari sent to fight Sauron on ME and not Morgoth?

Gandalf references a few times the idea that Sauron is an emissary of the true source of evil, which in ME would be Morgorth, and that their task is to deal with the evil that arises through it in their time, but that doesn't mean it wont arise again, in fact it always will for so long as the source exists.
Tolkien differentiates between the Enemy that is the source and the enemy that is Sauron.
In the end all fighting of evil is really fighting Morgorths will being expressed through people who have fallen and become corrupt.

Fair point, but wouldn't Morgoth be off limits to the filmmakers?

Maybe, but not to satire!

Oh, okay

Radaghast wrote:It's certainly a reference to that TS story. But PJ has seemingly taken the conflict from that book and surgically implanted it onto the story of TH and added the bit about Thranduil deserting Thorin when Smaug attacked.

I'm actually a little unclear about what relation the whole treasure chest thing is supposed to have to the story about the origin of the Elvish/Dwarvish feud.  The voiceover happening at the same time implies that what we see is said origin, but what Bilbo describes is not at all what's happening on screen.  It's the Dwarves who are refusing to give the Elven-king money, not the other way around, and the Elven-king only showed up to pay homage to Thror. It makes more sense to me that what we see is the Dwarves being douchebags as a way to stick it to the Elves as part of their millennia-spanning feud, though that is reading a bit into the story.  It's a pretty puzzling scene all around IMO.

I thought it was that the elves needed to pay the dwarves for Thrandy's shiny jewels? And they didn't? So the dwarves just kinda teased them by showing them the box and then almost slamming it shut on his fingers?

That would make sense.

But did they show how the Elves didn't pay homage or whatever? I don't think anyone involved is really paying much attention to the script.

The dwarves stood and stared in horrified shock.

All around them goblins were dancing and capering and the Great Goblin was pirouetting on the spot before them, his testicle chin flapping this way and that as he moved and slapping against his chest, and he was singing in his high crisp clear RADA trained voice, “Down in the deep of Goblin Town!” he sang.

“Can I hear an electronic synthesiser in the background?” Balin asked Thorin in a whisper, “Who is playing that?”

“Shhh!” hissed Thorin back, “don’t draw attention to it.”

The Great Goblin finished his song and sighed happily, “We used to sing that one round the piano at the Gundabad sixth form prep.”

Suddenly one of the goblins who had been instructed to search the dwarves at least ten minutes ago and now had finally decided it might be a good idea to check for weapons let out a disgusted yell.

He lifted up a sheathed sword and drew out the elvish blade, squeaked in horror at it and threw it to the floor before the twirling Great Goblin, who came to a stop in a slow wobbling of flesh, like a badly made pudding setting.

“An elvish blade,” the goblin cried.

The Great Goblin backed away from it and clambered onto his throne and then he stared at the exposed blade lying on the floor, “Are you sure? Its not glowing?” he said hesitantly.

Thorin stepped forward looking embarrassed, “Um, we are just trying to kind of skate over that and not mention it,” he explained, “it is elvish, the Goblin-Cleaver!”

“I know that sword!” the Great Goblin cried after a second quizzical look at the non-glowing elvish blade, “Slash them!” he ordered the mass of goblins surrounding the dwarves, “Beat them! Kill them all!” he ordered.

Immediately the dwarves were beset on all sides by many, many goblins and Thorin found himself thrown to the ground below a mass f goblin bodies, at any moment any one of the dwarves could indeed be beaten, slashed or easily killed, yet none of them were, despite the Great Goblins explicit instructions.

“Cut off his head!” the Great Goblin screamed in fury at the lack of slashing, beating and killing going on.

In response to this one of the several goblins who had Thorin pined to the ground and could have harmed him in any way multiple times by now but had not, finally drew out a blade completely inefficient for head cutting off and held it with its point hovering just above Thorin's nose.

Thorn sighed, “Don’t you even now how to cut a head off?” he demanded.

The goblin hesitated but never got a chance to reply as suddenly the cavern was filled with a blinding white light.

The light came with force, goblins were blown backwards and off their perches and ledges and down into the probably not very gloomy depths.

Thorin and the dwarves found themselves lying on their backs as goblins blew past them on the white light and when it was gone they slowly sat up, as did the renaming thirty or so goblins lying with them.

The goblins who were furthest away, on the precarious structures lining the walls lay inexplicably slumped and immobile still.

Thorin peered from between the goblins and saw Gandalf standing there, although how he had managed to sneak up so close in a massive open well lit cavern was a question for later, or preferably not at all.

“I love the smell of slightly charred goblin in the morning!” Gandalf declared, “Take up arms! Fight!” he ordered the dwarves who fortunately all reacted to this far sooner than a single Goblin did.

The dwarves leapt to their feet as a blood crazed Gandalf leapt towards them his sword drawn yelling “Fight!”.

Orcs leapt at them and he gleefully sliced them open, diced off their limbs and generally slaughtered anything within a five foot radius.

The dwarves grabbed their weapons from where the goblins had handily deposited them in a pile close by whilst Bombur held of the incoming orcs by bouncing them off his belly with a comic 'boing', he would still have preferred to have got a line of dialogue but was making do and pretending in his head he was in live action version of a Warner Brothers cartoon.

“What about all our other possessions? Our packs and stuff?” Bifur shouted.

“Don't worry about them, the script won't have, I expect they will just mysteriously turn up without a comment once we are all out of the mountains,” Gandalf explained still happily hacking and chopping at goblins.

“How did you get here?” Thorin demanded, “The mountain path was a giants knee and was utterly destroyed and there was no other path to the cave?”

Gandalf looked momentarily shifty in-between hacking goblins, “Lets not ask those sort of questions,” he replied tersely.

Suddenly goblins were pressing in on all sides and the dwarves joined Gandalf in hacking and killing.

The Great Goblin raised his sceptre and ball sack chin juggling madly he swung it at Fili, or possibly Kili.

Thorin leapt in the way and deflected the sceptre with his sword and the Great Goblin teetered as his huge bollock chin swayed and then pulled by its weight he fell over backwards and down into the cavern below,where he would have been killed, if there was any semblance of reality or physics in this, which there is not.

From every direction and every conceivable angle goblins were leaping in now at Gandalf and the dwarves who danced and span among them hacking and chopping.

Gandalf swept at head height at a stocky goblin and the creature managed a comic double take before Gandalf tapped the goblins head of with his staff.

“Gandalf fucking rocks!” he muttered, “Eat this shit Tolkien!” he raised his staff and cried to the dwarves, “Follow me!”

The dwarves looked up at him, “Why?” Dwalin asked, “these goblins dinnae actually seem tae pose any real physical threat at aw, I must huv killed about thirty so far just myself and look, not so much as a scratch. I've hud harder fights ootside Ibrox after an Old Firm match”

“Just do as your told!” Gandalf ordered angrily and led them from the platform deeper into the enormous but illuminated cavern.

 

“I love the smell of slightly charred goblin in the morning!”
I know I know a line like it ? rings a bell  
Someone said youve excelled yourself & I have to agree ! Must be all the Buckie ? youve "matured" beautifully   (artistically that is  )