what sort of jokes can I get away with?

hey, found a picture of Hitler.. get it? cus he was a dictator

Brilliant Norc !

Sombody's been digging in my potato patch!

How do you know elephants have been having safe sex in your garden ?
Enormous bin bags everywhere!

As a butcher is shooing a dog from his shop, he sees $10 and a note in his mouth, reading: "10 lamb chops, please."

Amazed, he takes the money, puts a bag of chops in the dog's mouth, and quickly closes the shop. He follows the dog and watches him wait for a green light, look both ways, and trot across the road to a bus stop. The dog checks the timetable and sits on the bench. When a bus arrives, he walks around to the front and looks at the number, then boards the bus. The butcher follows, dumbstruck.

As the bus travels out into the suburbs, the dog takes in the scenery. After awhile he stands on his back paws to push the "stop" button, then the butcher follows him off.

The dog runs up to a house and drops his bag on the stoop. He goes back down the path, takes a big run, and throws himself -Whap!- against the door. He does this again and again. No answer. So he jumps on a wall, walks around the garden, beats his head against a window, jumps off, and waits at the front door. A big guy opens it and starts cursing and pummeling the dog.

The butcher runs up screams at the guy: "What the hell are you doing? This dog's a genius!"

The owner responds, "Genius, my ass. It's the second time this week he's forgotten his key!"

omg...

David H wrote:Sombody's been digging in my potato patch!

well.. i grew that myself thank you very much.

You grew a .......?

While proudly showing off his new apartment to friends late one night, the drunk led the way to his bedroom where there was a big brass gong.

"What's that big brass gong for?" one of the guests asked. "Why, that's the talking clock" the man replied. "How does it work?" "Watch", the man said, giving it an ear-shattering pound with a hammer.

Suddenly, someone on the other side of the wall screamed, "For fuck sake, you wanker, it's 2am in the fucking morning!!"

A very old woman realizes that she's seen and done everything and the time has come to depart from this world. After considering various methods of doing away with herself, she decides to shoot herself through the heart.

Not wanting to make a mistake, she phones her doctor and asks him the exact location of the heart. He tells her that the heart is located two inches below the left nipple.

The old woman hangs up the phone, takes careful aim and shoots herself in the left knee.

ohmygawd! I know the feeling.

((((not really )))))

Ha ha, I know ! My tummy keeps mine up !

industrial strength elastic keep mine up.

How terribly Politically Incorrect!







{{{ }}}

sasgasm

forget the s I need the d

Teacher: alright class, we're gonna count to 70 today

10 minutes later...
Teacher: alright class, last number. What comes after 69
Student: MOUTHWASH!!!!
Teacher: *kicks student outta class*

Went to the zoo the other day. It only had one dog in it.

It was a shitzu