Scheduled maintenance today 12/20/08

that sucky luck Orwell, try saving your documents on one of those key things that stores your stuff, dont know what they are called.

Flash drives are too small for most computers, need to buy a decent sized hard drive with jillions of GB, hook up to that.

I learned the hard way about backups myself. Now I do it at least once a week.

My problem is I can't open my computer without a bogus site opening trying to extort money from me before it will unblock my computer. I've stopped trying to find a way to unblock it because I fear making the problem worse, that is, do something that makes it impossible to recover my important stuff. Luckily my daughter is good friends with a couple of IT gurus so all hope is not lost at this stage. Problem is they're spending time with their families. Their families! God I hate Christmas.

Is it a pop up or is it making your browser automatically open up at the page trying to extract money from you?

If its the latter just delete your cookies and internet history to be on the safe side and reopen the browser.

If its proper malware or a virus that might be trickier as you need to run an anti malware program or a virus checker.
Try pressing control+shift+escape to bring up the task manager.
Under processes see if you locate the malware program and right click on it and select 'end process' to see if that will at least temporarily turn it off.

If you can get rid of it long enough to access the web go to - http://www.eset.com/us/online-scanner/

And use their scanner to find the problem.

It's the latter. But why are you talking about cookies? Wish you'd concentrate. I assume you're saying if I can find the cookie jar I'll be able to find this browser thing. If so I wish you'd speak English!

its all Fyordlandian to me    flash-drives! thats it! yep I use one of those little key thingies to save my stuff on, it works ok for me.   hard-driver sounds uncomfortable.

Tried the control delete thing and got task manager it goes straight back to where I began. When I turn on computer the malware thing comes up. Any suggestions as I can't find how to get to the cookies either. And don't suggest I look for bananas either as this is no laughing matter.

If its just your browser thats locked then you need to get rid of your history and indeed cookies.

Just go to the start button at the bottom, bring up the control panel- go to network and internet and under internet options should be delete browsing history and cookies.

Another option depending on what browser you use is to open it in safe mode so it doesnt automatically open any pages (you can also hover your mouse over the close page x on the window thats got the malware and try to close it before it loads-tricky but possible).

how do you get rid of cookies?

I'm almost thinking you think I have some idea what you're talking about.

You clearly don't have a clue either Mrs Figg but I think we've got a hard road ahead of us getting Petty to understand that!

how do you get rid of cookies?- Mrs Figg

I just explained that!!!   

Could you do it in English?

Actually I did try but I wasn't clicking quick enough. I'll try again

It'll probably take a good few infuriating goes before you get to it quick enough to close.
Try disconnecting your internet before opening it.

No matter what I've tried the thing keeps jumping in. What a pain. Yes, I've tried everything you've suggested. I'd put on an angry emoticon but I don't know how to on my mobile!!!!!!

Okay if you say so

Do you have another browser installed- like internet explorer, or if you use that already mozilla firfeox or chrome?

If so try one of those instead.

Alternatively if you still have the set up file for installing your browser just uninstall it and then reinstall it.

... The problem is I can't open anything without the malware thing coming up . When I try something it starts to work then it comes up again. If a try something a second time it comes up immediately. I'm not playing anymore. I think the malware is even smarter than I am.

what I do is,
go to the start button
click on All Programmes
click on Packard Bell security and Support (yours will be the make of your computer, mine is packard Bell)
click on Recovery Management
click on Restore
this gets rid of all the crap in your computer, it reboots the little fucker I think.   

then if you really want to go to town, (BUT YOU WILL LOSE ALL YOUR FILES and ALL YOUR STUFF so only do this if you are really really desperate)
click on create backup factory state.
This means your computer is exactly as you first bought it, with none of your stuff inside it a clean slate no horrible nasty bugs. Ask an expert but I think this is in case theres no alternative. I only do this if I have previously saved all my important stuff first. its like giving it a good old scrubbing.  

Missus Figg, are you sure you are quite the computer klutz you make yourself out to be? Anyway thanks for trying guys. Looks like it's the computer gurus for me. I fear I'm just making things worser (they were already worse!) Will catch later.

She has been hiding her techno knowledge under a bushel (or possibly a bustle)

but this is the full extent of my techno knowledge, so I dont think so.   

anything I dont know, (which is EVERYTHING) I run screaming to a neighbour who DOES know or, I google, but then what you read you have to put into practice & thats when you shat yourself big time ! I know IL balls it up !

This is what I do with tech that doesn't work.