Can Anyone Help - I have a Teenager

I knew that the admiral with all his elite, grandiose delusions would not want to have to mingle with the rest of the passengers and crew on a regular basis, so I've thoughtfully designed his quarters to be as far away from the main living spaces as possible. It seems like a perfect place for THAT MOVIE if it absolutely must come on board. (I do hope he has a big bladder though, it's quite a scramble to get to the head.)

I find it a matter for private disturbation that a hobbit who can construct a spacecraft hull from the frozen skins of Nelson carrots appears to have no knowledge whatsoever of chamber pots?

But Admiral, it's just that the standard issue terrestrial chamber pot relies entirely on gravity for containment. In zero gravity these things can get a bit....well.....messy

{{{probably shouldn't have said anything, just dogged down the bulkhead hatch and let him figure it out for himself. I bet he doesn't even thank me. Admirals are like that. Still the thought of anybody, even an admiral, watching flying monkeys while covered in his own filth is almost more than my sensitive mind can bear. ' }}}

David H wrote:But Admiral, it's just that the standard issue terrestrial chamber pot relies entirely on gravity for containment. In zero gravity these things can get a bit....well.....messy

So you aren't planning to install an Electromognetic Antigravity Perambulator then? Where excatly did you do your Space Engineering Course?

Orwell wrote:So you aren't planning to install an Electromognetic Antigravity Perambulator then?

Respectfully sir, a EAP unit is a real power hog. At 1G, a gallon and a half of unleaded would only buy us about 45 minutes of gravity, and then we would have no gravity and no propulsion.

I'm afraid there were a few other luxuries that had to eliminated to conserve fuel. Specifically the entertainment system, the galley, the lights and the heat. The plan is to stay warm and entertained by snuggling in the dark with some of the crew. And eating lots of carrot sticks.

Oh good. My confidence in you is restored, Captain H.

You know, a modicum of confidence in Petty, which I never previously had cause to have, is also slightly stimulated. His buckie and prostitutes may indeed be a useful addition to our comestibles and heating - though the need for Petty's personal attendance is clearly not quite so required. Indeed, I can't think readily of one good reason for inviting him along. His potenrtial usefulness as a cabin-hobbit was always rated in my book as low to non-exisent anyway.

Your views on carrots are also further vindicated, for what sane hobbit could envisage a long flight through the galaxy with any other carrot in store other than the Nelson. An excellent staple foodstuff, and far from bland. One cannot even entertain the thought of ever getting bored on our long and perhaps never ending voyage with such a commendable root. I've heard it said, at least in some quarters, that the Nelson is the lembas of carrots.

I am also minded, prompted by your forethought, to think of obtaining a second auxilary tank of fuel. Two extras may seem excessive, but you never know.

Well done Captain.

NB Of course, you have thought about harnesses and rope to minimize possible harmful, and potentially messy, bumping-around?

Another issue with Petty as crew (aside from the fact that he swore at me when I suggested the possibility) has to do with the uniforms. I'm sure you will see now why I've put so much effort into making sure that the rank, station, and gender of all crew members were easily recognizable by touch. Adding a kilted Scotshobbit into the mix would introduce an needless ambiguity, if you see what I mean.

I do see your point, Captain H, and it is a very good point.

What I suggest we do in this contngency is invite Petty to transport both his buckie and his prostitutes to our hold - once the craft is complete - and then ask him to leave promptly thereafter. I feel we may need to take a tactful approach in conveying our ideas to him though, as he is easily offended in my experience.

I'll leave that in your experienced hands, sir.

{{{maybe Admirals are good for something after all!}}}

David H wrote:I'll leave that in your experienced hands, sir.

Goodo, Captain H.

{{{Typical non-Admiral type. I was hoping he'd deal with Petty }}}

What I suggest we do in this contngency is invite Petty to transport both his buckie and his prostitutes to our hold - once the craft is complete - and then ask him to leave promptly thereafter.- Orwell

Don't think I want to be on a ship where the Captain can't even remember to encrypt his cunnning plans when discussing them- how is he going to remember the launch sequence even?! Good luck David but i supsect on the day the countdown will go 3,2,1, oops, BOOM!

Petty, not sure, but I dont think you're paying full and proper attention. You quote me then seem to suggest I am Captain, where it's well known by now that Ï'm Admiral - or Flight Admiral if you like. As to your participation - or non-participation - I thought it best to be up front with you. Why ever would we leave you behind to inevitable extinction but not ensure the best use of your buckie and prostitutes?

As to any possibility of our ship going "Boom", you obviously have not been carefully reading Captain H and my discussions on materials, fuel, design, aeronautical dynamics, carrot tensility, and toilet arrangements.

This apparent laziness (and lazy thinking) on your part is a major factor in us excluding you from our travel plans, you know. But while we have a low opinion of your usefulness, don't ever imagine that we don't have a high opinion of your buckie and prostitues. Indeed, we cordially invite you to bring them on board sometime before our departure and your.... err....peaceful long repose.

{{{I hope that was tactful enough. Tricky business really}}}

Orwell I would not call you Admiral if you were covered head to toe in gold braid- which is quite likely given you have the same taste as a demented magpie-and as to your Captains attempts to be an engineer- from a Scots perspective, as the worlds greatest engineers and inventors- they are laughable (and potentially lethal) I mean carrots? Everyone know you need to make a space ship from neeps!

I think on balance, given the seemingly unsafe nature of your craft it would be remiss of me to store buckie on it let alone allow a bunch of lovely (yet suprsiingly not all that expensive) ladies of the night.

Pettytyrant101 wrote:Everyone know you need to make a space ship from neeps!

So, you're saying you have a superior product for hull fabrication, is that it? I'm listening, Petty....


{{{Frankly, Captain H's fetish for uniforms worries me a bit. And his obvious liking for groping around in the dark is a matter of real concern --- and I don't even wear a kilt. }}}}

Neeps offer a thicker, more heat resistance skin whilst their dense, slightly orangey pulp is a perfect insulator solving the heating problem. And my, female friends, don't like the cold, you'll never get therm aboard that carrot thing (although moving them somewhere would be good, my new barrel is not so roomy as the old, luckily I did have a new jacuzzi fitted- they cant resist a jacuzzi for some reason, and oddly nor it seems can they resist snorting all my soap powder!- now why would they do that? And how am I going to wash my kilt now?)

I'll do some wikipedia-ing on the subject, Petty, and get back to you. (I might also have a well earned sleep. Good for having dreams about spaceship construction, I've found).

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Darlings, I have designed your costumes for your adventures in Space Time whatever, Hope you boys like them.

Mrs Figg wrote:[url=
Darlings, I have designed your costumes for your adventures in Space Time whatever, Hope you boys like them.

Brilliant, Mrs Figg. I think you've designed the PERFECT Admiral's uniform!
And it's his favorite color too: Ruby!

{{{Petty, it looks like you may be successfully luring my "Admiral" from the ship with your Buckie and prostitutes. If so that would be wonderful His supercilious ranting is starting to get on my nerves. That's why I moved his quarters to the little cupboard in steerage (also to avoid groping).

May I suggest that once he is safely off both of our vessels, we might combine forces? Both the economies of scale and the importance of crop rotation suggest we would be much stronger as a fleet. }}}

David H wrote:

Mrs Figg wrote:[url=
Darlings, I have designed your costumes for your adventures in Space Time whatever, Hope you boys like them.

Brilliant, Mrs Figg. I think you've designed the PERFECT Admiral's uniform!
And it's his favorite color too: Ruby!

A ridicous allusion, Captain H, it's hardlr 'Ruby' coloured! Your coment borders on mutinous! And whoever photoshopped me into that suit faces Court Marshall! I refuse to clad myself in such a suspiciously orangey hue however gay and alluring!

{{{Mrs Figg, I have the deepest admiration for your taste and class, and while I love the colour - and what hobbit with a Naval background doesn't - I'm afraid I would become close to invisible when on board the Ruby Slipper. As you know, I have an Ego that demands my Presence be forever up front and foremost wherever I go in Forumshire, even on a dangerous space voyage - you couldn't find me one in Sparkly Ruby Red, could you, my darling?}}}

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Sparkly and Red, your wish is my command.

Mrs Figg wrote:[url=]
Sparkly and Red, your wish is my command.

This is beginning to make me question the wisdom of this whole enterprise......

Don't be a fool, Captain H. Jealousy runs deep with you, I see.

Wonderful Mrs Figg -- though you may have to get me a slightly larger size as I am not the skinny little boy I once was.

{{{With a suit like that, Mrs Figg, the likes of Captain H and Petty will fall at my feet and worship the very space I floated in. }}}

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Slightly larger size you say, youve had me sewing all night, is THIS ok?

That would certainly address your concerns about being bounced about in zero gravity, Admiral!