The 2011 Annual Forumshire Awards

Yes, and it was just called "the thrush", probably because it was unable to speak the common tongue. But he apparently understood what Bilbo and the Dwarves said and was able to bring Roac to them.

Pettytyrant101 wrote:Special Early Morning Scandal Edition!!!!!

It's like the picnic all over again! However, as Lord of Forumshire I grant clemency in any and all potential crimes from last night so we can avert any unfortunate repetitions of the lockholes incident on the big Awards day.

THATS why I wore trousers this year! thanks for reminding me PETTY hummpf!

What was I just saying Mrs Figg on my way home lst night, weaving through the street sof Forumshire delivering the papers? Don't shoot the messenger! Besides its your own fault- you should have stayed in the trousers instead of getting into your dancing frock for the after party.

Besides, I have things I should be doing, like um learning this script Pure Publications have given me for tonights show.
According to this I am supposed to enter the stage lowered in my barrel, I am then to pop out of the bottom to the stage floor just as it explodes!! EXPLODES!! What do you mean it'll be spectacular?!

Was the SFX show designed by PJ himself?

Also, were there any ties in this year's voting? I recall you had outlined a tie-breaker system for members of the Forumshire Council so I wanted to check to see if I'll need to vote again before the ceremony begins.

The 'sfx' has been designed by someone even worse than PJ- the Gaffer, he of infamous party games. I am not happy about it. Probably PJ backed.

The votes have not been fully counted yet Eldo- technically the voting closed at midday GMT today- but there are a few members yet to vote, a certain Valinorean celebrity of note and a newly elected officail among them. So I am holding off counting the votes for as ong as possible- however in the event of a tie, and a no show from Tin and Kafria that only leaves two of us to decide tied votes.
Forum otables are expected to start ariving on the red carpet from about 7.30- so if you are on line from about then Eldo should be time to sort any last minute ties out before the announcements.

Hmm, I was planning to watch some football this afternoon, but the games I really want to see aren't on until later so I should manage to be on around then. I'll keep an eye on my PMs and on this thread. Hopefully our erstwhile voters will find their way back to Forumshire in time!

7.30. oooh that will give me time to sort out my wardrobe malfunction, I need to Gaffer Tape these puppies or they will be out and winking at the public. also like last year. no droopy boobage tonite

Welcome to the red carpet with Pretty Tyrant, Pure Publications Number One showbiz correspondent.

And first to arrive is the host of the evening, Petty Tyrant.



'Petty! Petty! Are you looking forward to this eveing? Some people say you are too drunk this year?'

'Bugger off Pretty..ooh you have the palantiri's there. Um in that case, I am sure this evening will be just fine, no problems at all."

'Is it true you are going to make an extravagent entrance in an exploding barrel?"

"Well Pretty I don't want want to give too much away, or talk about it, I'm not overly happy with the idea myself but the Gaffer assures me its been well tested."

"Thak you Petty. See you inside. Now who else can I see arriving...."

And next up the carpet, its Premiere Forumshire Channeler and his lovely (and controversial wife) Porgy Bunks. Looking a lot better than she did last night I might add.

'Wisey! Porgy! Over here!'



Porgy is wearing a hand crafted dress from JaneSmiths Girls of Undoubted Needlework Skill Classes, and she looks postively radiant in it tonight.

And next along the red carept its Forumshires latest hottest celebrity, Mrs Figg, the Breelander eel wrangler (although personnaly I've seen dwarves can handle an eel better and most of them don't even know where to find theirs!).



And she is closely (very closely one could say) followed up the carpet by the one and only Odo Banks.



"Odo! Odo! You controversaly lost your Most Respected title last year to Ringdrotten. Do you think you can win it back?"

"I think it should be given to the person who is most respected and therefore most worthy Miss Tyrant, and that would be me."

And here comes Biffo Banks now with an unknown partenr, who according to my notes is a dwarf from the Kimberely Mines. Um I'm not sure which one is Biffo! Anyone?




Oooh I am being told the guests are taking their seats at their tables, the buckie is being served and the Awards Ceremony will start any minute now. Good luck everyone! See you at the after party!

'ppssstttt! Gaffer! I think its stuck- what? What do you mean you know? I thought I was supposed to swoopp dramatically to the stage and leap out before it explodes? I dont care get it unstuck! I have to get to the stage! I can't do the bloody show from inside a barrel swinging above the stage can I you bloody fool! I have to get out of this thing! What do you mean that will happen for certain? 'Cause the barrel is still going to explode..........oh dear, my buckie! '


Due to a minor technical hitch there will be a short intermission whilst Petty is bandaged back together again. We apologise for the inconvience.

I'm going to !*'@ kill you Gaffer when I find you.....um Welcome, welcome Lord of Forumshire, Her Majesty Queen Tinuviel, Mayor Kafria and other notable dignitaries of Forumshire to the second annual Forum Awards!!

Some of you may recall that last year I was somewhat hampered by a cast thanks to a run in with PJ's liberalist mafia. This year, as you have seen, I am a little, singed, thanks to a prop barrel which I have just learned was supplied by one Weta Workshops, provided, at a discount by a certain trio called Jackson, Walsh and Boyen. I shall not forget PJ! No I shan't!!

Anyway, we are gathered here tonight, drinking buckie provided by our sponsors in these wonderful surrounds of the Forusmshire Cabbage Shed provided by Bear Muirdock and Pure Publiations. And I understand some people have been concerned at the commercialisation of the Awards. I would just like to say on a personnal note, drink buckie and read Pure Publications and all your cares will melt away.

And so without further ado, on with the first of tonights awards.
As is now traditional we begin with the movie awards. Once upon time these awrads cast nurstatians upon PJ's LotR's trilogy- now they get to do it to The Hobbit- that's progress for you!

And our first category of the night is for Best Dwarf make-up. 13 to choose from nearly all controversial.
And the first winner of the night is..........GLOIN!!!!

Yes folks seems like here in Forumshire we like our dwarves dwarvish and no mistake!!


And so having found the best we must turn to worst, a hotly contested category.
And the worst dwarf make-up goes to....its BIFUR!!!
Axes are cool but not as jewelery it seems. And quite right too.

And now a word from our sponsors.

'We tried a blind taste test on unsuspecting customers.
In bottle one is buckie, distilled by wizards.
In bottle two is something we found in the bottom of the Gaffers boot.
In our scientfic study 100% of those who tried our tatse test only survived when they drank buckie. Drink buckie, its good for you (or at least better than poison)'- this advert which brought to you by Buckie- a glass a day keeps everyone away!

And so we move onto our third award of the evening, and my third barrel of buckie.

The Most Anticapted scene Award. A category which provided two runners but a clear winner. And that winner is......BEORN's HOUSE Seems over sized bees, driping honeycombs, animal servants and huge hulking men that turn into bears is what floats Forumshires boat.

Everyone loves a song, 'And the hairs on her dickey-di-do went down to her kneees. OOOHHHH the hairs on her dickey-di-so, the hairs on her dickey-di-do, the hairs on her dickey-di-do went down to her knees'
But what song are we most hoping will still be there by the time PJ has finished with the script?
Well the answer is in this enevelope, the Song we Most Want Retained is........ROADS GO EVER ON AND ON A solid win for the tradionalists there- th eoriginal version as composed and sung by Bilbo Baggins is, it seems, a must for Forumshire.

More awards right after these important announcements.

Hobbit Lass of the Day for an insightful, engaging, indepth commentary on the politics and social issues of importance. Our girls have the most to say on what means most to you, from philosphy to science they always have pearls of wisdom. And big tits. Only in the News of the Pure.'

Fitting a whole book into two films is always tricky, not as tricky as fitting into one film but I'm sure Pj will make it look just as tricky. So who will be left by the wayside? Who will never make it off the page and onto the silver sceen? Its the Award for Most Likely Not to be in the Films.
And the sad winner is....... ROAC! Oh dear, seems Forumshire does not have much faith in PJ to retain the winged messenger.

But for everyone lost to the adaptation process there is always someone they can't leave out we all dying to see. But who exactly? Its the Character you are Most Looking Forward to Seeing Award.
And the person our breath is baited for is.......well it could only be really, the one, the only, the magnificant, the golden, its SMAUG!
Seems the prospect of weta's cgi magic and the most famous dragon in literature combining has a few mouths watering.

But if we expect to leave the cinemas revelling in Smaug who do we expect to leave cursing? Who do we not want to pay our money to go and see? It the Least Looking Forawrd to seeing category.
Get ready to boo hiss and throw unpleasant bodily fluids in their direction the award goes to....suprise, suprise its ITARIL/TAURIEL! whatever the hell they are calling her these days.

Seems the message from Forumshire is clear- stop buggering about with stuff PJ and making crap up again- it ruined the LotR's films doon't cock up the chance again!!!

And now we move into our last two awards in The Hobbit Movie Section. Its a year until the release of film one but already a trailer has made its way to Forumshire promising delight and despair in equal easure. How did we weigh them up?

The first trailer award is in the category of Best Moment. The trailer offered glimpses of vistas, places, the first look at the dwarves and of Bilbo but it was none of these which so delighted as a simple song. The winner is DWARF SONG. It seems a bit of atmosphere and we are all a goosebumped here.

But the other side of the coin has to be considered, if that was the best what was the worst? The award for Worst Moment, in a hands down victory goes to GANDALF AND GALADRIEL!
It seems we aren't sure whats going on but we didnae like it!!!

Well that brings to a close the first half of tonights awards. There will be a half hour break for extra buckie (and some burn cream) and I shall return to bring you the main awards of the night, the Forumshire Awards, including the hotly contested Most Respected and Most Pure Awards. Stay tuned for every controversial result.

I'm back! Sorry we got back kind of late last night, and I was up til 4 am partying!!! But I'm back just in time for the awards! It's alright that I didn't vote, I'll just sit up in the Balcony with Beren and we'll enjoy the evening Don't mind the sunglasses, just a bit bright in here.

Back on the red carpet with Pretty. And arriving fashionably late is Forumshire very own Queen, Tinuviel in a stunning elven designed yellow dress. However she does look a little pale today and somewhat grey, perhaps a night on the buckie could explain it, I always knew those elves couldn't handle their buckie.

Petty, Pretty and Pure Publications -- you have all exceeded yourselves! I was expecting something fantastic after last year but to my great delight I have been blown away again. My only complaint is that I'm still anxious to know who will win the Forum Awards.

The Movie Awards winners were all deserving but I can't say there were any big upsets. Will the people of Forumshire have given any surprises in the Forum categories? That's an honest question, I don't know yet.

I BETTER win best nose, or I'll be VERY grumpy

Welcome back to the second half, and for most, the important half of tonights awards. Its the FORUMSHIRE AWARDS!!!!

Last year was a controversial year but will this years prove to be as much so? Let's crack on and find out so I can get back to my buckie.

Our first award is one whose winner should be thoroughly ashamed and appaled of themselves, its the award for Most Liberal. Despite my appeals that these poor nominnees be taken into professional care it seems still they are given an award for their liberalism.
The award for Most Liberal goes to...........ALLY!!! Thats right, Forunshire's little Welshy couldn't give a daffodil if Pj rewrites the whole thing!

Our second award requires a bit of gravitas, a bit of decorum. It is one of the most desired and coveted award of them all, the award for Most Pure. And I can reveal this year it was a close run thing but holding out for the win its ......PETTY TYRANT!!

Well what can I say, except obviously I deserve it, I would like to thank you all for this award but I am not going to as none of you are Pure enough and I am looking down on all of you from now on. Moving on.

Possibly even more hotly contested than ever before our net award is one eagerly anticaipated b y many, its last years most contoversial award, will it be again, Most Respected.
Last year saw the title snatched from Odo Banks, who felt he owned the title, by norse raider Ringdrotten. But can the herring-hunter have held onto it for another year? Or will Odo retake his crown? Or will we have a new Most Resepcted member of Forumshire. Well, it is time to find out.
The winner...of 2011's...Most Respected award.....is.....is..........ELDORION!!!!

Its anothe rupset- the crown of Most Respected moves on and it stops at the Admin himself. Is this proof of popular leadership? Maybe? Personnaly I think its proof that too many people are drinking my buckie!!!

Well after that shocking result we will take another short break while we all get our breath back.

'Dwarves digging up your garden? Burrowing under your tatters? Keep them out for good with Gaffers' patented 'Dwarfitdead' mixture. Just apply generously to the affected area.*'

*warning may contain elves.

Well, I can say that whatever I was expecting, it wasn't to win the Most Respected Award! I'd like to thank the Academy and everyone who voted for me.

As the fights begin to break out over the result of Most Respected- I think thats Odo with Ringdrottens head in a punch bowl- lets move onto to a no less contoversial award. Last year saw this award tied for a winner, but with no ties this year someone will be taking it home with them tonight.

Its the award named after the exquisteness of her Majesty Queen Tinuviels nose, and whch depsite this she tied last year in with Ally, its Best Nose.
And this year the award goes to, with an overwhelming win, its QUEEN TINUVIEL!!!! Well, that should please her!
Obviously her Maj's nose has blossomed in exquisteness this last year, but more importantly what has happned to Ally's? At least we dont have to worry about any divine retribution from Valinor this year!


Our next two categories are broad churches indeed, the awards for Best Female and Male respectively.
Which of Forumshires dashing lady hobbits have made their mark this year? Who can toss their hair with the best of them and dish out a stunning debate at the same time? Well the answer is in my hands, well it would be if I could hold the envelope properly, which I cant what with these burn bandages and all, but if I could it would be ok? Right.
The winner of Best Female is....... KAFRIA!!!! Its Forumshire's most abstentee administrator who steps away with the award! Its no wonder she won the vote to become Mayor.

But who wil be Forumhires king to Kafria's queen? Who could stand beside her fiery respledishment? In short who is Forumshires Best Male?

And the answer to that is........ORWELL!!!

Well I'm stunned, and slightly robbed, the one date wonder, the three second miracle himself Orwell is Best Male. Maybe finally he really will be popular with the ladies somewhere outside his own mind.

And to bring this section to a close before our next word from our sponsors its the award for those sepcial memebrs, those who bring an element of uncertainty, otherworldiness, or just a big question mark into Forumshire with them. Its the award for Most Enigmatic.

And the winner and retaining holder of the award is...LESTERS CAT!!!
Playing an enigmatic blinder by not being heard form for a year the turning up a week before awards season has proved a winner once again for Lesters Cat. How does he/she/it do it?

Stay tuned for the final part of Forumshire Awards 2011. Including Best Lore, Best Newspaper and Most Crabbit! Don't miss it.