The Curious Tale of a Missing Banks

Wise Odo
Dear Mirabella,

Press on with your plans. I have sent a missive to Gandalfs Beard about this 'seeming to know to much' business. I hope he's not out behind our backs meeting nefarious sorts and conjurng up all sorts of cunning plans. He is a little pompous, yes, but generally a nice chap. I can't really believe he'd be up to doing anything unnatural. He is a Wizard and a Hobbit and surely still partially respectable. He's probably just interested in gossip and other people's business, like all those others whose usual haunt is the Vulgar Threads.

Your adoring Uncle,
Wise

Wise Odo
Dear Noom Chevaline,

I received your last two missives gratefully. Come quickly. Things are building up!

As to Primadonna: If it were up to me, I'd give up Primmy's hand to you like a shot, but I am not her Father. You know, I believe strongly that a man such as you, a tall, dark and (possibly) handsome man of Harad, a severe and disciplined chap, would be just the tonic young Primmy needs in her life. You see, she is a wayward young Lady who still seeks to take cetain liberties with my person. No amount of explanation on my part can get it through to her that I am a mature gentleman of quiet retiring intellectual habits, and she is a young beautiful and voluptuous hobbit Lady of high energy and passion - so it surely can't work between us! Anyway, I will introduce you to her father, Jawsmasher Brandyback when you arrive.

Yours mentoringly,
Wise Odo

NB Thinking of Primadonna's unabashed affection for me, I'm reminded of a little ditty the girls at school used to sing whenever Odo and I sauntered by. Now what was it again? Oh yes!

"Oh tasty yummy scrummy Bankses,
Oh how we want to give you spankses!
Odo with your muscles tight,
Wisey with your eyes so bright,
Kiss not One us, but All of us!
You'll surely have our humble thankses!

Sweet really when I think about it. Ah! Nostalgia! Happier times, Noom. Happier times!

Wise Odo
Dear Mirabella,

I have reviewed missives and events known to me and feel that Gandalfs Beard is not as AWARE of things as I thought. I feared he had access to Forumers Private missives, but on closer inspection, he does not. This is a complicated business all around and it is easy to jump to the wrong conclusions. I must concentrate more in future. There is so much going on, I could easily lose my way.

You intelligent Uncle,
Wise Odo

Mirabella Banks
Dearest Uncle Wise,

It's spooky, but I just had the same experience. Gandalfs Beard doesn't have Magic Powers above the level of the Average Wizard on this Forum. Thank goodness for that! It's reasuring to know that he'll never know that I'm playing him for a fool!

Your clever Niece,
Mirabella

Odo Banks
Dear Wise Odo,

I am using this Thread as a means to contact you as I know there is no way you can trace it back to my location! (Magic is not very respectable, but it does have it's uses!)

I want you to know that I'm well aware of your thoughts! I know you are truying to get rid of me. I also know you've put sweet little Mirabella (I still think of her as a pure and innocent young child I once bounced on my knee) up to hunting me like I was a dog.. Yes, like a dog! But I've got some Big Friends now. And while I can't say too much, know that you'll soon get yours! You and all your co-conspirators! If a few houses need burning, and a few hobbits have things of a nasty nature happen to them.. well, you can't make an omelette if you don't break a few eggses.... eggs, I mean!

Oh eggs? Fried? Poached! Boiled? Any would be lovvvvely just now... Maybe I could do a bit of nesting...? Hmmm? Oh my thoughts are getting a little erratic.... and I can't hear my own thoughts over the gurgling of my poor empty tummy.... What? Oh yes... I'm talking to that traitor, Wisey....

My dear hateful Brother: I won't be coming to Mr Tyrant's Picnic. Yes, call me paranoid, but I suspect a trap!

Odo

Mirabella Banks
Oh Dear Uncle Wise,

Blandorthin has just contacted me (the message was indistinct - I think he is hiding in a mine - possibly in Wales). The best I can understand it is there have ben ructions in the Netosphere: fluxes are apparently interfering (partially) with his "Spell of Encryption." He says that this only happens when another Wizard is also using the Spell. Talk about messy! Anyhow, the best I can get from Blandorthin is that he believes that Dark Forces are afoot to aid and abet Uncle Odo in escaping punishment for his Crime. Indeed, there are possibly even plans to set Odo loose on the Vulgar Threads again (which are clearly what we were trying to remove him from in the first place, using your unsavoury use of poetry as catalyst for a mad Chain of Events that would get him locked up and Re-programmed!)

Blandorthin has a spy working for him. One of Lord Eldorions own servants, in fact. If Eldorion is involved with a plot, as Blandorthin suspects, it will be revealed soon enough. The spy, however, can't get any information out at the moment. Too dangerous just now apparently. We must be patient.

Your nervy Niece,
Mirabella

Mirabella Banks
Dear Tinuviel,

I have not heard from you for awhile. I hope all is going well in Valinor. If you are ever in The Shire, you must come and have tea with me. My best friend, Primadonna Brandybuck is off in Bywater protecting Uncle Wise at the moment, and I do miss her company here in Hobbiton. There's no one like another Lady to have a proper conversation with. And, of course, Ladies MUST stick together, no matter what issues, and events, and pressures from cunnning Males might be brought to bear on us. Men do like to run things, don't they. Perhaps, it's time we Ladies had more say in Middle-earth?

Your affectionate and true friend,
Mirabella

Tinuviel
I suppose I should pay a visit to the shire, since I've never seen it before, and yes, perhaps we wil have tea. Perhaps at this picnic I've been hearing about. It should be quite delightful :mrgreen: I would be elated if you'd join me!

Mirabella Banks
Oh Lady Tinuviel,

What a lovely surprise. but perhaps we might meet by The Water instead, as Uncle Wise sent a note by carrier pigeon informing me that Uncle Odo won't be attending Mr Tyrant's Picnic. Without him there, I won't be attending either. I had such high hopes of seeing him there. But WE can still meet. I've never taken tea with a High Elf (or any Elf for that matter!)

And please, please use the corrrect procedure. You may address me as Bella, of course!

So remember it's:

Dear Bella (or Friend Bella, or Especially Beautiful Lady Bella...),

and then:

Tinuviel wrote:I suppose I should pay a visit to the shire, since I've never seen it before, and yes, perhaps we wil have tea. Perhaps at this picnic I've been hearing about. It should be quite delightful I would be elated if you'd join me!




In this way no one else will know you're visiting (or chatting to me). We shouldn't like crowds of uncouth hobbits turning up and asking for your autograph, or pressing around close to us with their odouress hobbit bodies - how undelicate! (There are some genteel hobbits - but most smell of onions, I'm afraid!)

Also, I fear Dark Forces are at work. These myseterious Evil Ones MUST NOT know a Lady of the High Elves of Valinor is in the Shire! Who knows what they might try to do!

Your true friend,
Bella

Mirabella Banks
Dear Petty,

Sadly something has come up and I can't make your Delightful Picnic. In fact, I'll be candid. I'm hoping to entertain a Very Noble Personage who I'm sure would find your Picnic quaint but slightly tiresome! No doubt you've heard rumour already who this Very High Dignitary is. Need I say, I plan to steer her away from contact with any riff-raff, and have already sent her an encrypted message to that effect.

Yours affectionately,
Bella

pettytyrant101
I am pleased to announce that Mr Odo Banks, once respected hobbit and brother to Wise Odo has decided to attend the picnic after all in order to facilitate a reconciliation with his family and resolve misunderstandings. He will be resplendent in a new pair of trousers for all to see.

Dear Mirabella, I was indeed posting the above harpy news as yourself were making your apologies. I hope in light of these new events you and your esteemed guest would join my humble picnic and disco.

M'Rak
I will give allegiance. What I bring to this is a mystery though.

Odo Banks
All is well, Mr Tyrant... err... except, in a mad moment, I told Wise Odo I would not be going.. also I made a few unkind and threatening remarks.... I hope this has not upset our plans.. toooo much...?

Odo Banks
Mr R'ak,

mm errr Mr M'Rak,... er.. welcome....

I would suggest if you want to know what's happening on this Thread (and how things work here) you best read it from the beginning - or perhaps pop into the other Threads until things begin to make sense for you.

Regards,
Odo Banks

pettytyrant101
Dear Odo,
You also forgot to address your message 'dear petty' don't let all our plans slip! I have compensated for your outburst, I hope, but the facsimile of you Nob made will not stand very close (or very far) scrutiny. We will have less time to get you out. The plan is more risky now than ever, please try to remain clam and have no further outbursts.

Gandalfs Beard
Dear Lord Tyrant,

I sense plans unraveling. There are rumours of a spy in Lord Eldorion's midst. And my employment of the Deeper Magic of the Spheres has enabled me to rumble a plot by Sheriff Banks to waylay the Lady Tinuviel and divide our forces. Plans have changed. I will follow the Lady Tinuviel and make certain she is safe, and leave a Magical Double at the Picnic. It will be up to you to keep an eye on the Oracle.

I have a second Ranger Unit in play to rescue Lady Tinuviel if there is trouble. My first unit should be able to Whisk the "package" away from the Wild Lands of your thread without any being the wiser. Curses, I may have to spell that dratted scarecrow to pass as a passable double of Mr Banks at the Picnic. Your Wizards really do need a Booting don't they. Fortunately my Special Forces Rangers are all Wizards of the Second Order. Still, things could get very messy tomorrow.

Sincerely
Gandalf's Beard
Ranger Supreme
Wizard of the First Order and
Representative of The High Administrator

PS: Please look after M'Rak, he is an innocent bystander who has stumbled into this madness. He offers an allegiance, but he's in over his head. I don't wish to see him injured or entrapped by the Sheriff's forces.

Odo Banks
Dear GB,

Talking about being in over one's head! I feel the same. I'm dizzy just now and plan to crawl into my hole in this river bank - I'll reappear in half a day or so.... when I feel better.... and safer....

Odol

Mirabella Banks
Dear Uncle wise,

I am going to meet the Lady Tinuviel tomorrow afternoon - if she agrees. I'm awaiting her reply. Until then, I plan to lie low. Blandorthin detects all sorts ructions, schisms and aberrations in the Netosphere. He says to keep my head down. I shall do exactly that!

Your obliging Niece
Mirabella

Wise Odo
Dear Mirabella,

I am having my own difficulties. Primmy insists I clean the bedknobs, the pans and dust the carpets - and NOW... She says some things can't wait, irrespective of the current dangers! I almost envy Odo at the moment.... the freedom .. Though Primmy is busy cooking for the picnic and seems very happy, singing cute songs and dancing as she goes... I guess it's not all so bad... We have locked the doors and barred the windows - but we don't really fear an attack by Odo.. I'll catch up when I can...

Your busy Uncle
Wise Odo

Noom Chevaline
Dear Wise Odo,

I have stopped to take a rest, in fact my benefactor insisted. His wife is so beautiful and goes by the name of Goldberry. It was actually Aristokiles that was given the invite and I happened to be treated as a part of his entourage. I knew he was a very smart camel but I never knew he was the camel equivalent of the Mearas. I thought his skill at chess was just an unusual quirk. Anyway Tom thought we all looked a bit worn out from our travels and sang a song of health and well being into our exhausted bodies in exchange for a game of chess with Aristokiles. We are leaving after lunch and will be there on time.

I may appear as a minature twister but that is just my dervish dance.

See you anon

Noom Chevaline, refreshed and in a hurry.

Wise Odo
Dear Noom,

I am just off to bed. Primmy said she'd massage my sore feet, which is kind of her, I'm sure. She'll make someone a good wife. I suppose you will be here by midday tomorrow? Try not to look too martial when you get here - and please come to the picnic our Mr Tyrant is holding. I'm sure you'll be made very welcome -though please watch your P's and Q's around Jawsmasher, especially in relation to Primmy: he s a touch Old Fashioned, is easily offened, and has a fiery temperament. I believe old Jawy kneecapped a cave troll the Wednesday before last... so have no illusions, he's not to be messed with. If you want Primmy's hand, you'll need Jawsmasher's blessing! But enough of that, I'm sure you'll get on fine. Anyhow, I feel things are calming down a bit in The Shire- I'm not even worried so much about Odo anymore - though I hope it's not just the calm before the storm... ((...oh thank you Primmy, what a nice cup of tea, and your hair - very smart...!))... Are you there, Noom? Sorry, I was distracted for a perfect moment by a vision caught in the candlelight... ((...Oh surely I can wash my own feet, Primmy dear...but, no, no, surely you must do things your own way...)) ... Noom!!... ((hee hee - that tickles....!)... Oh Noom! I've got to go. Goodnight!

Wise Odo

Noom Chevaline
My Dear Wise Odo,

I have arrived and wonder whether where everyone is, I even have a present for Jawsmasher which I think he will find it hard to resist. I wonder if this is the first time that a train of camels has arrived to the Shire.

Tinuviel
Dear Mirabella,
I have heard from Mr. Tyrant that Odo will indeed be attending the picnic after all! That being the case, would you still like to attend with me??? If not, I understand, but if we are to meet in secret, I must bring my bodyguard. Every celebrity has one, just in case It's a neccessary precaution (Beren's being a bit overprotective...).

Yours Truly,
Lady Tinuviel
Famous Elven Princess

pettytyrant101
To all concerned,
the picnic is now officially opened at Woodhall!!
Please note fancy dress is optional. So enter the spirit of the occasion and put on a costume. Mr Odo Banks is leading the way with his excellent scarecrow costume. Can you do better? Win first prize in the fancy dress and get a years free drinking in the Green Dragon. Or for the ladies a years worth of vouchers for Tom and Goldberry's Hot Springs and Spa complex.

Mirabella Banks
Oh Lady Tinuviel!

I shall be there with bells on, your Highnessness! (The bells are so you can tell who I am as I will be dressed as my Uncle Wise - just in case a certain somewhere decides to make an attack on him!) Oh I am so lookingh forward to seeing you. I've never met a Queen before - well, not a Lady Queen anyway!!!

Your Hyperventilating Servant,

Bella