The Last Willl and Testament of Odo Banks

It is my solemn and sad duty to read to you the Last Will and Testament of our beloved former friend, Odo Banks.
This will has been kept sealed in the offices of Morgul, Angmar and Barad-dur and Partners and released to me certainly no sooner than five minutes ago, defineitly not any sooner, and most definetly not with enough time to make any sort of amendments to it of course. Um, anyway onto the reason for this sad gathering, the will:

At least something good has come of this! I wonder what 1/10th of Odo's wealth is in gold pieces.

The big head never left me anything I got Carpal Tunnel Syndrome for that ungrateful man!!!

Dont worry Mrs Figg- I understand the fine print in his bequeathment to his wives includes eel oil as 'jelly'- so funding of your enterprises will continue. And I understand Odo's widows were already regulars at your shop.

Well this is mighty embarassing it appears with Mirabella, Wisey, Biffo and Orwell all gone the Mining corporation, Entertainment Holdings, and 1/3 and and 1/10th of all his wealth falls to me. Not to mention many of his hand written books (well at least I'll save on coal this winter).

And of course the rightful return of our coal scuttle and a good as admission of guilt.

My, how unexpected all this is.

I feel like the Administration should examine this will before handing out Odo's personal possessions to make sure that there is no foul play involved. We'll have to appoint another sheriff to help with this, though....

This place is no longer respectable, who will uphold the hypocrisy now??? Will you take the Hipocritic Oath Petty?

Oh now Eldo, are you saying you dont trust Morgul, Angmar, Barad-dur and Partners? If so you can tell them that to their, faces.

And besides we have a temporary Sheriff, Pretty, I am sure she will be happy to take on any investigation into the Will you care to begin.

Sadly of course, whilst its got 6 signatures in red as the law requires they are all either no longer with us or fled, or unavailable.

And Mrs Figg there is nothing respectable about me in the slightest. How dare you suggest otherwise!

{{{{{{{{{Hold on, why is Bella's name still on there?! Angmar! What the hell? She's still alive, I told you to change that? Don't give me those big red eyes, this is your cockup - at this rate you wont be getting all the dynamite you can eat- no. Not if the Admin finds out this isnt the real will- and why is the last bit about me the wrong size? What? You got a Balrog to typeset it? WTF! You know their half blind- look what happened to his brother, he couldnt even see that bloody great crack in the bridge! I dont care if he was only person in the office at the time- it looks supsicous!
Lucky for you I got Pretty in place in case you ballsed it up again. See thats why I'm the one wearing the sporran.}}}}}}}}}}

{{{Brilliant! }}}

Dear mr. Petty Tyrant,

The Dark Planet Embassy library wishes to convey their interest in obtaining the above mentioned books and writings for the humor/local customs section.

Payment can be made in mirthril, Dark Planet Buckie (the banned kind, naturally) or coal, since you now have appear to have a shuttle to transport it in.

Sincerely, Amarië.

Who knows the unfathomable mind of Odo, Halfwise, turned to jelly as it was by, well jelly.

Amaria as soon as I am in receipt of all my winnings, um I mean inheritance, from my old dear friend Odo I will gladly enter negotions for the purchase of said materials. I also have some silver spoons you might be interested in.

As to the signatures Halfwise I am quite sure esteemed lawyers such as Angmar, Morgul and Barad-dur know how many signatures are required. {{{ }}}

{{{{{{{{{ANGMAR! How many signatures should there be? Six or seven?

PUT THAT AWAY! Don't you know?
What do you mean you only ever needed one signature under Mordor Law- this is Forumshire law you shower of clowns. Who did your research, the Balrog again? A junior partner! Who?
"Six it wass, yesss my precious, or wass it sevenses now?"
He can only count up to five!
"Four fingers on the Black handses precious"
Sorry, four. }}}}}}}}}}}

{{{Dear lord Eldo and mighty Admin. Not that I wish to stir this hornets nest of sadness and loss, but am I right to assume that the remaining 7/15 of Odo's fortune have been collected to the Forumshire fond for higher dignitaries and foreign moderators? Or could there be a second will somewhere?}}}

{{{Dear Amarie, the Forumshire Revenue Service will have to take a thorough look at this, but it will have to wait until I'm done with classes for the day. }}}

{{{ }}}

I miss Odo Banks and I want him to be Ressurected or Erected or Reincarnated asap.
I miss that Big Head. That Glorious Orb, that Capacious Cranium, that Fathomless Forehead, that Purveyor of Preposterous Puritanism.
OH WOE!!

Petty? you know Frankenstein and his monster? can you make a new Odo from all the bits of Banks you found strewn across Bree? jus askin.

like this?

I could maybe sing a song to Mandos again and bring dear Odo back to us? I've done it once, I'm sure I can do it again

Brilliant thinking your Maj! Kind hearted and generous as always.
But perhaps if I may caution, possibly it could be seen as unethical. And we dont want to besmirch or politcise your position.

{{{{{Bugger it ! Bugger it! If she brings him back he's bound to notice the will is a tiny bit different!
ANGMAR! Go find out if dead people have any legal rights, especially ones that are still moving about....
........
....Well Angmar? Got anything? Who? Give me that. Barrow-wight v Bombadil? Bombadil was charged with breaking and entering, theft and noise pollution- the case was dismissed on a technicality because the wight was found to have been squatting. Well how is that of any use to us! Go find me somethng better.}}}}}}

Not to worry! Nothing a little rasberry Buckie can't smooth over! Mandos can't hold his buckie well

... Don't tell him I said that....

{{{{ I cant fight the power of buckie!! If Odo comes back it'll be the Lockholes for me!!! }}}}}}