Howdy from Needlehole

I never realised... the extra responsibilitities!!! And the training manual --- longer than LotR itself! What have I done? No time just now for romance, I know that much...

It's so boring... Wisey won't let me out --- and that sign he put on our door --- haven't had a visit in days! (((((I do miss Bif)))))

I'm sure given how busy Mirabella is at the mo, and how much I dislike seeing a lady in distress Porgy, that I could perhaps see my way to bend a branch for your escape towards your boudair and be waiting below with a bottle of buckie- but later once Wisey has channeled himself into slumber. That's if you need someone to 'talk' to that is.

Dear Mr and Mrs and Mrs Banks,

Sunny is going ever so well at Our Lady. She got an A+ for "Deportment", and her results in "Basic Respectabiltity" continue to be of a rare high standard. Also, I'm pleased to inform you that Shady's endeavours to attend the school have finally been rewarded. It is obvious you have paid close attention to the school "Spanking Guide" I sent you. Shady's marks on her last entrance exam improved expoentially. She has been enrolled for the start of Term 2.

yours faithfully,
:-Jane
Mother Superior

deer porky,

eye rote thiz pome for ya --

"i bee warkin ontha chayne gung
allz tha holl dayz long..."

i aint finizid yut...

mizz ya
biv

"has it not been said by all the wise
keep your pretty wife inside,
for if you were to let her wander,
Scotshobbits might entice her yonder
up to the northmost English lands
(Scotshobbiton and there around)
enticing her to naughty acts
too naughty to mention - and that's a fact."

"The Wise Husband's Refrain"- from "Robbie Burns: Unrecorded Thoughts."

Wisey Banks

Well put, Wisey

Well if anyone would know it would be ole wandering eye Rab!
But I do hope you have not heard my words to your good lady wife Wisey and misconstrued, I meant only to keep her company whilst you get on with importing channeling, as I know you must be finding it difficult without Biffo around to lend her his hand.
Now now Ringdortten we Scotshobbits are well known for our hospitality!

Of course, I am very sorry

Its the kilts- they give people completely the wrong idea but there just for ease of access- we keep the buckie under there.

I should perhaps consider buying one of those kilts - they sound very practical

"The kilts! The kilts! I'm fearin' them,
(Who wouldna doubt a skirt on men?)
Oh how the breeze makes 'em rise,
Among the heather risin' high,
Who would not doubt the sporan delicious?
And not be just that tiny bit suspicious?"

"The Wise Husband's Further Refrain"- from "Robbie Burns: Unrecorded Thoughts."

Wisey Banks

Would you all go somewhere else, please! Mirabella is staying here at the moment - and she's trying to study! (((((And boy, is she short of temper! )))))

Actually joking aside a real kilt is great Ringdrotten. Its waterproof, huge, when you unravel it you can sleeep in completely covered and its warm enough to use in the Highlands in winter. And you don't even have to carry it because your wearing it. Just don't try any of that with a dress kilt hired for a wedding- they get really annoyed!

Wisey do not fear the kilt, yes it may contain secrets and more than buckie but I can asure you I am complete control of its contents, unless I'm drunk which I never am, no, not me. Never. Especially not right now. Am I swaying or is the room? What?!

Mirabella is here! Why does nobody tell me these things till I've already said things which might upset her. I'm sure you understand Mirabella I'm just trying to help your family out with Porgy, whilst I await your return when you are less burdened, and not frowning so much and looking like a large explosion in a small volcano.

((((((((((Oooh how lovely, Bif... I'll see if I can find some reason to pop down to the Kimberleys... The poem was lovly. Was it truly about me? No one has ever been so nice as to write me one... )))))))

((((((((((Oh Petty, I'm planning to go away for a short trip --- but I'll see if I can fit you in before I go. Mind, I'm not certain I am going yet, Wisey has been getting a bit grumpy of late --- giving me curious stares... Sometimes I suspect he's watching me through his eyelids when only pretending to channel! I don't know what I could have done to make him so ... I don't know... suspicious .... or jealous... or whatever.... ))))))))))

((((((((((Done some preliminary checks of flights to Kimberley Station, Ozhobbitland--- I could catch an eagle next Wednesday --- it has quite a long stopover in the Norwayans... I don't possibly know what I could do for four hours there? No, not four long hours.... Tho' I belive those Norhobbits are quite --- err.... friendly... and tall....))))))))))

Well, I was going to buy one when I go to Scotland (whenever that is!) for a laugh and good measure - but with your words in mind, perhaps I'll spend some extra cash on it and get a good one instead How do I distinguish a good one from a bad one? Or better yet, how much will it set me back to have one tailored? (I expect this will be something I cannot afford, but asking is free I guess )

As it always seems to be, you have shown yourself to be both ignorant and insensitive, Petty!

Ringdrotten- the sort of kilt you generally see nowadays, at weddings orr in films is a victorian thing. They vary from a cheap one about £70 to a proper tailered one- anything from £200 upwards. But what you really want is a feile mor, a great kilt. The sort you can sleep in. To get an idea of one heres an explanatio of how to fold it to make a kilt. The guy doing it is also wearing one, as you can se it goes over one shoulder as well as around.

http://www.historichighlanders.com/belted.htm

"you have shown yourself to be both ignorant and insensitive, Petty"- Mirabella

Hah! And lady hobbits say boyhobbits can't multitask! Um that might not have been the most sensitive answer. I know your under a bit of stress of late, what with your exams and promotion and stuff, so I'll just offer you an ear if you need to talk (sure I can find someone willing to listen to you go on) and a buckie to sooth your mood, or at leat get me drunk enough to be able to put up with your mood.

...uuh?? letmeefink...

"sheez ayes lik bruss
und leegs lik gluss ,
un er air iz lik spaghetee
guldun un lung un prettee..."

thars prettee gud, i fink... now...

un wen ime on tha chayne gung
eye thunk of orl the fun
we ad wiv chaynes un shackles
un wippz un choklit cruckles...

err

un creem un hunny un strawwz
un gurbills wot iz mor...

nuh - doesn sowwn uz nize inna pome az itz tar do...

un kizzes, tuches, carezzez too
un utha romunac thungz ta doo...

tharz nicar.. mor rezpeggubull!

mmm..... iz thart tha mine bull? bak to za minze -- siiiiiiigh....

Well, I definitely got to have one of those! Are they in the same price range? Will have to save up for a tailored one, that would be great

By the way, that satchel in the front - is that part of the kilt, or do you have to buy them separately?