IT IS HERE! Forumshire fanfic collection

Reader, be warned: the stories found in this collection may be puerile, angsty, lewd, offensive, anti-Peter Jackson, culturally insensitive, inappropriate for children, inappropriate for adults, contain lead, were prepared in a facility that also processes nuts, and could lead to an erection lasting longer than four hours. Read at your own risk.

ELDER DAYS

Introduction
Eldorion (2018)
Council of Odo
Odo Banks (2011-12)
Council of Tyrants
Petty Tyrant (2012-14)
Shadows in the West
Lorient Avandi (2011)

WHOLESOME TALES

Tales of Ally, Baingil, and Squach
Archet Bugle (2011-12)
Tales of Other Forumshirans  
Archet Bugle (2011-12)
Tales of the Coal Scuttle
Archet Bugle (2011-12)
Tales of Skattykatzenfjord
Archet Bugle (2011-13)
Other Short Tales
Archet Bugle (2011-15)
The Lion, the Witch, and the Wardrobe, and the Respectable Hobbit
Archet Bugle (2012)
Little Kindergarten on the Forum
Archet Bugle (2012)
The Adventures of Captain Orwell Jack McOdo
Archet Bugle (2012)
There and Back Again (or “Finding Odo”)
Archet Bugle (2012-13)
The Tale of the Wise Cranberry Farmers
Archet Bugle (2015)
An Alternate Gospel
Archet Bugle (2015)
The Preppershire Chronicle
Archet Bugle (2015)

NUWEST WHO

Dr Who and the Trolls
Archet Bugle (2012)
Dr Who and the Trebinzinite Traders
Archet Bugle (2012-14)
Dr Who and the Living Dolls
Archet Bugle (2014)
Dr Who and the Newark Cult
Archet Bugle (2014)
Dr Who and the True History of Troy
Archet Bugle (2014-15)
Dr Who and the Wankermen of Shoevius
Archet Bugle (2016)
Dr Who and the Invasion from Mars
Archet Bugle (2016)
Dr Who in the 21st Century
Archet Bugle (2017)

THE NEEDLEHOLE MYSTERIES

The Mystery of the Coal Scuttle
Eldorion (2012)
The Mystery of Mister Figg
Eldorion (2012)
The Treason of Forumshire
Eldorion (2012-13)
Nora’s Birthday Surprise
Eldorion (2012)

NEEDLEHOLE FANFICTION

Fjordian Fest
Amarië and Norc (2012)
Work-a-Hobbit
Amarië and Norc (2012-15)
Boobies and Other Cock-ups
Norc (2015)
A Needlehole Mysteries Christmas Special
Norc (2015)

AGENT NORA

Agent Nora and the Mysterious Herring Murders
Mrs Figg (2012)
Agent Nora and the Almighty Stink
Mrs Figg (2012)
Agent Nora and the Carrots From Mars
Mrs Figg (2012)
Agent Nora and the Fairy Cakes of Doom
Mrs Figg (2012)
Agent Nora and the Furball of Fear
Mrs Figg (2012)
Agent Nora and the Were-River of Destiny
Mrs Figg (2012)
Agent Nora and the Pied Piper of Svalfart
Mrs Figg (2012)
Agent Nora and the Moon of Loon
Mrs Figg (2012)
Agent Nora and the Weird Vegetables of Blood
Mrs Figg (2012)
Agent Nora and the Freaky Bean
Mrs Figg (2012-13)
Agent Nora and the Poisonous Plums
Mrs Figg (2013)
Agent Nora and the Troll
Mrs Figg (2013)
Agent Nora and the Dastardly Dictator
Mrs Figg (2014)
Agent Nora and the Buningca Mystery
Mrs Figg (2014)
Agent Nora and the TARDIS
Mrs Figg (2015)
Agent Nora and the Bertil Mystery
Mrs Figg (2015)
Agent Nora and the Stinky Kippers
Mrs Figg (2017)

DARK PLANET DAY CHALLENGE

Untitled
Mrs Figg (2012)
Isolation
Kafria (2012-13)
Ambassador Amarië
Amarië (2012)
The Darkest Day
Petty Tyrant (2012)

LATTER DAYS

Haddon Hall
Mrs Figg and Turembar (2012)
Petty’s Pretty Bad Day
Petty Tyrant (2012)
How Eldo Got His Groove Back
Eldorion (2012)
Petty McTyrant: A Portrait
Archet Bugle (2012)
Untitled
Kafria (2012)
A Daughter of the Lands West and East
Annette O Fish (2013)
The Time Lord and Me
Mrs Figg (2013)
Halfy Doo Where Are You?
Petty Tyrant (2013)
The Secretive Seven
Archet Bugle (2013-14)
The Magical Not That Far Away Tree
Archet Bugle (2013-17)
The Great Forumshire Story
Lancebloke (2013-14)
A Midsummer Nights Dream (in Forumshire)
Petty Tyrant (2013)
The Pilgrim Mothers
Archet Bugle (2013)
Thuglyffe: A Nordic Tale
Archet Bugle (2013)
MacPetty: The Scottish Play
Petty Tyrant (2013)
Clarabell Cratchetty and the Faberge Egg of Doom
Mrs Figg (2013)
The Firefox
Archet Bugle (2013)
The Bandersnatchers – Live
Amarië (2013-15)
Movember
Norc (2013-14)
Odo Banks Investigates
Archet Bugle (2013)
A Christmas Carol, starring Peter Jackson as Ebenezer Scrooge
Tinuviel (2013)
How The Peej Stole The Hobbit
bungobaggins (2013)
Amarie’s Adventures in Forumland
Archet Bugle (2013-14)
Petty O’ Tyrant
Petty Tyrant (2014)
A Song of Sludge and Mud
Mrs Figg (2014)
The Lord of the Flies (Forumshire style)
Petty Tyrant (2014)
Pettyo and Julia
bungobaggins (2014)
The Siege
Lancebloke (2014)
A Forumshire Christmas Carol
Petty Tyrant (2014)
Lingonberry Pickers
Bluebottle (2014-15)
Untitled
Amarië (2014)
The Jimmy
Archet Bugle (2015)
A Tale of Trolls and Unfortunate Encounters
Norc (2015)
The Space Ark Lollipop
Archet Bugle (2015)
Illuvatar University
Archet Bugle (2016)
The Changing of the Guard
Archet Bugle (2016-17)
Sketch of the Mythology
Eldorion (2016)
Who?
Petty Tyrant (2016)
The story of Eldo as the Howard Hughes-esque character in…
Bluebottle (2016-17)
The True Tale of the Un-magical Coal Scuttle
Archet Bugle (2016)
Based very loosely on They Came to Baghdad
Mrs Figg (2016)
Mask of the Eldotype
Archet Bugle (2017)
Love Is A Doing Word
Eldorion (2017)

LITTLE FORUMSHIRE

All New Council of Odo
Odo Banks (2013)
The Oliphaunt Crystals
Archet Bugle (2013)
The Space Adventures
Archet Bugle (2013)

CRABBIT FAERY AND FOLK TALES

The Three Little Ambassadors
Petty Tyrant (2015)
Three Forumshire Fjordians Gruff
Petty Tyrant (2015)
Gingerlocks and the Three McTyrants
Petty Tyrant (2015-17)
Halfwise in Boots
Petty Tyrant (2017)

ANCYENT ODES AND FAIRY RHYMES

The Devil Wolf
Archet Bugle (2016)
The Rushock Bog Drunks and Family Ball
Archet Bugle (2016)
The Three Little Hobbits
Archet Bugle (2016)
The Song of Orwell
Eldorion (2016)
Cinderfella
Archet Bugle (2016)

Holy Crackeral!  That will be a tome.  I can see editing one or two, but after endless [delete] of commentary and norcing in between I would think the fires of enthusiasm would begin to burn low.   Very impressive to see this even hinted at!  And editorial commentary will be included?!

(And equally impressive that this lot would produce such an output that simply editing it would be impressive. )

My consolation is that the earliest chapters are in many ways the most difficult, in terms of wading through lots of posts to find the relevant passages, and then attempting to present them in an order that makes sense. Once that's done I'll (sorta) be in the clear.

There are 101 chapters listed above. I reached out to every author who I still know how to get in touch with for permission. There is one person I haven't heard back from yet; if they agree then there will be 103 chapters. They range in length from less than two pages in a word processor all the way up to Petty's opus, Gingerlocks and the Three McTyrants, which is over 200. Though that's an extreme outlier and fortunately I have a major leg up there since Petty already edited it. The first five chapters of the Wholesome Tales each include a number of separate stories within them. Because of the sheer volume as well as the fact that most were written in response to specific (and interrelated) events on the forum, combining the shorter ones topically made the most sense.

By Eru, we're even more awesome than we thought!

Hmm, so I realized I missed/had forgotten a couple of the Archet Bugle's longer Forumshire-related poems. I'm generally not including much in the way of poetry, but I've made exceptions already for narrative poems and these definitely fit the bill ... but that means the Table of Contents in the OP as well as the above figure of 101 (or 103) chapters is now inaccurate.

Edit: okay, the master list is currently at 106 chapters (possibly 108), of which 13 (totaling about 100 word processor pages, although a lot of them are poems and dialogues so there's fewer words per page than in regular stories) have now been reformatted and added to the main document (with commentary!). Not bad for a day's work...

Holy feckitty do-dads !! That is epic ! If that was on the shelves in a well known book store what would it fetch ?! How fantastic is this going to be ! Will you include illustrations ??

1. Thousand page fantasy hardcovers typically have a list price in the vicinity of $30-$40. That assumes people want to pay money for them, though.
2. Hopefully good enough that I'm not the only to read it!
3. Probably not, but it might have an illustrated cover. Maybe.

Thanks az!

Fake edit: here's another teaser from the opposite end of the tonal spectrum.

Wow, I don't remember that!  That's pretty serious fan fiction. Is that Lorient's sole offering? Solid writing.

Good thinking! It is indeed from Shadows in the West, which was actually a play-by-post RPG run by Lorient, so the general concept and structure were his but he did only a portion of the writing. The above passage was written by Orwell, demonstrating (again) just how versatile an author he is. SitW is one of the more remote branches of Forumshire's overall tree of story but Baingil and Odo both make appearances as characters closely patterned on their regular personas so I felt justified in including it.

Also, it gave us Biffo Banks, serious role-player, which was amazing.

Num: Khím
Rayz: Dworv
Cundree: Airybor
Lowcashone: Lunnly Meltin
Okkupayshon: Unbell stoenmazen.
Upeerantz: Redd beerd, theek almz un stowt leggz. Berry huggid und lyend ut da i's. Varree uld und bended.
Bak Storwe: Iz a stowt dworv wiv bluk beerd und stwong almz un theek leggs. Nut uh grate mazin, he juz doen roffa un huveer kyn a wirk, howse worls unda lik.

Khím waz uh varry uld dworv und too steel bee billdin worls ut iz venrubble aje wuz uh wundar. Ee waz wid Boldor un Bizkar, iz yungar cuzzens, dun uhlong za rivva frun za Grate Gayts ov tha Meltin', und za worl zay waz bildin runn long a drup neer uh gard toweller za Kung undr za Meltin hud bilt reecendlee. Ithud beenuh lung day und Khím's buk waz sorr un stef. Za soon wazza sledden dun za skye inna arvanuun, und Khím waz glud ovit, farr sunn 'e culd goer truddjin uppa ruud buk unta za Meltin.

Seain zat za uld dworv waz strooglin, Boldor sed, "Hay, Khím, youse takin' uppza toolies wiles wee funnash up wid ziss last blokk ere. Stard pukkin' up za chizzellz."

Khím waz glud ta ear zose wirds. Wypin za swed frum iz brow, 'e stardded pikin' upp zeir cheissellz und hummars.

fortunately I have a major leg up there since Petty already edited it- Eldo

{{Yes well, 'edited' might be a strong word to use here...'slightly better than usual, maybe, if you squint or don't know how to read.'? And your word processor will have a colourful time highlighting all the Scots dialect in red as misspelled English You are a braver, stauncher, more dedicated and significantly less drunk man than I Eldo. I would salute you but that would mean standing up and I'm not sure where I last left my legs }}

I would salute you but that would mean standing up and I'm not sure where I last left my legs

I ascertain that it's your day off and you are buried in snow.

Thanks Petty, it means a lot. I already got to see how LibreOffice measured up against the bit of Scots in "Petty O' Tyrant" as a trial run, but nothing can be as bad as Biffo-speak.

NB if anyone cares to peruse it, I updated the table of contents in the OP with both the new chapters I decided to add last night and the ones I'm still waiting to hear back on, for the aforementioned total of 108.

holy moly, seeing that list and realizing what a job is ahead of you!  might need to be several different books! i'd be happy to illustrate when the time comes. I suggest we make a funding and such so yeah.. dugnad.

also, maybe put in some spaces in that list, when it is long it's hard to separate who's the author of what.

and... have i written boobies and other cock-up? is that done? (need to investigate) (edit: found it, someone linked my writing to porn and i think it killed the wlil to continue. it is not done, fuck i'd forgotten this)


also. that is a lot of Agent Nora! looking forward to read that in one sitting!

It might be slightly more readable in the way I have it formatted in the actual word document where the author names are indented. I went ahead and exported the draft version of the table of contents if that helps. The page numbers are all placeholders since I don't know what the final values will be.

https://drive.google.com/file/d/1wxRnTu1isnvldzq6rOx_hNFpZKnTx3VI/view?usp=sharing

Boobies and Other Cock-ups was actually one of the first stories I brought over and in the editorial comments I mentioned that there was controversy over suggestiveness in Needlehole (including but not limited to that story), though I also noted that compared to a lot of the Archet Bugle's output it's very mild.

{{{And my god, if anyone else is in the same boat as me and didn't remember the content of the Ancyent Odes and Fairy Rhymes very clearly ... }}}

Eldorion wrote:

Boobies and Other Cock-ups was actually one of the first stories I brought over and in the editorial comments I mentioned that there was controversy over suggestiveness in Needlehole (including but not limited to that story), though I also noted that compared to a lot of the Archet Bugle's output it's very mild.

(but it is not finished)

I need a stable end goal to work towards here, y'know.

{{{ I kid, I kid ... sorta }}}

I didn't realize there was so much content out there! Or in here, rather.

We're certainly a prolific bunch. There's a lot of stuff in the Creative Corner that's beyond the remit of this project, too, since I'm limiting myself to narrative fiction about Forumshire itself and/or its members (and keeping it strictly text-based rather than attempting to branch out into multimedia).

Update: 17/108 chapters reformatted, commentated, and proofread (a first pass, anyway), including the first four, which lets me begin to tentatively fill in page numbers in the table of contents. Haven't done any of the really long chapters yet.



^Keep in mind these are pages in a Word document/eventually a PDF; if it were a printed book with normal typesetting the figures would be higher.

My pace will probably slow since I have a midterm next week and might also try to mix up what I do in my down time a bit to avoid burnout. Feels kinda weird that it's been less than five days since I decided to comb through the CC and start indexing stories.

My hat goes off to you you are a plucky young man

So, er, you know how I said I might slow down? That still might happen this week but it definitely didn't this weekend...



For reference, Harry Potter and the Order of the Phoenix is just over 257,000 words long. I estimate that the total word count when all is said and done will be in the neighborhood of 600,000 words so I'm ... maybe at about the halfway point? This is kinda ridiculous.

Anyway, thanks az!

You mad crazy fool you !

I have often thought it over the years, but never clearly said it, Eldo, but you are an amazing young man - or hobbit... (by the way, that was my tongue in your ear...)

I am looking forward to this. Forgive me if I read Julia. Figg’s ‘Abent Nora’ tales first. I started doing a pen edit myself and lost momentum... then it will be on to Petty’s ridiculous Dark Planet Tale, even without rather weak idea of making Odo and Orwell some sort of sp,it person, which stretch credulity, but otherwise a wine yarn.. and then.. of my gawd... there is soooooo much other stuff I loved... and Winter coming... perfect... i’ll start collecting the wood for the fire and beeswax my for my reading candles.... ... this is gonna be great...

Fook ma dude! Noweye wiszh eur codha larnned za reddin und rye tin!