Merry Christmas - 2017

I thought bailing out was classic male stoopid behaviour, no?

Ringdrotten wrote:Valid point, halfy. I guess I got it in my head somehow she wanted to go all the way with it, I asked myself if that was what I wanted. It wasn't, so I decided to end it before it got even more serious. That's the short and very oversimplified version. A year after I'm still not convinced I didn't screw up. I do, however, have beer and a few playlists with some very good songs

that sounds awefully familiar  only time can tell you if that was the right decision. Love and relationships are complicated. to qoute my very wise mom, if people are meant to be together, they end up together in the end.. 

Ringdrotten wrote:I thought bailing out was classic male stoopid behaviour, no?

oh it is.. that and fucking not talking about feelings.... but i think we are all guilty of overanalyzing..




what's happening with me i think, is that overanalyzing "are we to marry?!" dilemma, but also kinda liking it, so yeah.. i don't know if he knows what he wants, i think i know what i want... but i am getting a lot of mixed messages here... is he the classic "minimal-investment-kind-of-guy"? 

It depends on how you bailed out. If you didn't tell her why or discuss it then it's classic male stupid behavior. If you took time to think about it, then talked it over with her, then even if you broke her heart you did the right thing. One test is whether she put herself in a convent afterwards. Bad sign of a screwup, that.

{{My Dad a log time ago gave me some (admittedly crude) relationship advice which has proved to be very accurate in my view over time. Obviously he was talking about women with me, but I think if you just substitute women for men in it, it still holds true.
What he told me was this- 'There are two types of women- women you fuck and women you take home to meet your mother, almost all the relationship problems you will have comes from mixing those two up." }}}

lol... that is simply over simplifying it. what if one is both...???????

Petty - I've heard this from a friend and I don't agree with it. Maybe I haven't played the field enough but I sense there's a spectrum.

Norc - your mom is right.  And you're both young....how do you know what is truly right for you until you've explored a lot of options?

Try this.  Since you are getting mixed messages, point it out to your guy and ask him if he wants an open relationship.  If he's not sure, force him into agreeing to an open relationship.  Nothing focusses the mind like not being required to make a commitment.  Once you've both been with other people (and are aware what the other has been doing) yet have an option to get back together, you'll both know.  You may not want the same thing, but at least you'll have clarity.

But avoid meeting the competition.  That just messes with the head.

halfy, that is actually a kinda good advice.. although i never reaaaally liked the idea of an open relaitonship, i kinda wanna be the main "bitch"  but i think in this case it might actually be a good option. we're both in no position to actually commit as our lives are so different and we live in completely different cities. I have a feeling all open relationship end in tears and just a small percentage ends in success. But removing the whole decision thing.... maybe... 

avoid meeting competition.... hm... don't think that thats as easy  everyone is competition

Been in an open relationship. Works because there's nothing to hide. You actually get to know each other better. And talking about other relationships teaches you a lot about yourselves and each other. But it also gives up that special committed bond in exchange for a more open but comprehensive bond. I think you can recommit afterwards, though there will be no mystery left; the discovery phase will be long over.

I don't agree with it- Halfwise

{{I think its more true in your 20's- at that age if you constantly chase the sort that has a roving eye, enjoys themselves a bit too much, has no intentions of settling for one person- you are in for misery and heartbreak. }}}

halfwise wrote:Petty - I've heard this from a friend and I don't agree with it.  Maybe I haven't played the field enough but I sense there's a spectrum.

I agree with you Halfy, and I don't agree with it either.

its antiquated sexism, the old Madonna/Whore bullshit and its the reason that women end up psychologically damaged, its very convenient to put women in two categories, to use one category for 'fun' and the other for breeding. A lot of women put in the whore category by some arbitrary rule, end up wondering what is wrong with themselves, to be classed as worthless because they give out? and if they don't give out they are classed as uptight or frigid.

{{I said I thought it was perfectly interchangeable for men too- in your 20's there are guys you can screw and have fun with- but they are almost guaranteed to cheat on you and roam and then there are those who are more settled and looking for love and partnership not just fun, and those you keep hold of. Same for both sexes.
The trick is working out which is which.
No idea why you think thats sexist- in my 20's experience it was just true and life. }}}

Yeah, it's not sexist, just categorist. Women definitely treat men as one-night stud material and relationship material, and it's just as painful to find yourself in the wrong category. My friend said you should divide people into friends and potential lovers, and I don't buy that either.

But other people seem to do it a lot, so it's worth understanding the dynamic.

Mrs Figg wrote:its antiquated sexism, the old Madonna/Whore bullshit and its the reason that women end up psychologically damaged, its very convenient to put women in two categories, to use one category for 'fun' and the other for breeding. A lot of women put in the whore category by some arbitrary rule, end up wondering what is wrong with themselves, to be classed as worthless because they give out? and if they don't give out they are classed as uptight or frigid.

THANK YOU!

Pettytyrant101 wrote:
No idea why you think thats sexist- in my 20's experience it was just true and life. }}}

it sucks for men too to be categorized into two categories. it reduces them to two types, and human kind are rarely just two kinds. also, people change, people mature etc. but i am farely sure that this allegory most often is applied to women, and rarely to men, and that whole concept sucks. 

i am both a fucking whore and a goddamn goddess so fuck the hell off with those labels

halfwise wrote:Yeah, it's not sexist, just categorist.  Women definitely treat men as one-night stud material and relationship material, and it's just as painful to find yourself in the wrong category.  My friend said you should divide people into friends and potential lovers, and I don't buy that either.

But other people seem to do it a lot, so it's worth understanding the dynamic.

ok... shut up. i know some women say "naah he's just a dick for pleasure" but seriously... no one actually believes it. Every guy is a potential husband/baby daddy/boyfriend... we just .. hold them on an armslength and calls them a "one night stand" to protect our feelings and emotions... and heart. for some it works. but for both sexes, labeing people as either a potential parnter or just a whore us devastating as it reeduces humans to tools or idk... something very simplistic.. treat everyone as potential for something... even though just a lover you see every blue moon.

{{I completely disagree- I would say women far more than men put men into one of two categories- casual fuck or relationship materiel- there isn't really an in-between. So if it is sexist then its more sexist against men perpetrated by women.

Also I specified the 20's becuase people can and do change habits and desires, those in one category in their 20's might be in another when older. But in your 20's yeah it pretty much breaks down to those who want to try and have a real partnership with someone and those looking for quick no consequences fun.}}}

Pettytyrant101 wrote:{{I completely disagree- I would say women far more than men put men into one of two categories- casual fuck or relationship materiel- there isn't really an in-between. So if it is sexist then its more sexist against men perpetrated by women.

oh dear me... who hurt you?

Pettytyrant101 wrote:Also I specified the 20's becuase people can and do change habits and desires, those in one category in their 20's might be in another when older. But in your 20's yeah it pretty much breaks down to  those who want to try and have a real partnership with someone and those looking for quick no consequences fun.}}}

you have a really narrow look on 20-somethings. excuse you.. i guess it is a long time since you were 20..

Pettytyrant101 wrote:{{I completely disagree- I would say women far more than men put men into one of two categories- casual fuck or relationship materiel- there isn't really an in-between. So if it is sexist then its more sexist against men perpetrated by women.

that. is bullshit.

{{i guess it is a long time since you were 20..- Norc

And I was very drunk at the time

But seriously it might not be fair but it is practical- in my twenties and I made the mistake more than once of getting real feelings for women who just wanted some fun and then to move on to the next fun thing- that hurts when it happens, hence the advice to try to differentiate between that type of person and someone who genuinely has some feelings beyond sexual for you (assuming your looking for more than sex of course- if you are just after sex its the same problem reversed as you dont want to deliberately hurt anyone I'm sure). Sadly its not as easy as it sounds and you often dont discover until too late which is which!


that. is bullshit.- Figg

As useful in a debate as a chocolate teapot Figg!}}}

Mrs Figg wrote:

Pettytyrant101 wrote:{{I completely disagree- I would say women far more than men put men into one of two categories- casual fuck or relationship materiel- there isn't really an in-between. So if it is sexist then its more sexist against men perpetrated by women.

that. is bullshit.

if anything, and i am meeting you halfway because i think only douchebags (both men and women) uses this two-category-system, both sexes are euqally bad/guilty of this. if you reduce your preferred sexual partners into marry or fuck, then you are a fucking aweful person and you actually deserve to be turned down and sitting, murmuring in a corner of the pub that "you don't get women" "all men are assholes" or "you can categorize it into people you fuck and people you bring home to your mother". sad asss losers. so fuck that. treat everyone equal until proven otherwise (then hammer them with a chair or something if deserved)

Pettytyrant101 wrote:{{i guess it is a long time since you were 20..- Norc

And I was very drunk at the time

But seriously it might not be fair but it is practical- in my twenties and I made the mistake more than once of getting real feelings for women who just wanted some fun and then to move on to the next fun thing- that hurts when it happens, hence the advice to try to differentiate between that type of person and someone who genuinely has some feelings beyond sexual for you (assuming your looking for more than sex of course- if you are just after sex its the same problem reversed as you dont want to deliberately hurt anyone I'm sure). Sadly its not as easy as it sounds and you often dont discover until too late which is which!

exaclty, who the fuck hurt you, you sad fucker.

Pettytyrant101 wrote:
that. is bullshit.- Figg

As useful in a debate as a chocolate teapot Figg!}}}

you are such an asshole.

treat everyone equal until proven otherwise - Norc

{{Good luck with that! Seems innocently naive to me and doomed to pain and disaster!

And Ive never had much of a problem with break ups apart from my first teenage one- get sad for a bit, mope about, listen to sad music get over it move on with life. At the moment I am very happy in a relationship- hope it lasts forever, might not last till tomorrow for all I know though. Thats life- no one comes with a guarantee best accept that early on rather than get consistently burnt over and over by reality.

who the fuck hurt you, you sad fucker....you are such an asshole- Norc

No one. I'm very happy at the moment and have been in the past. Why so unpleasant and hostile more to the point?}}

Pettytyrant101 wrote:treat everyone equal until proven otherwise - Norc

{{Good luck with that! Seems innocently naive to me and doomed to pain and disaster!

i'd rather be naive than fucking cynical.

Pettytyrant101 wrote:
And Ive never had much of a problem with break ups apart from my first teenage one- get sad for a bit, mope about, listen to sad music get over it move on with life. At the moment I am very happy in a relationship- hope it lasts forever, might not last till tomorrow for all I know though. Thats life- no one comes with a guarantee best accept that early on rather than get consistently burnt over and over by reality.

good for you man. i am glad your cynical ass found someone.

Pettytyrant101 wrote:
who the fuck hurt you, you sad fucker....you are such an asshole- Norc

No one. I'm very happy at the moment and have been in the past. Why so unpleasant and hostile more to the point?}}

who you? me?

{{I'm not being hostile to anyone. Nor am I calling anyone names.

And yes, I am cynical- there is a reason for that its called reality.
Anyhow you can hurl names at me in the dark all you like, I can check them later - in the meantime Im off out with my better half for a nice meal and few drinks down the local! }}}

Pettytyrant101 wrote:{{I'm not being hostile to anyone. Nor am I calling anyone names.

And yes, I am cynical- there is a reason for that its called reality.
Anyhow you can hurl names at me in the dark all you like, I can check them later - in the meantime Im off out with my better half for a nice meal and few drinks down the local!    }}}

haha cheers! (i am  just annoyed at how cynical and how you se reality... don't crush my spirit goddammit!) i guess your alright.. . i look forward to the future when we are all in a bar drinking and shouting at each other..

edit; also, not calling anyone names? you called Figg a teapot!