what sort of jokes can I get away with? [3]
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Re: what sort of jokes can I get away with? [3]
by azriel Thu Apr 19, 2018 9:02 am
Got it
Loved it
Loved it
_________________
"All we have to decide is what to do with the time that is given to us. It's the job that's never started as takes longest to finish.”
"There are far, far, better things ahead than any we can leave behind"
If you always do what you have always done, you will always get what you always got
![what sort of jokes can I get away with? [3] - Page 24 Th_cat%20blink_zpsesmrb2cl](https://2img.net/h/i1276.photobucket.com/albums/y474/azriel59/th_cat%20blink_zpsesmrb2cl.gif)
![what sort of jokes can I get away with? [3] - Page 24 Jean-b11](https://i.servimg.com/u/f65/17/86/44/91/th/jean-b11.jpg)
azriel- Grumpy cat, rub my tummy, hear me purr
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Re: what sort of jokes can I get away with? [3]
by azriel Thu Apr 26, 2018 4:08 pm
If I find out the name of the surgeon that mucked up my limb transplant....
....I'll kill him with my bear hands.
....I'll kill him with my bear hands.
_________________
"All we have to decide is what to do with the time that is given to us. It's the job that's never started as takes longest to finish.”
"There are far, far, better things ahead than any we can leave behind"
If you always do what you have always done, you will always get what you always got
azriel- Grumpy cat, rub my tummy, hear me purr
- Posts : 15708
Join date : 2012-10-07
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Re: what sort of jokes can I get away with? [3]
by azriel Thu Apr 26, 2018 4:10 pm
Just been on the web site BIGBUSTYCOONS.COM
Those guys really know how to run bus companies!
Those guys really know how to run bus companies!
_________________
"All we have to decide is what to do with the time that is given to us. It's the job that's never started as takes longest to finish.”
"There are far, far, better things ahead than any we can leave behind"
If you always do what you have always done, you will always get what you always got
azriel- Grumpy cat, rub my tummy, hear me purr
- Posts : 15708
Join date : 2012-10-07
Age : 64
Location : in a galaxy, far,far away, deep in my own imagination.
Re: what sort of jokes can I get away with? [3]
by azriel Thu Apr 26, 2018 4:12 pm
I am so superstitious that I have a rabbit's foot.
The other one is normal.
The other one is normal.
_________________
"All we have to decide is what to do with the time that is given to us. It's the job that's never started as takes longest to finish.”
"There are far, far, better things ahead than any we can leave behind"
If you always do what you have always done, you will always get what you always got
azriel- Grumpy cat, rub my tummy, hear me purr
- Posts : 15708
Join date : 2012-10-07
Age : 64
Location : in a galaxy, far,far away, deep in my own imagination.
Re: what sort of jokes can I get away with? [3]
by azriel Thu Apr 26, 2018 4:19 pm
his is getting out of hand now.
Every morning since Monday, a German Shepherd has come to my garden and had a shit on the lawn.
Guess what happened today.
The cheeky devil brought his dog with him.
Every morning since Monday, a German Shepherd has come to my garden and had a shit on the lawn.
Guess what happened today.
The cheeky devil brought his dog with him.
_________________
"All we have to decide is what to do with the time that is given to us. It's the job that's never started as takes longest to finish.”
"There are far, far, better things ahead than any we can leave behind"
If you always do what you have always done, you will always get what you always got
azriel- Grumpy cat, rub my tummy, hear me purr
- Posts : 15708
Join date : 2012-10-07
Age : 64
Location : in a galaxy, far,far away, deep in my own imagination.
Re: what sort of jokes can I get away with? [3]
by chris63 Fri Apr 27, 2018 5:06 am
![what sort of jokes can I get away with? [3] - Page 24 Giggling](https://2img.net/h/www.sherv.net/cm/emo/laughing/giggling.gif)
_________________
![what sort of jokes can I get away with? [3] - Page 24 Z93Cq](https://i.imgur.com/z93Cq.gif)
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Re: what sort of jokes can I get away with? [3]
by Pettytyrant101 Fri Apr 27, 2018 3:24 pm
{{ }}
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A Green And Pleasant Land
Compiled and annotated by Eldy.
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Warning may contain Wholesome Tales[/b]
A Green And Pleasant Land
Compiled and annotated by Eldy.
- get your copy here for a limited period- free*
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*Pure Publications reserves the right to track your usage of this publication, snoop on your home address, go through your bins and sell personal information on to the highest bidder.
Warning may contain Wholesome Tales[/b]
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Re: what sort of jokes can I get away with? [3]
by Bluebottle Fri Apr 27, 2018 11:49 pm
"“A -ing wizard. I HATE -ing wizards!”
“You shouldn’t - them, then”‘ muttered one of his henchmen, effortlessly pronouncing a row of dashes."
- Terry Pratchett
“You shouldn’t - them, then”‘ muttered one of his henchmen, effortlessly pronouncing a row of dashes."
- Terry Pratchett
_________________
“We're doomed,” he says, casually. “There's no question about that. But it's OK to be doomed because then you can just enjoy your life."
![what sort of jokes can I get away with? [3] - Page 24 Tumblr_msgi12FPjq1s8au6qo2_500](https://33.media.tumblr.com/de58a4b1ea8094e414d274be9532e12d/tumblr_msgi12FPjq1s8au6qo2_500.gif)
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Re: what sort of jokes can I get away with? [3]
by Bluebottle Sat Apr 28, 2018 12:09 am
Also always liked this 
"'Ah, this must be the famous Ankh-Morpork sense of humour, yes?' 'No, that was just irony,' Vimes shouted, still looking for an arboreal escape route. 'You'll know when we've got on to the famous Ankh-Morpork sense of humour when I start talking about breasts and farting, you smug bastard!'"
"'Ah, this must be the famous Ankh-Morpork sense of humour, yes?' 'No, that was just irony,' Vimes shouted, still looking for an arboreal escape route. 'You'll know when we've got on to the famous Ankh-Morpork sense of humour when I start talking about breasts and farting, you smug bastard!'"
_________________
“We're doomed,” he says, casually. “There's no question about that. But it's OK to be doomed because then you can just enjoy your life."
Bluebottle- Concerned citizen
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Re: what sort of jokes can I get away with? [3]
by azriel Sat Apr 28, 2018 4:40 pm
I read that a banana a day helps to keep your colon clean. I just wish they'd told me I was supposed to eat them.
_________________
"All we have to decide is what to do with the time that is given to us. It's the job that's never started as takes longest to finish.”
"There are far, far, better things ahead than any we can leave behind"
If you always do what you have always done, you will always get what you always got
azriel- Grumpy cat, rub my tummy, hear me purr
- Posts : 15708
Join date : 2012-10-07
Age : 64
Location : in a galaxy, far,far away, deep in my own imagination.
Re: what sort of jokes can I get away with? [3]
by chris63 Thu May 03, 2018 12:38 am
The pope is handing out miracles to sick children in Liverpool. Little Johnny walks on stage and asks "Can you help with my hearing?"
The pope says "Yes" & puts his hands on Johnny's ears, then prays, removes his hands and says "How is your hearing now"
Johnny says "I don't know, its not 'til next Wednesday"
The pope says "Yes" & puts his hands on Johnny's ears, then prays, removes his hands and says "How is your hearing now"
Johnny says "I don't know, its not 'til next Wednesday"
_________________
chris63- Adventurer
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Re: what sort of jokes can I get away with? [3]
by azriel Thu May 03, 2018 10:07 pm
_________________
"All we have to decide is what to do with the time that is given to us. It's the job that's never started as takes longest to finish.”
"There are far, far, better things ahead than any we can leave behind"
If you always do what you have always done, you will always get what you always got
azriel- Grumpy cat, rub my tummy, hear me purr
- Posts : 15708
Join date : 2012-10-07
Age : 64
Location : in a galaxy, far,far away, deep in my own imagination.
Re: what sort of jokes can I get away with? [3]
by chris63 Tue May 08, 2018 3:37 am
![what sort of jokes can I get away with? [3] - Page 24 31956936_2350865078473495_1052619574270230528_n](https://scontent-syd2-1.xx.fbcdn.net/v/t1.0-9/31956936_2350865078473495_1052619574270230528_n.jpg?_nc_cat=0&oh=6e838b58dd31ff33148cd4a0b670c055&oe=5B54C163)
_________________
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Re: what sort of jokes can I get away with? [3]
by azriel Tue May 08, 2018 6:53 pm
_________________
"All we have to decide is what to do with the time that is given to us. It's the job that's never started as takes longest to finish.”
"There are far, far, better things ahead than any we can leave behind"
If you always do what you have always done, you will always get what you always got
azriel- Grumpy cat, rub my tummy, hear me purr
- Posts : 15708
Join date : 2012-10-07
Age : 64
Location : in a galaxy, far,far away, deep in my own imagination.
Re: what sort of jokes can I get away with? [3]
by Ringdrotten Tue May 08, 2018 8:34 pm
azriel wrote:Just been on the web site BIGBUSTYCOONS.COM
Those guys really know how to run bus companies!
_________________
“The Lord is my shepherd. I shall not want for nothing. He makes me lie down in the green pastures. He greases up my head with oil. He gives me kung-fu in the face of my enemies. Amen”. - Tom Cullen
![what sort of jokes can I get away with? [3] - Page 24 Man-in-black](https://thelissachronicles.files.wordpress.com/2013/02/man-in-black.jpg?w=484&h=332)
Ringdrotten- Mrs Bear Grylls
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Re: what sort of jokes can I get away with? [3]
by azriel Wed May 09, 2018 8:35 am
Today, I walked into a restaurant.
“Hi, is my table ready?”
“No, not yet sir. Do you mind waiting?”
“No, that’s okay.”
“Great, take these plates to table six then.”
“Hi, is my table ready?”
“No, not yet sir. Do you mind waiting?”
“No, that’s okay.”
“Great, take these plates to table six then.”
_________________
"All we have to decide is what to do with the time that is given to us. It's the job that's never started as takes longest to finish.”
"There are far, far, better things ahead than any we can leave behind"
If you always do what you have always done, you will always get what you always got
azriel- Grumpy cat, rub my tummy, hear me purr
- Posts : 15708
Join date : 2012-10-07
Age : 64
Location : in a galaxy, far,far away, deep in my own imagination.
Re: what sort of jokes can I get away with? [3]
by azriel Wed May 09, 2018 8:36 am
My wife says she's leaving me because she's never seen me sober.
Fucking hell, I got married?
Fucking hell, I got married?
_________________
"All we have to decide is what to do with the time that is given to us. It's the job that's never started as takes longest to finish.”
"There are far, far, better things ahead than any we can leave behind"
If you always do what you have always done, you will always get what you always got
azriel- Grumpy cat, rub my tummy, hear me purr
- Posts : 15708
Join date : 2012-10-07
Age : 64
Location : in a galaxy, far,far away, deep in my own imagination.
Re: what sort of jokes can I get away with? [3]
by azriel Wed May 09, 2018 8:38 am
A boomerang is just a frisbee for people with no friends
_________________
"All we have to decide is what to do with the time that is given to us. It's the job that's never started as takes longest to finish.”
"There are far, far, better things ahead than any we can leave behind"
If you always do what you have always done, you will always get what you always got
azriel- Grumpy cat, rub my tummy, hear me purr
- Posts : 15708
Join date : 2012-10-07
Age : 64
Location : in a galaxy, far,far away, deep in my own imagination.
Re: what sort of jokes can I get away with? [3]
by chris63 Thu May 10, 2018 3:06 am
I went to a sperm bank, yesterday.
The nurse said "Would you like to masturbate in the cup"
I replied "I'm good, but I don't think I'm at competition level"
The nurse said "Would you like to masturbate in the cup"
I replied "I'm good, but I don't think I'm at competition level"
_________________
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Re: what sort of jokes can I get away with? [3]
by Ringdrotten Tue May 22, 2018 10:39 pm
![what sort of jokes can I get away with? [3] - Page 24 Img_1010](https://i.servimg.com/u/f62/16/32/46/58/img_1010.jpg)
_________________
“The Lord is my shepherd. I shall not want for nothing. He makes me lie down in the green pastures. He greases up my head with oil. He gives me kung-fu in the face of my enemies. Amen”. - Tom Cullen
Ringdrotten- Mrs Bear Grylls
- Posts : 4607
Join date : 2011-02-13
Re: what sort of jokes can I get away with? [3]
by azriel Tue May 22, 2018 10:41 pm
_________________
"All we have to decide is what to do with the time that is given to us. It's the job that's never started as takes longest to finish.”
"There are far, far, better things ahead than any we can leave behind"
If you always do what you have always done, you will always get what you always got
azriel- Grumpy cat, rub my tummy, hear me purr
- Posts : 15708
Join date : 2012-10-07
Age : 64
Location : in a galaxy, far,far away, deep in my own imagination.
Re: what sort of jokes can I get away with? [3]
by chris63 Tue May 29, 2018 2:40 am
![what sort of jokes can I get away with? [3] - Page 24 33785644_10210898211285124_7429145338667073536_o](https://scontent-syd2-1.xx.fbcdn.net/v/t1.0-9/33785644_10210898211285124_7429145338667073536_o.jpg?_nc_cat=0&oh=9ca8ec973b8f1db90f907eaf60c31631&oe=5B85CC42)
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chris63- Adventurer
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Re: what sort of jokes can I get away with? [3]
by halfwise Tue May 29, 2018 3:18 am
Don't get it. 
_________________
Halfwise, son of Halfwit. Brother of Nitwit, son of Halfwit. Half brother of Figwit.
Then it gets complicated...
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Re: what sort of jokes can I get away with? [3]
by Forest Shepherd Tue May 29, 2018 4:34 am
What's fairy bread?
_________________
"The earth was rushing past like a river or a sea below him. Trees and water, and green grass, hurried away beneath. A great roar of wild animals rose as they rushed over the Zoological Gardens, mixed with a chattering of monkeys and a screaming of birds; but it died away in a moment behind them. And now there was nothing but the roofs of houses, sweeping along like a great torrent of stones and rocks. Chimney-pots fell, and tiles flew from the roofs..."
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Re: what sort of jokes can I get away with? [3]
by halfwise Tue May 29, 2018 12:33 pm
Took some digging but I figured it out. First you have to look up hundreds and thousands:
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Nonpareils
then you can look up fairy bread.
Though America has unleashed it's fair share of culinary travesties upon the world, at least we are innocent of fairy bread. :shudder:
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Nonpareils
then you can look up fairy bread.
Though America has unleashed it's fair share of culinary travesties upon the world, at least we are innocent of fairy bread. :shudder:
_________________
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Then it gets complicated...
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