The Changing of the Guard

Well, well, we must remember our young Nora isn't so young and innocent anymore. I have to remind myself she's a young lady, no longer just a young walking cacaphony. Open season then...she's quite well equipped to extract a pound of flesh as she sees fit.

Chapter 11

Eldo Naked


"Before we go, I want you to strip naked," Lance instructed Eldo, standing so as to cast his enormous shadow over that rather attractive young former Administrator.

"What do you plan to do?" Eldo squeaked as he obligingly began to shed his Pooh Bear pyjamas. "I hope you don't think I'm a certain kind of boy. Yes, no doubt you heard about that episode at the Gay Mardi Gras in Sydney, but I was younger then and merely exploring my sexuality with that camel..."

"What? Don't start that crap with me," Lance growled gruffly. "I just want to make sure you've got nothing hidden."

"Well, I do wear clothes with the express purposes of hiding... err... things..."

"No, no, you idiot. I mean concealed weapons. Look I know you've had a long history of being a pacifist and all, but who knows what you might do if you're desperate."

"What do you mean? Sexually desperate....?" And Eldo blushed demurely.

"No, not that. Cut it out, man. Now, strip!"

And when Eldo was naked, Lance examined him all over very very carefully with his keen gaze. When visually satisfied, and with Eldo there was much to be satisfied with (apparently), Lance took out the rubber gloves. "Sorry, Eldo," was Lance's gruffly apologetic comment. "But I have to be sure you haven't got a flick knife or anything else up your arse."

"I don't have a flick knife, but I do have.. err.. well... err... Have you heard the phrase 'morning constitutional' and what that phrase suggests?"

"Don't try that one of me!" Lance retorted severely. "Now bend over, laddie."

Shortly after, Lance, in a quite disgusted state, frantically washed his hands in the sink.

"I did try to warn you, Lance," says Eldo.

"Don't mention it," Lance told him grumpily. "And I mean it - never mention it again!"

Soon after, Lance hailed a taxiwagon outside the Muck and Duck.

"Hey, Petty," Lance said to that bleary eyed Scotshobbit. "Take us up to Odo's bank. And as usual I won't be paying, orright!"

Now Petty was a rather brave Scotshobit, but he wasn't a stupid one, well, at least not quite 'that' stupid. "Aye, ittud bee un oonar, Lunce Az orlways, yee vishus basstud!"

Presently, Lance lead Eldo through the door.

Mirabella Banks, Odo's hot niece, was at the reception counter. As soon as she saw them, she smiled. "Oh you're here at last. I'll send you straight up."

Presently, they walked into Odo's office.

"Come in, come in," Odo greeted them with that bank manager kind of grin that sets a person's teeth to grinding. "Oh what a surprise to see you both. How can I help? Take a seat now and make yourself comfortable."

Eldo took the proffered seat, and as he did so, he noticed a dark cloak and hood on a rack, along with a black woollen stocking, and Eldo's slow mind thought: 'I wonder why they look so familiar!"

Suddenly, Eldo felt a hard buffet to the back of his head. Lance had bopped him with a hearty fist.
"Master Odo is talking, lad. Listen up."

Rubbing the back of his head, Eldo turned to Odo.

"Now, Eldo, I have always found you to  be a trusting and honourable young man, good hearted, reliable and highly ethical, so I have not one hesitation in lending you the four billion Forumdhire shekels you require to hire a dwarfish army." And then Odo handed Eldo a promissory note for the stated amount. "Now, off you go. I must say, it's good you have enlisted Lance to accompany you. For a start, he is a merciless killer when required, and he's also not the type to rape a younger hobbitlad in the wilds, not being inclined that way. So, off you, I wish you a safe and speedy journey."

Eldo felt he should say something, but Lance grabbed him by the back of the neck and hauled him to his feet.

"We're off then, lad. And Master Odo's right. I won't be rooting you up the bum on the way. Not only am I a rough and tough heterosexual, but I don't believe in sexually abusing young men by word or deed."

Now Eldo was in a mental spin about what was happening, but part of his mind was relieved that he wouldn't be used in any sort of sexual way by Lance, he being a young man who needed protection from homoerotica.

Orwell wrote:If you had actually read ALL of this story - because clearly you haven't! - you would know you ARE a hero of this tale, Blue - sort of... I happen to think Clerks are heroes. You know, if we didn't have Clerks, then how would anything be recorded, or notes taken to remind us of important appointments, and that kind of thing? There is a heroism involved in that kind of administrative help, surely! Yes, and it's too often left unsung. But Ol' Anon respects Clerks, having been one himself when he was young and starting out in the workplace. Ol' Anon hasn't always been a successful Archet Bugle writer, you know. In your case, that would be Anti-Hero, of course, as clearly - if you had read ALL this tale before complaining, you would see that you are on the Anti-Hero side of things.

I have read it all - in duplicate.    

And what are sides anyway, but a point of view. And anyway, I might turn around in a minute and let Nora go on a mere technicality. What would be more conscientous than a clerk making sure the law is upheld.

Ha! So now I have seen your motive! Not happy to be a Heroic clerk now, no, you have to be a Heroic law clerk. Well may you say that then you could have rescued Nora! Well you didn't, Blue. Kreepicheeks has already done that.  But i suppose I can talk to Ol' Anon about promoting you to Law Clerk. See, I've even put it in capitals now so it seems even more Heroic. But you're still on Amarie's side. Call her a Goody by all means, but allow others to call her a Baddy. Oh yes, i can read between the lines, Blue! Free Spirits! Free to Think what we want! You know the drill, surely! Sheesh! Some people...

crikey everyones naked.

Way to show 'em, Orwell.

"I don't have a flick knife, but I do have.. err.. well... err...

I was rather suspecting something else to be revealed as up there other than the "morning constitutional".

What may lay deeper, Eldo himself only knows! Even Ol' Anon has limits to how deep he's willing to go.

Mrs Figg wrote:crikey everyones naked.

Not the fictional Julia. I don't know if you've kept up with what the fictional Julia has been doing, but she isn't naked.   She was getting close to laying certain things bare in Chapter 9, of course, but not quite. At this stage, Amarie prefers her in her jet black pantsuit anyway. It's only two of our impressional young folk who got naked at the moment - and against their will, mind - though admittedly, Eldo's nakedifying had some ambiguity involved.

Chapter 12

Where No One Young or Old Gets Naked but Blue Bottlebosoms is Promoted


When Ringo and Blue went to have brunch in the Tower of Lore, they found Amarie making strudelfisk pancakes in the kitchen.

"Oh, my favourite, Aunty Amarie," Ringo cheered. "And smothered in whale blubber oil! Oh yum-very-yum."

"Sit, lads. Sit. You here, Ringo, so I can see your thighs, and you here, Blue, so I can't."

"Will there be any reinyoghurt for my after breakfast morsel," Blue asked a bit stiffly, not at all happy (as always) that Amarie preferred Ringo's thighs to his own.

"Of course there is, little poppet," Amarie gushed, for she was fond of both her nephews, even if one had more muscly thighs than the other. She gave Blue an auntily kiss on the forehead. "Now tell me, Ringo," she said, looking over at Ringo while ruffling Blue's sandy blond hair like he was a cute puppy and not a grown up Fjordhobbit. (Fjordian Aunties can be like that). "How did it go with my little reprobate Nora yesterday?"

"As well as can be expected. We had to be a little rough but she forced our hand due to her foul mouthed resistance. Once the goblins had strip searched her and brought out her clothes, we came here immediately."

"I did an inventory of her clothes," Blue piped up. "If you want to see it, I can..,"

"Yes, sweetie, when I want to see it I'll let you know. Now, Ringo, I trust nothing of interest was found on her."

"No, just a photograph of Lord Eldorion giving the Archet Children's Choir a Certificate of Excellence last Spring. He was dressed up very regally in his fur robes of office and, I must admit, cut a dashing figure. I can see why Nora would have taken it and kept it close to her bosom. He was resplendent and handsome and every Fjordianlandian's very image of a potential boyfriend."

"Oh Fjordianlandian girls. I do remember those far off days," Amarie smiled reflectively. "It was a long time ago. A long, long time ago."

"Back in the First Age, you mean?"

"Oh you awful boy, Blue," Amarie laughed gaily as she gave him an extremely fierce friendly tug of his hair.

"Ouch!"

"Oh sorry, my love. I seem to have pulled out a clump of your hair. Now, Ringo, do you think we can ever let her go, or must we lock her up forever? You know, I don't think she will ever be totally compliant, you know."

"She did call you a fucking traitorous bulldog," Blue put in helpfully. "See, I've written it down in my notes."

"Yes, I'm sure you have. Anyway, let's not tarry over Nora. She's out of the way. Now, dear sweet Ringo, I have good news for you. I've decided to promote you to General of my goblin army, so when it arrives, I expect you to take charge immediately."

"Yes, Aunty," Ringo answered very pleased. "You know, I've often wondered what it would be like to lead an evil horde into battle."

"And what about me?" Blue asked excitedly. "Will I be promoted too?"

Amarie seemed momentarily taken aback. But then her brow suddenly cleared. She smiled sweetly, "And you, my gorgeous sandy blond boy shall now be Law Clerk of Forumshire. But no! You shall be Head Law Clerk of Forumshire. And the minute my new Laws come in, you can Law Clerk all of them. And the best thing, Blue - and please don't get too excited! - but the best thing is, every piece of paperwork will now be produced in triplicate."

Well, I can tell you, Blue almost swooned in happiness, and if we are to be completely honest with ourselves, dear reader, who among us can blame him?  

"

but a smidgeon pervy but I suppose living upside down in Ozhobbitland will do that to you Bouncing around on yer head looking up ladies skirts & the wrong end of a zip on guys trousers

Aren't the ladies upside down too Az?

oh yeah, didnt think of that !

Chapter 13

Nora Escapes Fully Clothed


"You look good in your green jerkin, tights and be-feathered cap," Kreepicheeks complimented Nora. "If anyone saw you now they'd think you were neither a lad nor a lass with all sense of sexuality erased."

"I actually feel slightly masculinised!"

"Well, that can only be good," Kreepicheeks grinned toothily. "Best everyone think that you're a guy, as, if we're being honest about it,  no one really cares for girl outlaws. I know I don't, me being a C.S. Lewis type creation. They're alright for Maid Marion types of course."

Nora gave him a hard stare, but then she thought, "I guess I'll let that pass. When I'm somewhere safe, I'll  shishkebab the sexist little rodent..."

Nora turned to the task at hand. She slowly and quietly opened the cell door and carefully examined the passage outside. No goblins were to be seen there, but she could hear their harsh goblin voices coming from the front office.

"We'll need to go this way, Robyn," Kreepicheeks whispered up at her. "We'll escape through the delivery hatch."

"Robyn?"

"Yes, all lady outlaws have names like that in second rate tales like this," Kreepicheeks explained. "Robyn Hood, Robyn Cloak, Robyn Knickerbockers, Robyn Redbreast.  I don't know why it is. Wholesome Tales are known of course, for their mysterious quirks and female characters who are as free thinking, outspoken and foul mouthed, generally speaking, as the males."

"I thought these tales were known for their crudity, rudity and pervity," Nora said in surprise.

"Yes, Ol' Anon likes to think these tales are like onions. They have many layers which the reader peels back to reveal enlightened truths about the world."

"What? That the world is layered with violence, viciousness, hypocrisy, sexual repression, and basically stinks like an onion!"

"I don't really know," Kreepicheeks confessed. "I quite like onions, but I see now that some people don't... Anyway, let's get out of here before things start getting too deep."

Presently, Kreepicheeks lead her to the delivery hatch at the rear of the lock holes and they escaped and Nora at last could breathe the pure free air of Forumshire while it was stil free. And to Nora's great surprise and happiness, who should be hiding in a patch of pumpkins but none other than her favourite  plant, Avy.

"Oh my favourite  plant!" Nora cied in joy. "I thought you'd be compost by now."  And she snatched up that diminutive Ent and crushed him to her bosom.

"Steady on. Steady on!" Avy laughed gaily. "You'll crush out my juices!"

"Quiet now!" Kreepicheeks hissed. "Oh no! You've alerted the guards with all your noisy emotionalism!"

And sure enough, they heard harsh goblin voices raised in consternation.

"What the gigglewiggly! That sounds a lot like that buglebuggly Fowlenmouth escaped out the back!"

"What the pigglebiggle! That can't be right! Check her cell you porglewuggling nobbopumkin!"

(I'm afraid goblins do speak like that, ever since the Black Speech was banned, even the ones with two heads).

"Quickly now," Kreepicheeks hissed urgently. "Follow me!"







"

Orwell wrote:Ha! So now I have seen your motive! Not happy to be a Heroic clerk now, no, you have to be a Heroic law clerk. Well may you say that then you could have rescued Nora! Well you didn't, Blue. Kreepicheeks has already done that.  But i suppose I can talk to Ol' Anon about promoting you to Law Clerk. See, I've even put it in capitals now so it seems even more Heroic. But you're still on Amarie's side. Call her a Goody by all means, but allow others to call her a Baddy. Oh yes, i can read between the lines, Blue!  Free Spirits! Free to Think what we want! You know the drill, surely! Sheesh! Some people...

Hey, I don't have motives. That would go against my fetchingly cool nihilistic streak.

It's infuriating, isn't it.

Mmm... I see. Where's that Totally Ignore button? Ha! There it is. We'll see... Yes... Mmm... Games is it... Mmmmmmmm...



[click]

Poor Forumshire needs to be scoured.

Sad to say, Eldo, but sometimes I think you're right. But I'm putting my hopes in our Nora to win the day.

(I fear for our Eldo, btw, as I believe he'll soon be out in the wilds with that super aggressive built-like-a-brick-shithouse - I assume, sexually repressed - Lance O'Bloke. Not saying he's sexually repressed mind! No, I must not fear! I'm sure our Eldo will be perfectly safe with him. Even Master Odo gave him his heterosexual endorsement. Funny, I've just remembered and old English saying. What was it? Oh yeah... 'What happens in the woods with an Englishman stays on the woods." Don't know what that means, exactly, and not sure I care to... )

Chapter 14

Bindbole Wood is Mentioned


Lance and Eldo met at the Three Way Store in West Needlehole at dusk.

"Oh there you are, you little bastard," Lance said when Eldo turned up in his khaki muscle shirt and heavy duty trekker hot pants. "Best do a last minute check of our supplies. You know, Eldo, it may turn out to be a long and dangerous journey to Erebor, especially as the former Administrator did nothing to eradicate witches, warlocks and outlaws, the milksop; and who knows where we will find food and water once we've left more civilised parts. Oh yeah, by the way, I think it was a good idea of yours to leave under the cover of darkness. We don't want a certain Dark Mistress to suspect what we're up. You know, put two and two together."

Lance placed an admiring hand on Eldo's rather shapely shoulder.

"That'd be four," Eldo said absently as he reviewed his own pack, quite aware of that warm and strong hand gently sitting on his shapely shoulder. He tried to distract himself from that warm and strong hand. "Let me see. Check what we've got in my pack... That's a good idea...what have I got in my pack? My Pooh Bear pyjhamas, my utility knife, my dried figs, my chastity belt..."

Lance took his hand away (was it slightly reluctantly, I don't know yet) and opened his own pack.

"Now, where did I put it, I wonder?" Lance mused. "Got my flick knife, my knuckledusters, my beef jerky.. Hmm... Water bottle, toothbrush, lubricant... Oh here it is: my autographed photo of Amarie... I think I better keep her voluptuous form in mind. Yes, better do that, I think. Good. I'm just about ready to go."

"Did you mention Amarie just then?"  Eldo enquired with his  ears suddenly pricked as he attached his carbuncle earrings.

"No, no - did I say, 'my photo of Amarie'? Of course it isn't. I mean she's a Dark Mistress, not someone I'd sell my soul to at the first opportunity if only I might be granted the absolute honour of kissing her smallest toe. It's just a photo of a girl called, err, Emily. Yes, Emily."

"Is she your true love?" Eldo asked. "I haven't heard of her. Not a Needlehole girl I guess. I hope she doesn't mind us - you and me, that is - going of into the woods, alone, together..." Eldo felt his face going all hot and he was glad that the encroaching cover of darkness was concealing his blushes.

"Yes," Lance said thinking quickly. "Emily is my beautiful heterosexual girlfriend. She's not homosexual at all and she's not Amarie either. Ho ho ho. Funny that you thought I said Amarie when I said Emily."

"You did say Amarie."

"Shut the fuck up!" Lance yelled. "And don't ever accuse me of lying, Eldo. Do you hear. I hate being called a liar."

"You know, either do I," Eldo answered, glad to find he had something in common with the big brawny English thug.

"Yeah..lying is bad.. err... bad..... " Lance said quickly, almost sorry that he had lied about the Amarie business. "I think it best we change the subject. Best put the Amarie thing behind us."

"What about the homosexual tension thing?"

"Yeah, that too. Definitely that too. Now, we're going to sneak away and stay the first night in the woods."

"Oooh!"

"What do mean, 'ooh,?" Lance growled. "We're off to Bindbole Wood. We'll stay concealed there over night. Then we'll make our way further east under cover of the trees. Like I said, we don't want Amarie to catch us."

"But isn't Bindbole Wood a dark and dangerous place?"

"I don't know actually. It's just a forest Christopher Tolkien drew for his father on the Shire Map as far as I know. I know nothing about it. As far as I know, it's just a natural forest."

"Ha!" Eldo said. "But this is Forumshire and not The Shire."

And, you know dear reader, he was right!

How exciting (in every sense of the word).

Lance O'bloke has good taste if what I hear about this dark mistress is true!

Oh, she's a dish.



And despite her protests to the contrary, we know that since she's an elf, she hasn't changed at all since this picture was taken.

And I thought Amarie was a Fjordhobbit! Queer business that! The plot is thickening, I fear. Indeed, knowing Ol' Anon, I know it is!

(Thanks, Halfy! )

Chapter 15

Potentially Disastrous News of the Worst Kind


Julia was feeling a bit discombobulated as she touched up The Mona Lisa in her bower with a brush and some red pigment she liked.

"I really am worried about where all this is going," she mused aloud as she touched up a strand of Mona's hair. "What with Amarie and Azriel talking now about a Women Only Nazgul Party, and me not really interested in dressing up as a Nazgul. Sweet Eru! 'Women Only' makes me uneasy for some reason, hetereosexually speaking, and I really don't think I've ever cared for Nazgul; I mean, this black pantsuit with swastikas on the lapels is really bad enough, I think."  

Her musings were suddenly interrupted when a goblin scrambled crabwise into her bower.

"And what do you want, you foul little beast?" Julia asked politely.

"There's someone here asking after you, Miss."

"Who? Not someone trying to sell buttons at the door, I hope."

"He didn't say who he was nor state his business, Miss."

"Describe him then. I might know him. Forumshire's a small place you know."

"Well, he's mature..."

"Old then, mmm... go on."

"He walks in a distinctively prancy nancy manner..."

"This is too easy," Julia burst out laughing. "But go on. Go on. This is kind of fun. And don't mention he's wearing hotpants. That would be too easy."

"Okaaaay then... You're the Miss, after all, and I'm just a servile goblin - (for now) - ... Now, he has flabby jowls..."

"And a tummy that's hanging over his belt when he can't hold it up in his chest anymore..."

"Well, you clearly know who..."

"Shut it! More clues, please!"  

"His hair is very grey..."

"'Very grey', you say! Well, grey, yes, but not very grey last time I saw him. Are you sure it's Orwell?"

"I don't know his name, Miss."

"Well, send him in anyway. My waters are intuiting potentially distrastous news! It would have to be disastrous news to turn that old incorrigible's hair grey..." When the goblin scuttled off to follow her instructions, Julia mused: "I wonder if that grey hair will make him seem a little bit distinguished - just a bit...?"

Presently, Orwell pranced sady into Julia's bower.

"Oh you look dreadful," Julia cried in concern. "You look drawn and white and sick in that huge tummy of yours." And Julia rushed over and gave him a hug. "Whatever's happened, Orwie?"

But Orwell couldn't answer, he just collapsed into Julia's arms and she had to carry him in a swoon to her bed and ever so gently lay him there so as not to bump his grey head on the bedhead; big wet tears were running down his quivvering angst ridden jowls. He was a sight to see all right, and not by any means a pleasant one.

Once Julia had brought the smelling salts, which she had squeezed from her sweaty gym socks and stuck under his nose, Orwell came to. Then she made him a nice cup of tea, and Orwell seemed at last to revive a bit, at least, enough to talk.

"He's gone, Julia!" he said at last, tears returning to his eyes. "He's gone.. maybe forever!

"Who's gone, for Eru's sake?" Julia wanted to know as she sat beside him on the bed and held his had. "Who?

"Petty has..." and Orwell wept some more. "You wouldn't have a hanky would you?"

Julia pulled one from her sleeve, where she kept it for just such emergecies, and dabbed his red eyes with it. "What do you mean by, 'He's gone'? Do you mean at last he's gone completely bonkers?"

"Well, I guess, yes and no, I mean, you'd have to bonkers to ever want to leave Forumshire."

"Leave Forumshire? Don't be bonkers, Orwie. As if..."and Julia rolled her eyes in that particular way everyone thinks she does, especially whenever Petty is mentioned. "He's like one of the Pillars here. A big stubborn crabbit Pillar. Even I know it wouldn't be the same without him here. Who would I fight with? Who am i too bait? Who am I to get depressingly upset with? Who am I to laugh and dance with on those rare occasions which surprise everyone? You have gone stark raving bonkers, haven't you Orwie, my poor crazy boy!"

"You can always laugh and dance with me," Orwell suggested gallantly amid the heaviness of the pain he was feeling.

"That's not the point I was making, you sweet little Orwie," Julia gently scolded him, but she nonetheless gave him an affectionate kiss on the forehead as reward for his unexpected thoughtfulness. "Are you sure he's gone?"

"Yes. I saw him driving his taxiwagon beyond the limits of Far Needlehole while I was out watching the Year Twelve Boys from Our Father of the Longlength Mangown skinny dipping in Fogleg Pond, not far north of Archet. He was heading toward Scotshobbitland, I think."

"Oh," Julia laughed in sudden relief. "You silly old fart of Little Brain you. He's going off to see his old Maw and Paw, that's all. Oh dear, sweetie, you had me going there for a minute."

"No, no, he was leaving alright. I said: ' Where are you going, Old and Loyal Friend of many years of Friendship, you old scallywag, you?' And he barely looked at me, just stared straight ahead as if he was filled with vulnerability, angst, confusion, crabbit, upset, sadness and a bit more crabbit, but this second bit of crabbit was drenched in fragility... It was a terrible sight. Terrible!" And Orwell started to cry again.

Julia diligently dabbed his tears which were positively pouring out now.

"You know, Orwie, I think it might have a lot to do with that Dr Who business. Things got pretty nasty there for awhile, talk about heat and firecrackers. You know, no one agrees with anything he says about Moffat, but this time he got pretty upset with everyone refusing to agree with the crabbit bastard. Probably got poked a bit too, I guess, though, sadly, I wasn't there to see it or instigate it; and him, who knows, maybe he was just not in the state of mind for it at the time. But that's Dr Who for you. Dr Who is all the rage on Palantir T.V., by the way, and not such a bad show all said and done (I guess), but it does bring out a bit of madness in everyone who watches it, I think. You know, this is potentially a disaster of the worst kind. Even I'll miss the crabbit bastard if he's gone forever."

"But not as much as me," Orwell sobbed. "I don't think anyone will miss him quite as much as me, not even Eldo who adores him like a brother, a crabbit recalcitrant Scotshobbit brother, but a brother nonetheless."

"What a pretty peckle of pickled peckers this is. You know, with Petty gone, and Eldo gone, who will stand up to Amarie now?"

"What do you mean? You sound like you're not all that happy with Amarie either?"

"Admittedly, I do begin to have my doubts. It's all these parties she wants to hold. I don't think they're my kind of thing. Sound a bit Lesbiany to me, truth be known."  

"Lesbiany?" Orwell pepped up a bit in spite of his heartache.
     
"Steady on, Orwie, there will be nothing for you to see if I'm involved!" Julia scolded him in a kind tone. "And, anyway, in this tale at least, you're fond of lads, remember."

"Oh, but I think I could grow to like lesbians... Ol' Anon likes to develop depth in his characters."

"Not the Ol' Anon I know... Well, in spite of everything, it seems you're still the same old pervert. Good. (Did I just say that?) Okaaaay..." she drawled reluctantly. "It looks like it's up to you and me to save Forumshire from Amarie and her evil accomplice Azriel."

"Is Azriel evil now?"

"You don't know much, do you! Azriel has always been evil. Orwie, we need to be practical. You must put Petty out of your mind for the moment, at least, as much as you can, and hurry home and wait for me. I'll come tonight and we'll start to make some plans."

"I'll try to help if I can," Orwell said gallantly. "I will, Jules. You just know I will!"

And Julia had to wipe his very red eyes again.

"Good old, Orwie. I know you'll do your pathetic best for Forumshire when Forumshire needs you."

Julia then showed him out and gave him a kiss on his forehead at the front door of the Tower of Lore, and that affectionate kiss made him feel slightly better. And Julia could see him do his best to be brave as he left. She watched him prance sadly off down the driveway toward Puddle Lane with his head held erect (to smooth out his jowls), sucking up his breath (so that his fat tummy puffed out his chest), and whistling that old favorite song of Forumhobbit children: 'I stuck my finger in a woodpeckers hole', if not with his usual gusto; and as Julia watched him, she thought, "Poor old Orwie. You know, it's times like this I remember just how fond I am of the decrepid old poof! I do hope Petty comes back some day, if only for Orwie's sake!"