The Battle of the Five Armies, teaser trailer

How very dare they use Pippin's Song  

that was THE most tedious rubbish evah. and couldnt they use someone with pretty feet for Galadriel instead of those clod hoppers?

And she is wearing a stupid flowy dress again, and I bet she still talks in slow motion and judging from that shot now she is bloody well moving in slow motion too.    Its only a matter of time before she finally grinds to a complete halt.   

its teeth grindingly bad stuff and its all so ugly, Tauriels wig is distracting me as is Galadriels greasy hair and great flapping feet, fuck me sideways but isnt Galadriel supposed to be beautiful?

Its Tauriels bright lippy keeps distracting me   

we're the most hateful forum ever aren't we? someone should print this out, frame it and send it to PJ.


but yeah, Galadriel moves at glacier speed and where the fuck is her husband, i know she's an independent, strong female character, but she is married and shouldn't be flirting around and kissing Gandalf in that way...

Legolas's fat face is distracting me.   

as is Thorin and Bard pronouncing war as WOOORR!  

we're the most hateful forum ever aren't we?- Norc

I prefer 'crabbit' (and honest)


Legolas's fat face is distracting me.- Figg

  Cant get more crabbit and honest than that!

its all just so sad, shameless use of music on the never ending treadmill of LOTR flashbacks. its creative hari kari

Bilbo the Barbarian.   

And of course Tolkien's name isn't on the poster. I'll wager he wrote maybe 5 or 6 sentences of what ends up in the movie.

Some general thoughts after having seen the trailer twice.

PRO:
Pippin's song is great, and it's pretty fitting for the tone they're trying to establish.
The marketing is actually a legitimate place to try to exploit LOTR nostalgia so I don't mind that.
They don't literally quote the previous movies here, so it's a step above the pandering in DOS.
It looks like they have a clear vision for the story they want to tell, which will hopefully help the movie be less meandering.

CON:
The goofy shit (war goats especially) clashes with the serious and somber elements that otherwise pervade.
The idea of the dwarves being these badass warriors is laughable after all we've seen of them so far.
All the additions they've made still can't hide the fact that this story is not as interesting or important as LOTR in terms of grand military epics.
Needless to say, the book was tossed aside years ago.

Norc wrote:we're the most hateful forum ever aren't we? someone should print this out, frame it and send it to PJ.

I think the Barrow-downs gives us a run for our money, but we're certainly up there.

http://forum.barrowdowns.com/showthread.php?t=18719

but yeah, Galadriel moves at glacier speed and where the fuck is her husband, i know she's an independent, strong female character, but she is married and shouldn't be flirting around and kissing Gandalf in that way...

It's especially weird if you read "Laws and Customs Among the Eldar" because it talks at length about how Elves are hyper-monogamous. Then again, LACE is pretty weird through and through for basically being an ultra-Catholic fantasy of how love and sex "should" work (admittedly I'm reading into it a bit here).

Oh, one more point. I do kind of like that the trailer now gives us a semi-official name for PJ's two trilogies when taken as a single whole: the Middle-earth Saga.

If it wasn't for those two cart scenes, I might actually feel a little better about it. But they'd just find other ways to piss me off.

Eldorion wrote:Oh, one more point.  I do kind of like that the trailer now gives us a semi-official name for PJ's two trilogies when taken as a single whole: the Middle-earth Saga.

Nuh-uh. They're the LOTR movies.

Eldorion wrote:

{{{}}}

bungobaggins wrote:Nuh-uh. They're the LOTR movies.

I do kind of think that this is more likely to stick around as an overall name, but it'll be interesting to see if they use the phrase "Middle-earth Saga" for the six film box set. If they do, I could see it potentially catching on, at least in pro-PJ circles of fandom.

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Greetings all   
Been away a while and I am enjoying checking in to see how you good people are. I love the comments so far after watching the trailer a few times...

Bungobaggins "It's funny how one can feel let down, even if they weren't expecting anything to begin with."  

Petty  "Stupid slidy sled thing + obligatory action sequence- as bad as the bunny rabbit sled- and I see war goats!"
"Because the end of TH obviously doesn't have enough emotion and action in it that PJ needs to add in two separate stupid bloody cart action sequences".  Well Petty, in the coven school of thought one can never have enough silly action scenes or mindless cheap silly crap and who among us can't relish a good old Tolkien authentic war goat?

Aziel  "Bilbo looks like hes been made to look like Conan or something ?" Hahaha nice insight there, I agree Bilbo the barbarious
           
Figg  "its teeth grindingly bad stuff and its all so ugly, Tauriels wig is distracting me as is Galadriels greasy hair and great flapping feet, fuck me sideways but isnt Galadriel supposed to be beautiful?"   She has the most lumenous and beautiful hair of any creature in ME. Worthy of the light of the silmarils, Feonor himself was desirous of it. How can you say such things Figg?

Eldorion " The idea of the dwarves being these badass warriors is laughable after all we've seen of them so far."  Hahahaha I agree completely, so now they are going to change from fumbling little silly creatures into awesome warriors, I can't wait...

Norc " we're the most hateful forum ever aren't we? someone should print this out, frame it and send it to PJ." Someone has to speak truth, I imagine each and everyone of us had high hopes when we heard that JRR s works were going to be made into films. We are all just ill and so deeply disappointed at this point in "the Saga of ME" that we have to do something to vent the AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAARRRRGHHHH! or blow a valve. I imagine that PJ knows full well about this forum. He probably gets a sick pleasure from seeing how we react... since he really isn't a fan of Tolkien he probably thinks we are a bunch of geeks who don't have lives and are some kind of zealot freaks

I love the "Sweet adoring" energy that PJ inspires in lovers of JRR.
He should feel all warm and glowing inside to know he has done such brilliant work that has earned him a "special" place in the hearts of ME. fans the world over...

Thanks for the still images Petty,

I love the concept of Galadriel just moving slower and slower till she freezes altogether, I suppose they had to do something to make her a Magically powerful being since JRR certainly didn't paint her in a favorable light.
Little girls need a heroine you know, how else could they be expected to "get" Tolkiens works?
Did I see her slip Gandalf the tounge in the trailer? Celeborn understands and tolerates her infatuation with Gandy, he isn't crazy about it but he knows she needs some strange now and then as all elf princess's do.

I love the group shot that barely shows Bilbo at the fringe. It pretty much sums up the covens opinion of the importance of Bilbo in the story. And who is that handsome man in the center? I keep seeing him in these movies and I keep wondering why he hangs out with those dreadful unattractive dwarves so much.

Love the War goats     
... but from a business standpoint how could any reasonable person ever expect a treatment of TH to be able to rely upon the mastery of JRR without these brilliant improvements to the story? Teens now a days could certainly never have been entertained by TH or LOTR as written.
They need bunny sleds and Goat sleds and barrel battle tomfoolery to engage their overstimulated brains. The original stories could never have won any fans in this day and age.

Bard looks like he has taken command of the Elven army now I guess.

Well I suppose when you have hours of film to come up with to cover the last 70 or so pages of the story they should be expected and perhaps even forgiven   to bring all sorts of new improvements to the story. I can't wait to see them   (I wish there was an emoticon of a smiley poking his own eyes out to place here instead)

I am glad to see everyone is still crabbit maximus and I wish you all happy trails and sweet dreams.

PS...
Has anyone here ever had a ME. dream? I have only had one that I can remember, it was in my late teens and I had chems in my brain at the time. Treebeard was in it and Galadriel. Nothing special happened, just hanging out in the woods...

Welcome back, MOTA! Good to see you again.

Music of the Ainur wrote:Hahahaha I agree completely, so now they are going to change from fumbling little silly creatures into awesome warriors, I can't wait...

One of the lines from AUJ that stood out to me the most was "we're fighters, all of us", said by (I think) either Fili or Kili. I'm not sure if it was supposed to be a statement of fact or an expression of youthful bravado. I wanted to assume the latter, if only to give the writers the benefit of the doubt, but also because several of the dwarves were so obviously not fighters (especially Bombur and slingshot kid) that the statement was frankly laughable. But as the films have gone on, I'm growing more and more suspicious that the line was actually meant to be taken at face value.

With distance now between the last movie when I think of it I just keep seeing these silly little dwarves running about through all the boat loads of danger and big scary looking creatures hot on their trails yet somehow they survive.
Big fearsome dragons can't hurt them though they just skitter about right in front of him for tiresome long minutes of silly crappola ... Bilbo is standing right in front of him visible and Smaug the impotent can't even kill him or even harm him. Except perhaps hurting his feelings a little by storming off to laketown to beat his friends up.

These films do have a certain comic value in the clueless direction they have been actualized.(unintentional)
I believe time and distance will not be kind to Mr. Jackson when his treatment is looked back upon. These are certainly not masterworks. Money makers perhaps but not brilliant cinema.

Welcome back Music   

And good to see a solid crabbit rant from you   Spot on summing up in my view.


'I was thinking about Doctor Who: how much do the writers, directors, and actors of that show tend to know about the history of the show? Certainly someone like Moffat, Davies or Tennant are infinitely greater fans of Doctor Who than Boyens will ever be of Tolkien?'- Forest

Well I know Matt had never seen the show before he got the role (Karen had as her mother is a huge Whovian and she watched NuWHo and was oddly enough a big Rose fan- her favourite companion) it was off the air when they were growing up, being from the poor lost generation of Brits that had no Who to watch.
But one of the first thing he did was go right back to Hartnell and start watching and went right through every Doctor.
So you would thin if you landed a role in LotR or TH the least you would do as an actor is read the source material- and no excuse for TH as its short.

Mind you I'm not actually sure given the changes it would help- Armitage knows TH well but no matter how well he knows it he is still miscast as book Thorin, and not just because of age.

Eldorion wrote:

Norc wrote:we're the most hateful forum ever aren't we? someone should print this out, frame it and send it to PJ.

I think the Barrow-downs gives us a run for our money, but we're certainly up there.

http://forum.barrowdowns.com/showthread.php?t=18719

I love this from Barrowdowns:

I'm much much MUCH more interested in those extra 25 minutes of new DoS scenes! Hopefully they've extended the battle, chase and dragon snout disco scenes, as I felt that those were cut a little short. [emotican showing callow humor]

But I'm trying to remember what scene exactly would count as the dragon snout disco.  Must I go back and see the movie again?  (shudder).