In theatres: 'Desolation of Smaug' | SPOILERS

Well, seems the people around here are speaking with one voice for a change.  Maybe it's just as well I didn't get around to seeing the movie. Then all this pressure would have been on me.   

Having passed on the opportunity of seeing it twice today, I don't think I could complain whatever you have time and bother to contribute Nora. But I would be interested to hear what you thought of it at least. 

Well. where is the review Norc!!!!   

so.... what can i say... i loved the movie.. but probably for the wrong reasons.. Petty's gonna be veeeery crabbit..

ok. spoilers ahead.. you have been warned.


I'll start with the good stuff.

Beorn seemed a kind and loving man and i liked that weird swedish accent. his house is MASSIVE! and there are huge bumblebees
but.
he looks like sonic the hedgehog, we see his but, the bear form doesn't look like a bear and he is the last of his kind   but they essentially break into his house and just crash there..also his bear form seems to be as unpredictable as a were-wolf...

Mirkwood looks great. no really. it did. no psycedelic colours and it was really haunting. the spiders were sooo creepy and even though it was frowned upon, making bilbo only understand the spiders when he put on the ring, actually made  quite sense in the scene and didn't take anything away from it. He also names the sword  that's good. and erm... yes. there is a scene where he goes back for the ring which he at one points drops. I like that moment because he has a moment of realisation of what he has done and it kinda shows us bilbo the hobbit again, you'll just have to see it to see what i mean, but i really liked that touch. so this was all good, nothing bad here.

the elves rescuing them wasn't that stupid. it gave them a good reason for arresting them and also show the relationship they have between them. Also there is a fun scene between Gloin and Legolas, where legolas basically insults both his wife and son's looks. this is not that bad either, but...
Tauriel + Kili = <3 

followed later by a "aren't you gonna search me too, i could have anything down my trousers" with Tauriel replying "or nothing"... and some shit about mothers and *pukes* now.. i will not rant about this, because i know petty will  
Kili is shot my a "morgul arrow"! wtf! i mean, isn't a morgul blade a cursed knife or something made on the "other" side? i can't really see them mass producing arrows? anyway.. Tauriel does an Arwen with athelas (with the replye "eye it's a weed!")  let's just say i laughed so hard because it's a stupid scene, she's fucking creepy and lol. just watch it... omg. oh yeah, did i mention, she ofcourse goes after the company when hearing Kili is hurt  and saves his life  ok.. enough with the silly stuff.

THE DRAGON WAS EFFING GREAT! glittering and omgfgE>wnrfgb !! and he is both golden with little glitter and omg! great.. although.. naah... you'll see


also the barrel sequence is highly entertainable  although that might not be what you wanted of it. it felt like a computer game.. it was fun though  


also NECROMANCER WITH THE VOICE OF BENEDICT WAS EPIC TOO! TOTALLY UNLIKE SMAUG

Pettytyrant101 wrote:Well. where is the review Norc!!!!   

wouldn't call ut a review but it is some rambling thoughts

So, if Cumberbummer wasnt in it- how much would your enjoyment factor be reduced by?

How bad are the action sequences- are they all as bad as Goblin Town and the rock-em-sock-em stone giants?

And is Bilbos conversation with Smaug completely ruined by dwarves?

no, bilbo has his conversation although the dwarves do unterupt at one point, though it's later. they also cover smaug in melted gold at one point.. How? for some reason the dwarves had had plans about making a huge massive golden statue of thror or whatever and had this form they filled with gold.. i thought they were just uncovering a statue they hid away and i whipsered to a friend (as a joke) "look, they just build that loool" and they FUCKING DID! i thought i was joking, but it was fucking true..

the barrel scene is erm.. eeeh... legolas had some great moments.. and it felt like a .. nevermind..

Legolas takes Thorins sword btw..

Thanks Norc- I think I know roughly how drunk I will need to be to cope- extremely!   

I dont suppose you were watching with an eye to editing- but how integrated is the PJ stuff? Is a purist edit possible even?

Wow, all very interesting.  

I'm glad you liked it, people will be on here complaining soon enough.   

Though I see you didn't love everything.

Pettytyrant101 wrote:Thanks Norc- I think I know roughly how drunk I will need to be to cope

Isn't that the problem?  

Pettytyrant101 wrote:Thanks Norc- I think I know roughly how drunk I will need to be to cope- extremely!   

I dont suppose you were watching with an eye to editing- but how integrated is the PJ stuff? Is a purist edit possible even?

no. maybe. perhaps. bree is in the beginning though, i think you'll like that.

Norc wrote:no, bilbo has his conversation :)although the dwarves do unterupt at one point, though it's later. they also cover smaug in melted gold at one point.. How? for some reason the dwarves had had plans about making a huge massive golden statue of thror or whatever and had this form they filled with gold.. i thought they were just uncovering a statue they hid away and i whipsered to a friend (as a joke) "look, they just build that loool" and they FUCKING DID! i thought i was joking, but it was fucking true..

the barrel scene is erm.. eeeh... legolas had some great moments.. and it felt like a .. nevermind..

Legolas takes Thorins sword btw..

I'm not sure I understand. They had a giant mold there filled with molten gold?

melted gold..

How did the gold stay melted   

http://www.wikihow.com/Melt-Gold

 

 

Going solely on what I have read of the final 'fight'- its based on the ending of loads of games- you have to run from room to room dodging the bad guy in order to pull a series of levers to fire up the uberweapon that is the only thing can be used against bad guy, and then once youve pulled all the levers in all the rooms you go back to the main room get the bad guy.

Change lever pulling to furnace firing, and uberweapon to molten gold and you have this films ending it seems.

It sounds like the entire sequence was designed with a game in mind- as I must have done similar in more games than I can remember. It has no place in film however   

That's probably the most plausible explanation.

I'm wondering how the wheelbarrow factors in.

Got to get the gold coins to the smithies Id guess- sure Norc can fill us in on where the magic wheelbarrow comes into it- also sounds gamey though, I can even imagine controlling it with the left analogue stick (all the buttons are allocated to performing physically impossible special moves) whilst dodging Smaug and his fire.    (and that sounds like a shit game let alone in a film   )

Thanks for posting your thoughts, Norc!  I'm glad that you enjoyed the film, though I'm not sure I'll share that opinion once I've seen it.

followed later by a "aren't you gonna search me too, i could have anything down my trousers" with Tauriel replying "or nothing"...

That's actually a pretty good zinger.

Tauriel does an Arwen with athelas (with the replye "eye it's a weed!")  let's just say i laughed so hard because it's a stupid scene, she's fucking creepy and lol. just watch it...

Blech.  The copying of minor lines from LOTR was one of the most frustrating parts of AUJ when rewatching it.  So bad.

T -2 days for me.

Doesnt she do an Arwen glowy sparkly thing as well when she heals Kili? This stuff is so bad its good.

I feel this stuff is so bad its............ BAD!
IL be going, or rather, be DRAGGED,drugged under duress & not happily looking forward to it as I should be, this weekend. Me, my son & a friend. I feel like crying now, especially after what Norc has written, Pulling finger nails wont be as excruciating as watching this ? Oh f**ketty f**k f**ks !

I reckon its going to be fun. I am just not bothered about it any more, its gone past bad, its parody.

Wow, I think you have hit on the magic bullet, Figgs! Watch the film as parody, then it won't bother you.   

It's kind of like Moby Dick wasn't appreciated for about 50 years, until people learned to read it as a myth, not a novel. The Nobbit has to be watched as a parody, not an adaptation.

its the only way we can enjoy it without a crabbit explosion   
this way the sillier it gets the more fun it is.

Radaghast wrote:That's probably the most plausible explanation.

I'm wondering how the wheelbarrow factors in.

transport on a river of melted gold.

Mrs Figg wrote:Doesnt she do an Arwen glowy sparkly thing as well when she heals Kili? This stuff is so bad its good.

yepp. and "this stuff is so bad its good" was my thought exactly, and the reason i laughed during the entire scene..