Star Wars

Porkins shopping with his wife.

Mrs. Porkins: Honey, can you hang onto my purse while I try this outfit on?

Porkins: I can hold it!

Porkins hanging out with friends at a party.

Han: Hey Porky-pie, watch my beer for me while I beat the Kessel run in less than 12 parsecs.

Porkins: I can hold it!

Porkins as a young lad at school.

Porkins: May I be excused to use the restroom?

Teacher: Can't you hold it?!

Ever since that fateful day, Jek Porkins became obsessed with holding it.

Eldorion wrote:Saw this on another forum.

Star Wars mock draft on NFL.com -- Guess who the number-one pick was

That was hilarious. Dissapointed the Chiefs ended up with Sebulba, but ecstatic that the Niners got Revan, that was a steal right there.

On a more serious note, I'm really impressed that NFL.com actually took the time to do this, because some thought actually went into several of the picks (Jar Jar), along with their descriptions. I also thought it was cool that they pulled more than just the surface film characters, with very minor characters (Wedge) and EU characters (Mara Jade and Revan) actually showing up.

Yeah, somebody at NFL.com definitely knows their Star Wars lore. I agree, it was neat to see EU characters pop up too (and ones like Wedge who are primarily developed in the EU).

I love that, Dave!

So apparently the big rumor going around now (which I missed when it broke a couple of days ago) is that the new movie will be titled Star Wars Episode VII: The Ancient Fear.  I really hope that's incorrect.

http://www.cnet.com/news/ancient-fear-could-be-star-wars-episode-vii-title/

That's on par with The Phantom Menace.

I watched the Nostalgia Critics' original prequel video a week or two ago in the hopes that it would be an interesting response to prequel criticisms, but when he started talking about how much he loved "crouching tiger, hidden muppet", I turned it off.  I'm glad someone spliced in the Plinkett commentary; it makes for an entertaining contrast.

I love the Nostalgia Critic reviews, have you seen the Super Mario Bros, or The Room reviews?

In SW news apparently Harrison Ford is co leading the new film with 3 of the Newcomers (i.e getting a mahoosive pay check then being killed off heroicly at the end):

http://www.movieweb.com/news/harrison-ford-is-co-leading-star-wars-7-as-han-solo

(I sincerely hope Indy 5 doesn't happen)

Boy, so many scenes from the prequel Star Wars I don't even remember! Probably because I was so traumatized by the cute little boy-god and 'love scenes' and midi-chloradingbats that I only saw them once in the theater and never bought the DVDs.

I'm actually thinking I may want to correct that.

halfwise wrote:Boy, so many scenes from the prequel Star Wars I don't even remember!  Probably because I was so traumatized by the cute little boy-god and 'love scenes' and midi-chloradingbats that I only saw them once in the theater and never bought the DVDs.  

I'm actually thinking I may want to correct that.

(Un)Fortunately here in the UK they seem to show the saga every other week on TV so I found myself watching Attack of the Clones last week for the first time in years, it was...    

You can probably pick up a copy for a dollar or something, they aren't exactly popular.

It's more fun to just watch the 'best' bits in reviews.

Yeah, Nostalgia Critic can be pretty good, but I disagreed with nearly everything he said about the prequels in the first five minutes of that particular video.

malickfan wrote:In SW news apparently Harrison Ford is co leading the new film with 3 of the Newcomers (i.e getting a mahoosive pay check then being killed off heroicly at the end):

I wonder if they actually will kill him off. I'm not sure Abrams really has the artistic conviction (or balls) to do something like that. I wonder if Harrison Ford is still pushing for Han to bite it after all these years, though. He famously wanted Han killed off in TESB or ROTJ.

halfwise wrote:Boy, so many scenes from the prequel Star Wars I don't even remember!  Probably because I was so traumatized by the cute little boy-god and 'love scenes' and midi-chloradingbats that I only saw them once in the theater and never bought the DVDs.  

I'm actually thinking I may want to correct that.

I don't normally say stuff like this, but in the case of the prequels, the Plinkett reviews are genuinely more entertaining to me than the films themselves. They're all feature-film length, too, and have actually been screened at a film festivals. My only real complaint about the reviews is that in the one for AOTC, the serial killer interludes got a bit of out of hand. Fortunately they toned that back down (relatively speaking) for the ROTS review.

Nostalgia Critic is usually good for a laugh, but when it comes to critical analsis I'd turn to RLM or Nostalgia Chick.

Agreed that Nostalgia Chick > Nostalgia Critic. I also tend to prefer reviews that don't get bogged down in skits and meta-storylines. RLM is one of the very few exceptions for me in that I actually find the skits enjoyable.

I'd say that it's impossible to ignore RLM because Mike pretty much made these type of online reviews a thing while simultaneously setting the bar with his early Star Trek reviews and the 70 minute Phantom Menace review.

George R. R. Martin should've written the script - Han Solo would choke on bread and die one quiet Sunday morning, nothing heroic or dramatic about it

Eldorion wrote:Yeah, Nostalgia Critic can be pretty good, but I disagreed with nearly everything he said about the prequels in the first five minutes of that particular video.

malickfan wrote:In SW news apparently Harrison Ford is co leading the new film with 3 of the Newcomers (i.e getting a mahoosive pay check then being killed off heroicly at the end):

I wonder if they actually will kill him off.  I'm not sure Abrams really has the artistic conviction (or balls) to do something like that.  I wonder if Harrison Ford is still pushing for Han to bite it after all these years, though.  He famously wanted Han killed off in TESB or ROTJ.

Personally I wouldn't be surprised if Ford has signed a multi film contract-EP 7, a small role (i.e framing sequences or a cameo) in the Han Solo spin off they are planning, before being killed off in EP 8 etc. Judging by Ford's fee (he apparently earned $65 million from Crystal Skull) and their willingness to rewrite the script to accommodate more of the original trio, I would be rather surprised if Disney killed him off straight away (I doubt Abrams would kill him off unless the producers told him to, he's a very 'safe' choice as director) and I don't think it would have the impact it would otherwise-everyone is expecting it to happen.

Apparently Dennis Lawson (aka Wedge Antilles in the O.T) turned down a role in Ep 7:

http://blogs.indiewire.com/theplaylist/wedge-antilles-actor-dennis-lawson-says-star-wars-episode-vii-would-have-bored-him-he-passed-on-returning-20140512

malickfan wrote:Judging by Ford's fee (he apparently earned $65 million from Crystal Skull) and their willingness to rewrite the script to accommodate more of the original trio, I would be rather surprised if Disney killed him off straight away (I doubt Abrams would kill him off unless the producers told him to, he's a very 'safe' choice as director) and I don't think it would have the impact it would otherwise-everyone is expecting it to happen.

You raise some good points there. Your post made me think, too: will Episode VII be a more "stand alone" sort of film, like the first installments in each of the previous trilogies? The original Star Wars was planned just as one single film (despite what George Lucas might claim), and many elements of the broader mythology were not in place until after they started writing Empire. Despite the length of time between Empire and Jedi being the same length as that between Star Wars and Empire, the latter two films had a much more interconnected story, and Empire ended on a cliffhanger of sorts. This makes sense since no one knew if Star Wars would be successful until after the first movie was released, but strangely, Lucas ended up doing the same thing with the prequels two decades later. Episode I tells a more or less complete, self-contained story and ends on a positive note, while Episodes II and III have much more in common and neither be fully experienced without seeing the other.

I wonder if Kasdan, Abrams, and Co. will choose to go down the same root with the sequel trilogy. I'm sure Episode VII will be a financial success no matter what, though its reception will undoubtedly have an impact on the subsequent films. Episode I made about as much as Empire and Jedi, if you adjust for inflation and remove the various re-releases from consideration, but Episode II fell off by over a third and the series has still not fully recovered. I'm sure they can make Episode VII good (or shitty) regardless of whether it's stand-alone, but I for one would be more interested in seeing a SW trilogy where all three films are more integrated.

Dennis Lawson wrote:They asked me but it just would have bored me.

Brutally honest. Let's hope he's not basing that statement off a glimpse of the script.