Julia's Knight In Shining Armour

well I may be in the market for no.3, when this one wakes up and smells the Chianti.

Mrs Figg wrote:/

Rupert Friend?

Tis many moon afore butt I was a strappin' young Sir, I swears, my Sweet Jellypumpkin....

yea twas many moons afore ((((((by the looks of that beard ))))))

Pettytyrant101 wrote:I have a catonine tails and I am not afraid to use it.- Leelee

I knew it- its always the quiet ones. Now your talking leelee! Where you want me?

And Sir Rupert if there is any rodgering to done about here we will get Roger in to do it- assuming we can find one- but certainly not a Rupert which is a fluffy bears name.

Hush silly boy, I only would use it and on the head I might add if the sorry gentleman tries anything with my Julia.
And you are handsome so I would not ask you on her behalf to turn about and leave. But your mouth, your mouth , your mouth. If only Kim and Aggie were at your house they would know how to clean it up. You would not be able to speak a befouled word for about a year. And apart from your mouth, you know that I know that you are gentle, terribly kind and giving, self sacrificing and generous. All your silly self deprecating talk does not deceive me. You are a knight in the making, so Julia can at least have you over for a lovely meal and talk . Talk about all your awesome creations on utube. For the oddest reason i keep getting them in my utube box. Is it because i looked at them once for about an hour?

Take away my foul mouth leelee and I'd have nothing left! And Kim and Aggie scare the crap out of me- hard faced wimin folk both. (Although one should always be fogiving of women who like housework ).

Maybe you favourited my vids leelee and thats why they keep appearing- makes me feel guilty I havent put anything new up in ages- I'm sure there was a music video I was working on, oh and the haggis sporran dance, I keep meaning to do that one too but have you ever tried getting haggis to wear sporrans? Not and easy task, they are so fashion aware it always descends into a big fight about who wears what colours.

I thought you were doing a new Forumshire video?

Um, yes that too- rendering is such a slow process and what with yearly expecations I have decided to already begin planning this years awards spectacular now too. So many projects too little buckie!

/]

so I go to my local festival and what do I see? some of the ladies from Mrs Figgs Emporium moonlighting to earn extra bustle money. I was not best pleased.

/]

and then I saw this chap trying to pass his odd shaped veggies, as 'Daves Special Combustables', not too happy about that either.

/]

and to top it all off, the local hooch sellers are putting fancy labels on Buckie and trying to pass it off as troll juice.

Considering what your girls charged me last time I was in your Emporium Mrs Figg I am amazed they need more money.
And those veggies were barely suspicous at all- clearly not the genuine Farmer Dave stock.
And as to the buckie- I have informed the Buckie Brewing Wizards and am told that stall and its holder can expect fireballs any minute. So do get well clear, fire and alcohol is not a good mix.

justice is served from on high!

And with tartan fireballs too!

You two lost me two pages ago. I feel sad.

Its simple leelee- by this cunning conversation we can draw out from Mrs Figg without her realising it exactly what her ideal man is-I believe so far we have gleaned that he should have tartan balls.

and be Alan Rickman.

So all we need to do then is kidnap an international film star for you, apply a tin of tartan paint and problem solved- except for what to do with hubbie no2 of course.

a well places Expelliarmus charm should do the trick.

Methinks I shall findeth the tartan (tartan to woo a tart I saith!) but as to the balls with which you speaketh of, Knave Petty?... canon balls dabbed in buckie and set alight, doth thou think it would please the Sweet Jellypumpkin?

Ahh well that depends on what you want to do with them- if you would take my advice {{{{the best way to please her would be to fire your fiery balls at all Odo Banks holdings and businesses- he's a rival to Mrs Figg and she would be very pleased if you blow all his stuff up, oh yes, very pleased}}}

{{{ahh finally payback for the coal scuttle- after all these years! }}}}

Jellypumpkin???

{{{Ho! This Odo Banks you speakm of, I bethinks I know him, as thick as three planks and as cunning as a bucket full of jackjaws! I shall turn my thought upon the matter! }}}

wherefore ist yonder Odo that you speak of? methinks the cur hast cleaven his computer with thine axe, and ist bereft ofth said devilry on the nonce. what ho!

For some reason this conversation has put me in mind of a childhood hero of mine, and an englishman from the north no less (at least I assume thats where he is from, maybe Manchester or Leeds from his use of 'pet').