Julia's Knight In Shining Armour

quite, bloody right, Petty.

Never mind all this finding a fella for Figgs or Norc- what about a nice lass for a drunken Scotshobbit? - I aint demanding- all I demand is someone prepared to stay in during daylight hours doing the barrel cleaning (with exceptions for necessary shopping but not to talk to anyone unless competely necessary), and who will perform their wifley duties of a night without complaint, (such as cleaning the buckie pipes- which is both a necessary practical task of a night and a euphamism at the same time) and who won't ask endless streams of questons such as 'where the hell have you been all night?" and "have you been in the Duck and Muck all day again?" and she must be someone who agrees to spend one week out of every four in a specialy sealed, sound proofed barrel a good bit away from mine.
Surely it can't be too difficult to find such a lass out there?

this is the weirdest thread I ever saw.

..and I have seen some weird threads.

So was that a yes or a no Mrs Figg? I can only keep such a tempting offer open for so long you know and these waders dont half chaff.

"this is the weirdest thread I ever saw."- Mrs Figg

And Orwell hasnt even got here yet.

leelee wrote:Dear Eldo, I did not understand your comment. Is Orwell in love with Julia? Oh, I should have let him start up such a thread then, but what is, is.

I'm not sure if "love" is the word that I would use, but Orwell has quite interesting relationships with several of the female members of this forum. Whether or not his wife is aware of this is as yet unknown.

its a moot point indeed.

ok if anyone can find me Boromir (the real one). If not i'll settle down into madcatladyism and leave my hormones in a shoebox.

So thats a knock back then is it?! But I can still waggle my sporran with the best of them Mrs Figg (well, on a good day and with a strong southerly and assuming there isnt an 'r' in the month).

well that sporan is rather ripe, but I suppose having a medieval nose I should be used to unusual smelling gentlemen.

Thats why its best with a strong southerly- just stand upwind.
See, now watch this.....WAHEYYY! UH-OH- {Crack} OINTMENT! I NEED OINTMENT!

ointment should not be rubbed in.. ...there.. ... .. no definately not.... it can cause unsightly.. in delicate places...or even.. red herm.. things.. and the smell can attract animals.. to munch on ....resulting in ... ....oh boy!... ...and

Owwwwwchie! Why didnt some tell me there was an 'r' in the month?! I am a drunk how am I supposed to be aware of something as trivial as what month it is.

No, no I am quite sure in my heart she does NOT in fact have a clue. She seems the type, according to what I have read here and there, that is highly intelligent, does well what she does in life and would just as easily break her beloved's arm, leg or neck as order a salad if she thought he was acting improperly toward her.
I must have missed a kazilion posts, I had no idea Orwell was involved. I meant well and still want my Julia to have the best , soon as possible.

I though our Julia was married? I mean she is a Mrs after all. Or is that dragging in too much reality?

Methinks there may be a fair maiden - to speak so - who doth be in need of an calloused hand (or twa) upon her breast (or twa) laid unto by an Noble Knight who ist nefer callowly youthful anymore but full blooded knightly in his manlihoodeness in most of his parts? It is I - where is this maiden... maiden-like Lady, pray tell....whom earnest loving (and meybee some ol' fashion rogering) is desireth of?

Now hear this sir Rupert Dashing(shiver, methinks he hath not looked into a looking glass ,,,EVER) I have a catonine tails and I am not afraid to use it. You speak politely and respectfully about Lady Julia. She does not NEED any of your rather low manner of speaking or behaving. There are a hundred knights of good heart and respect toward a lady, of true chivalry who would never speak thus to our girl. So please, turn thy horse about and ride like the wind back to the black place you have come from.
And sir i say this to you in the best possible manner , the best I can do.

I have a catonine tails and I am not afraid to use it.- Leelee

I knew it- its always the quiet ones. Now your talking leelee! Where you want me?

And Sir Rupert if there is any rodgering to done about here we will get Roger in to do it- assuming we can find one- but certainly not a Rupert which is a fluffy bears name.

rupert grint?

/

Rupert Graves?

/

Rupert Friend?

/

Rupert Everett?

He's gay, which means every woman wants him.

I do so distinctly remember mention of a husband pottering about. have things changed? Or am I being naive even thinking that has anything to do with finding a KISA?

you remember correctly Halfwise, indeed I am on husband no.2 to be precise. The first one ran for the hills. who'dathunk it?

Here I was hoping that since Blake Lively is off the market it's only a fair trade to have Figgy back on the market. Two hopes dashed in one day....

Its always the way Halfwise- all the good eel wranglers are always taken. (on either side)