Holidays and absences

Sounds peculiarly 'fleshly' and 'hot' and 'buzzingful', though strangely 'tasteless' for some reason, Petty - not wholesome candy, if you know what mean.

You know, makes me think of Hell. I heard Hell was sex all day but no orgasms allowed...eek!

Tinuviel did say that she wasn't allowed to have Electronic Candy - maybe because it's a Morgothian creation?

Elves are very strict about Morgothian devices, I heard thats why Tin is the only female Forumshire member who has never been seen entering Mrs Figgs Shop for Discreete Ladies. Not that I'm accusing Mrs Figg of selling Morgothian devices {{{but we've all heard the rumours }}}

I will have you know, Mrs Figg only sells goods that meet Forumshiran Import Standards. I know this because I am on the Forumshiran Import Standards Board. Everything is tested properly before it can be sold in one of my Franchises; indeed, before I even import anything from Morgoth Inc, thank you very much, Mr Tyrant!

Odo your buisness dealings make the ME run on the Gondorian First Bank seem like a minor blip. That jacuzzi I bought of you was Morgothian and when I got in I burnt my trossachs. Lava in a jacuzzi?- I ask you how does that meet your import standards?

Well you clearly did not read the Instructions on the label (between the rotor and the base). If you had have utilized any quality magnifying glass to do so (you can get them from any Banks-Burrowes Chainstore btw) you might have found out what reasonable precautions to take, Mr Tyrant!

Asbestos underwear should not be a prerequiste for having a jacuzzi! Especially not if youre a Scotshobbit who doesn't own even a single pair of normal undercrackers.
And I bought one of your so called magnifying glasses- and it made things smaller! I'm sure of it. Not only that the slightest bit of sunlight and it sets fire to everything, even if you put it in a drawer. I suppose there's some fine print covering that too somewhere?

Which way were you holding the magnifying glass, pray tell, Mr Tyrant? (As to the asbestos undies -- err --- weren't they with your jacuzzi when it arrived? .. I must look into that...)

Um, forget I said anything. And there may have been some form of undergarments in the box, I don't know, I'm not sure what they are supposed to look like.

Yes... well.. right then... I'm off to Banks, Burrowes and Bilboa Tower, Needlehole.... Head Office that is. Some of us have to work, you know!

All my Morgothian devices have been rigorously tested by..me. customer satisfaction is the name of the game. The motto above my shoppe says,
'enter here all who dare
Scotshobbits with buttocks bare
Ozhobbits corks are bound to pop
in Mrs Figgs devices shoppe'

I'm not at all sure I'd want to bring my bared buttocks too near your Morgothian devices Mrs Figg! (Then again those who don't try a thing never know if they might enjoy a thing!)

yo, I'm back, sundburnet just a bit, been awake all night (as you do) and I have the this terribly cold and my voice isn't recognizable anymore.... I am not kidding. There was actual frost on the tents this night...

Where a nice warm pair of wool socks! That always makes me feel super toasty! I've been in that situation before Norc, I pray you aren't canoeing and have to put on a frozen pair of wet socks and shoes tomorrow morning. Been there, done that, never again

no, I'm home now and I've probably slep about 14 hours. I have a ton of woolen socks, or læsta, so that is no problem. Mrs Figg said I should have some honey. could always make gollum juice.

Boil up water with chopped up bits of ginger. As much as you like, I tend to use about one-two centimeters. Add a big spoon of honey and a splash of lemon.

perfect Norc, I would go for the Gollum juice.
I hate camping.

I love camping ^^ I just wish we had some warmer weather

I love camping. There is nothing to beat sitting round a campfire in a circle of light int he dark atching the flames and listening to tales, or singng songs. Perfect.

And I recommend a hot toddie Norc. Warm water, dollop of honey and a shot of whiskey. Nothing like it for colds ect. There is a reason we call whisky the 'water of life' you know.

shudder camping shudder, damp, uncomfortable, dirty, flies, rock hard bed, no sleep, snoring next door, zero privacy, mud everywhere, needing a pee or a poo and having to go in a pitchblack freezing night, no proper washing or having to shower with hairy wimmin, waking up with swollen face, yeah its a laugh a minute camping.

you say it as if it was a bad thing, Mrs Figg although I have to say, it's not pitch dark here, which is a plus. No privacy? well, if you want privacy you'll find it, just walk away or something, but one doesn't go camping for privacy.

Talking of asbestos undercrackers, cant take another month of this heat, its doing my head in. so I am off to Blighty at the start of August maybe for a week, havent booked it yet, but thats the plan. I wont have access to interweb there, unless I go to toon and find a webcafe or something. why do they call England Blighty? I have often wondered.

The heat's pretty bad here too; I'm sorry to hear that it's affecting both sides of the Atlantic. I hope you have a good time in England, Mrs Figg. Be sure to take pictures if you run into any other Forumhobbits there.

I could take a pic of Pettys buckie barrel and him at the bottom of it, having drunk it all.

Just be careful his, er, sporran is covered.

Indeed Mrs Figg if you are in the vicintiy of my barrel do give the lid a knock.

And Eldo how many times - a sporran does the covering, and it hairy so if you've forgotten to put on your kilt in a buckied haze it will blend naturally in, and it contains many moths, some money of an undisclosed amount, and an angry Balrog in my particular case.

Is that what they call pubes in Scotland?

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