PETTY'S LADY

You whined sir and i thought about it and don't want you to whine, but to be happy.

I have sent a parchment throughout all the lands and the islands , calling forth any maiden between twenty and thirty that has these qualities, please come, all your expenses will be paid. You must have the following characteristics, the ones I mention , not Petty, he is not paying for anything.

1. you must be of sound mind and not given to hysteria or violent outbursts.
2.You must not be oversensitive to our prince's foul language or you would leave and it must be as close to forever as possible.
3. you must love cats
4 you must be a good housekeeper and cook as our prince works terribly hard and requires a softly glowing home with the beautiful smells of his favorite foods in the oven.
5.you must appreciate the computer and our prince's awesome self made videos or at least not be jealous of his creative work
6. you must be appreciative of true romantic love, for at heart Prince Petty is very sensitive and truly chivalrous.
7. you must be the one who purchases and dispenses and holds the key to the so called buckie . Reign him in lass and dont let him have enough to ruin the beauty of his personality.
8.you must be a member of this thread under and assumed name (so many here do it so we can all pretend there are in fact hundreds on this site) so you can check to see that your beloved does not follow in the tainted footsteps of his friend of long standing , one Orwell.
9. you must be prepared to live happily ever after with our dear Petty who is anything but a tyrant.

Come one and all and let us marry this man off and hear no more whining.

Could I just stop you at no 7 there leelee. I fear you must have made some terrible typos with this entry (and possibly no.9 too- I mean 'ever after'- thats sounds like quite a long time And not a Tyrant! )

Oh Leelee....I never before picked up on what a sly sense of humor you have!

If you go finding a lady for me she must be furry in all the right places (the toes and scalp, lass, toes and scalp!) and preferably have some delightful accent which makes me willing to do anything she wants. (wait, who's fantasy is this?)

If you find someone that accepts, understands and loves you for who you are then find out what's wrong with them they may need therapy

I say! What a peculiar minx, methinks!

Yes but which one Sir Rupert, which one?

Probably both of them!

But enough of that.... Petty...Oh dear oh dear oh dear.... I chanced to be wandering down Bibblebotty Lane - you know that little street where Odo has all his knicknack shoppes! - and what should I come upon, but Odo lying dead in a pool of his own rich blood, his eyes boggling and his arms and legs askew! Dead! Stone dead, I say!

Are you sure? I always assumed he was made of jelly. Did you take him to a doctor- if so get him away from those quacks and get him to the Buckie Brewing Wizards- they'll know what to do.

Pettytyrant101 wrote: get him to the Buckie Brewing Wizards- they'll know what to do.

Are you referring to the chili buckie hose therapy?

{{some would prefer to die in peace to..... THAT!}}

Unless there is some way to raise him from the dead, he's gone...Gone, I say! Worse than drownded - disembowelled... And worsre still, bystanders tell me that ol' Sir Rupert said, "One Banks down, now where's the rest of that dusgusting brood that disgusts me? I shall not rest until all of 'em are sent packing to the Undying Lands, or toeth the Other Place which seemeth more fit. Death to 'em all, afore Eru I swear it! "

Well, Eru eat my Bananas and Cream! Sir Rupert has just cut off Mirabella's head when she went to arrest him. Her beautiful head's now stuck on a pole in Needlehole Square - and his hounds are eating her minced - but once perfect - body. Fie! And even as I palantir the news! And me stuck under the bed while trying to find my sword to defend her! Alack alas aloo!

Pettytyrant101 wrote:Could I just stop you at no 7 there leelee. I fear you must have made some terrible typos with this entry (and possibly no.9 too- I mean 'ever after'- thats sounds like quite a long time And not a Tyrant! )

Now calm down Petty dear. You will see that after you are married to Miss Right, the buckie thing will sort itself out, and as for ever after, I am quite sure the more you know her the more you will love her and it will be you more than she that does not like the thought of parting. There there, have a buckie lozenge, just enough to feel comforted but not enough to allow you to sleep in a bed pan.

I'll be amazed if anyone signs up for this thread ..

/

I hope your chatting up technique is better than Sir Ian the Impaler?

Maybe, a bit. But in fairness to him once you have them in your stocks you dont need to do much more chatting.

Petty I think that if ten girls showed up at your door tomorrow you would not have one ounce of bluster or mouthiness on you. You would only be able to squeak like a kitten with a bad case of nerves.
I have had two calls so far and both by heads of corporations. It seems your words have caused some interest in the world of finance and these two ladies are thinking of you as a challenge. And apparently the picture of you against the house as a dear little boy has decided them to give it a whirl. shiver.

Any of them buckie corporation Heads? (please say yes, please, please )

And if ten girls showed up at my door rest assured I could think of something for all of them to do- theres the dishes, and the vaccuming, and the garden always needs work and the shed could do with a new coat of preservative, and someone has to fetch the buckie from the fridge, oh yes I'd keep them busy all right.

By the way, what has gotten into Orwell? I do hope all his imagery about disembowelled Odos and decapitated Priscillas is just absinthe induced blathering.

Oh my Gosh! I've had news in -- Biffo has been slain and his body thrown down a mineshaft in Ozhobbitstan! Woe is me!

Oh lord sakes. We've either got a murder mystery on our hands or a hallucinogenic lunatic. Somebody catch him: I'm scuttling as fast as I can but he keeps popping up around distant corners to madly expostulate for a moment before hotfooting out of sight again.

If anyone can stick out a foot and trip up Sir Rupert it may be all for the good as well. Get them both in one kennel and tongue lash'em good. Disgraceful behavior!

I think Petty's dream girl is married to the last centurion...

Anyhow, here's a must have song at the wedding.

Poor Petty - he's sleeping it off somewhere and by the time he wakes up and crawls out of his barrel he'll find his wedding already a done deal.