Council of Tyrants

no Petty I dont have a clue how to check that- Mrs Figg

Most commonly there will be a little icon in the bottom corner of your screen somewhere- if you cant see anything that looks obviously like it might be your internet dongle see if there is a little white triangle pointing upwards, it should be in the bottom right hand side just left a bit of the clock. Click on that if so and see if any of the symbols in the box that opens up looks like it might be for your internet, if so, click on it to open it and hopefully the info will be there.

Petty- Paw, Maw!

Paw- Oh fir Eru's sake. Nooo agin.

Petty- OOWWW! What was that for?

Paw- Yi ken whit fir.

Petty- But I havent told you what it is yet.

Paw- Lit me guess laddie, yiv'e upset yon lassie agin an' bin a prick tae her. Naw? Coom oan, suprise us.

Petty- Well, ok yeah I have. OWWWW! But it takes two to tango!

Maw- Aye and the man aw'ways leads.

Petty- OWWW! What was that for?

Paw- Makin me listen tae female wisdom frae yir Maw. Bit she's richt- its yir aen fault, as bloody usual.

Maw- Whit huve yi done this time son?

Petty- I might have overreacted to her, just a little. OWWWWW!

Paw- Thats fir lying, yi aw'ways o'ereact, a fucking lot. Look at yon films yir aways bangin' oan aboot. PK whitisface?

Petty - PJ. OWWWW

Paw- Dinae correct me when A'm lecturing yi laddie! If A huve tae get up oot this chair yi'll regret it laddie.

Petty- Bit what do I do about it?

Paw- Jist watch a better film.

Petty- No, Mrs Figg.

Paw- Hope the lassie's a better person than yi son, which shudnae be hard, and forgives yi for being a nae gud arshole. Although yi will be lucky there A've till no forgiven yi jist fir turning up.

Petty- So you'd rather I didnt turn up here?

Paw- A meant frae whin yi turned up at birth.

Petty- Ah. Maybe Maw would be better for advice on this. OWWWW!!

Paw- Thats fir e'en thinking aboot bothering yir Maw wi this, like yi dinae gie her enough tae worry aboot as it wi'oot yir ability tae insult an' offend every lassie frae the Shetlands tae the ends of the earth yi useless wee numpty. Yi dug yir ain hole here and oanything yi dae noo is jist diggin it deeper laddie.

Petty- Even this? OWW!

Paw- Especially this yi clown.

Petty- I'd be better off going to Pretty for advice. OWWWW!

Paw- Yir noo draggin yir innocent sister intae this debacle laddie.

Petty- Innocent sister? She's in the Lockholes!

Paw- Aye an whose faults that? Yi telt us she wis gettin oot fir yon Awards o' yirs, an' whir ur they? Still stuck up yir arse wi everthing else thuts wir! Thuts it, A'm gettin' oot ma chair!

Petty- Paw! No! No!    OWWWWWWWW!   

 The more the better, Paw. Knock some kenning into that young (ish) Scotshobbit, I say.

 

{{{{{ pssst! Figg! Hoi! FIGG! Ma and Paw are doon the pub, cum 'ere a minute I need your, um....help! FIGGG! Get yer erse o'er here lass, I need some advise concerning, well, Italian lady-hobbits.
here's ma trouble- I seem to be spending more time in her barrel than she is in mine (that may be the smell and the flies and the Thing in the fridge mind you) secondly when there she cooks copious amounts of food and feeds me it, all of it fantastically tasty- BUT- I've looked in her fridge and she doesn't have a Thing living in her fridge, its full of things! And quite a lot of them I suspect are vegetables. And there is more than one type of cheese! Who knew! I always thought the rest were just smelly stuff only the french would eat. And she turns it all into this amazingly tasty food- not a bit of which is deep fried! Or any sort of fried. Yet it tastes amazing!

Also helping out with the cooking does not seem, well, overly welcome! You know me, modern Scotshobbit for the ages, ready to do my share of the work in the kitchen (or buckie cellar )- this does not seem welcome however- at least I assume that's what snarling means (ps how do Italian women manage to snarl sexily? )

I think I'm having some sort of nationalistic culinary crisis! Will I ever eat fried food again (or want it!! ) What on earth is happening Figg? Is this sort of thing- making copious amounts of fantastic food out of vegetables, pasta, cheeses and feeding your partner with it normal for Italian women? Should I just resign myself to buying bigger kilts in the future? (Can you actually get fat from vegetables?).

Help a Scotshobbit in a crisis Figg! }}}

its normal Italianhobbit behaviour. She will be ironing your knickers next, oh wait you don't wear them, anyway she will be ironing your haggis and combing your sporran. Italians are stylish. They love pecorino cheese and wine and stuff, wine is extremely important and should never EVER be mistaken for plonk, unless it is plonk. wine has to be taken very seriously. the Italianhobbits learn wine from birth, seeing as she is a Tuscan hobbit she probably likes a nice Brunello di Montalcino for an important occasion. Basically food is their thing, its like catnip for cats.

and combing your sporran. Italians are stylish.- Figg

{{{ I thought she was just petting it because it was hairy! I knew it was less crusty than before
And thats another thing she is trying to get me to use some new fangled contraption called a shower, EVERY DAY! now admittedly its better than my trusty annual-use tin bath and brillo pads/swarfega combo- I have to actually sit in the water with that- with this shower thing you can run right through it and barely get wet at all! Its fantastic
This however has met with considerably disapproval as apparently the idea is to stay in it under the shower - but I'm Scottish! If I want a bloody shower I can just go outside and stand in a shower It rains all the time! Whats going on here?! And she wants me to change the colour of my kilt - even though its already the finest florescent McTyrant tartan there is, with added food and buckie stain patterning - its unique! But I dont think she understands the cultural significance!

ps Buckie is wine- why doesn't she believe this when she tastes it? }}}

if you are watching tv with her and you see a plonker doing something plonkerish say,

che bischero! pronounced ke biskero!

its Florentine for 'what a plonker!' The Bischeri were a Florentine family who tried to be clever clogs but ended up losing their home and all their money.

or if they are funny weirdos you could say,

che grullo! pronounced ke groolo!

I call my cats grulli because they are.

about the food thing, once I made Mr Figg some parma ham and melon, cos its easy to make, and he looked at it laughed and said "that melon is out of season, nobody eats proscuitto and melon in Winter".

wot!

{{Thanks Figg- that raised a smile- but you never told me how expensive Brunello di Montalcino is! Think of my sporran lass! }}

yep its bloody expensive. its for special occasions. another nice wine is, Gewürztraminer

http://www.altoadigewines.com/en/alto-adige-wine/wines/white-wine-varieties/3-gewuerztraminer.html

don't know if it goes well with fried Marsbars.

Being someone who likes to cook myself, let me suggest something. Go off furtive like and do a pictoral search of eye-talian cuisine; pick out dishes what may be closer to a scottshobbit diet. Then tell her you've happened upon this fabulous dish you saw on the Graham Norton show or something (she won't know) and ask her if she can cook "buchiscinini scotsatellini" or whatever the fuck they call it. Say if anyone can do it she can.

She'll be intrigued by the challenge.

Eye-talians have so many food and wine rules, like you cant drink a Cappuccino after mid day, you have to drink white wine with fish, everything is seasonal, you cant eat oranges in the Summer, or melon in Winter, you have to sit down and eat 3 courses at lunch, never eat in the street, so. many. roolz.

{{She made, actually, no thats the wrong word, she created, a homemade tiramsu- it was dessert heaven!! Honestly never tasted anything as good even in restaurants.
This is the real world isn't it? I keep thinking I must have fallen into a parallel one and taken over the life of a version of me that got a lot more right than I actually have to deserve this! }}

Tiramisu
That's coffee, fat and sugar with a few eggs thrown in, and not a vegetable in sight. It sounds like she's getting you figured out at last!

Just show your appreciation, be the sweet muddle-head you are and continue not taking it for granted. Once you start to accept it as normal, as a given, it's soon all over.

{{Is it possible to die from happiness? Having never experienced it before for any length of time I am unsure on the matter! }}}

Pettytyrant101 wrote:

{{Is it possible to die from happiness? }}}

Absolutely! Happiness is dangerous stuff, and it's highly addictive!!! But if you're lucky it'll take a very, VERY long time to kill you.....

That's a lot of tiramisu for two people!

Tiramisu is fab.

you could say,

questo tiramisu e favoloso!

I'm glad things seem to be going so well for you, Petty! And from my perspective you certainly deserve happiness.

{{{Thanks Eldo. I am, so to speak, enjoying the sun, while its out, hoping for a very long summer as it were! }}}

Petty? Happy? What has Forumshire become???

Its like watching your little one grow up He's found happiness.
Hello Orwell

D'yer think he will mellow ? We need at least one grumpy pants here



Hi Orwell Its cuz people from Australia are upside down isn't it