DEBATE YOUR CANDIDATES

Petty, Orwell, and the Bankses falling lockstop into line behind Biffo's campaign? This smells fishy, and it's not just Biffo's dinner from last week still tangled up in his beard. No offence, but Biffo isn't charismatic enough to get a following like that, there's more to this campaign than meets the eye (and not in a good way)!

What is the matter with you lot????

I'm away for a bit and this is the mess you get yourselves into...

A trio of banks family candidates (the oppressive, chauvanistic womaniser who hides behind a veil of repectability, the flirt with no bite to his bark and the replacement puppet candidate who will simply be the pretty face presenting the patriarchs agenda?)

A loudmouthed Scotshobbit who resorts to glib rallying cries and jumps on the bandwagon of any convenient issue to increase her vote {{{Pretty dear.... bring it on! Us Yorkshire hobbits ain't gonna be afeared of you!}}}

A young whipersnapper still in training!!

Ah well, what's a girl to do..... I guess I must formally declare my intention to stand for the election (thanks to Lorient for the nomination, however lightly it was made)

In answer to the aforementioned issues:

Mirabella .... has taken great strides to separate herself from the corruption of her uncles outdated and unrespectable views on the role of women in todays society, simply by reaching out to become sherrif at all. We should contiune to support her growing freedom and independance. To alleviate any clash of loyalties it is simple, the investigation into Odo's latest scandel will be undertaken by another, unrelated member of the sherrifs office.

With regard to men and their failings..... I hold it true that any women should stand up for herself and I will back any who feel it is necessary to undertake certain ..... measures... to recieve the due respect, support and consideration they deserve from their other half.

To sum up .. A vote for myself would be a vote for a free thinking shire, where each individual is held to account for their actions. It would be a vote against the boys club {{{{{read banks family if you must - I have to agree that Petty's support for Biffo is most disturbing, must be a Buckie bribe!}}}}} or the kind of tyranical subjugation we fled from to build our lives here in this verdant landscape.

Vote Kafria - I know you all know the right way to behave... I'll make sure you do from now on!

Ooh, the race is heating up!

Biffo, how do you respond to allegations that you are a puppet candidate for the Banks clan after their first two nominees were tarred by scandal?

"Petty, Orwell, and the Bankses falling lockstop into line behind Biffo's campaign?"- Eldo

No longer Eldo- I only backed Biffo out of desperation to keep Pretty out of office. But now Kafria is fully in the race there is only one choice for me- A drunken Yorkshire Lass for Mayor! (I've had that put on t-shirts).

Ooh and welcome back t the forum Kafria. We have missed you very much.

Kafria wrote:
A trio of banks family candidates (the oppressive, chauvanistic womaniser who hides behind a veil of repectability, the flirt with no bite to his bark and the replacement puppet candidate who will simply be the pretty face presenting the patriarchs agenda?)

A loudmouthed Scotshobbit who resorts to glib rallying cries and jumps on the bandwagon of any convenient issue to increase her vote {{{Pretty dear.... bring it on! Us Yorkshire hobbits ain't gonna be afeared of you!}}}

A young whipersnapper still in training!!

People less respectable than me would perhaps retort to such accusations, but I will not. Instead I would like to say how much I respect Kafria as a candidate, and that I look forward to having some interesting debates with her come weekend (=time).

Well, well looks who has woken up and dragged her scaley rear out from under whatever bush she was sleeping under. So you want to split the female vote do you Kafria? Think a Dales lass has what it takes to win a scrap with a Scotshobbit lass? It's lucky for you I've just had my nails done.

As to your, policies, taking authority from Mirabella would undermine her position and her sense of individuality, you would further shackle her to the oppressive male authoroity of her uncle and reduce her standing in the Community. No, she shall under my stewardship receive the full backing of the Mayors Office in her investigations into her uncle, which I have no doubt will be impartial and fair, and each day she will have to report her findings, to me, in person , in my private Mayoral jacuzzi.

Your stance on males is frankly weak- 'to recieve the due respect, support and consideration they deserve from their other half'- is appeasement talk. We don't want support and consideration just obedience. Men are incapable of looking after themselves or anything else, their support is a hindrance and their consideration not worth having. Doing what they are told, when they are told and keeping their mouths shut is what we want from them. And not asking any silly questions about credit cards.

Right must go, I'm viewing furniture and drapes, that Mayor's Office is so dull looking. If I get in it will need a complete make over of everything, but don't worry tax-payers I shall make sure it looks fabulous.

Vote for Pretty- I'll sort the buggers out.

Eyem nutt uh poopet, ime a rule boy!

mor soraguses zan ya cun eet

krumpats bye za bugfall

mor bukky zan iz inna boddle

Voat wun: Bivvoo: Nuh gulz aloward inna powa. mun rool.

Oh what a quality candidate. So handsome, so strong, so arresting! I dare say, Biffo could smack down a dragon in a pinch, and bite a herrings head off like... like it's it's just a herring. And as to that other lady dog - I could use a word starting with "b" but am too polite - well, Biffo could give her a real going over; no matter her tough talk, she's but a Scotshobbit after all! (You people know who I cleverly refer to ).

Vote One: Biffo Banks. Strength, Sagacity, Sensibility (and Sausages for Everyone).

Yeah... he's a fine candidate... he really is!

With only one full day remaining until the people of Forumshire begin to vote, there is a final bit of bureaucracy to be satisfied. Due to the somewhat tumultuous nature of Forumshire's history and the sometimes unstable government, the Administration requires that all candidates for Mayor fill out a Loyalty And Capability Form, to be presented to the election commission, so that no matter who the people pick, we will have a capable Mayor.

All candidates for Mayor should post their affirmation of Loyalty and Capability in this thread by the end of tomorrow (15 December). An example statement is provided below for your convenience, though you can use your own wording. Please be sure to use proper spelling and grammar so that the bureaucrats don't run out of red ink. We apologize for any inconvenience, but the Forumshire Secret Service has informed us that an ongoing investigation (which will be elaborated on soon) has necessitated this step.

I, [candidate's name], being of sound mind and somewhat compromised sanity, do hereby swear/affirm that if elected I shall execute the duties of the office of Mayor to the best of my abilities. I shall follow the directions of the Queen and Admin of Forumshire and shall represent the interests of its people. If necessary, I shall forego buckie in times of crisis. If I am approached by anyone suggesting a treasonous or seditious plot, or if I am seized by any urge to take power for myself or another at the expense of the Queen and/or Admin, I shall turn myself in to the Secret Service immediately.

mos ovzoze wirdies iszent eevin un xisstents... yu mad zem orl arp, Lawd Aldoorryan!

Eldo dearest I don't know what you are worried about, still it should exclude Biffo from the job as I doubt he can read or write a statement. Besides I have seen what Biffo calls a suasage and its not very impressive at all, unlikely to turn many heads except those wanting a good laugh.

Vote Pretty! You'd be Pretty daft not to.

Biffo sweetie, yes I do eat wormies from the veggie patch, particularly those being told what to do by their uncle!

(Poor Odo and Orwell, I almost feel sorry for them, you can picture the panic down at Banks HQ in Needlehole whenever Biffo gives them the slip and runs off to do a bit of campaigning. The nevous pacing in the living room, waiting by the palantir as the masses of relatives are mobilised to different parts of the shire to find him and report back on the damage. The headscratching as they search for a way to spin his words and Orwells chastened shuffles as he and Odo part ways to feed their lines to their pet media mates)

{{{{Orwell dearest you did this to yourself, you know what they say about a woman scorned!}}}}

Pretty, this is almost too easy, I thought I'd get a decent scrap from you but no, transparent comments that show how you:
1) simply want Mirabella to swap one unrespectable dominanting influence for another,
2) intend to use the funds of mayoral office to live in a lavish fashion to the detriment of the residents of this fair shire
3) can't cope with long sentences, they confuse you ('to recieve the due respect, support and consideration they deserve from their other half' - this clearly relates to what women deserve and I was suggesting that all us girls should be free to use whatever persuasion we saw fit to ensure we recieved it!)

Ringdrotten, I too look forward to some lively, intelligent debate (this election could do with some). I do not doubt your respectablility or worthiness for this post in the future, I meerly suggest that a few more years of life experience may allow you to develop your skills in the manner suitable for a politician.

Eldo - I think you need to look at the wording of your statement, some of it seems to be rather contradictory to me, I can not both represent the people and support the existence of secret police, at least without some assurances on oversight and accountability!

Kafria for Mayor!!


Oh dear Pretty, brains never were your strong point. You'll not win this one by spending a lot of time under tables!

(((Orl mie nmees - wotsh oot! geev up orl ile keel youse orl! )))

{{{You idiot! Biffo, delete delete delete! You musty use {{}}'s for encryption spells - not ((()))'s. Every one can read your tyhreats! }}}

(((wot?)))

{{{Oh my Sweet Eru - save us! }}}

Ho ho ho. With Erumas so near, Biffo's showing us all some Erumas jocularity... Aren't you, Biffo... ho ho ho... He may kill you guys in the polls, but that's all he means... hilarious banter... what!

is uh joggular a bug puzzicut?

{{{Oh my Sweet Eru - save us! }}}

BREAKING NEWS! BREAKING NEWS! (click here)

For all you complaining about the loyalty oath policy, check out the shocking story behind why it is being implemented! And keep in mind that when you vote for Mayor later today, you are voting for the future security of all Forumshire!

To address your accusations Kafria;

1) I don't always like to dominate, sometimes the other way round is just as much fun.
2) you might be happy to serve in a lair of some sort Kafria but the inhabiants of Forumshire I am sure have certain expectations from their Mayor. Including that the Mayoral Office looks like the part (and of course the Mayoress too). When new members arrive in Forumshire we want to impress. Money spent on new carpets, curatins, gold taps and my hair is money well spent.
3) It matters not which way round you word it, or how you try to worm out of it. Men should be seen and not heard and only speak when spoken too- anything less is appeasment.

As to you Biffo, I don't think I need worry about your nomination- I'm not even sure you know what it is your Uncle has put you up for.
And Ringdrotten, when you lose I am sure we can come to some sort of agreement, I could do with someone to make the coffee.


Oh and a message for you too Petty {{{{ why don't you just *!@* off!}}}}

The electorate will find you out Pretty. If only they knew you like I do they'd run a mile rather than elect you.

{{{which part of just !*$@ off are you having difficulty with Petty? Probably the first part, from what I hear you've always had trouble with that!}}}