Introducing myself

Hello all, I am Diamond Banks, of the North-Banks of Large Cleave. You may know my family, the Bankses of Ozhobbitstan, but please do not mistake me for one of that boorish clan. You see, my family, the North-Banks, is descended from the legendary Bullmounter Banks, who removed from Rushock Bog to the luscious valley of Large Cleave many generations ago. This was before his great-nephew, Fartinbrass Banks, was sentenced to the penal colonies of Ozhobbitstan, setting the tone for all of his descendants right down to the present day. You may know them as Odo, Wisey, Mirabella, Biffo, and the like.

The reason for my appearance in this Shire is quite simple: I am here to restore the proper reputation of my noble family's name. It has come to my attention that Mr. Odo Banks has been passing himself off as a "Respectabilian", but he is in fact the farthest thing from that you can imagine. He, and all the rest of Fartinbrass' branch of the family, are as rowdy, criminal, and disrespectable a bunch of Hobbits as you can imagine. I have further learned that Mr. Odo Banks is considered a front runner in the current elections (a most curious and questionably respectable practice you seem to have here). I am here to make sure that the truth of the Banks is heard and that the Bankses of Ozhobbitstan do not corrupt any other lands.

At your service,

Diamond Banks

{{{Just gotta love this place! }}}

{{And, like, woof-woof, Diamond!}}}

How dare you show yourself back in these parts, Diamond! I insist you go back to Large Cleave! You belong far more to the Large Cleavages Clan than you are to the Bankses! How dare you even keep (or take) the fair name of Banks!

Not another bloody Banks? The palantir book for Forumshire already has a huge section under B. This is a con to increase the electoral register Eldo! I demand an investigation. These claims of being from a different family are just to get round the rules!!

Just what I'd expect from an Ozhobbit. They always did say up in Large Cleave that it was jealousy drove the South-Banks mad. But I suppose that hiding mud-covered in Rushock Bog is as good a way as any to hide ones ... deficiencies.

Oh, Mr. Tyrant, I assure you I am NOTHING like those whom you know by the name of Banks! In fact, I would be honored to have your help in cleansing Forumshire of the filth they have spread. Innuendo, muckracking, and the like. Perhaps we may even save a few of their besotted minds along the way. What say we retire and talk further of such things?

I surely dissown all connection with this new wench! She may, I confess, be related, but as far as I'm concerned, she is NO RELATION of mine!

Hey! She's RUDE too. Posting when I'm posting like that! Go away Diamond... This is just not right!

Come, come, Odo. We both know there's no denying the bond between our families, no matter how much as I might like to deny that as well.

Are you sure one of the Bankses of Large Cleave? Yes, I admit they exist (if I've only so very recently been reminded! ) but I smell a rat. Are you really a Banks,. o0r just a pseudo-Banks. As I've intimated somewhere else, that's just not cricket! It's very un-Banksian!

I for one welcome you with open arms, Diamond. Though, I too, wonder exactly what's going on here? I haven't recognized you as anyone I know yet... But then again, who cares! Welcome, I say! Va va voom!

Well she's a Banks. Banks by name Banks by nature I say! However, in the spirit of friendship- and we Tyrants are known for our hopitatlity (especially to such well attired women) - I will just join you for a drink Diamond. Ever had buckie before?

Does she have another name, Petty? Maybe not - but I just don't know.

{{{Petty, she does have a certain "Banksian" quality, to be sure, but I honestly can't be sure! What a delicious mystery. I'm happy to keep it that way. How exciting! That big mouth Admin of ours will no doubt reveal her true identity sooner or later, I guess, if she's NOT indeed REALLY a Banks. Ooh, I hope not, as this is a wonderful turn up for the books however I look at it; and if only for those boobies I'm looking at! }}}

{{{{She is a, striking, looking specimen it must be said Orwell. Like two bald men in a sack. Big headed men at that! I wonder if she has any Scots in her. I must ask.}}}}

Orwell wrote:That big mouth Admin of ours will no doubt reveal her true identity sooner or later, I guess, if she's NOT indeed REALLY a Banks.

For shame! I've always protected the identity of those who wish their true "family" association to remain hidden, although sometimes those people make it quite clear who they really are. And personally, I find Diamond's level of pompousness self-confidence to be very in keeping with Banksian qualities.

odo banks wrote:Are you sure one of the Bankses of Large Cleave? Yes, I admit they exist (if I've only so very recently been reminded! ) but I smell a rat. Are you really a Banks,. o0r just a pseudo-Banks. As I've intimated somewhere else, that's just not cricket! It's very un-Banksian!

What a disrespectable assertion to make! I can scarcely believe that such a thing would be uttered by a Banks, but then again, I can scarcely believe that YOU are a Banks! I had been warned of this by my mother, Broadchest Banks of Large Cleave, but mere words can scarcely prepare one for the boorishness of Ozhobbitstan.

Pettytyrant101 wrote:Well she's a Banks. Banks by name Banks by nature I say! However, in the spirit of friendship- and we Tyrants are known for our hopitatlity (especially to such well attired women) - I will just join you for a drink Diamond. Ever had buckie before?

No, I can't say that I have. What is this buckie drink, and is it something drank by respectable Hobbits in these parts?

Eldorion wrote:And personally, I find Diamond's level of pompousness self-confidence to be very in keeping with Banksian qualities.

Well I say! One can scarcely expect the Banks clan to grow any more respectable when they are ruled by someone who would say such things to a weary traveler, especially a lady!

Well Diamond, I wouldn't call buckie drinkers respecrtable as such no, round these parts Odo claims to be the respectable one so best steer clear of respectability in Forumshire. No what you want is a good drink of buckie and someone who really knows where there sporrans at to look out for you. And I could do with somewhere to park my bike.

Yes, I had momentarily forgotten about Odo's self-appointed title in these parts. What a strange place this is. I must be on my guard not to fall into the ever-present trap of disrespectability myself. I should like to have a drink with you sometime, Mr. Tyrant, but I must know if you are one of those men who value's a woman moral character more than her other assets, or not?

Women have morals? I take it you've never been to Scotshobbitland then? Women there do as they please, get what they want and expect you to be grateful when its all over. Have a drink and it will make everything much clearer, but in a hazy sort of way.

Diamond Banks wrote: I had been warned of this by my mother, Broadchest Banks of Large Cleave, but mere words can scarcely prepare one for the boorishness of Ozhobbitstan.

Now I definitely smell the reek of an imposter! "Broadchest" is plainly Scotshobbitish. If I remember corrrectly, that was Mr Tyrant's Granpappies name - and he wasn't even a "female" ancestor - by all accounts!

Now - There was "Booby" Banks from Hindmarsh, my Third Cousin, and a "Bresty" Banks, from up Scarsborough way, who we don't mention nowadays (if we an help it), but I recall no "Broadchests" anywhere - not on my side of the clan. Well, none that readily comes to mind...

Of course, I can't pretend there has not been the odd Banks born out of wedlock who might very well use our venerable name...

Large Cleave did you say? Oh hang on - yes, I do remember something come to think of it, but it's going back thirty years or so, when I was but barely in my tweens -- What was the lass's name?

Broadchest Burrowes? No. She snorted like a hog when she was on the buckie - very off-putting... damn unattractive in other ways too...

Broadchest Mulqeen? No, she was as ugly as a toad... and cold hearted....

Broadchest Tyr...?

Sweet Eru!

No, no, I can't remember anything about that... Not anything!

I should certainly hope that there are no Broadchest Bankses on your side of the family! My mother is a fine, upstanding North-Banks, born and bred in Large Cleave. She's lived here her entire life, I know. The only time she ever left was just shortly before I was born, for a brief vacation ... down to ...

Mr. Tyrant? I think I'd like to sample some of that buckie you mentioned earlier!

Got a barrel freshly warmed Diamond. Pull up a seat and take the weight off your, um, feet.

Odo just for the record, my clan don't remember that either!

You two should should really not post while I'm editing, you know!

... and Diamond - perhaps there were some "North-Banks", but surely unrelated to my Clan.. That must be it...